by H. Mattern
Blake looked at her with concerned, apologetic eyes. It was hard to watch her relive this bad dream.
She didn’t respond to him at first, she simply took a breath, shook her head no, and picked up where she had left off.
“We were driving slowly, carefully; it was nearly impossible to see through the rain, though, and before we realized it, a car was in front of us. It didn’t have its lights on. One minute there was nothing in front of us except rain, and in the next moment there was a license plate. He tried to brake, but our car hydroplaned. There was nothing he could do.”
Tears rolled down Katie’s face.
“The other car, it didn’t even know we wrecked behind them. They didn’t even see us; they just kept on going.”
Blake moved next to her on the couch and put his arm around her. He rubbed her back gently with his hand, hoping that the touch would bring comfort.
She looked at him. Her eyes told the rest of the story for her, but she still continued.
“We both had our seatbelts on. Sometimes I wonder if we hadn’t had them on, whether or not things would have turned out differently. Someone once mentioned it to me, and it’s been hard not to think about. Maybe if we hadn’t had them on, he’d still be here.”
“You can’t think like that Katie. You can’t change the past.”
Blake tried to put her at ease. He wasn’t sure if it was working, but he knew that she didn’t want to hear him. There was nothing Blake could say that would give Katie the peace she was after. She had to come upon it herself.
“After we hydroplaned, the car flipped. It spun. I remember wondering if it was ever going to stop, and when it did, I remember wishing it would start up again. I wanted it to flip, spin, and rewind us back to where we were before. The noises, I can still hear them clear as day. Glass breaking, metal crunching, and the worst, balloons popping, it sounded as if a dozen guns were firing directly at us. I looked over at my husband once everything stilled, and that’s when I saw the blood. It was everywhere. Blood and glass. His eyes were open, but they were staring off into space. I knew that he was gone. The driver’s door had curved inward and a piece of metal had pierced through his chest. I screamed. I shouted for him to wake, even though I knew deep down that it was useless.”
“And you?” Blake asked, trying to divert her attention away from the gory details that she wanted so desperately to forget.
“I was fine. My labor started the moment I realized he was gone. They said it was the stress. I tried to stop it; I tried to think happy thoughts. I tried to calm my breathing, but nothing worked. I was early.”
Katie looked around the room, as if searching for her little girl. Blake could tell her thoughts were there, on the baby that she couldn’t stop from coming.
“By the time the paramedics arrived on the scene, there was nothing more I could do except begin pushing. They couldn’t stop my labor. We hadn’t even picked names out yet. Our styles were completely different. Micah would have never agreed to naming our daughter a gender-neutral name.”
Katie smiled, Blake was sure her thoughts were lingering on some sweet memory she had with her husband. He was glad that she could remember some happy moments, even if it was in reference to arguments.
“When they pried me out of the car, a single red balloon floated up into the sky and I gave birth to Micah just below it. How does that happen? How does a fragile thing like a balloon survive and everything else get ruined? Micah was born on the day her daddy died. And other than that, I walked away with only one scrape.”
With that declaration, Katie pulled her hair to the side revealing a scar on the right side of her neck, just below her hairline. Blake leaned in closer to take a look and touched his finger to the raised line.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to experience such pain. I’m also sorry to have played a part in the argument.”
“I hated you because of it, Blake. I hated that you made motorcycles look so fun and ignited that fight. We were in a car, but I always felt my husband died on a bike that night. I blamed you that our last words weren’t of love.”
Katie began sobbing. Telling her story had taken so much energy from her. Blake was glad that she trusted him with it, but felt responsible for her pain. He didn’t know what to do.
“I’m sorry, Katie. Please, let go of the blame.”
The silence that followed was awkward, but he just sat there. He didn’t know what to say, so he did what felt natural. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close as she sobbed. For the first time, Blake thought he felt her relax into his embrace. They stayed there until the teapot whistled.
CHAPTER
15
Blake didn’t remember when they’d fallen asleep or how long it had been, but he was surprised to wake up with his body spooned around Katie’s on the couch. This isn’t good, he thought to himself. She was in his arms and without her pants on. He had to get up because she wasn’t going to respond well if she happened to wake up and find their bodies so entangled together.
Carefully and successfully, Blake scooted away from Katie without waking her. He went to get a cup of coffee, craving the warmth that would revive his nerves and help him relax. The sound of coffee brewing and the scent of the rich, strong brew began wafting through the house. It must have been what woke Katie up because she called out to him.
“Could you bring me one of those, too?”
Blake felt giddy inside, despite their long evening; it had ended up being a good one—one he knew he’d treasure forever. He poured Katie a cup of coffee and strutted into the living room with their beverages.
“This should help us wake up a little better,” he said and handed her the white porcelain coffee cup.
“I hope so, it was a long night. I’m sorry to have kept you up so long.”
“Seriously, Katie? Are you really apologizing? I feel honored that you shared your story with me. It means a lot to me that you’d let me in on that part of your life.”
Blake’s heart quickened. If only he could figure out a way to slow it down, a way to gain control over it. He tried taking a deep breath, but it didn’t help.
“I kinda feel like I just ran a marathon yet have no medal to show for it.” Katie said as Blake stood in front of her.
“You deserve one, you know,” Blake said with a wink and sat down next to her. “You’ve birthed and raised an awesome little girl all on your own. You deserve a metal for that.”
“I think I should probably get dressed.”
Katie’s cheeks turned a deep shade of pink, which quickly became as red as the petals on a rose.
“I just realized I’m still without pants.”
“Good idea, and besides, I’ll be able to focus better without the constant distraction of your bare legs.” Blake said, only half-joking.
“Oh really? Men!”
Katie stood up, wrapped the quilt around her bottom half, and waddled into the master bedroom to get dressed. Micah came stumbling out of the room as Katie entered it.
“Oh mea.”
Blake couldn’t help but laugh a little at Micah’s obsession with oatmeal.
“You know what, sweetie? Today, I will make you oatmeal,” he said as he picked her up, twirled her around in a circle, which had become their thing, and sat her up on a kitchen chair to watch the process.
Blake grabbed each of the items he would need and began working his magic. Micah was transfixed with the process as if she really was watching Blake perform some magic trick.
Katie smelled the oatmeal cooking from the bedroom, so she quickly zipped up her new pair of jeans and made her way out to join the other two.
“Thanks, Blake,” she said.
“What are you thanking me for?”
She smiled and responded. “For cooking her oatm
eal.” She patted her daughter on the top of the head and continued, “this one can be quite persistent at times, as you well know by now.”
“It’s my pleasure. I’m not sure what you guys usually put in yours, but I’ve got brown sugar and milk.”
Blake placed the bag of brown sugar on the table and stuck a spoon in it.
Katie moved Micah to a chair next to her own at the table, and fixed both of their bowls. She spotted a few bananas sitting next to the fridge, they were exactly how she liked them: with freckled brown dots just beginning to form. Katie chopped them up and put the pieces in a bowl to be added to the feast.
“So, what do you gals want to do today?” Blake asked as he set his bowl down and added two heaping spoonfuls of brown sugar to it.
“I was thinking about going back over to the house today and wondered if you’d join me. I hope to bring back a few more things. Mind helping? I don’t know why I didn’t think about it before, but I bet some of our clothing might still be usable underneath all that crud. I thought we could try to salvage whatever clothes we can find, perhaps even wash them.”
“Are you sure that you’re up for that? You were sick earlier, being out in the rain, soaked to the bone. Are you sure going back out is a good idea? Maybe you should stay in and rest.”
“Blake, I’m fine. Look, feel; I don’t even have a fever anymore. I was probably just in shock from everything that’s happened. I feel renewed, completely back to normal.”
Katie leaned in and placed Blake’s hand on her forehead in an attempt to convince him.
“See?”
Katie could tell Blake was taken aback by the gesture, surprised by her initiation of touch. He looked at her and smiled with a schoolboy grin that stretched from ear-to-ear.
“Okay, sounds like a plan, but if at any point you start showing signs of reverting back, you will stop and rest, right?” Blake demanded more than questioned, placing extra emphasis on the word “will”.
Katie nodded her head in submissive agreement, and said, “Deal.”
After breakfast was over, Katie started cleaning up the oatmeal that Micah had dropped onto the table as well as the few pieces that landed on the floor, hidden away from Montag. This is exactly why we need a dog, she thought. Montag is the perfect mop for toddler messiness.
Blake placed his empty coffee cup on the counter next to the sink.
“I’m gonna go take a quick shower. I know I’m just going to get dirty again, but I feel all sticky, do you need anything out of the bedroom before I take it over?” Blake asked Katie.
She didn’t know why, but his mention of them sharing the bathroom, of him being in the room where they had been staying, made her blush. If only she could keep the color from exposing every single thought that entered her head. She didn’t turn around to face him when she responded.
“I’m good. Go ahead.”
While he was gone, Katie loaded the dishwasher and pondered her plans. She could hear the water turn on and thought about how quickly this place had became comfortable to her. She knew the decision-making in regards to her and Micah’s future was approaching. She was pretty sure that she knew the decision that needed to be made, but how could she tell Blake? He’d be disappointed to hear that they were moving away.
“Ready to go, beautiful?”
Katie was startled at how quickly Blake had returned from showering. The phrase made Katie spin around. She gathered fairly quickly that Blake didn’t mean the phrase for her. He was kneeled down assisting Micah with an outfit he’d purchased the night before. Why would she even entertain the idea that he was talking to her, calling her beautiful? Katie felt embarrassed at her misguided perception.
Blake walked to the kitchen and began digging through the drawers. Katie watched. Most people only have one “junk drawer”, but as she’d gotten more comfortable around Blake’s house she realized he had at least two, maybe even three, that looked worthy of the name. Blake moved stuff around and pulled out a pair of gloves.
“These will help while we move things around in our search. Keep the blisters away.”
“Good idea,” said Katie.
The three of them walked hand-in-hand to what was left of the house. Blake turned to Katie.
“Are you sure you’re up to this?”
“Stop being so worried. I’ll let you know if I start to feel any signs of needing a break. Seriously though, I’m fine, I’m not some china doll about to crack open at any moment, you know.”
“It’s impossible not to worry about you, Katie Baker.”
Katie heard the words but chose to ignore them. She didn’t want to know where they might be leading, so she pretended not to hear them. She wasn’t ready to hear all that was in his head. The way he had started to look at her made her uneasy enough, but to add words, solid words to define what the looks meant—she wasn’t ready for that.
Katie made her way to where the master bedroom used to be, and began moving things around. Slowly she hunted for anything that was worthy of retrieval.
“Here, use these,” Blake said as he handed her the pair of gloves.
He lifted Micah up into his arms in order to keep her from anything dangerous that might be lying around. Katie watched at how comfortable the two of them had become with one another. Micah really did adore the man. It was sweet, the two of them together.
The first article of clothing Katie stumbled upon was her mustard, yellow sweater. She remembered the day it was purchased and what a struggle it had been for her. She was guilty of indecisiveness, especially when it came to buying clothing for herself. She had never been very fond of shopping, even as a teenager.
Jill, who was with her that day, had insisted that the color was amazing on her and she had to get it, as if it was a no brainer, but Katie had her doubts. She didn’t think yellows complemented her very well. In the end she caved, and was glad she had listened to her friend’s advice. It didn’t take long for that sweater to become one of her favorite pieces of clothing. It was comfy and even had pockets. Just what she needed for toting around in case she ended up chilled, which was often the case.
Katie picked up the sweater, gave it a good shake to release the dust and debris that had claimed it. The sweater was so crumpled that Katie was astounded she had recognized it at all. She knew it was all because of the bold color. Katie held it up in the sunlight, inspecting it, hoping that it was still all in one piece and found she was in luck. Katie ran over to Blake ecstatic with her find.
“Look. It’s my favorite sweater and I think she’s still alive.”
The pleasure on Katie’s face was so fun for Blake to watch. He was thrilled that this time they were out here doing this together. Milestones were being made. Memories created together, just the three of them.
Katie continued her search. The next thing that caught her eye was a purse, a purple and yellow bag Jill brought back for Katie from her trip to Ireland. Katie used to carry it everywhere until wear began to show, and then she retired it for special occasions. Which, in Katie’s case, meant the poor thing never saw the light of day. Katie grabbed it anyway and tucked it securely under her arm. Who knows, she thought, maybe I’ll be more adventurous in the future.
There were many pieces found that weren’t worth rescuing: t-shirts that had been torn, books tattered, and shoes with their partners gone missing. This is going to take a long time to go through, she thought, as she continued to add to her pile of “keepers”, which she’d take back to Blake’s for washing.
As Katie finished up with the “master bedroom” she spotted a blue box in the corner. It was propped open. She hadn’t thought there would ever come a day that this box would be opened. She immediately dropped the pile of clothes in her arms and walked cautiously over to the treasure that had captivated her attention. It was as if the item its
elf had her under some type of spell.
Blake kept his eyes glued to Katie, so he saw that something had caught her gaze and held it; he followed close behind her, and watched as she knelt down.
“Katie, watch out; be careful.”
Katie glanced back at Blake, her face displayed an oddly troubled expression. Blake made his way to her side with Micah in his arms.
“You okay? What did you find?”
When she jostled the box completely open, Blake received his answer. A silky, white, lace dress was exposed; it was still so white, and all in one piece—perfect and untouched. Katie gently caressed the fabric.
“We had a fairytale wedding, you know. It was perfect. I felt like Cinderella.”
Katie smiled thinking on that special day that most of her childhood dreams had centered around. Nothing was out of place. She remembered it playing out just as she had always imagined.
“I bet you looked like Cinderella, too,” chimed in Blake as he pictured Katie in the strapless gown that she was now holding up against her body.
“I forgot I kept it. He insisted I have it preserved just in case one day we had a daughter who might be interested in wearing it in her own wedding.”
Blake watched as Katie gazed at Micah; he knew what she was thinking even though she remained were silent. He waited for her to continue.
“I so desperately wish he could be here now to see what a beautiful child his daughter is.
“Pretty,” the little girl said as her fingers touched the material, as if petting a dog.
Blake’s mind began to roam again to the three of them. He would love to see Katie in that dress. Ask her. The thought popped into his head. He wondered if Katie would ever wear another wedding dress again or if it was completely out of the question.