Sanctum

by Lexi Blake

  “And what’s my name?”

  She smiled slightly. He liked the sound of his name. He didn’t want her thinking of anyone else when he was fucking her. “Ryan. My Master’s name is Ryan.”

  “Yes, Jillian, and I promise to be a good Master.” She felt his fingers pressing against her entrance again. “We can play here. We can run scenes together. God, baby, we can fuck all we like here. It’s going to be so good.” He hooked two fingers up, seeking out her G-spot. While he fucked her with his fingers, he leaned forward and sucked her throbbing clit between his teeth.

  “Ryan!” Without thinking about it, she gave him what he wanted. She cried out his name. The orgasm raced across her skin. Her whole body was suffused with pleasure. In that moment when she came, she could only think of one thing that would make it better. If they were back in his condo, safe and warm. If he could pick her up and cuddle her in front of the fire.

  Ryan pulled her up and into his arms. She felt ridiculously relaxed. It wasn’t hard to let him hold her. He pulled her close and kissed her sweetly. She could taste herself on his lips. It was tangy and arousing. His warm skin against hers reminded her how long it had been since she’d been held.

  “You really are perfect, Jillian,” he said softly. His hand made gentle circles on the skin of her back. “What do you say? I can have Ian draw up a contract. We’ll keep it to the club. We can have so much fun, baby.”

  She was straddling his lean hips. There was no mistaking the erection she found there. He rubbed it against her core. Reality intruded. The words he was saying finally began to penetrate. He wasn’t talking about starting over. He was talking about fucking. He was talking about making her his work fuck.

  “Don’t.” His voice was low and urgent. “Don’t push me out, Jillian. You know we’re good together.” He held her as though she was infinitely fragile. His lips played at her temples. He made no move to satisfy himself, simply holding her and making his tender plea. “We can have this.”

  She forced herself to move. What he was talking about was so much less than what she’d thought they’d had. The sweet lethargy from before vanished in an instant. “I gave up everything for you once. I gave up my job, parts of my personality, and you negotiated with a friend to get rid of me.”

  His jaw tightened, forming a stubborn line. “I was trying to take care of you, and you hated that job.”

  “I had nothing when you left me.” There was a robe hanging from a hook on the wall. She grabbed it and wrapped it around her. Her chest felt tight, her lungs too heavy.

  “You had Keith. He would have taken care of you.” He crowded her, towering over her. “I made sure you were taken care of.”

  He’d assuaged his conscience by pawning her off on his friend. “You practically sold me to him.”

  She started to turn to go, but he hauled her back around. “I did not fucking sell you. I tried to take care of you, damn it. I couldn’t take care of you anymore. I lost everything. Do you hear me? Why the hell do you think I’m working here? My CFO made off with just about everything the business had. There was a lawsuit by the people we owed, and I know how those things go. I was asked to step down, and my stock was utterly worthless. I lost everything.”

  A deep sadness washed over her. She’d figured out that something had gone wrong, but it didn’t really change anything because he was being very clear and every word just made the situation worse. “You didn’t lose everything. You still had me, but I wasn’t worth much to you, Ryan, was I?”

  He took a step back, his head shaking. “I wanted to take care of you. I owed that to you.”

  “I was an adult, Ryan. I could have taken care of myself. And guess what? I could have taken care of you too. I would have wanted to. I had responsibilities to you and they went beyond sex. You didn’t allow me to live up to them.” He’d gotten rid of her like a toy he could no longer afford. Tears blurred her eyes.

  “I was trying to do right by you. That was all I cared about. My company was falling down around me, and all I cared about was you. I loved you.” He whispered the words as though they were sacred.

  She’d waited forever to hear those words, but now she knew the truth. “Your love wasn’t worth very much. I have to get back to work.”

  She walked away, the door closing between them.

  She wasn’t the pathetic girl who had clung to him, and it was past time to move on.

  Chapter Four

  Ryan straightened his suit and tie and wondered when he’d become more comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt. He used to live in thousand dollar suits and Armani loafers. Now they pinched his feet.

  “They’ll be with you in a moment, Mr. Church.” The perfectly dressed receptionist settled a mug of coffee in front of him. “They’re just waiting on the new partner. He’s running behind. Traffic.”

  He nodded and thanked her. Traffic in DFW was a hellish mosh pit. He’d given himself a whole hour to get from his Irving craphole to downtown.

  But even if this little meeting with angel investors went well, he wouldn’t leave there. He would still need every spare penny to roll into his business. Besides, he would spend eighty hours a week at work. What did it matter what his place was like?

  He’d had a year with Jillian in actual time, but how much time had they really spent together? Even when a business like his was up and running and bringing in cash, he’d still spent six days a week at the office.

  It was funny. He kind of liked watching football games and seeing movies with his brothers when they forced him to go out. He liked spending time with his nieces and nephews. Maybe that dingy apartment wouldn’t be so bad if Jillian was sitting beside him, watching TV, making dinner, living a life.

  Had he been so busy trying to be extraordinary that he’d forgotten how lovely a normal life could be? Was he chasing something that didn’t matter? What if she was the only thing that mattered?

  He took a long drink of coffee. It had been a week since he’d taken her into the aftercare room and gotten his mouth on her. And what had he done? He fucking offered her a club contract for sex. Way to go, Church. So fucking romantic.

  She would barely speak to him. She smiled at everyone else, but she was all business when it came to him. It rankled. It made him want to roar when she sat down at a table with a bunch of Doms and flirted.

  And it was nothing less than he deserved.

  This meeting. It was all that mattered. Getting back to the place where he belonged, that was what was important. Maybe in a couple of years if she was still free, they could try again.

  “I’m sorry I’m late,” a familiar voice said as the door to the lobby opened. “Tell the partners I’ll be right there. Thanks so much, Ginny.”

  “Keith?” Ryan stood up. Was his whole past just coming back to haunt him?

  Keith’s jaw dropped open. “Holy shit. I should have read past the financials on this thing. Ryan Church. Wow. It’s been a while. Well, I’ll see you in the meeting then. Very interesting idea you have here.”

  He strode off after giving Ryan a once-over and shaking his head.

  Maybe Adam wasn’t the only person whose head he wanted to take off.

  “They’ll see you now,” the receptionist said.

  Ryan touched his left eyebrow. It was always throbbing. God, he wished it would quit.

  Three hours later, Ryan waited in the building lobby, his eyes watching for the minute Keith came off the elevator. If he was anything like he’d used to be, he would go to lunch at 12:30 on the nose. Keith liked to keep a proper schedule. He was always organized and, despite the morning’s tardiness, always kept to his schedule. It was one of the reasons he’d picked him to care for Jillian.

  Ding. The elevator doors opened, and there he was like clockwork. It was Friday so the bastard was probably going out for Mexican food.

  Keith was walking out with the pretty blonde receptionist and an equally lovely brunette. Had Jillian lied? Maybe Keith had put her out because he wanted h
is own harem.

  His former friend stopped, holding a hand up. “Ryan, I can’t tell you anything yet. We haven’t voted, but it was an excellent presentation. You’ve always been very inventive, and this is no different. We’re all on board with the idea.”

  Then why did they have to vote? The truth was staring him in the face when he really thought about it. “They don’t want me running the company.” It hit him like a ton of bricks, but then he realized he didn’t give a shit about it. Not now. He needed answers. “You’ll get back to me about that. I want to know about Jillian.”

  Keith’s eyes flared, and he turned back to talk to his companions. In a few seconds they were walking away and Keith turned back. “Fine. There’s a bar around the corner.”

  Within minutes, they settled in. Keith ordered lunch and a whiskey neat, but Ryan couldn’t touch a thing. He waited until the waitress left before pouncing.

  “Why didn’t you call me? What are you doing back in Dallas?”

  Keith sighed. “I didn’t call you because Jill asked me not to. I spent a year in New York before I got the offer to come down here as a partner. I’m surprised you didn’t know. Jill told me she was working for you.”

  He’d been in touch with Jillian? “She is. What are you doing talking to her?”

  “Calm down, Neanderthal. Have you never heard of being friends with a woman? Look, Jill wasn’t on board with me taking over her contract.”

  “She didn’t say anything to me.” Now that he thought about it, she hadn’t even cried. She’d just gone and gotten her things and waited for Keith to pick her up, her gorgeous face placid. He remembered he’d been a little upset that she didn’t even seem to care.

  Keith snorted. “Hell, man, she had a shitload to say to me.”

  “She said she asked you to take her to the bus stop.”

  “She did. She explained very quietly and very calmly that she wasn’t going anywhere with me and if I tried to take her anywhere but the bus station, she would call the cops. So I took her to the bus station and I waited with her.”

  “I gave her a thousand dollars.”

  Keith’s lips ticked up. “She bought her ticket and then gave the rest to the panhandlers at the station.”

  “Why would she do that?”

  “Because that money made her feel like a whore.”

  Ryan felt his fists clench. “I was trying to look out for her. I gave her the last bit of my cash. Everything else went into the lawsuit. I’ve just now started to recover. I’ve saved almost a hundred grand, and every bit of it is going into this company.”

  Keith shrugged. “Or you could sell the idea and make half a million.”

  Chump change. “The company from that idea will be worth billions.”

  “Could be. If you can convince someone to give you the start-up capital, and you are willing to slave for the next ten years of your life, and if no one else has the idea and gets it to market faster than you. And if you manage to avoid lawsuits. How old are you? Almost forty?”

  “I’m thirty-eight.” And Keith was right about all of it. There were countless pitfalls when it came to starting up a business.

  “Are you just never going to have a family?”

  Where the hell was this coming from? “You’re not much younger than me.”

  “Yeah, but I never met the right woman. I don’t know. Maybe you haven’t either. I’ve gotten close with Jill since that day. Don’t get your back up, man. I was doing what you asked me to do. I was watching out for her as much as she would let me. We talked over the phone and after the baby came and she moved to Dallas, I was the one who found out Taggart was hiring.”

  His heart nearly stopped. “Baby? She had a baby?”

  Oh, fuck. He had a kid. She’d had a baby and she hadn’t said anything to him. That changed everything. He had a kid. He had a family. He didn’t have to make any choices.

  His stomach had taken a nosedive, but now the truth shocked through his system. He had a connection to her. They had a kid, and she couldn’t turn him away. This was his way in. He would take the deal for the idea and set Jill and the baby up in a nice house and eventually, after he’d made everything up to her, she would let him live there.

  Peace settled over him. Sure he was upset about her not telling him about the baby, but he’d made mistakes too. She’d probably been scared to tell him. She might have thought he wouldn’t care or that he would take the baby away from her. A million things had likely gone through her head. But all that mattered now was that they had a family and they had to work something out.

  Keith frowned. “Tell me something. What just went through your head?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Tell the investors I’ll take the deal for the idea, but I want a million.”

  Keith’s eyes narrowed, a shrewd look crossing his face. “I wasn’t telling you the whole truth. They already voted, and they’re willing to let you run the company.”

  Shit. It was everything he’d wanted. He’d worked his ass off to get back to where he’d been before. But he had Jillian to think of. He couldn’t work his way back into her life if he was obsessed with his business. It would hurt, but he had to walk away because he owed her and the baby. “I have to think about my family. One million and a five percent share of the company.”

  Keith rolled his eyes. “That’s not happening. I’ll give you six hundred thousand and two percent.”

  Asshole. “You’re in charge of this, aren’t you?”

  “I am.”

  “Six fifty and three percent.”

  “You’re just a shareholder. You won’t have anything to do with the day-to-day running of the business.”

  That was why he was taking the deal. “I need to concentrate on Jillian and the baby.”

  “Why do you need to concentrate on Jill’s niece?” Keith took a short sip of his whiskey. “Didn’t I mention that? Her sister, Ashley, had a baby. The dad skipped out. Jill’s been taking care of everything. No medical insurance, of course. Jill’s been very slowly paying off the bills. When I found out she was working at that damn strip club, I started looking for something she would take. She’s got some pride in her. I couldn’t get her to work for me and she wouldn’t take money from me. This was the best I could do.” Keith sat back, studying him like he hadn’t just ripped the floor out from under him. “Does that change your plans?”

  Fucking bastard. He’d forgotten just how manipulative Keith could be. “I don’t have a kid.”

  “You could. As far as I know Jill is perfectly capable. I know damn well you probably won’t if you quit working at that club and take this start-up. You’ll get right back to where you were before. You’ll obsess with the business and after a while, you’ll decide to find a sub and she’ll be utterly incidental.”

  He felt his fists tighten. He didn’t like the way Keith was talking. Did Jillian feel the same way? “She wasn’t incidental. She was the best part of my day.”

  “But she was the smallest part of your day. You had a D/s relationship, not a romance. Did you even know she had a sister?”

  “I knew everything about her.” No one could accuse him of this. “Would you like a rundown of her family history? Her dad walked out. Her mother died when Jillian was eighteen. She had to skip college to get Ashley through the rest of high school. I know everything about that woman. Well, everything she would tell me.”

  She would wait up late for him to come home from work, and after they’d made love, he would lie in the moonlight and ask her questions because he loved to hear her talk. He knew about her childhood, her high school years, how she’d been introduced to D/s.

  “Now that I didn’t expect.” Keith’s fingers tapped along the table. “Look, I know you think I’m being an ass, but I really am trying to help you. I remember how you would look at her. I think she was trying to be what you thought you needed at the time. You wanted an easy sub. You wanted someone to take care of, but who wouldn’t need too much from you, someone you co
uld throw money at and she would be satisfied with the little time you could give her, but she loved you.”

  “I loved her too.” But now he was thinking about what she’d said. His love hadn’t meant much. “I thought I was honoring our contract.”

  “She’s more than a contract, man. You see everything in black and white.”

  “We had our roles, and I failed in mine.”

  “Then you should take the company. Walk away from her because she deserves better than to be placed in some role. She’s more than a sub. If the relationship you truly want is a Master/slave partnership, then take the CEO job and allow Taggart to find you someone who doesn’t really care about love. You need a woman who finds true strength only in service. Oh, wait, when the chips were down, you didn’t let Jill do her job.”

  Ryan looked at Keith, startled by the accusation. “What are you talking about? What was I supposed to do? She was the sub. I signed a contract to protect and provide for her.”

  “And what was she supposed to do? Provide you with sex and obey you? Is that all she was good for? Let her go, man. She would rather be your wife than your sub, and it’s obvious you don’t want a wife.”

  Because a wife’s job was to share the joys and the burdens, to help him through the pain. Would she have stayed?

  It hit him like a freaking bolt of lightning. He hadn’t passed Jillian off to Keith because he was worried about her comfort. That had been in there, but he’d really done it to spare himself the heartache of her leaving him.

  He’d been a pussy rat bastard. He hadn’t even given her a chance. “I’ll take the second deal.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Sure? He sat for a minute, allowing the sounds of the busy bar to flow around him. He’d been so damn sure once that he wanted to compartmentalize his life. Jillian went in one box, his work in another. When one had fallen apart, he’d shoved the other aside because he’d been too scared to open that damn box and see if it could work outside. He’d been too ashamed to tell her what a failure he’d been.