Better Than Perfect

by Kristina Mathews

  Zach ate popcorn by the handful. His appetite didn’t show any signs of slowing down. He was growing so fast, she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to keep up. Just in the last year, his features had changed. He was starting to look more like a man. Like Johnny.

  “What?” Zach must have sensed her watching him instead of the movie. “Do I have popcorn on my face or something?”

  “No. I was just watching you.” She smiled. A bittersweet smile as she realized she was losing her little boy.

  “Geez, Mom. It’s not like you haven’t seen me much the last thirteen years.”

  “I know. But you’re changing so much.”

  “Please. Let’s not start in on that. I’m not your baby anymore. Get over it.” But he smiled, enough to let her know that he understood his growing up wasn’t easy on her.

  “I try. But you’ll always be my baby.” She patted his shoulder, and then pulled him into a hug.

  “Maybe we should have invited Johnny to join us.” He wriggled free and settled back into the opposite end of the couch. The look he shot her made her wonder if maybe he wasn’t quite on board with them dating.

  “Tonight is family night.”

  “Yeah, but maybe you two will get married.” He gave her a glance and then focused on the last kernels of popcorn. “Then we’d all be a family.”

  “Oh, Zach.” Her heart constricted at the idea. “Johnny and I have only recently reconnected. After a very long time apart. It’s almost like we have to start over, to get to know each other again.”

  “So, why didn’t you have him come over? So you can get to know each other more?” He had enough sarcasm in his tone to irritate her, but not enough to send him to his room.

  “Because.” She really didn’t have a reason. “Because I didn’t want to overwhelm you. You were pretty upset this morning.”

  “That’s because I thought you were just hooking up. But I’m okay with you guys being…together. If you’re going to be going out and stuff. But if it’s just a booty call, then that’s just…gross.”

  “A b-b-booty call? Where did you hear a term like that?” She was stunned to hear this kind of frank discussion from her little boy. Even though she’d often encouraged him, and told him that he could tell her anything.

  “Ty. That’s what he calls it when his mom’s boyfriend shows up after they think Ty’s asleep.” Zach was too young to be having this conversation. Then again, kids his age were engaging in…she shuddered to think about what kinds of things.

  “Well, you know that’s not what’s happening between me and Johnny.” Was it? They’d been on one date. They’d made love. But that didn’t necessarily mean they were going to have a future together.

  “No. I know. Johnny told me his intentions are honorable.” Right, they’d talked. Man-to-man.

  “So are mine.”

  “Good.” Zach said. “I think you guys should get married, then.”

  “Zach, there’s a long way between honorable intentions and getting married.”

  “Oh, I know. But you already know each other. And it’s not like when you were in college. You know, when Johnny was worried about his career and stuff.”

  “No. His career isn’t an issue.”

  “Good. I know he might not stay here in San Francisco.” Zach had obviously given this a lot of thought. “But if he gets traded or signs somewhere else, we can just go with him.”

  “You’d be okay with moving?” She’d been afraid to bring it up, even when she was considering going back to school. Maybe that was one of the reasons she couldn’t quite make the commitment to sending off her application.

  “Sure, if there was a good reason to.” Zach leaned back against the couch. “And keeping the family together would be a good reason to.”

  The way he said the word family put her mother’s intuition on alert. Did he have suspicions about Johnny? Was it that obvious to everyone but her?

  “Well, Johnny’s career is only one thing to consider. I have my commitment to the foundation, and your grandparents.” Who might not really be his grandparents.

  “Yeah, but I’m sure they’d understand.” He didn’t sound as convinced as he had earlier. “I mean, they’d want you to be happy. Right?”

  “I believe they would want us to be happy.” For a change, she was the one ready to end the conversation before it got any deeper. “Oh, I love this scene.”

  She reached for the remote to turn up the volume just in time for Princess Leia to lead them all into the garbage chute.

  Fortunately, they wouldn’t have time to watch the next movie. The one in which Luke found out who his father was. Would Zach be as devastated to learn the truth?

  Would Johnny?

  12

  Johnny picked up the phone. He dialed and took a deep breath to calm himself before he could speak.

  “Hey, Johnny, what’s up?” Bryce Baxter answered on the second ring.

  “Remember when you offered to take me out for a beer?” He needed to have this conversation in person. “I think you owe me one.”

  “Sure. Whenever.” Bryce sounded far too relaxed on his end. Not at all like a guy who’d just betrayed his best friend. Wait, they weren’t friends. Not really. Bryce didn’t owe him any loyalty. Not off the field. “Name the time and place.”

  “Fifteen minutes. That sports bar around the corner from the ballpark.” He’d walked by it on his way to and from the stadium. It looked like a low-key place during the offseason. They probably made most of their profits before and after games.

  “See you there.” Bryce hung up. If he knew Johnny was pissed at him, he didn’t show it. But then, Bryce wasn’t the only one he was pissed with. He was just the only person he could deal with at the moment.

  And he was the only person he could talk to.

  “Everything alright?” Bryce beat him to the bar. He also lived within walking distance. “You look like hell. And not because you were out late with a certain lovely lady.”

  “I never should have told you about Alice.” Johnny pulled up the barstool next to Bryce. “Then you couldn’t have told that reporter about her.”

  “Oh shit.” Bryce caught the attention of the bartender, and indicated Johnny needed a drink. “I didn’t mean to spill anything. But she was so damn persuasive.”

  Bryce made a little sound that told Johnny everything he needed to know about how she’d persuaded him.

  “She used you.” Johnny almost felt sorry for him. Almost. “For a story.”

  “Every woman I’ve ever been with has used me for something.” Bryce sounded so matter-of-fact about that admission. “But I was only trying to defend you. She had it in her head there was something not right with you and the kid. I had to set her straight.”

  “Yeah? Well, you set her straight into my personal life.”

  “Sorry. All I said was, you were the last person who would hurt a kid.” Bryce paid the bartender for Johnny’s beer. “I told her you were hanging around him because you used to have a thing for his mother.”

  “She took that information and ran with it.” Johnny took a long pull on the frosty mug in front of him. “She went so far as to check the dates on Alice’s marriage license. And Zach’s birth certificate.”

  “What? Why would she do that?” Bryce looked genuinely surprised. And not quite sure he wanted to hear what she’d found.

  “I think he might be my kid.” Johnny took another long drink. He stared at the bottles lining the wall behind the bar. Not wanting to look at the other man. Not wanting to see his reaction. “All this time I was completely in the dark about it. Then some reporter gets a wild idea to follow up on something you said before, during or after you slept with her.”

  “It was after.” Bryce sounded a little bit remorseful. “Shit, Johnny, I had no idea she’d go after you. I thought she’d drop it once she figured out there was no scandal.”

  “No, just a different one.” Johnny stared at his now empty mug.

  �
��Damn. What are you going to do?” Bryce asked. He sounded truly sorry now. No more bullshit. No more fun and games.

  “I don’t know.” Johnny flagged the bartender. He could use another round and some calamari to go with it. “At least now I know you didn’t sell me out entirely.”

  “Look, maybe I can talk to her.” Bryce swallowed the last of his beer. “I’ll use some of my persuasive skills to get her to keep this story to herself.”

  “She’s a reporter.” Johnny laughed at the absurdity of it all. “She’s not going to keep the news that ‘The Monk’ has a love child to herself.”

  “She might. If I let her have her way with me.” Bryce groaned as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on the bar.

  “You like her, don’t you?”

  Bryce swore under his breath.

  Yeah. He liked her. Poor guy.

  “So what are you going to do about the kid?”

  “I guess I need to start by finding out for sure if he’s mine.” Johnny didn’t have the first clue on how to do that. “They can tell with a blood test?”

  “Nah. They just swab your cheek. It’s totally painless.” Bryce was the voice of experience.

  “Except for the part about her keeping him from me all this time.” Johnny reached for his second, and what should be his last beer, of the night. “Man, I feel like an idiot.”

  “Maybe she didn’t know.” Bryce’s cheerfulness made it sound almost plausible.

  “Have you seen the kid?” Johnny could picture Zach right now. A younger, blonder version of himself. “He looks exactly like me. How could she look at him every day for the last thirteen years and not know?”

  “I don’t know. They tend to develop personalities of their own.” Bryce stared into his mug. “I mean, my daughter is the spitting image of her mother. But then she’ll smile. Or laugh. And she’s so different. Not like her at all. And that’s a very good thing, let me tell you.”

  “Sounds like your ex isn’t your favorite person?”

  “No. Hell, I don’t even know how we ended up together in the first place. Other than I was young and stupid and flattered by the attention of a hot chick.” Bryce shook his head. “I don’t know about you, but I was kind of a late bloomer. Skinny, small, and awkward except on the field.”

  “I was skinny, tall and awkward.” But that didn’t mean he hadn’t been propositioned. Just the opposite. His mother’s friends had felt sorry for him. Offered to relieve him of his virginity. On the house.

  “Yeah. And at my school, baseball players were only a step above band geeks.” Bryce chuckled to himself. At himself. “It was all about the football players. And basketball. Both sports I didn’t have a chance at.”

  “So once girls started paying attention to you, you let it go to your head.” Johnny had seen it enough. The only thing that made him different was, well, he wanted to be different. He didn’t want to be like the jerks who used women for sex. Or even paid them.

  “Yeah. Both of them.” Bryce laughed as if he’d just told the funniest joke. Even if the joke was on him. “Told you I was an idiot.”

  “You’re not the only one.” Johnny set his mug on the bar. “Thanks for the beer.”

  “Thanks for not beating the crap out of me for telling Rachel about you and Alice. I had no idea…”

  “Hey. It’s cool. I’m glad she figured it out. I might have gone on with blinders on. Like I always have where Alice is concerned.”

  “So are you going to go talk to her?”

  “Yeah. I guess I better. Before it becomes public.”

  “Hey, I’m serious about talking to Rachel for you.” Bryce stood up, held out his hand. “If I have to beg. Get down on my knees. Tie her up. Or let her tie me up. Whatever it takes, man.”

  “Don’t hurt yourself.” Johnny shook his friend’s hand. An hour ago, he hadn’t thought it possible to still consider Bryce a friend. But he was, at the moment, his only friend.

  “Never.” Bryce placed his hand over his heart, as if he was invincible in that area. “And hey, if you need help finding a paternity lawyer, I can ask around for you. It won’t come as a shock coming from me. Hell, I’m surprised they haven’t started calling me.”

  “Thanks. I hope it won’t come to that, but I appreciate it.” Johnny walked the five blocks back to his apartment building. He jumped in his Jeep and drove over to Alice’s.

  He sat in front of her house for about twenty minutes before he could bring himself to the front door. His talk with Bryce had helped him get his anger under control. But the hurt was still there. She’d married Mel knowing she was pregnant with Johnny’s child. How could she? Why did she keep it from him, even after Mel died? The answers could only come from her.

  He rang the bell, hoping Alice would answer and not Zach. He wasn’t ready to face his son yet. Not until he could get his emotions under control.

  “Johnny, what a surprise.” Alice opened the door. She was wearing yoga pants and a light blue sweatshirt. Her hair was gathered into a ponytail. She looked so much like the girl he used to know. The girl who’d betrayed him. Even more than he’d ever known.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” She stepped toward him.

  But he didn’t want her to touch him. Not now.

  “Can we talk? Just the two of us?” As much as this concerned Zach, he didn’t think he needed to hear about it like this.

  “Yeah. Okay. Zach and I were watching a movie, but it’s almost over.” She stepped back to let him in. “He needs to get ready for bed soon, anyway.”

  “Hey, Johnny.” Zach took one look at him and his smile faded. He stepped closer to Alice, ready to get between them if necessary. He might be just a kid, but he wasn’t going to let anyone hurt his mother. Not even Johnny Scottsdale. Admiration for the boy swept over him. At thirteen, he was already a bigger man than Johnny had ever been.

  “It’s okay. I’m…” What was Johnny going to say? That he wouldn’t hurt her? That the reason he’d come here tonight wasn’t going to change all three of their lives? “I’m sorry to drop in on your family time.”

  “Zach, go get ready for bed. Everything’s fine. Right, Johnny?” She plastered a fake smile on her face. “We just need to talk about a few things. Grown-up things that you don’t need to worry about.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” Zach’s shoulders slumped slightly. Enough for Johnny to recognize that he was giving in. This time.

  Zach headed up the stairs but without the carefree enthusiasm Johnny had seen every other time he’d been here.

  “So, what’s going on?” Alice led him to the kitchen at the back of the house. “Something’s bothering you, I can tell.”

  “Yeah. Something’s bothering me.” Hell, now he was here, he didn’t know how to start.

  “What is it? You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?” She reached for his right arm. His pitching arm. “You mentioned you were going to work out this afternoon. You didn’t pull something?”

  “No. I’m fine. My arm is fine.” He wished he had something to do. Something to hold while he had this conversation.

  “Can I get you a drink? Some wine? A beer? Some iced tea?”

  “No. Thanks.” He shook his head.

  “Okay. Why don’t you just come right out and say what’s troubling you.”

  “Zach.” His throat closed up on him. He couldn’t quite get the words out. “Is he…”

  Johnny got up, walked to the sink. He opened the cabinet closest to it and grabbed the first glass he found. He filled it with water straight from the tap and gulped it down. His hand shook as he set the empty glass on the stone counter. “Is he my son?” Johnny sank against the counter, bracing himself for her answer.

  “I don’t know.” She crossed to the cabinet and grabbed a wine glass. From a previously opened bottle on the counter, she poured a generous portion. “I honestly don’t know.”

  “You don’t know.” He repeated her words, as if he hadn’t heard her correctly. “How could you not know?�
��

  She took a long, defensive drink. “We’d broken up. And then I was with Mel. So it could have been either one of you.”

  That made him feel about as special as a hot dog wrapper blowing around the bleachers after the last game of a double-header.

  “And you never bothered to find out?” He filled his glass with more water, drank it down and then reached for the wine bottle. He didn’t care if he poured it into a juice glass. He just needed something to wash down the rage. The disappointment. And the hurt.

  “What was I supposed to do? Call you up out of the blue and say ‘Hey Johnny, so glad you’re finally living your dream. Guess what? I’m pregnant.’ How would that have been?” Before he had a chance to answer, she continued. “‘Oh, and by the way, it might not be yours.’ How would that have gone over?”

  Johnny took a long slug of wine. Yeah. That would have been great. Not much different from the way he felt right now.

  “Did you think I would have just left you?” Her lack of faith cut deep.

  “No. I know what you would have done.” She bit her lower lip in a feeble attempt to keep it from quivering. “You would’ve quit. You would’ve made the noble effort to support me and Zach. But you would have resented me. Resented us both for taking you away from the one thing you loved more than anything.”

  “Baseball?” She’d kept his kid from him so he could play baseball.

  “Yes. I couldn’t let you give that up. Not when there was a chance you’d be taking responsibility for a child who wasn’t even yours.”

  “But you had no problem letting Mel take responsibility for a child who wasn’t his.”

  “He knew what he was getting into.” Alice looked out the window, avoiding his gaze. “He knew it would have wrecked you to find out that I’d been with him too.”