Sighing, Hillary leaned back in her seat. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. It’s too much.”
What could I say?
I pulled off the expressway and turned the car around to go in the opposite direction. “Okay. I’ll take you home.”
It was the longest drive of my life. I had no words.
Chapter Twenty-Four – Hillary
“Have you lost your mind?” Felicia clicked her tongue at me. “She came after you! Did you forget that? I know the police can't prove it, but we all know she had something to do with it. What do you mean, you’re paying her to go away? What about getting a restraining order and making her pay for what she did?”
I knew how it sounded. A few years ago, I would have thought it insane to let someone who hurt me or someone I loved walk away, but it’s what I had to do. So much of the last couple of years were spent wallowing in my sadness and wanting to be angry at the world; I didn’t have the energy or desire to add more negativity to my life. I had to agree or else I’d be trapped.
After taking a moment to gather her thoughts, Felicia sighed. “Okay. I get it, but are you sure you’ll be safe? What is E.J. going to do to keep you safe?”
“Me? Why does he have to do anything to keep me safe? I’m not some damsel in distress. I can take care of this myself,” I said to convince both of us.
“Hmm… Okay, but he knows her better than you do. If he’s talking about needing a restraining order to keep her in check, what makes you think you won’t need one? He must be a little afraid of her, isn’t he?” Felicia asked.
“I don’t think he’s afraid for himself. I think, if he does agree to a restraining order, it will be to protect Edge. He doesn’t have to do anything for me. I’m not her target. I just happened to get in the way of her target and it pissed her off. That’s what all that nonsense was about. It had nothing to do with me or who I was.” I hoped I was right.
I watched as Felicia continued tidying my living room for me. “Why are you cleaning?”
“This, sweetheart, isn’t cleaning. It’s therapy. You better be glad it works because, if it didn’t, you’d be laid on the floor right now, begging me to stop smacking the shit out of you for being so naive,” she said, shaking her finger at me.
“Simmer down, sunshine. I know what I’m doing. If I’m wrong, let me learn the lesson on my own. I need this. I need to find my way. This feels right. I can’t let what that woman did paint my life. I’ve been there and done that. I let Sam’s death define who I thought I was. You saw it. I carried the grief like a badge of shame. I still carry it, but I’m getting better. Trusting E.J. and learning to love him wholly and completely is helping me heal. Things are going to be okay,” I assured her.
She handed me the pile of papers. “Get rid of these. Unless you want to be on an episode of Chicago Hoarders, you don’t need this crap. I’m confused. Didn’t you break up with him?”
“Funny and rude. You’re so talented,” I joked. ”I tried to, but it was too hard. I couldn’t walk away. He needs me and I need him, I think.”
Felicia tossed a pile of unread magazines into the recycle bin. “I think, you’re crazy, but no matter what his psycho ex-wife does, I got your back.”
I kissed her cheek. “What do you think he’d say about all this?”
Felicia paused, clutching a pile of junk mail. “Sam?”
“Yes,” I answered, my throat filling with emotion.
She stopped what she was doing and took a seat on the space she’d just cleared on my sofa. “He’d be worried. He’d be glad you’re in love again, but he’d be worried for you.”
That was my fear. “Am I making a big mistake?”
“Do you think you’re making a mistake by learning to love again? If you do, that has nothing to do with what you and Sam had together. You might have a bigger problem,” she said as her gaze landed on my wedding photo. “He loved you so much.”
My eyes welled with tears. “I love him so much.”
Tears streamed down our cheeks.
After a moment, Felicia took a deep breath. “You’ll always love him That’s a given and he’ll always love you. I’m sure he’s up there right now, looking down at us and laughing because we’re boohooing over him again.”
“You two are always crying or laughing,” I recited the same words Sam had always groaned about where we were concerned.
Clapping her hands, Felicia said, “So, let’s laugh then. He’d like that. Did I tell you about Cantor?”
I hadn’t heard his name in a few weeks. “Did he move to another planet?” I joked.
“No, they refused to let him back in,” she said. “He is retiring after this school year.”
“You’re kidding? Wow. Is he old enough to retire?” I figured he was around fifty-years-old, give or take a year.
“No, but check this out -- he had a girlfriend. A married girlfriend. One of the fifth grade parents. Well, that woman’s husband went to the school board meeting and ratted on him. Exposed his whole affair. After they heard that, he was asked to consider taking a leave of absence He did them one even better. He announced his retirement.” Felicia was so excited, she started hopping up and down. “Busted!”
“Wow! I wonder who they’ll bring in to replace him. Hopefully, someone who has a clue,” I said.
Felicia and I took the opportunity to take turns making fun of Principal Cantor while we cleaned before the subject came back to E.J. and his sordid past with his ex-wife.
“Have you talked to E.J. about where your life is going? Are you in a real relationship now or still playing house?” Felicia asked.
“We’re all in,” I boasted.
“I don’t need the details.” Felicia covered her ears.
“I understand why he did what he did. I have to admit, I was mad. You know that, but I get why he thought he had to do it. He was going to lose his son. If it were my child, I’d do everything I could think of to keep him. I don’t think he realized Stephanie already had something else planned. While he was busy trying to destroy her in custody negotiations, she was behind the scenes, sneaking her way into Edge’s life. So, yeah, I get it, but in the end, I can’t fault him. We’ve already grown from that experience. We’ll probably never get married or anything, but for now, we’re good. We’re happy,” I explained.
“But, if it ever came up, would you marry him? Would you want to have kids with him?”
I swallowed hard. I’d always wanted to be a mom. One of my biggest regrets was not having a child when I was married to Sam. “I don’t know about the marriage part. I don’t think I’m ready for that. I don’t know if I ever will be, but kids -- yes, I want kids. Someday. First, I have to find a job.”
“No. First, you need to make sure you understand what E.J. wants. Don’t let him fool you. Don’t let him drag you around and not get anything in return. If you want to be his girlfriend forever, that’s okay, but remember he has this big career. He’s got women dying to be near him. Make sure you know, he’s done with them. You’re worth more than all of them put together. You deserve all the best and only the best,” Felicia reminded me.
I hugged her. “Thanks. Do you think there are other women in his life?”
“Do you?” she asked.
I had no idea. I hadn’t considered it. What if I was one of many?
Chapter Twenty-Five – Hillary
He averted his eyes from me, but it didn’t dissuade me from investigating further.
“Hey, you know what I feel like eating?” I smiled at him, hoping to brighten his mood.
He shrugged. “Girl food?”
I cleared my throat. “I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but no, not girl food. How about paella? I haven’t had paella in a long time. What do you think? Would you like to help me make some?”
Edge shook his head. “I can’t.”
“Why can’t you? It’s not difficult. I can show you how to make it,” I offered.
He shook his head a
gain. “I’m not supposed to tell you.”
Now, he had my interest. “What? You aren’t supposed to tell me you want to help me? Why not?”
Please, don’t let this be another secret between him and his mother. I thought we’d already put that monster to bed. She had the money she asked for; what did she want from E.J now? She had essentially gotten away with more than she should have. When the police revealed who it was that attacked me, it turned out to be a friend of hers named Mike. Someone E.J had known too.
“My dad told me not to say anything to you.” He turned to walk out of the room, but I couldn’t let him get away without explaining himself.
“Tell me what?”
He hesitated in the doorway. “When is my dad coming home?”
I decided to try another approach. “He should be here any minute, I think,. He didn’t tell me where he was going. Did he tell you?”
E.J. had been gone for a couple of hours. Ever since he left, Edge had been acting odd, like he had a secret. Having known him for as long as I had, I thought I knew how to read him, but this behavior had me baffled. I hadn’t seen him behave this way since the day he was taken from E.J.
“What’s wrong, Edge? Are you okay?” I stopped what I was doing to focus on him. “You can tell me.”
“Nope, I can’t. I promised,” Edge said.
As much as I wanted to know what he was told not to tell me, I thought it better to let it go. It was too soon. Edge had already been through so much. His mother had moved on for the time being. Kelly had convinced E.J. to get a restraining order and to let go of his home and find a more secure place to live; although, E.J. wasn’t yet ready to think about moving because of his football schedule. And, most importantly, with my help, we were able to convince him to let go of his entire staff. They’d proven to be unreliable and only there to pad their resumes.
Edge sat down on the floor to play with his toys. “I can tell you a little bit, if you want me to.”
Since you asked… “Okay, what do you think you should tell me?”
“My dad is going to get married. He’s going to have a new wife.” Edge made a face and returned to playing with his toys.
My voice broke. “He is?” I couldn’t hide my shock even if I tried. “Who is he going to marry?” He had never once mentioned wanting to get married. In fact, he made a point of saying marriage was a bad idea and he’d never do it again. That hurt to hear, but I understood his apprehension. I understood it too well. He and I knew what it was to think you had it all, then lose it. Suddenly and without a safety net.
“I can’t tell you. That’s man’s business.”
I had two choices: interrogate him further or wait it out until E.J. came back?
“Daddy! It’s about time; all this woman does is ask questions!” Edge ran across the room to hug his dad.
“Don’t say that. I happen to like to hear her speak,” E.J. said, winking at me. “I missed you guys, but guess what? I have a nice surprise for both of you.”
Edge jumped up and down. “What is it? Can I play with it now?”
E.J. spun him around before plopping him down on the sofa behind me. “Why don’t you play with your toys while I have a conversation with this pretty lady, first? After we talk, I’ll give you a huge surprise.”
No matter how many times I witnessed the tenderness between my handsome man and his beautiful child, it still made me misty-eyed every single time. “What are you so giddy about?”
He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, whispering in my ear, “Us.” Placing a box in the palm of my hand, E.J. said, “I’m giddy about us. Our future together. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for us, but I swear to God, I’ll spend my life trying to show you how thankful I am. Marry me, Hillary. Marry us.” He nodded to Edge. “Be my wife. Be the mother my son needs and the woman we spend the rest of our days honoring.”
I blinked back tears, but no matter how hard I fought, they kept flowing; this time, they were happy tears. “Are you sure? What about what you said? What about the water and your new life far away from here?”
Edge sighed. “See, I told you; she asks too many questions!”
I had to laugh. He was right. I had been asking a lot of questions lately, but my questions were necessary -- life altering.
“What is all the racket about?” Kelly had managed to slip in unnoticed again.
Edge answered her question. “My dad wants to get married.”
Kelly took a step back, wide-eyed. “Oh, really? Well, it’s about time! I don’t know why you two were lollygagging around. You should have done this months ago like I told you.”
I’d never seen E.J. blush before. It was sweet. “She told you to marry me a long time ago?”
“No, she told me to get married. I ignored her because, let’s face it, thousands of women are going to be heartbroken. But what can I say? I found the right girl and she happens to be hot, so bonus points for me,” E.J. boasted.
Kelly clutched her belly, laughing like he’d said the funniest thing she’d ever heard. “Ha! What a jerk! Do you hear yourself?”
E.J. wrapped his arms around her waist. “Oh, someone is jealous. You should have told me; I would have gotten you a ring too. I’m more than enough man for both of you.”
“I can’t take it anymore! Get me out of here!” Edge added more laughter to the moment.
“You didn’t answer my question,” E.J. reminded me.
“Which question?” I teased.
Kelly took the opportunity to scoot Edge out of the room. “Hey, kiddo, how about you show me some of your other toys?”
E.J. watched Edge and Kelly walk out of the room. “They’re something else, aren’t they?”
“They’re your whole world,” I said, wondering where I’d fit in.
“Not just them. The three of you are my whole world. Granted, Kelly won’t like to hear me say it, but she’s a huge part of our lives. She’s held us together. She filled in for me when I got lost. She filled a void in our lives. Her whole family did. But, you… you filled in what was left of my heart. You are my heart. Edge loves you like I’ve never seen him love any other person outside of our tiny, little circle.”
I snickered.
“In his own way. He’s young. Girls don’t mean a whole lot to him today, but they will someday. He needs you just as much as I do. We all need you. We all love you.” He stopped talking and dropped down to one knee. “Marry me, Hillary. I wish I could say life was going to be easy. It might not be. I don’t know if Stephanie will ever show up again. I hope she never does, but if by some chance she should, I want you to know, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you and Edge are okay. I promise you.”
He didn’t have to promise me. “I know you will. I’m not worried about her. She’s a non-issue.” I got down on my knees, leaning my head on his as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you. I’ll be your wife.”
We were still on the floor, hugging and kissing when Edge and Kelly returned.
“Yuck,” they both groaned.
“So, is the deed done?” Kelly asked. “Er, I mean, you said yes, didn’t you?”
I nodded. “Yes!”
“We’re getting hitched and moving to the beach!” E.J. announced.
“We are?” I didn’t remember agreeing to that.
Kelly giggled. “Way to go, Razor! You didn’t tell her about the house? Man, when are you going to realize you have to disclose the whole story at once, not in small increments. She’s the love of your life for crying out loud! Isn’t that what you were crying about the other day?”
“I am?” Things were happening so fast.
“Let me handle this!” Edge stood up. “Ms. Jackson, will you get married with my dad and move into the new house my dad bought for you?”
I glanced around the room at each of them, feeling more loved than I had in long time. Feeling like this -- my life with them -- was where I was supposed to be.
This is where all the ups and downs of my life -- the pain, the loss, the joy -- wanted me to land. “How can I refuse? Yes. Yes, I will. I love you all so much.”
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Razor's Edge: A Bad Boy Romance (Bad Boys of Football Book 2) Page 14