“What the fuck, Reed?” I’m not responding to him. My high is wearing off and I want to put my fist through the wall.
“I think I’m going to make myself a Stevie Ray Vaughan Bloody Mary. Want one?”
Jax grabs my arm. “What’s going on?” His eyes are full of concern.
“She’s a brunette,” I blurt out.
He rubs his face. “Goddamn it, Reed, why are you doing this? How much longer am I going to have to watch this? Fucking do us all a favor and call her.”
“Watch it, Jax.”
He looks at my chest. I’m rubbing my tattoo. I freeze, wondering how long I’ve been doing that.
“I didn’t say her name,” he hisses, “but this shit has to stop. The cocaine and girls are getting out of hand. Even Jay is getting concerned, and he’s the one who started all this.” He motions to the girls and drugs.
We both turn as we hear room service knock. Neither of us moves, our eyes doing silent battle. Finally, Jax steps around me to open the door.
The girls come out of my room, laughing and wanting to party. I pour the vodka, a little Worcestershire, and Bloody Mary mix into the glasses, then sprinkle some cocaine on top and plop in a couple olives.
“Here you go, girls. Jax, you sure you don’t want one?”
He shakes his head. “I’m going to take a shower. Enjoy.”
“Holy shit, I have always wanted to try this.” The brunette laughs and jumps up and down, her tits bouncing.
I look at her and chastise myself for being such a pussy. She looks absolutely nothing like her. Starting with her tits that are boomeranging in my face. They’re fake and look like two large balloons on her thin body. Her breasts are real and perky, fitting perfectly in my hands. I stop myself. Jesus! I chug my morning cocktail, needing a quick high to fill my emptiness.
“So, you two want to fuck?”
Their eyes are dilated. “Yeah, we want to,” the redhead purrs.
“I want to fuck you in the ass,” I tell her, “while your friend sits on your face.” When did I become this monster? It’s getting like I need more and more of everything to get off lately.
“How much extra for that?” I say, the welcome numbness starting to take effect.
Both smile and take my hand, pulling me into the bedroom.
“We won’t tell, if you won’t tell.” The redhead shuts the door and peels off her panties.
Turning to the brunette, I say, “Why don’t you girls start, and I’ll join in.”
She smiles and reaches for her friend, peeking up at me. “Are we still role playing?”
Confused I ask, “What?” but the hair on my forearm is standing up.
“Like last night? Do you still want me to be Tess?”
The room starts to spin.
“Holy shit, are you okay?” The redhead reaches for me.
“Shit! Raquel, go get his brother. I think he’s overdosing.” She extends her hand, trying to get me to sit.
“Get off of me!” I cringe at her touch.
Sweat pours out of me, drenching my shirt. Last night slaps me in the face as I remember.
“I need you to be Tess. I can’t get off without it.”
“I’ll be whoever you want. Is Tess sweet, or a bitch? Soft or hard? Tell me what she is, and you won’t even remember my name.”
“She’s my soul: innocent, fragile, yet way stronger than she knows. She’s my heart.”
“Reed… Close your eyes… I don’t want you to fuck me. I need you to make love to me.”
“Tess… I will do anything you want, Kitten.”
Holy fucking shit! My feet back away from them.
I did! I made love to her last night. I can’t breathe. Maybe I am overdosing. That might be better than the truth.
“I’m going to be sick.” Stumbling past their shocked faces, I barely make it to the toilet when my whole stomach unloads. I retch and heave for what feels like hours until it stops. Miserable, that’s what I’ve become. Leaning back, I shiver by the toilet, resting my head on my knees.
“Reed? You okay?” Jax’s voice is next to me, his hand helping me up.
I look at him, his face so like mine, except that it’s not anymore. His eyes still have joy, where mine are filled with darkness.
“I need to get away from here,” I whisper.
“Can you walk? Do you need to go to the hospital?” His voice scares me.
“No, no hospital. Just get me out of here.” Pushing away from him, I find Andrew and the girls standing outside the bathroom.
“Dude! You okay? You scared the girls.” Andrew’s brows are knit with concern.
The girls stand there, all three in a state of undress, curiosity on their faces rather than fear. Obviously, I’m not the first customer to freak on them.
I’m completely undone.
My voice sounds far away. “They seem okay. You two, on the other hand, can relax. I feel better. It must have been something I ate.” I run a hand through my wild hair.
Andrew exhales. “Christ, Reed, you’ve aged me.” He chuckles, his hands shaking as he puts his phone in his pocket.
I move past them. “I’ve got to go. Happy Birthday, man. I’ll call you later.” Jax is right behind me.
“Thanks, Reed, you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I just have to get out of here,” I snap. I know he’s concerned about being a good friend, but if I don’t get out of this suite, I might implode.
“Let me grab our stuff, Reed.”
“Hurry the fuck up,” I say, taking a shaky breath as my eyes scan the hotel room. It’s trashed but not overly so. Picking up my jacket, I avoid looking at the girls.
“Let’s go.” Jax pulls me back to the present, his voice calm.
“I’m fine. I need some air.”
“Whatever—this has to stop.” He pushes me out the door, his arm guiding me outside. “How much coke did you do?”
“It’s not the coke—or fuck, maybe it is. I don’t know.” My cheeks are cool and wet. Am I crying? Strong arms hug me. My brother, my best friend, my other half, tries to put me back together, and he starts with a hug.
“What’s going on? I need you to look at me. Otherwise, I’m taking you to the emergency room.”
Putting my head back, I close my stinging eyes. New York is crackling with energy. Horns blaring, garbage trucks rumbling. And I feel better because I’m not alone. As long as I have him, I can make it. I mumble it like a mantra as I pull away and we head home.
REED
The fresh air and the walk have helped. I still feel like shit, but at least Jax is not threatening to take me to the ER. The penthouse is silent as we enter. My heart sinks. Call it intuition, but whenever it’s quiet, something is going down and it’s usually bad.
I’m beelining it straight to my room. Jax must sense it too because he is heading for his. I need Advil, a gallon of water, and sleep.
“Reed!” My dad is leaning in the doorway waiting for me. Shit.
“Unless someone’s dead, not today.” I try to move around him, but he grabs hold of my bicep.
I stop, more from disbelief than from him actually stopping me. I surpassed my dad on height and bulk a year ago. I look at him, and his green eyes bore into me. “I would like a word with you.”
“Dad, I’m not in any condition to talk rationally.”
“We will get to that, Reed, but first, this.” He holds up some letters. I look around desperately for Jax.
“Your brother can’t help you. You’re going to have to stand on your own two feet.”
“Perfect.” I drop into one of my mother’s ridiculously expensive chairs. He sits opposite me and lays out the letters on the table. They are all addressed to Jax.
“Reed? Do you have any idea what these are?” He points to the envelopes.
My head is throbbing, and my patience is about zero. I want to walk out of the room, but I can’t, so I sit and rub the back of my neck.
“Um, no, Dad I don
’t.” Leaning forward I say, “I can tell you that I feel like crap and would be more agreeable if I had a nap.”
He laughs. “Really? My son is in a bad mood again?” His sarcastic voice makes me want to punch something. Instead I take a breath and look him straight in the eyes.
“I wish I had some sympathy, Reed, but watching you self-destruct on whores and God knows what else, it needs to stop.”
I sit up, ready to do battle. He holds up his hand. “No, you’re going to listen, Reed. I was young. I know what you’ve been going through. Which is why I have been allowing your expensive hobby. And by hobby I’m talking about the girls, not the drugs.”
I blink a few times. My eyes are killing me, and I don’t have any desire to look at my father’s face.
“Why didn’t you come to me, Reed? Talk to me? You never reached out to me at all when you and Tess broke up. Did you think I didn’t know how much you loved and needed her?”
My eyes are stinging with tears. “I… can’t talk about her, Dad.”
He nods. “Well, son, I’ve done pretty much everything. Nothing you can say would shock me or make me feel differently about you.”
I rub the back of my head before I look at him. “I’m lost, Dad, and I’m embarrassed to admit it because I hate it!” I spit it out. “I lost my soul mate and it hurts more every day.” I say the words that have been stuck in my throat for a year and a half.
He leans back and crosses his arms. “What will you do if she comes back? Can you forgive her?”
I shake my head because as much as I love her, I hate her too.
“I think it’s too late. I will always resent her. Resent that she picked her father over me.”
I feel his hand on my shoulder. “Let’s take it slowly, Reed. First, the drugs need to stop.”
“I agree.” And I honestly do. The reminder of what just happened still makes bile rise in the back of my throat.
“Second, the prostitute situation. You are using condoms, right?”
“Always.” I snort. “You think I wouldn’t wrap it up? I have never gone bare with anyone.”
“Are you with these girls because you like older women? Or because they are the opposite of Tess?” I wince.
“Both, I guess. Also, I have nothing in common with high school girls. They want relationships and I’m incapable of having one.”
“Fine.” He stands up, hands in his pockets as he walks to the French doors, lost in thought. I’m almost ready to stand, thinking he’s done.
“I’m familiar with the madam that you and Jax are paying.”
I must look horrified and disgusted because he instantly justifies himself.
“Hold your judgment. I got the call because you two are minors even with your fake IDs. She called to get my permission and a lot of money to overlook your ages,” he mumbles.
“Whatever.” My head is pounding. He shakes his head at me, clearly annoyed as he sits down across from me.
“Fine, let’s go back to this.” He points to the table.
“Yeah, Dad, I had a rough night. I’ve agreed to everything. Can I go? Those letters are to Jax anyway.”
“Yes, Reed, these are letters to Jax. What I’m wondering is why you have not received any.” I glance around the room. Floral displays are everywhere. Absently I wonder if my mom calls the florist or if she has them delivered and displayed daily.
“Reed?” my dad says. My mind returns to him.
“Dad, I never applied,” I say at last, leaning my head back to rest as I close my tired eyes. “Tess wanted us to go to Columbia. I never cared about college.”
His nostrils flare. “Are you telling me that my son, who tests borderline genius, has no desire to get a degree?”
“Exactly. That was all Jax and Tess.” I stand up.
“Huh,” he murmurs and sits there, his brows furrowed.
“Are we done?” I glance at the grandfather clock. It’s already afternoon.
“No, not yet. These letters are from MIT, Harvard, and Stanford! They are all to Jax, congratulating him and welcoming him to their campus.”
I stretch my sore muscles. “Good for Jax because he’s actually a genius.”
“No, Reed, you both tested about the same. If you’re not going to college, what are you planning on doing?”
I shrug. “I was thinking about traveling.”
He frowns. “Traveling?” It comes out slowly. Then he starts laughing.
“Glad I can amuse you. Are we done?”
He scoops up the acceptance letters. “Far from it. You have no idea what the hell you want. So, I have decided you are going to get your college degree.” He says this, and he’s absolutely serious.
I stiffen then start laughing. “Perfect! What do you want me to say? Thank you? We’re fucking rich! Excuse me for not having a huge amount of drive right now. I need to go find myself.”
He stands up and pours himself a drink. I raise my eyebrow at him.
“Your grandfather and I have decided for you to take over a huge part of the family business. But you need to have a degree, Reed.”
I puff out air. “Why me?” I rub my hands over my face.
“Because Jax wants to do what Jax wants to do. And he’s earned that. I’m sure he’ll be taking some part in the business too. But he has his own interests. You do not. As your father, I’ve decided to help you thrive not fail.”
Dropping my hands, I stare at him as though he’s insane. “So, you and Grandpa Ian are deciding my life for me?” I laugh bitterly. “I’m not in any condition to take over.”
“Trust me, you’re not taking over, Reed. You will be supervising a portion. Shipping, hotels, and so on. Whatever you like. But you need a degree. Pick where you want to go.”
I sigh tiredly. “Like I give a shit. You have my whole life planned out. Just pick and let me know where and what time. I’ll try to show up.”
He smiles and stands. “Columbia it is then. I agree with Tess—it’s perfect for you. I have connections with people on the board. Also, Jordan is an alumnus. He can pull strings. Thank God your grades and test scores are impeccable. They should be able to overlook your tardiness.” Standing up, he pats me on the back. “Get some rest, son. You look like hell.” He leaves, and I wonder if it’s possible to feel any worse.
TESS
Past – eighteen years old
London England
“I guess we should circle around again. I don’t see him,” I tell Steven our driver today.
This is our fourth time around Heathrow airport. We’re picking up Brance. He’s flying in to help me pack.
New York, here I come! Never in a million years did I think I would miss her loud, crowded, dirty streets and stinky smells.
“We are going straight for lunch. Your father told me to call when we are at the restaurant. He might stop by,” Lana says, taking out her compact and lipstick from her red Chanel purse. At the mere mention of my father, poor Lana feels she has to primp.
I groan, “Really?”
Things have been strained with my dad ever since I informed him that I had been accepted to Columbia University and was moving back to New York. No congratulations. Nothing. He simply turned and walked out of the room.
“I’m so ready to go back to the States. He’s probably jealous.”
She laughs. “You’re probably right. I know I’m jealous. You need to get your own place fast. I don’t think your mother would like me visiting.” She smirks.
“I rarely talk to my mother. Brance says she’s hitting the vodka hard. She won’t want me cramping her style.” The thought of having to move back with my mother and staying in my childhood bedroom after she betrayed me in the worst way? I can’t do it.
“I have to convince Brance to stay in Manhattan. I’ll live with him. He’s still insisting on moving to LA now that he’s graduated.” I sound desperate, but I kind of am. Unless my dad gives me control of my money, I’m at his mercy. And I’m sure he would make me live
with my mom if only to punish me for returning.
“Why don’t you just go to Stanford?” Lana checks her teeth for lipstick.
“Stanford is not in LA. Besides, I have always dreamed about going to Columbia. Wait… pull over, Steven… there he is!” I squeal.
Steven mutters something but manages to fight his way to the curb.
I throw the door open, and Brance saunters over, a mischievous grin on his face. He hands Steven his bags and slides in.
“You look fabulous. I love your hair,” Lana gushes as they air kiss.
“You think it’s too light?” With his dark Columbian skin and his dark eyes, his light hair makes his face striking. Somehow my skinny pretty boy has grown up into a sexy lean man.
“Knock it off, Brance. You look like a model and you know it.” He winks at me, kissing my forehead.
“Christ, I won’t miss that flight. I think I have my father almost caving so that we can use one of his planes for the trip back. I’m so sick of commercial. Anything over five hours should always be in a private plane.” Stretching his long legs, he grins, no doubt knowing he sounds ridiculous.
Rolling my eyes, I say, “Whatever, Brance, are you hungry?”
“Famished.”
Lana claps her hands. “I know the perfect place.” Leaning between us, she tells the driver, not even waiting for our response.
Settling back, she clasps her fingers in her lap. “Now that Brance is here, he has something he needs to tell you.”
“Jesus, Lana, can’t we even get to the restaurant?” Brance grabs my hand and holds it. Looking from one to the other, I suddenly want to scream for Steven to pull over and let me out. The crowded streets would be better than whatever secret Brance has.
“What?” I dig my nails into his hand.
“Tess! It’s not that bad. Stop clawing me.” My eyes dart down to his tan hand, which I have indeed made bleed with my nails.
“Oh God, Brance, I’m so sorry.” I try to erase my craziness with my thumb.
“If it’s bad, I don’t want to hear it.” And I kind of mean that, my mind drifting off to all the work I’ve done on myself. Every morning, I run at least three miles. Graduated at the top of my class. Got myself into Columbia. And, I did all this without Reed. I didn’t collapse like I wanted to. I didn’t let him completely destroy me. He broke my heart, severed my soul, but I’m still fighting. Brance already told me about the prostitutes and drugs. How much worse can it be?
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