I have to admit the dance is awesome. We jump around and sing along to all the songs, even though we don’t know the words. I look like an idiot, convulsing around the dance floor, but I’m having too much fun to care. For the first time in ages I feel like I’m finally letting loose.
I notice Cam dancing just behind Gemma. He looks like he’s trying to catch her attention with some ludicrous dance moves, but she’s completely oblivious he’s there. I yell to Gemma over the music, ‘I’m getting a drink.’
‘Come back soon,’ she shouts back.
I head towards Cam as I try to move through the crowd towards the drinks table. When I get to him I stand on my tiptoes to get close to his ear. ‘Just ask her to dance already!’ I yell loudly.
‘Okay,’ he yells back. ‘Only if you promise not to tell her about the moves I was just pulling!’
‘I think it’s better no one knows about those.’
He laughs and begins to slowly dance-shuffle his way over to Gemma. Within minutes they’re dancing together and I think it’s safe to say she’s forgotten how cute the other boys are looking tonight.
It’s a relief to get out from inside the crowd. I head over to the drinks table and finish off several glasses of water. Everyone is having such a good night. Even Kate walks past me and doesn’t have a bad word to say.
I place my glass down on the table and turn to see Sebastian edging along the drinks table to stand rigidly beside me. He’s wearing a black tailored suit that fits him remarkably well. His hair is gelled back and he is strangely at ease in the foreign outfit. He looks amazing, but I would never admit that aloud.
‘Hey,’ he says distantly. His eyes look at me darkly and he’s frowning as though he’s angry. I don’t understand why. We stand in silence for a minute as I wait for him to explain.
‘Is everything okay?’ I ask him, when he continues to stand there glaring at me.
All he will say though is, ‘I need to speak with you.’
‘What’s up?’ I ask. He jerks his head towards the exit and motions for me to follow him. I’m not certain why he’s acting this way, so I follow him quietly.
The music is loud and everyone in the room is happy, but as we walk over to the doors and out the exit I feel like we’re in our own quiet bubble of tension, and everything outside of it is muted. Sebastian hunches over as he walks and I can practically see the unease radiating off him.
There are several couples making out in the hallway, in seriously overt sessions of PDA. I wish we could laugh about them together, as we usually would, but Sebastian ignores them completely. He walks straight by them, oblivious, as he heads over to the same classroom I had been in with Ryan just a few hours ago.
He marches into the room ahead of me, stops in the middle and continues to face away from me.
‘What do you want to talk about?’ I ask, attempting to sound as neutral as possible.
‘I saw you,’ he says, turning to look at me.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I saw you with him earlier.’
‘Who, Ryan?’ I ask, confused.
‘Yes,’ he says, through his teeth, his eyes narrowing at me.
‘And…’
‘God Elle,’ he groans. ‘Don’t you get it?’ He turns and paces up and down in front of me. ‘You’re just … well … you’re dating someone who is completely wrong for you,’ he hurls at me.
‘What?’ Of all the things Sebastian could have said to me I didn’t expect that. As I think through the implications of what he’s saying I begin to worry. Does he really think Ryan and I are together? Surely he knows there’s nothing between us.
‘We’re not dating,’ I finally say. My voice is thick with accusation. He’s been the one hiding a relationship, not me. I clench my jaw shut and turn away from him. I take slow, deep breaths and try to quell the wild arguments that run rampant through my mind. I don’t want to fight with him.
He doesn’t respond to what I’ve said and his lack of words make me worry him and Chelsea actually were together. My stomach lurches at the thought. I ignore the sudden empty sensation inside and try to suppress my feelings. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight Sebastian. I just want to be your friend, especially when you’re hurting like this. I’m so sorry your girlfriend was taken.’
‘Girlfriend?’ he asks, confused. ‘What gave you the impression Chelsea was my girlfriend?’
‘I overheard some guys talking and then when you took me up to the top levels the other night it kind of confirmed it. It’s okay, I’m not mad you didn’t tell me.’
‘Well of course I didn’t tell you. It’s not true! I mean, don’t get me wrong, Chelsea and I are friends and we used to hang out, but nothing more. Since when did you listen to gossip over me?’ he asks.
I shrug off his question. ‘Girlfriend or not though, I know you must be sad.’
‘Don’t worry about it Elle. I’m fine,’ he reassures me.
He takes a step towards me. His eyes look into mine deeply as he says, ‘Besides, don’t you know, there’s only one girl for me.’ I feel my heart leap inside of me.
‘You said you weren’t dating him?’ he asks, moving closer.
‘No,’ I respond. ‘I mean, I see him around, he kind of just turns up, but we never do anything. I think he just likes to see how I am.’ I’m rambling as I try to work out how this conversation turned a corner so quickly.
‘Really?’ he says, stepping so close that I can almost feel the heat from his body. I take an involuntary step back and bump against a desk.
‘Yes really. What’s it to you anyways?’ I ask.
‘Well,’ he says, taking a final step to close the distance I’ve put between us. ‘It suits my interests for you to not be with him.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say. I try not to look at him, but he’s so close now that I don’t have too many options. I end up just staring at his chest.
‘You said you didn’t kiss me during spin the bottle because you don’t want to ruin our friendship.’
I nod, feeling confused and wishing he hadn’t brought that up again.
‘Surely you must know that no matter what, we will always be friends.’
‘I guess,’ I mumble.
‘I’ve been thinking a lot these last few days, and one thing I’ve realised is that there may not be a tomorrow, so we’ve got to live for today. I realised if I only had one day left then I would want you to know the truth.’
‘What truth?’ I barely whisper the words.
He gently takes my hand in his. ‘Elle, if you’re going to be with anyone, it’s meant to be me.’ He looks down into my eyes, searching for my answer.
‘You are so beautiful tonight,’ he says tenderly.
I close my eyes and smile at his words, feeling lighter and happier than I can ever remember. When I open my eyes again to look up at him he’s watching me and there’s a powerful desire in his eyes that I can feel awaken something inside of me.
Ever so slowly he puts his hands on my waist and begins to lower his head towards mine. I swallow, feeling nervous because I know this is the moment we’re going to kiss. My blood simmers beneath the surface of my skin, which seems to buzz with so much electricity that the hairs on my arms stand on end.
With unexpected courage, I place my hands on his arms and then slowly allow them to make their way up to his neck. He shivers as my fingers trace along his skin, leaving a wake of goose bumps along his arms. He grips the back of my waist tighter, drawing me closer to him. Our faces are now only inches apart and I can feel his warm breath against my lips. He takes a moment and then ever so gently he brushes his lips against mine.
They are as light as a feather being traced along my lips and I feel a thrilling jolt of electricity pass through my body. I long for more, but the door swings open, hitting the wall with a bang.
We both jump and Sebastian turns to look at the door. I quickly look down at his chest, feeling breathless, like I�
��ve just run a half marathon.
‘Oh sorry,’ some guy drawls from inside the doorway, a girl hanging off of his arm. ‘Didn’t realise this room was taken.’ He lurches back out, dragging the girl with him and leaving the door ajar.
Sebastian still holds me in his arms, but the moment has gone, and I don’t quite know what to do. We stand frozen for a few seconds before he slides his hands from my waist and steps back. It’s only one step, but it feels like he’s a mile away.
I touch my fingers against my lips, trying to stop them from trembling along with the rest of my body. I can’t manage to bring myself to look Sebastian in the eye.
‘Are you okay?’ he asks.
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. He goes to take my hand in his, but I shy away.
‘What’s wrong?’
I shake my head.
‘Elle, please talk to me. Did you not want this?’ I can hear the fear clearly in his voice, the worry that I regret what just happened.
‘No,’ the word catches in my throat and I clear it. ‘No, of course I did … but we can’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘I can’t get close to you. I can’t risk it when I could so easily lose you.’
He grasps my hand firmly in his and looks me in the eyes. ‘Elle. I’m not going anywhere and whether or not I kiss you isn’t going to change how I feel. Can you really imagine feeling closer to me than you already do?’
I pull my hand from his. ‘Yes,’ I whisper quietly. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that opening my heart to him would be the worst kind of mistake. That if I gave into him, dared to love him, and he left, I would be shattered and would never recover.
I push my feelings down and lock them away. No matter how much I want to be with him, I know that staying friends is for the best. ‘This,’ I wave my hand between the two of us, ‘was an accident. Some sort of school dance … accident.’
‘No,’ he replies quietly.
‘Please?’ I plead with him.
He steps back from me, hurt evident on his face. My hands lift unconsciously in response. I want to reach out to him. I want to take his hands in mine again, to feel the tingles that flutter inside me at his touch. I want to tell him he’s all I’ve ever wanted and I would risk anything to be with him, but I’ve lost too much and I can’t bring myself to open up to him the way I desperately want to.
I force my hands back down to my side. ‘We’re fine. Let’s just pretend this never happened. Goodnight Sebastian.’ I turn away, not waiting for him to respond and walk out the open door.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I punch my pillow, trying to make it sit just right, roll onto my back and face the ceiling. I haven’t seen Sebastian since the dance and it’s been three whole days.
He’s tried to comm me several times since then, but the comms have stopped coming now and I know he must be avoiding me. Then again, I’ve probably been avoiding him as well. I know I should go and visit him or at least comm him back, but I don’t feel ready to face him just yet. We’d left things so awkwardly at the dance.
We barely even kissed and it was enough to change everything. It’s awakened something inside of me, something I know I shouldn’t want. Him.
I’m interrupted from my unsettling thoughts as Quinn enters our room and dumps her bag onto the table.
‘Hey,’ she says, as she walks over and collapses down on her bed. She groans tiredly and stretches out on it.
‘Tough day?’ I ask.
‘Yeah. We had a problem with one of the storage rooms, but it’s all fixed now.’ She rolls towards me and props herself up on her elbow.
‘Are you still moping about Sebastian?’ she asks. ‘Oh I can never keep up!’
‘Very funny,’ I respond. I haven’t even told her what happened at the dance and she’s pretty much hit the nail on the head. It’s unbelievable how intuitive she can be sometimes.
‘And no,’ I lie. ‘I guess I’m just concerned about that girl that was taken last week, Chelsea.’ This at least is partially true.
Quinn’s face softens. ‘I know it can be difficult. Especially when you know the person. How about we go and take your mind off things. Do you want to go see a movie? I hear they’re showing some classics tonight.’
A movie is probably the last thing I want right now, but somehow the words, ‘yeah that sounds great,’ tumble out of my mouth. I guess she’s right. I could really use the distraction.
There’s a large group of people waiting by the entrance to the cinema room when we arrive. Quinn’s instantly beckoned over by a group of guys she knows. I tell her to go over without me, I’m really not in the mood for small talk, but she drags me along anyway.
I can’t be bothered interacting with them and it’s pretty obvious they have about as much interest in me as I have in talking to them. Boys generally are indifferent to me when Quinn’s around, except for maybe Sebastian. Who knows if that’s changed now? My thoughts flicker to the time we’d seen Ryan here. Maybe not all guys are so indifferent.
We’d been standing out the front of the cinema, much the same as we are doing now when I had seen him.
‘Quinn, Quinn!’ I had exclaimed tugging on her sleeve. ‘It’s him. The guy I saw at breakfast a few weeks ago.’
‘Where?’ she responded, looking inquisitively at all the guys surrounding us.
‘There, with the dark hair, the tall one standing by the—’
‘I see him,’ she said, cutting me off. ‘Oh he’s hot! But definitely way too old for you! Let’s go say hi!’
Before I had a chance to respond she just grabbed my hand and dragged me over to him.
‘Hi I’m Quinn,’ she sparkled at him. He looked down at us. Well I shouldn’t say us; really he had just looked at me.
‘Hi Quinn,’ he said, still looking at me. ‘Hi Elle.’ His voice almost caressed my name. I was so captivated, I didn’t even realise he knew my name.
All I managed was to squeak out a, ‘hi,’ in response. Quinn had already moved into attack mode and was oozing on the charm in a way only she could get away with. I don’t remember what she was saying at the time. All I remember was the way he looked at me; that he was looking at me.
He turned from me and looked up at the cinema room door.
‘Girls if you want to see Breakfast at Tiffany’s I suggest you get a move on.’
We had both been quick to turn and head towards the open doors. I turned to say goodbye but found him nowhere to be seen.
‘Hey Elle, anyone home?’ Cam says, waking me from my daydream. My eyes refocus from the spot on the far wall I’d been absorbed with while thinking, to find him standing in front of me, with that annoying self-assured smirk of his.
‘Hey Cam, how’s it going?’
‘Yeah, good. I had my testing today.’ He shows his arm and the little red mark on it. ‘Took it like a real champ though, didn’t I.’
‘Good to see someone who wears their needle jab with such glory,’ I say laughing.
‘Yeah well it’s a good sign, isn’t it. Have to admit, it’s the first one I haven’t been nervous about. With Chelsea being taken last week, I was pretty sure my chances were low.’
‘I don’t think that really makes a difference,’ I suggest.
‘Oh well, I survived. That’s the main thing eh?’ I nod in agreement. There’s no denying the relief you feel coming back from your testing; knowing you’re safe for another year.
‘Hey, do you know if Sebastian’s feeling any better?’ he asks.
‘Any better?’ I say, confused.
‘I figured he was sick, considering he’s been off from school the last two days.’
‘No sorry, I had no idea.’ Shit. He must really want to avoid me.
‘Elle,’ Quinn taps me on the shoulder. ‘The movie’s starting.’ She points over at the door and the people walking in.
‘Well enjoy the movie,’ I say to Cam.
‘Yeah, you too.’
I walk in with Quinn
and find seats that are nice and close to the screen. From what Quinn had said the movie was a comedy, and it’s meant to be hilarious. I sit there waiting for the opening credits to roll, but I’m exhausted. Tired from worrying about the taking, and definitely tired of worrying about Sebastian. I’m so tired of it all, that in this warm and dark room I slowly drift away and find myself asleep.
When I open my eyes I’m on a beach. I’m lying on a towel, the sun warming my skin. I can hear the waves gently lapping at the shore. It’s peaceful. Some part of my subconscious is aware I am dreaming, but I merely close my eyes and relish in the sensation. I wriggle my feet in the sand and the small grains sift around and between my toes.
It feels like I lie there for an age, cocooned in the sun’s glowing warmth. Slowly I can hear the wind pick up, and the small grains of sand bite into my skin as they whisk across the empty shore.
I sit up and dust off my arms. I can see the sun slowly setting in the distance. It is not the beautiful, picturesque sunset I saw in class. Instead the sun is angry and violent. With streaks of deep red and burnt orange, it looks to claw at the surrounding sky, raging against the powers that force it to dip below the horizon. Eventually it disappears and a grey gloom resides.
It’s cold. The wind picks up further. It blows away the waves and the sand. It gradually builds to the point that it batters so harshly against my body that I have to cover my head with my arms.
Abruptly, the assault stops and an eerie quiet takes over. The silence is haunting and it takes me several moments to build up the courage to open my eyes. As I peer up through my tangle of arms and hair I can see I am no longer at the beach, but surrounded by the wastelands I have so often seen projected on the Atrium screens.
I slowly stand to take in my surroundings. Dark, ominous clouds gather overhead. They roll and mushroom above like they are fighting for control of the grey and purple sky. Below the tumultuous heavens, the ground is dead and barren. The field of ice and dirt surrounds me and my bare feet freeze upon the dusty white and charcoal ground. In the distance I can make out a dead and blackened tree, a powerful contrast against this bare grey and white expanse.
The ARC 01: Tainted Page 10