Bertram slid his knife under the gag and in one swift movement cut through it. It fell away from the clerk’s face and gulped down air. Sweat broke out on his forehead.
‘I am sure you would like a drink,’ said Bertram pleasantly. ‘If my friend and I prop you up against this tree trunk I will fetch some water from the vehicle.’
Rory obeyed this summons. Bertram held a small flask to the man’s lips and let him drink a little. ‘There you go,’ he said. ‘I do not want you to think we are monsters. Now, my friends here would like to ask you some questions.’
The clerk finally found his voice. It was slightly higher than most males’, and had an intrinsic nasal whine that was most annoying.
‘You had better let me go,’ he said. ‘I have friends, powerful friends. The things they would do to you. The things they could do to that girl.’
He leered at me. Rory stepped forward and struck him across the face. I gasped.
‘You will keep a civil tongue in your head,’ Rory said. ‘You are in the presence of a lady.’
A trickle of blood formed at the corner of the man’s mouth and ran down his chin. Bertram turned a shocked face towards me. All his bravado had vanished. I saw now he had been play-acting. Now the situation had become all too real.
‘Who bribed you to tell them if anyone came asking for …’ I hesitated. I did not know what name he knew Fitzroy by. ‘This man,’ finished Bertram, ‘pulling Rory’s drawing from his pocket.’
‘I’m not telling you nothing,’ said the clerk. ‘As soon as yous have got what you want you’ll ditch me.’
‘I would have thought you would like us to “ditch” you,’ I said.
The clerk sneered. ‘New to this, are you? Or haven’t your boyfriends told you they cannot let me live.’
Wordlessly, Rory struck the man in the face again. Bertram went a little paler.
‘I will give you my word that you will not be killed if you give us the information we seek,’ I said.
‘They obey your orders, do they? Have a way of keeping them under control, do you?’ The last words were said with the most obvious sleazy intent. This time neither Bertram or I flinched when Rory struck him again.[19]
‘We are a team,’ I said quietly. ‘We are seeking this individual and you may be surprised at how much we are prepared to do to locate him.’
‘What’s he done to you?’ asked the clerk.
‘He is an agent of His Majesty’s Government,’ I said coldly.[20]
‘Oh, cripes!’ said the clerk, the first look of real alarm crossing his face. ‘Government stuff. You’re not from the tax office, are you?’
‘Much, much worse,’ I said softly.
‘Yes, one’s worst nightmares and all that,’ said Bertram.
‘My colleagues are attempting to inform you that we will get the information we need from you one way or another. How difficult this situation becomes is entirely down to you. I am prepared to ask the lady to wait in the automobile if necessary,’ said Rory in a voice as cold as iron.
Bertram gave me a look that said he would rather like to get in the automobile with me.
‘National interests,’ said Rory.
‘Right,’ said the clerk. ‘I wouldn’t want you to think I was unpatriotic.’
‘Of course not,’ said Rory. ‘We hang people for treason in his country.’
‘Look,’ said the clerk, beginning to gabble. ‘They told me it was all about the contracts for supplying the ships. I thought it was criminal, not treasonous.’
‘They are plotting against the King,’ said Rory.
‘Cor blimey,’ said the clerk. ‘At a pig farm?’
‘Treason can be committed anywhere,’ said Rory.
‘Pig farm?’ I interjected.
‘Yes, they supply the sausages, bacon, and carcasses to the liners. Top quality pork.’
‘Pinch me,’ whispered Bertram in my ear.
‘You are not dreaming,’ I hissed back. Then to the man I said, ‘Which farm?’
‘Perfect Piggy Provisions,’ said the clerk, his eyes wide.
‘If you’re making this up …’ warned Rory.
‘I’m not! I’m not!’ squeaked the clerk in alarm. ‘You must have seen one of their vans around here. They have a pig in a top hat on the side.’
‘No one could make that up,’ said Bertram.
‘What are you going to do with me now?’ asked the clerk.
‘You are going to take us to buy some pork,’ said Rory. ‘Bertram, help me get him back in the vehicle.’
‘He is not going in the back with us,’ protested Bertram.
‘The lady can sit up front with me. You need to be in the back to keep an eye on him.’
‘Me?’ protested the clerk. ‘I’m trussed up like a goose on Christmas Eve.’
‘Well, behave yourself then,’ said Rory. ‘Or we’ll put you in the oven.’
[19] I think we both thought he should have learned his lesson by now. Besides, much as I abhor violence, this was a most unlikable individual.
[20] I calculated that Fitzroy would rather have his identity revealed than die. Though I was not entirely sure.
Chapter Twenty-two
In which we take a trip into the countryside and
Bertram makes good use of his shoe
I climbed into the front of the automobile next to Rory. Bertram relayed directions he gained from the clerk through the speaking tube, but neither of them could hear Rory and my conversation.
‘What on earth do you think you are doing?’ I protested.
‘I am doing what you wanted,’ said Rory. ‘I am doing my best to free this Fitzroy chap.’
‘But we cannot take on – take on! – whoever they are. We are not Fitzroys.’
‘I dinnae see we have much option,’ said Rory, lapsing back into Scots. ‘Frae what ye telt me his whole department think the mannie deid. And we certainly cannae go tae the pol-ice. It down to us. Unless ye want to let the man die.’
‘Damn Fitzroy,’ I said with feeling.
‘Say the word and I will happily turn the automobile around and leave him to his fate.’
‘And the clerk?’
‘Och, if we leave him in the countryside somewhere there’s no reason he should ever be able to find us. Even Bertram has had the sense not to use our names.’
I sighed. ‘We cannot just leave him to die.’
‘The countryside isnae that fierce around here.’
‘I meant Fitzroy,’ I said.
‘He’s in a shady line of work. He kens the risks.’
‘Then why did he leave an instruction to me to check if he was really dead.’
‘Maybe he thought you would be the only one who would care,’ said Rory. ‘I dinnae ken how close the twa of yous have become.’
‘Not at all,’ I said coldly.
‘And yet he asks you.’
‘Oh, for Heaven’s sake, Rory, now is not the time for one of your jealous fits of temper. You jilted me, remember.’
‘Ainely because you were too guid for me. And I’m ten times the man Fitzroy will ever be. Slimy devil that he is.’
At this point we were interrupted by Bertram informing us the farm was around the next bend. Rory took the automobile off the road and found a place behind a hedge were we could see the farm from a distance. It was far, far bigger than I had imagined. I was distracted from the sight by the sound of movement behind me. I turned round and to my astonishment saw Bertram pulling a large picnic basket out of the baggage compartment. He lugged it round to the front the vehicle. ‘Hie, Euphemia, come and help me set this up,’ he called.
‘So much for not using names,’ said Rory. Bertram had left his door open. I scrambled down and went over to help him.
‘Anyone who sees us will only think we are having a picnic,’ said Bertram. ‘You see, Rory and I did think of everything.’
I laid out a tablecloth, set out china plates of dainty sandwiches, cakes, and tiny pies and pastri
es. There was a large sealed jug of lemonade, and one of those flasks designed to keep things warm, filled with coffee. There were silver knives and forks, and matching cups and saucers. The hotel seemed to have provided everything for a motorist’s lunch. Rory came over to join us on the grass.
‘What about the clerk?’ I asked.
‘He’s not going anywhere unless he is very good at hopping,’ said Rory. ‘I made him a new gag, so he won’t be attracting any attention.’
‘As it’s here,’ said Bertram eyeing an iced bun, ‘we may as well eat it.’
It transpired that all of us were remarkably hungry after the exertions of the morning. Both men had been up before dawn, so it was not surprising they needed sustenance. I, on the hand, had the lingering feeling that this might be my last meal. When we had eaten and drunk our fill. I again raised the question of what we might do next.
‘The place is much larger than I imagined,’ said Rory, echoing my thoughts. ‘I had hoped it would have only a few outbuildings and we might be able to work out where they were holding Fitzroy.’
‘And?’ I asked.
‘We had got as far as thinking about coming back after dark to rescue him,’ said Bertram.
‘How?’ I asked.
‘Oh, knocking out guards and knocking down doors. That sort of thing,’ said Bertram airily.
‘If they have weapons?’
‘We were going to wait until the guards were not around,’ said Bertram. ‘If there even were guards.’ He frowned at me. ‘You are being rather difficult, Euphemia.’
‘I am sitting having a picnic in front of car that contains a kidnapped man, and in a field next to a pig farm peopled with traitors. I think the whole situation is rather difficult,’ I said dryly.
‘It might be a good idea if we got a closer look at the farm, so we could see what we are up against,’ said Rory.
‘How?’ I asked. Bertram scowled at me and scratched his beard in a most irritating manner. I sighed and said, ‘I suggest that one or two of us fabricate a pretext for calling at the farm and make the most of the opportunity to discover the lay of the land.’
‘That’s you and me, then,’ said Bertram to Rory.
‘Actually, I think it would seem more harmless if I took Euphemia with me,’ said Rory. ‘I need you to guard the clerk. If someone comes by you might have to untie him, so everything looks normal, and still keep him under control.’
‘How the devil would I do that?’ demanded Bertram.
‘I have no idea,’ said Rory. ‘I only know we cannot ask Euphemia to do it.’
‘Damn Fitzroy,’ said Bertram. ‘Are you sure, Euphemia, that we can’t just throw in the towel and go home? I am beginning to get the devil of a headache.’
‘We should give our prisoner something to eat,’ I said.
Rory shrugged. ‘Give him the fish paste sandwiches. They are below the standard I would have expected from the hotel. I shall have to have words.’[21]
‘Perhaps we are the housekeeper and butler of a Lord, who is opening a house down here and wants us to assess the local produce.’
‘Then you had better be the cook.’
‘But I know nothing about cooking!’ I protested.
‘Fortunately for us, as my uncle was the local butcher and I know more about meat that most men.’
‘Did your family run the entire High Street?’ asked Bertram. ‘You certainly appear to have mercantile ancestors.’
‘Aye,’ said Rory darkly.
‘Best plan is you say as little as possible, Euphemia. We had better be husband and wife for this too.’
I nodded. ‘That is much more believable.’
‘I don’t like this,’ said Bertram. ‘You will be walking into a den of traitors.’
‘This was never going to be easy,’ I said. ‘We have come too far to turn back now.’
‘No, we haven’t,’ protested Bertram. ‘My automobile will turn around as easy as a hot knife goes through jam.’
‘Butter,’ Rory and I corrected at once.
‘It was Fitzroy who brought Euphemia into this,’ said Rory. ‘I second your desire to shield her from danger, but I think we are all in great danger until we retrieve Fitzroy. Once we have him, I am hoping he can handle the situation.’
‘As well as he is handling it now,’ muttered Bertram.
‘At least he should be able to summon reinforcements,’ said Rory.
One thought had been troubling me for some time. ‘We kept pigs when I was child,’ I said. ‘Pigs eat anything.’
‘Yes,’ said Bertram. ‘Do you want to take them some of this? Only I don’t think bribing a pig with a jam tart is liable to help us much.’
‘No, she means that a good way to get rid of a body is to chop it up and feed it to pigs,’ said Rory.
‘But people eat those pigs!’ cried Bertram. He dropped his head in his hands. ‘That is so wrong.’
‘Murder generally is,’ I said.
‘I will never look at another sausage the same way,’ said Bertram with great regret.
‘Devastated as I am for your loss,’ said Rory, ‘if Euphemia and I are going to go in we had better do it now before the afternoon is spent. Obviously, we will need to take the automobile.’
Bertram sat up as if he had been stung by a bee. ‘Of course,’ I said. ‘It is not as if we can appear out of nowhere. It has to be believable that we have come from a nearby big house. Do you know the names of any?’
Rory shook his head. ‘I did look up a few of them on the map, and enquire among the hotel staff. I said I needed to change masters.’
Bertram grumbled under his breath, but Rory spoke over him.
‘However, upon consideration it occurs to me that the farmers may already have made arrangements with the local houses, and we would immediately be exposed.’
‘What am I meant to do with our prisoner?’ demanded Bertram. ‘Or are you intending to take him with you?’
Rory gave him a look which quite clearly told him not to be so stupid, but all he said was, ‘I think the best situation is if we lie him down and put the rug over him. You can lean on him as if he is part of your picnic equipment. If anyone questions you, you can say your companions have gone to fetch more beer from the local public house.’
‘Do I look like the kind of man who drinks beer in fields?!’
But Rory was already heading to the automobile to retrieve the prisoner.
‘Would you like me to clear any of this away?’ I asked Bertram indicating the picnic.
‘Leave it. It seems the only employment I am to be allowed to have is to eat jam and scones in the sun.’
‘That will be a lot nicer than walking around a smelly pig farm,’ I responded.
‘That smell,’ asked Bertram, ‘is that them?’
‘Yes, what did you think it was?’
Bertram blushed slightly. ‘I really didn’t want to say. The Scotch do eat some funny things.’
Rory appeared towing a hopping clerk. ‘Lie down there,’ he commanded. The clerk looked at us helpless for a moment. Then toppled over head long like a falling tree. His head struck the ground hard and his eyes closed. Rory through the carpet over him. ‘That should keep him out of your way.’
I followed Rory back to the automobile aware that I was leaving a very disgruntled Bertram behind me.
‘Are you sure you want me to accompany you,’ I said as I climbed into the seat beside the driver. ‘Would it not make more sense to have a strong man with you?’
Rory started the engine and climbed up beside me. ‘Do you know where I could find one?’ he asked.
‘Oh, that is cruel.’
‘Bertram Stapleford is an intelligent and a brave man,’ he said. ‘But he is far from being in good health. Leaving his heart condition aside, he is still suffering from concussion. The normal Bertram would not have gone along with any of these schemes.’
‘I did wonder.’
‘Plus you are better at thinking on you
r feet. Bertram has a tendency to panic.’
‘He has led a sheltered life,’ I said defensively.
‘Oh, he’s better than most toffs,’ said Rory. ‘I will give you that.’
And with that he drove the vehicle out of the field. My last sight of Bertram was a view of him attempting to beat back a rising carpet with his shoe.
[21] You may take the man away from butlering, but you cannot take the butler out of the man.
Chapter Twenty-three
In which I wait a very long time for a cup of tea
The stench of the pig farm lodged deep in our nostrils before we even turned into the farm driveway. I took a handkerchief from my bag and held it to my nose.
‘Och, be careful, Euphemia,’ said Rory. ‘You’re not pretending to be a lady the now.’
‘I do wish you would decide to speak in either the King’s English or Scotch,’ I quibbled. ‘This constant changing is most confusing.’
‘Aye, I can see that,’ said Rory. ‘I reckon I am stuck between the twa now. It used to be English for work and Scots – Scots that is, Euphemia, not Scotch. Scotch is something you drink. Anyway, Scots was for home. But I’m becoming more like yourself. A fish out of water.’
This came dangerously near to the truth, so I let the topic slide. ‘So what is the plan?’
‘What we discussed. We have come to enquire after meat for a grand meal our master is intending to host to launch himself and his family in the neighbourhood. He is most particular about his meat and has sent us to inspect it.’
‘And how do we rescue Fitzroy?’
‘We dinnae. At least not yet. The point of this exercise is to get a look around the farm and ascertain where he may be being held. Bertram and I will return later at night and attempt to free him. So as much information we can find out about the lie of the land this time would be most useful.’
I could see a great many problems with this plan. I mentioned one. ‘They will doubtless have dogs.’
‘Aye, it’s a shame. We will have to use poisoned meat.’
‘Oh, the poor things.’
‘Poor me if I get canine jaws sunk into my ar … posterior and then shot by the awakened farmers.’
A Death for King and Country - A Euphemia Martins Murder Mystery (Euphemia Martins Mysteries Book 7) Page 12