by H. Mattern
“What was she like?” Katie asked as she put Micah down on the ground in front of the little angel.
The question caused Blake to pause; it had been so long since he’d allowed his thoughts to linger on his sister that he had to force himself to remember. Katie knew how the details slowly grew hazier; she knew what must have been going through his head as he searched for the memories.
Even the face of her own husband, which used to be so easy to conjure in her mind, was harder and harder to remember.
“Well, for one, she was the bravest girl I’d ever known. For a girl, she had no problem keeping up with my crazy boyhood. We were so competitive with one another. As much as I hated to admit it, she often beat me.” He smiled as the memories started to resurface.
Katie listened to Blake as he began sharing pieces of his sister. He disclosed sensitive details of the life he had lived as a little boy. He allowed them to peek into chapters of his story. He was opening up to Katie, letting her hear more about his life, and she found that she liked it. She enjoyed getting to know more about this man who thought he was in love with her.
“I remember one time, we were pretending to run away from cannibals—very Swiss Family Robinson—and she scaled up a tree faster than I could. I was so frustrated as I began clinging and forcing my way up through the branches after her. She made it look so easy. That girl, she could climb some trees. I used to tease her and call her ‘monkey’. She didn’t like it too much, but what were brothers for if not to tease.”
Katie laughed, “I’m going to have to get you to teach Micah how to climb.”
The phrase caught them both off guard, and Katie wondered if she had given him false hope.
“I’d love to get that chance.” He looked at Katie and she knew what he was thinking because his face told it all. She was quickly realizing that Blake was an open book. He couldn’t hold back his feelings because his eyes gave him away. It’s something Katie was beginning to grow fond of.
The words had escaped before Katie really had a chance to make sense of them. How was Micah going to learn from Blake? She was still too young to begin scaling trees and they were going to leave soon. She knew that Blake would never actually get the chance to do what she had suggested. Her heart began to break a little for him.
The sky was growing dark, and rain clouds were approaching. “Looks like we may get caught in the rain if we don’t hurry back.” The words had barely left Blake’s mouth before the first sprinkle came down and landed on his arm. Once the first drip was felt, the rest followed suit. It was quickly becoming a downpour.
“Rain,” said Micah as she stuck out her tongue as if to catch each drop as they fell from above.
Blake quickly flung Micah up on his hip and held her head to his chest, trying to shield her from the cold shower as he started to run back towards the entrance. “Hurry” he said.
As soon as Blake started running for the car, Katie did the same. The three of them ran, stomping through fresh puddles that were beginning to pool up. Katie started laughing. She couldn’t stop; she was doubled over in the rain with giddy excitement. Blake buckled Micah in the seat and turned to find Katie in hysterics. He smiled.
Had she ever noticed his smile before? She didn’t think so, at least not that she could recall.
Blake’s body distracted Katie. He looked radiant, accepting the rain and laughing through the storm. Why couldn’t she be more like that, she wondered. He ran up to her and caught the laughter; Katie realized it’s true what they say about smiles being contagious.
Blake stuck his tongue out like Micah had previously done and began catching the drops in his mouth. Katie followed suit.
Blake grabbed Katie’s hand so quickly that she didn’t have time to think about it, and they ran together back to the pick up truck. They smiled at one another before they quickly entered the vehicle and buckled up. Katie considered the encounter while Blake drove them back to the house. They had just experienced a wonderful moment together. One that she was sure neither of them would ever forget. Could she leave this?
“That was fun.” Katie told him.
He smiled and replied, “I totally agree.”
As soon as they were in the door, Blake’s cell phone began to ring. He looked down and didn’t recognize the number.
“Hello? Blake here.”
The voice on the other line was low, with a bit of a northern accent. “Hi, may I speak to Katie please? This is her father.”
Blake’s expression looked surprised for a moment, and then it became composed as the riddle was solved. He responded to the caller with, “Yes sir, here you go.” Blake handed the phone to Katie and whispered, “It’s your dad.”
Blake then walked Micah into the kitchen for a snack and to give Katie some time to chat privately with her father.
“Hi Dad,” Katie began.
“Honey! I wanted to check in on you. How are you doing today?” he asked her.
Katie knew that her father was a worrier, often thinking about his little girl so far away and out of his reach. It wasn’t a feeling that he enjoyed very much and often told her so.
“I’m good, Dad. I started gathering some of the salvageable things from the house. I’m thinking about moving back in with you, maybe in three or four days. Think you could pick me up from the airport?” Katie waited for her father’s reply, but was surprised at the awkward silence that hung in the air on the other end of the phone.
“Are you sure that’s what you want to do, honey?” her dad asked.
Awkward silence was better than this, she thought to herself as she debated her response.
“There is no other option, Daddy. I have to come home. I’ve got nothing here.”
“Are you sure you aren’t just running away from possibility? I remember how you were so adamant you wanted to stay in Alabama after the funeral. There’s got to be a reason that, after all of my attempts to convince you to come home with me, you still declined. Why the desire now? I’m sure the insurance company had your house covered. Have you called them yet? They’d probably help you rebuild. And besides, I was planning on coming for the summer again to help you out. By the way, how are things with that boy, what’s his name again?”
“His name is Blake, and like I told him, there’s no way I’m staying here. Do you not want me to come live with you?”
“You know that’s not what I’m saying, Katie. Wait—” her dad cut himself off, trying to catch up with the words that his daughter just spoke on the other line, “what do you mean, like you told him?”
“Oh, Daddy, it’s a long and complicated story.”
Her father laughed. He actually laughed. Katie felt frustrated that he could find humor in her situation right now.
“It’s not funny,” she said.
Katie peeked out into the kitchen to be sure Blake and Micah were still preoccupied and couldn’t hear her conversation.
Her father replied through his laughter, “I was just thinking, how long could the story be? You’ve not even known each other but a couple days.”
“My point exactly.” Katie spat out.
“I wasn’t saying that it was too early for a relationship to bud sweetheart, I was just making a point that we have time for me to hear this story of yours.”
Katie felt overheated; she was aware of the warmth climbing its way up her neck and onto her face. “He asked me to stay with him, Dad. Seriously. He said he was falling in love with me. What in the world would make him think that? What would make him believe that he and I would be a good idea? It’s crazy. Daddy, we are total opposites, in every way, and don’t even give me that shit about how opposites attract. I am NOT attracted.”
Her father’s tone changed. He sounded solemn. “Katie, I hate that your husband was taken away from you. It broke my
heart, too, that day. Micah was a good man, and what you two had—it was real. I don’t care what anybody else said about you two. Yes, you were very young, but your love was also very real. But you know what sweetheart? What broke my heart more was that you closed yours off after that—to all of us. Maybe it’s time to open it up again. Maybe you should give love a chance after all.”
“What? I don’t love him. I know that I don’t. You can’t fall in love in only a few days. And he doesn’t really love me, he just thinks he does.”
“Maybe. But it’s a rare thing to find a man who is willing to embrace a woman and her little girl. Maybe he’s not as crazy as you think. Maybe he’s for real, Katie. Why don’t you give him a chance before coming home?”
“What does that mean? Give him a chance? I don’t understand. You aren’t making any sense.”
Her father sighed.
“Take a day to think about the what if’s. What if you said yes? What it would be like, what fun the two of you could possibly have together. I’m not trying to push you to say yes, I just want you to think about it before running away. If, at the end of the day, you still can’t see the good in it, then you’re welcome to come home. You know me, I’m always a sucker for my ladies.”
“Dad, it’s not going to work. We aren’t the match made in heaven that you have pictured in your mind. Have you forgotten that he rides a motorcycle? Do you know how dangerous those things are? Besides, I’m only twenty-one, I have my whole life to learn how to love again.”
Laughing again, her father said, “You are a funny girl, attempting to scare me and get me to change my mind. The only thing that riding a motorcycle tells me about this man is that he has balls and isn’t afraid of adventure. And any man willing to get into a relationship with you, darling, is definitely going to need to be ready for an adventure.”
“Well, thanks, Dad,” Katie said sarcastically.
“You know I love you, baby,” he said. Katie somehow found a smile and told him that she loved him too before hanging up the phone.
He wanted her to think about the possibility? How could he ask her to do that when he knew her feelings, he knew her heart? It didn’t make sense to Katie, but she would honor his request, after all, she would be living with him soon. It didn’t hurt to say ‘I told you so’ when she arrived.
Katie walked into the kitchen to find Blake and Micah licking chocolate from a big yellow bowl and spoon. She could smell brownies baking in the oven, but she asked the obvious anyway. “What’s going on in here?”
The two looked up at Katie as if she caught them doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. Micah had a big, chocolaty grin on her face. “Bwownies,” she said, as she stuck her little pointer finger into the bowl and slid it around the edge, not only gathering the chocolate batter on her finger but also covering her entire arm.
“I see that. I guess you need a bath anyways after that downpour.” Katie looked at her own appearance in the reflection of the stainless refrigerator. “So do I.”
Blake couldn’t contain his grin. Katie’s hair was still dripping from their frolicking in the rain and her jeans were sticking to her as she walked. “Why don’t you go ahead and get changed, we’ll finish up in here.” He said.
Katie smiled, “Oh really? And miss out on the yummy pre-brownie fun? Not a chance.” She stuck her own finger into the mix and scraped a good amount of chocolate out of the bowl before putting it in her mouth. “Yum.”
Katie noticed Blake had gotten all serious looking again, as he had been doing quite often lately. She grabbed the wooden spoon that he had just used to stir the batch and, pretending to lick it, she quickly moved it in Blake’s direction and shocked him by touching it to his nose.
He looked at her, wide eyed, and immediately returned the gesture by wiping the chocolate from his finger onto her cheek. The two of them began laughing again.
Micah watched the odd display and giggled. “Mommy, mess,” she said, as she pointed to Katie’s cheek.
“Yes, Mommy is a mess,” Katie replied. Katie and Blake just stared at each other. Katie caught herself thinking, What if I said yes?
CHAPTER
20
The rest of the day seemed to pass in a haze for Katie. There were so many thoughts running through her mind, so many things to question, to ponder, and hopefully, to find answers for. Could she stay here? Could she fall in love again? There were moments when the idea didn’t seem totally crazy, but then there were the other moments when everything still seemed so broken inside of her. Broken, hopeless, and void of the ability to love again.
After washing the dinner dishes, Katie turned out the lights in the kitchen and found Blake cuddled up with Micah on the couch. They had become so attached to one another. Katie thought how painful it was going to be for both Blake and Micah to part ways when the girls took their leave. Tonight, Katie hated to take Micah from his arms, but she knew it was late already and they should all get a good night’s rest. After all, it would be their first night going to bed without some sort of drama preceding it.
Katie walked over to Blake, she noticed that he too had dozed off. She carefully and quietly attempted to lift Micah from his grasp but he woke, startled, clinging to the little girl.
“Sorry, I thought she was falling,” he said as he released his grip on the little girl.
Katie whispered, “It’s okay. Thanks for taking such good care of her. I’m gonna go lay her down. I’ll be right back.”
As she lay her daughter down, Katie found herself wondering what she was going to do when she did return to the living room. Why was she nervous all of a sudden? Why were butterflies running rampant within her? Could she be falling for Blake?
It wasn’t long before Katie was back to say goodnight. She had forgotten that she was still in her rain-soaked t-shirt and jeans. She also hadn’t thought about how it might affect him. It was uncomfortable and obvious, not only by the color that quickly made its way up to his cheeks, but also by the way he hid his waist.
Katie wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t want to affect him in this way. She’d never been in a situation like this before, except with her husband. She stood awkwardly in front of Blake attempting to find the right words, but none seemed to be appropriate.
“Um, I know it’s a little early, but I’m really exhausted. I think I’m going to head to bed, too. Thanks for giving Micah a wonderful birthday.”
Blake stood up and walked over to Katie, “My pleasure. Thanks for letting me spoil her a little.” With those words said, he leaned in and hugged her, “Good night, Katie Baker.”
Katie was surprised that she didn’t immediately pull away this time. She wasn’t necessarily relaxed, but she wasn’t uncomfortable either. It did feel nice to be in another man’s embrace, yet it also confused her. Oh, how it confused her. She didn’t want to, but she was beginning to crave this man’s touch.
“Good night, Blake,” Katie replied and pulled away, not looking at him as she turned towards the master bedroom.
She immediately closed the door behind her, leaned against it and asked the question again. “What if I said yes?”
Katie began to feel panicked. Her breathing was irregular and the rhythm of her heart quickened. “Breathe,” she whispered. And she took labored, uneven breaths before ordering her lungs again: “Just breathe.”
She could still feel the Blake’s bare arms around her body from their goodnight embrace. Katie moved her own arms around her shoulders as if trying to hold on to the feeling a little bit longer. What does this mean? she questioned.
Katie calmed her breathing and walked over to the bed. Although she was exhausted, she wanted to jump into the shower to wash out the sticky chocolate that had found it’s way into her hair. She smiled as the scenes of the afternoon played through her memory again.
She thought of the movie, the cemetery, and the rain. I laughed today. Katie smiled as she remembered.
“Could it really work?” she wondered aloud as she walked into the bathroom. Blake’s blue and green-striped towel was hanging on the silver hook attached to the back of the bathroom door. Katie found herself wondering whether or not this was the towel that he used to wrap around his naked body after showering that very morning. She felt wicked for thinking such thoughts and immediately replaced them with her own search for a towel.
The bed was calling for her retreat, so Katie didn’t take long in the shower. Soon she stepped out with her hair dripping water down to the tile floor. Instead of reaching for the towel she had folded and placed neatly on the counter, she grabbed the one closest—the one hanging on the silver hook. It wasn’t until the towel was wrapped around her body that she realized her mistake. Rather than frustration, this little rebel act left her feeling sensual, something she hadn’t felt in a very long time.
“What if I said yes?” Katie looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her body still looked like that of a teenager. She had secretly hoped that after having a baby certain areas that flourished during pregnancy, like the full rounded nursing breasts, would have remained. She hadn’t been that lucky. Katie let the towel fall off of her and onto the ground. She stood face-to-face with her whole self—raw, real, and naked.
She turned from side to side, critiquing her shape as she wondered for the first time since her husband had passed away what another man might think of her. The thought of Blake seeing her naked frightened her. Would he laugh at the stretch marks on her belly, or would her appreciate them? What about the birth mark below her left breast? Her husband used to joke that it looked like the Italy boot, and it was a sign that they should run away there one of these days.
Katie examined it, along with the other beauty marks decorating her skin. She wondered if Blake had any scars or birthmarks. Katie shook off the endless chattering inside her head, picked up the towel again, and wrapped it just beneath her underarms around her body before she walked out to the bedroom.