I think for a moment. Am I happy Reed is miserable?
Yes. Yes, I am.
“You two truly are perfect for each other.” He chuckles, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “Well, close your eyes and rest up, Tess. I have a feeling you’re going to need it.”
Reaching for one of his strong hands, I tell him, “I’m not scared anymore, Jax. I know I can make it.”
He snorts. “You’re as screwed up as he is, only you’re hiding it better.”
Glaring at him, I snatch my hand back. “You know what, Jax? I have worked hard to get myself together! I exercise and… well, I exercise and that helps.”
A huge grin appears. “Calm down. I didn’t mean to fire you up.” He smirks. “Poor Reed.”
Not being able to help myself, I blurt out, “Is he honestly with Lexi?”
“I don’t know what he’s doing.”
“Bullshit, Jax. You always know. Are they together?” I don’t know why I’m pressing this, knowing I’m going to hate the answer.
“He hasn’t told me anything lately. I do know that our parents have been pressuring him to at least try.”
Crossing my arms, I’m hurt. Caroline and Brad were more like my parents than my mom and dad. “I can’t believe Brad and Caroline would like her!”
He looks at me sheepishly. “They want him to stop sleeping with hookers. And not do blow or ecstasy. If she can keep him away from those distractions, then they’re happy.”
“So, you guys started having sex with prostitutes as soon as he dumped me?” I can’t help the stinging accusation in my tone.
“You dumped him, Tess. He waited for you for almost two years, and you never came back! So, yes after seeing my brother unhappy for two years, I absolutely wanted him to get laid and move on.”
I can’t look at him, so I look at my nails.
Jax reaches for my hand again. “He needed to try to forget you. Unfortunately, it backfired.”
Looking over at him, I ask, “What does that mean?”
He sighs. “It’s only that… he’s different now.”
“Because he’s into sleeping with high-priced whores?”
“Take it easy.”
“Jax, he was the love of my life. He swore to me every day that I was his one and only! And now you say he’s ‘different.’ He does drugs and sleeps with anything that walks. I’d say he’s a little different.”
Jax turns up the air conditioner. “Think about how experienced he is now.” He waggles his eyebrows.
“I don’t find that funny.” I frown at him.
“You’re right. It’s not funny. I’m sorry. It was a dark time for us. We both got caught up in that lifestyle.”
My imagination is starting to run away. Reed kissing older, beautiful women. His strong tan hands touching them. Making them cry out with pleasure. My face burns with humiliation and something else. “Have you guys been tested?”
He smiles and pats my knee. “Yes, Mom, we’ve been tested.”
“Stop it. This isn’t anything to make light of. Just the other day I was reading an article about Super G.” Looking out the window, I’m hurt that Jax seems to be on Reed’s side.
“Super G? What are you talking about?”
“It’s a new strain of gonorrhea that antibiotics don’t work on. You suffer until you die or your dick falls off.” I made that last part up, but it’s still scary.
“Well, rest assured, Tess. The women we paid for were not street hookers.” He keeps his eyes on the road. “They charge thousands of dollars for their pussies. And they get tested constantly. We got tested too. You have to with these women. And to reassure you even more that we don’t have Super G, Reed and I always use condoms.”
“I don’t want to hear any more.” I hold up my hand. “I… I never thought we would be talking about this.” It’s impossible to stop the sting of pain and tears. “Can you turn on some music, please?”
“It’s okay to be angry. But if it makes you feel better, he’s still in love with you. Still obsessed. Are you ready for that? Because as soon as he sees you, he is going to claim you and this time, you’re both adults.”
I can’t acknowledge that his words have made my belly flutter and my heart beat faster. Shrugging I say, “It doesn’t matter anymore. He lied to me, and he committed the ultimate betrayal by sleeping with Lexi. She is worse than any prostitute.”
“We don’t know if he’s fucking her.”
I roll my eyes at him. “I would never take him back.”
“Right.” The smirk returns to his face.
“Are you kidding me? Even if I could forgive him for sleeping with half of Manhattan, I can’t ever forgive him for Lexi!”
“Well, that’s a bit dramatic considering you two are not even together.”
Leaning my head back, I absently think this might be the most comfortable seat ever. I stare up at the top of the Ferrari. “Let’s not talk. It makes me want to kick you.”
He bursts out laughing, and I have to turn my head. It hurts how much they look alike.
We sit in silence for a moment, and I feel Jax’s warm hand on my leg. Looking over at him, he is still grinning. I have to fight myself not to smile back.
“How long you going to make Reed grovel before you gift him with your golden cherry?”
“Jax!” I fling his hand off my leg. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” I snip.
He’s full-on laughing now. “Come on, Tess. This is me you’re talking to.”
Glaring at him, I say, “You’re going to get a ticket. I’m pretty sure the speed limit isn’t one hundred and three miles per hour.”
“Shit.” He lets up on the accelerator and the car purrs as she slows down.
Now that everything is not flashing by, I’m able to admire the view outside my window. The green trees and tall grass sway with the breeze. It’s like seeing an old friend again. If we weren’t going to Lexi’s family’s home, I would be excited. There is something magical about the water and the Hamptons in general.
“Don’t try to change the subject.”
When I look over at him, his eyes are full of mischief. He is obviously not going to give up until I give him something. “What makes you think I haven’t already given up my cherry?” I ask, trying to sound confident.
“Golden cherry, Tess. Don’t sell yourself short.”
I shake my head at him. “You’re absurd,.” Looking out the window again, I stay that way before he can see my smile.
“It’s in your eyes, Tess.”
“Whatever, Jax.” I bite my lip.
“Also, I know you. You would never give your virginity to anyone but Reed. He’ll be all your firsts. The good and the tragic.”
My eyes snap to his. What a telling thing to say. Is that what Reed and I are? Good and tragic? I reach to turn the radio on. U2’s “With or Without You” fills the silence. Turning away from Jax, I mumble, “Wake me up when we get there.”
TESS
The party is a hit. I mean, it’s crowded and loud. Lots of girls in bikinis and boys without shirts. And alcohol, lots of it. There’s even a DJ over by the drink cabana pumping out his own kind of dance-rap mix.
Smiling as I take in the crowd, I scan the area for the familiar dark curls. I’m even drinking beer, which I despise, but I’m choking it down because I’m with Jax and it’s his birthday. And if I’m honest, I’m having fun. Maybe all my worrying is for naught. I mean with the size of this place, there’s a good chance I will never even see Reed.
“Oh my God! Tess? Is that you?” Glancing over Jax’s shoulder, I notice Tiffany as she stumbles toward us. Clearly, she’s intoxicated and not very graceful. Grabbing ahold of Jax’s shoulder to stabilize herself, she laughs as if not being able to walk is hilarious.
I groan into my plastic cup and take a quick sip of warm beer.
“Tiffany! How great to see you,” I gush, then want to gag. Maybe it’s the stale beer or I’m making myself sick at
my phoniness. Her eyes sweep me from top to bottom. Unfortunately, it seems Tiffany has not found a new muse. Her brown hair is still cut exactly like mine three years ago. Her hand stays on Jax’s shoulder as if she needs him to stand.
“Wow, you’re a blonde.” Her voice is wistful. “I was thinking about going blond too.”
“Jesus Christ.” Jax pulls her hand off him. “Pull it together, Tiffany.”
She frowns, then gets distracted by a drone someone is flying. It hovers right in front of us buzzing away in our faces.
“Hey,” she screams. “It’s my turn to fly that thing.” She marches toward the guy, who turns and runs, taking the drone with him.
Jax wraps an arm around me. “See, same old shit. You do know Tiffany will be blond tomorrow.”
I laugh. “Only if she can remember today.”
“That reminds me—I need to remember today.” He pulls out his phone and positions us for a selfie. We make stupid faces. I turn and take the phone to check the picture. I’m still surprised when I see myself. Clearly the blond hair still hasn’t sunk in.
With a shake of my head, I say, “I used to pour over Instagram and Facebook, wishing I was at one of these parties. I was a complete stalker you know.” When I look up at him, the sun is in my eyes, so all I see are dark dots, but I feel him tap my nose.
“If you weren’t stalking us, I would have been worried.” He takes back his phone.
“Tess?”
My heart starts beating so hard and fast I’m sure He can hear it. A wave of pure adrenaline and terror snakes up my spine. Why? Why did I think I could face him? I can’t turn around. Shit, shit, shit. I look around for an escape. God, why do I do this to myself? Suddenly, I hate Brance for not being here.
The smell of chlorine reminds me—I could jump into the pool. It’s right there. I could swim away from him, show him I’m done and free of him. It’s tempting, but instead I reach for Jax. Maybe I’m hearing things. After all, I have blond hair and my back is to him.
“What the fuck is going on, Jax?” he snarls.
Nope, not hearing things. My hands are shaking, and I’d give anything for some water. My tongue feels like it’s stuck to the roof of my mouth.
“I know it’s you, Tess. You might as well turn around.” His voice is deep and strong.
Taking a breath, I look at Jax’s handsome face, his turquoise eyes, full of challenge.
This is ridiculous. I’m not that girl who lets Reed control me. I’m completely different. Flipping my hair, I turn and face him.
Jesus! He can’t be standing in front of me with no shirt, his tan six-pack teasing me. He looks so good, I almost stomp my foot. He’s supposed to look like a skinny drug addict drowning in despair and nothingness! I feast on his face. He has the five-o’clock shadow thing going on, and his incredible eyes are latched on to mine. And. I. Literally. Can’t. Breathe.
He doesn’t seem to be breathing either and I feel slightly better. He’s taller and way more muscular. Obviously, he is still working out. His dark hair is, as always, longer than Jax’s. I can’t help but be happy to see he still has his curls. So cute! My heart flutters in my chest. I chastise myself for staring. So, he’s hot. That’s nothing new. That doesn’t excuse his deserting me. Breaking me, tearing my heart out, so that I had to fight and claw my way back.
“Stay away from me, Reed.” I haven’t uttered his name out loud in so long, the pain of speaking it slices through me.
He’s bad for me and he hasn’t stopped staring. His eyes caress my face, hair, body as if he wants to memorize it over and over again. He moves closer and I step back into Jax’s strong chest.
“Jax can’t save you, Kitten.”
Anger awakens me. “Don’t call me that! Don’t ever call me that.” I’m almost screaming. He’s like a beautiful predator stalking me.
“I don’t need Jax to save me.” I look into those pretty eyes. “You should probably go find your girlfriend.” The need to punish him is still alive and breathing inside me.
If it wouldn’t be weird, I would kiss Jax. But it would, so I do the next best thing. I pull my dress up slowly over my hips. Suddenly the DJ and his loud music are gone. Jax and the group of friends vanish. I only hear his breathing. I only watch his eyes. His stiff muscles flex as he clenches his hands. His jaw ticks. He looks at me like I’m his kryptonite. I want him to look at me this way. I hope it hurts him, fucking tortures him. It’s spilling out of me, like a volcano exploding her ash.
His eyes darken, lingering on my breasts. As I whip the dress off, I smirk. Yes, I look good. Brance picked this red bikini so I could get this very reaction from Reed.
Jax leans into my ear, breaking the spell. “Tess, you should probably put the dress back on.”
Slowly I turn from Reed, knowing everybody is staring. “That would be silly. After all, we’re at a pool party,” I say, dropping my dress next to my bag.
Reed reaches down and grabs it. “Put it on, Tess,” he commands.
Rolling my eyes, I smile at the guy behind him. “Hey, Andrew.”
“Tess, damn…” He shakes his head, his eyes staring at my breasts. “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you at first. I mean, I thought it was you, but with the hair and all.” His eyes go up and down the length of my body. He moves to hug me.
Reed grabs his arm. “Touch her and you lose a limb.”
“Dude, relax! I was only trying to welcome her back.” He holds up his hands, backing away.
Before I can comprehend what’s happening, Reed has me, pulling me toward the house.
“Reed! Fuck…” Jax moves to stop him.
“What?” he yells, getting in his face. “You knew she was back, and you said nothing?”
Jax winces. “Everyone is watching, man. Think of Lexi.”
He snorts. “Right! Lexi. Like you give a shit about Lexi! Back off, Jax. I’m warning you.” His voice is tinged with desperation.
“Reed, let go of me this instant.” I try to jerk away. “You have got some nerve.” Looking around at the curious faces, staring at us, I thank God for the loud music. All Reed does is pull me closer.
“Jesus, Reed! It’s our birthdays! You’re making a scene.” Jax is speaking so low only the three of us can hear.
“I don’t care what any of these people think,” he snarls, waving his arm.
“I want answers, and I’m going to get them.” He starts to drag me again, getting sand in my high-heeled platforms.
“Jesus Christ, you can be a dick sometimes,” Jax mumbles. “Watch yourself.”
Reed stops. “What did you say?” His body is ready to attack. “Jax, you’re my brother. And I love you, but don’t ever think you can tell me what to do especially with Tess!”
Sucking in a breath, I jump when Reed’s fingers singe my arm. Butterflies explode inside my stomach.
“Reed,” I plead. But I sound excited rather than pissed off. Why is he my weak spot?
“Just remember, she’s not yours anymore.”
“What the hell, Jax?”
Both are so beautiful, powerful. Jax breaks the stare turning to me. “I’ll be over by the pool if you need me.”
I nod, then exhale. The last thing I need to do is pass out.
“She won’t,” Reed spits out, pulling me toward the house.
I wiggle, but it’s stupid. Reed’s fingers are locked onto me like a pit bull with a new bone.
Jax is right. He’s changed. He’s not the same boy I knew. And, I’m not talking about his five-o’clock shadow and body that have matured. It’s in his eyes. His whole vibe is different, harder, distant.
I want so badly for it to repulse me. Instead, I might as well be panting. Looking up at the mansion, I have to bite my tongue not to comment on what a fabulous place it is.
White pillars stand proud circling the house. Brick covers the side part of the mansion. It also showcases three brick chimneys. There’s a large balcony off the master suite. Chairs and a table face the water and s
andy beach. If I owned this house, I would have breakfast out here every day, drinking coffee as I watch the sunrise and the waves roll in.
I stumble and realize that Reed is almost dragging me. “Stop it, Reed,” I say, slightly out of breath. “I’m in heels. Who the hell do you think you are?”
He grunts, looking down at me, then back at my eyes. And it seems like we’ve gone back in time, where a tall, dark-haired boy laughed at a sad little girl’s gold shoes. Closing my eyes, I block out the painful memories—so many memories threatening to make me weak. Reed must feel the same because he’s frowning and has slowed down. His grip on my arm has softened though. At least I can walk up the brick stairs. The numerous French doors are open allowing a nice breeze in.
“Tess?” My skin pebbles as Lexi emerges from inside.
“Perfect.” I’m somewhat taken aback at her bikini. She’s so skinny, I think she might give my mom a run for her money. And flat as a board. I know I’m being catty but what the hell? She looks like a long, skinny lizard. Even her tongue darts out to lick her pink lips. Gross!
“I had no idea you were back in town. How long are you staying?”
Should I engage? I want to, but that would also mean giving her the upper hand. I may turn to putty with Reed. But girls like Lexi? I don’t think so. Channeling my inner bitch, I look her straight in her beady blue eyes.
“I’m back for good.”
Reed inhales, his hard body pressing against my back. Ignoring how his mere warmth reminds me how united we always were, I try to put some distance between us and step toward her.
“I hope you don’t mind, but Jax insisted I come today.”
“Tess.” Reed’s voice is way too close.
Tossing my hair back, I say, “I wanted to wish you guys the best. I heard that you two are together.”
Reed mumbles a curse as I try to twist my arm away.
Lexi smiles, but her eyes dart to Reed’s hand. “Yes, we’re very happy.”
I almost gag. So, I lower myself to her level. Her strong flowery perfume invades my nose. God, how can Reed possibly be with her?
“Tell me, Lexi, it doesn’t bother you that he has fucked half of Manhattan?” It’s mean and immature, but I never claimed to be perfect.
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