by Lexi Blake
“I’m sure.” Keith had been right. The shock of having a family placed in his hands had gotten his priorities straight. A baby didn’t necessarily make a family. Jillian had been his family, and he’d been too arrogant to see it. “I’m very sure.” And something else was clear to him. If he was going to bet on himself and Jillian, he needed a whole new attitude. He’d thought he’d lost his chance when his first company had gone under. He’d hoped maybe he could get back to where he’d been. He’d taken a grim view of life, but he couldn’t now. There was no “one” chance. There was simply the next chance, and that was the way life could be if he just tried. “And Keith, you got this idea for a bargain.”
Keith snorted. “I don’t think so. Six hundred and fifty thousand plus points?”
Even that small percentage of the company would potentially make him a lot of money. “This is small potatoes compared to what I’ll charge you next time.”
“Oh, you think you’ll get another brilliant idea?”
He nodded, a deep confidence settling inside him. He’d done it once. He could do it again. He could find another business if he wanted to, but there was only one Jillian and he would need every ounce of attention he had to win her back and build a life for them. “I will and I just might make you bid on the next one, asshole.”
A brilliant smile played over his face. “No, you won’t. You wouldn’t do that to your best man. Tell Jill ‘hi’ for me.”
He would. If she didn’t slam the door in his face first.
* * * *
Jill stared at the latest collection notice and wondered who the hell wrote those things. It vowed that her life would erupt and she would be placed in eternal purgatory if she didn’t pay such and such M.D. Sure it used all sorts of polite technical terms like lawsuits and seizing assets, but the truth was purgatory. She could have told them she was already freaking there.
The door opened and the only ray of sunshine in her life made an appearance.
Ashley managed to nudge the door open as she pushed the stroller through, a grocery bag planted firmly on her shoulder. “Hey, big sis. I know this is a change, but I got us some green stuff for dinner.”
Jill shoved the bill into the desk drawer. It wasn’t anything Ashley needed to see. She was stuck in purgatory too. “Seriously? Wow, you are going for healthy, aren’t you?”
“Hey, Trevor finally sent a small fraction of what he owes me in child support. You have to thank that hottie for me. I’m absolutely certain he would have kept changing his phone number if the incredible hunk hadn’t gone after him.”
Simon Weston. Such a nice man. She’d told the hot British Dom her sister’s story of woe one night. He sat at the bar most evenings. He had his habits. He would spend a little time with a sub, rarely the same one twice, and then he’d come and order a pint. Jill had started keeping a six-pack of imported British ale at room temperature just for him. Over the weeks, they had formed a friendship. She’d meant to get a referral for a less wretchedly expensive agency than McKay-Taggart, but Simon had assured her it would be his deepest pleasure to hand “a wanker his arse.” Apparently he’d done just that.
“Are you serious? How much did he send?” Anything would be helpful. Emily had been born premature, and they were still paying for the neonatal unit bills, not to mention the OB/GYN and hospital. She knew most other people would just declare bankruptcy, but that would close a bunch of doors on both of them. It might take years to pay off the debts, but they would come out of it with a clean slate.
She just needed to call again and make new arrangements.
“A thousand,” Ashley said with a smile. “And before you freak out on me. I only spent fifty bucks on groceries and diapers, and the rest of it goes to you for the bills. I’ve been assured we’ll get another payment in two weeks.”
Two thousand a month was a godsend. Oh, she was going to stock that Brit’s favorite beer all of the time. “That’s so wonderful.”
Ashley picked up Em, her little baby’s legs kicking. “So maybe you can quit that job.”
“Quit working at Sanctum?” She hadn’t even thought about it. Even after that mortifying episode with Ryan, she hadn’t thought about quitting. She loved Sanctum. She had friends there. It kept her connected to a lifestyle she still loved, even if she couldn’t participate. What would she do if she couldn’t see him every day?
She winced.
Ashley pointed with her free hand. “There. That’s the look you get when you come home. That’s why you should look for another job.”
A long sigh issued forth. “I love the club. I actually think you should come with me when we can find decent babysitting.”
Ashley shook her head. “No. I’ve been screwed over by one man. I don’t need to find another who would screw me over and spank me while he’s doing it.”
“It’s not like that. The lifestyle is all about communication.”
“Then what happened with you and that Dom? Don’t pretend. I know you were seeing someone. I just don’t know his name.”
Her sister could be like a pit bull when she got curious. It was best to just give her some information and throw her off the scent. “His name was Ryan. I met him at a club. It didn’t work out and now I work at another club and by a crazy coincidence, now he’s my boss.”
Ashley’s eyes got wide, and she covered her baby’s precious ears. “Shit. Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack.” She grabbed the grocery bag and wondered if maybe they could splurge on tequila. Probably not, but she damn straight needed a shot. “I signed a contract with Ryan, and I was with him for almost a year. I actually lived with him for a while.”
“And he screwed you over. See. Contracts don’t protect you. How did he communicate that he was dumping you?”
There was a brief knock on the door. Saved by the bell. Jill crossed the very short distance between the kitchen and the front door. “That’s a story for another time.”
“He sounds like a regular asshole to me,” Ashley said. “You’re better off without him.”
Jill didn’t argue, simply opened the door, happy for the distraction. And then she wasn’t happy at all because Ryan was standing in the doorway looking gorgeous and perfectly pressed. It was hard to believe he’d lost his money since he still looked like a high-powered executive in his designer suit.
“Do you actually live here? What are you doing here?” Ryan was frowning fiercely, his eyes taking in every bit of the threadbare apartment.
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” A loud ruckus started two doors down. A man was screaming at the top of his lungs, calling his wife every nasty word in the book. Damn it. The couple in 3B was at it again, and someone would call the police and Ryan would get a front row seat to the whole show. It wasn’t how she wanted him to see her.
Ryan shook his head as though trying to shake something off. “I’m sorry. I just don’t think this building is safe. I walked up three flights of steps, and there were people sleeping in the hallways.”
“Oh, that’s just the pimps,” Ashley supplied helpfully. “Or the johns. There are two hookers on the second floor. This is their busiest time of day. I told Mysty that she should make a little waiting room, but she said anything she leaves out in the hall gets stolen anyway.”
Ryan stared at her sister, his jaw slightly open, before turning back to her. “Get your things. You’re both coming with me. My place isn’t much bigger, but at least it’s not a hotbed of criminal activity.”
“That you know of,” Ashley corrected, settling Emily on her hip. “According to Shauna Rae, you just never know when the people next door are cooking meth until the trailer explodes. Such a tragedy. It’s why she moved here. Of course, she says this is way worse than the trailer park.”
“You must be Ashley.” Ryan just barged right in. He’d never had trouble taking control.
Of course, her sister had gotten a lot sassier since having Emily. “And you must be someone I don�
�t know and have never heard a word about.”
“I’m Ryan Church.” He flushed a little as though he’d just realized he was making a scene. “I, uhm, I work with your sister.”
Ashley didn’t even try to disguise her open appraisal. Or, if she did, she was doing a terrible job. “And now you’re ordering us to move? Is that part of her job?”
Ryan gave Ashley what Jill thought of as his patented “superhero” look. When his jaw squared and he got that glint in his eyes, she just knew he was going to save the world, or at least her. “I just want to protect your sister and that means protecting you too.”
“All right then. I’m going to put Emily down for a nap while you two chat.” She looked over at Jill. “I take back what I said. Give him a second chance.”
Jill frowned. She thought she’d at least have her sister in her corner. “You just said he was a typical asshole.”
“Yeah, well, that was before I saw him. Holy hell, sister, he is smoking hot. Dayum. He looks like he should be on a movie screen. Looks like that deserve a second chance. I bet you have a six-pack.” Ashley looked at his torso like she could see straight through to his abs.
Ryan smiled and gave her sister a flirty wink, shocking the hell out of Jill. She hadn’t seen him smile once since she’d come to work at Sanctum. This was the same flirty, fun Ryan she’d fallen madly in love with. He was usually so serious, but then he would turn the charm on and she would turn into a puddle of goo. “Hey, I work out a lot and it’s Texas, so I mostly don’t wear a shirt. You’ll have to put up with that when you and your sister come live at my place.”
Ashley’s appreciative sigh filled the room, and even Emily seemed enthralled by the big guy. “A daily show. Sounds better than cable. Which we don’t have. Also, I would very much like to move. I started naming the rats yesterday. It’s time. So you two let me know when to pack.”
“As soon as possible,” Ryan said.
“We’re not moving,” Jill said at the same time.
“You two crazy kids figure it out.” Ashley looked down at her feet as something furry skittered by. “Oh, look, there’s Cheesy. I call her that because she likes cheese.”
Ashley walked into her room, humming a Disney tune. They really did need to move. But they weren’t doing it because Ryan told her to. “Why are you here?”
He stopped, forcing his hands into his pockets as he turned back to her. “I’m sorry about the orders. It’s habit. I was just surprised to see this place. I should have come out here sooner. I should have checked up on you.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. We’re not together, Ryan.”
There was that smoldering look that made her heart race and her knees get weak, and left absolutely no room for her brain to function because she went into full-on lust overload. When he stared at her and his eyes darkened, she wanted nothing more than to throw herself at his feet. It was so much easier to deal with him when they were both studiously ignoring each other. “That was a mistake, Jillian. I made a terrible mistake.”
That was not what she needed to hear. “It wasn’t a mistake. The mistake was signing a contract with you in the first place.”
“No. The mistake was not allowing you to make your own decision.”
She rolled her eyes. What the hell was this about? Not two weeks before, he’d tried to get her to sign another contract, one she was sure would be very much like the first one, heavily weighted in his favor. “I didn’t get to make decisions, Ryan.”
“You made one every single day.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Jillian, you chose to sign the contract. I didn’t force you to. I didn’t force you to stay with me. I didn’t lock you up. You made the decision every single day to stay with me.”
Her stomach turned because he was right. “Thank you for reminding me.”
His expression softened. “You were right. I was wrong. You made the decision every day to keep us together, and I should have trusted in that.”
He totally misunderstood her. “Ryan, I thanked you for reminding me just what a doormat I used to be.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Doormat? You weren’t a doormat. Jillian, do you really think I mistreated you?”
She sighed heavily and sank to her secondhand couch. When she’d been with Ryan, he’d showered her with gifts, made certain that she had everything she needed on the material front. He’d never harmed her, always been deeply careful with their play. Even the spankings he’d given her had been for her pleasure. The discipline portion of their relationship had been very light, the contract between them more about protection and comfort than her obedience. “No. You didn’t mistreat me. Not at all. You just didn’t really notice I was there.”
His handsome face contorted in confusion. “What relationship were you in? My brothers talk about that time as the lost year because I did nothing but work and be with you. They miss you, by the way. They made it very clear to me that I was a moron for letting you go.”
“You didn’t let me go, Ryan. You pushed me off on another man.” Even thinking about it threatened to enrage her.
A grim look came over his face, and he sat down beside her, leaving plenty of space between them as though he was afraid to frighten her off. “I thought I was doing what was best for you. I promised to take care of you, and that day I had just gotten word that I might have been going to prison.”
“What?” She forced her hands into her lap because her first instinct had been to reach for him.
“I put everything I had into Church Software Development,” he said, the words quiet but sure. “But I couldn’t do it all myself. I needed a CFO. I trusted the wrong man. He embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars from me, but worse than that, he took investment money that I didn’t know about. He defrauded investors in my name. They decided that since he’d skipped the country, they would come after me. At that point, the DA hadn’t made a decision on whether or not I was involved. The day I asked Keith to take care of you, I thought I might be going to prison and I couldn’t involve you in that.”
Her head was reeling. “I had no idea.”
“I didn’t want you to know.” He leaned forward, his hand coming up as though reaching out for her. He stopped himself and forced his hand back into his pocket. “Baby, you have to forgive me. I wanted what was best for you. I had to let you go. It nearly killed me to watch you get into that car.”
It hadn’t hurt him enough to not do it. Even as his explanation rang in her ears, she found a deeper hurt. He had cared for her in his own way. Somehow it had almost been easier when she’d thought he’d viewed her as an easy companion and nothing more. But if he’d really loved her and he’d still sent her away, that was even worse. But they had to find some closure. Neither of them could go on like this forever. “I forgive you.”
“You do?”
She had to. He’d thought he was doing the right thing. They just had two completely different versions of how a relationship should work. “I do. I understand why you did it.”
He crossed the space between them in an instant. Before she could protest, she was in his arms. He pulled her hard against his chest, his fingers going straight for her hair. “God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that. Baby, I’ve missed you so much.”
His lips were against hers. Sweet intimacy. It had been so long since she’d had the comfort and solace of a body against her own. His fingers tangled in her hair, pulling her head back gently as his tongue played against her lips until she couldn’t handle it and she invited him in. Everything inside her responded to him. Her nipples hardened. Her muscles softened. Her pussy got wet, aching. She felt her arms drifting up around his shoulders, holding on to him.
His tongue surged in, dominating hers in a silky dance. Over and over he took her mouth as his hands clutched her like he would never let her go.
But he had. The memory sparked through her brain. Ryan walking into their bedroom. At the beginning of
their relationship, she’d had her own room, but that had lasted about two weeks before that fine suite was nothing but a closet and she spent every night in his bed. Once he’d worked late and she’d gotten into her own bed because she had a cold and didn’t want to disturb him. She’d woken up to him carrying her into their bed and setting up a humidifier, and he’d gotten the cold two days later and she’d had to take care of him. How could he walk into their bedroom and calmly tell her that now she belonged to someone else?
She pushed at his chest. She couldn’t do it again. She could never sit there like a hollowed-out doll while he tossed her away. “No.”
Ryan’s hands still held her as though he was afraid of letting go. “Jillian, baby, you said you forgave me.”
And like the predator he was, he’d sensed weakness and gone straight for the kill. “I forgave you. I didn’t say I wanted to be with you again. Let me go.”
His eyes ran the length of her body. “Do you think I can’t feel how aroused you are? Do you think I don’t know the signs? Your nipples are hard, your eyes sleepy. You were sinking your fingers into my flesh and rubbing yourself against me. How can you say you don’t want me?”
“Oh, you did a great job teaching me how good sex could be so, yeah, I responded, but that doesn’t mean that I want to get involved with you again. Please let me go.” She hated how breathy her voice sounded. She didn’t sound confident, very likely because she wasn’t. It would be so easy to let Ryan take over. She wouldn’t have to worry about anything for a while. He really would take charge.
And she would get dependent on him and when the bad times rolled around, he would foist her off on someone else because it was fine for him to take care of her, just not the other way around.
How could he really love her if he didn’t want her standing beside him when times got rough? Because they damn straight would.
Slowly, he released her, his eyes boring into hers. “I love you, Jillian.”