“We’re celebrating.” She opened her door and watched Zach climb in behind her. A big smile appeared on his face once he saw Johnny.
“What are we celebrating?” Zach asked while he made himself comfortable, tossing his backpack aside and buckling his seat belt.
“Pitchers and catchers report to spring training in two days, twenty-one hours and seventeen minutes.” She may have been off on the minutes.
“You’re leaving.” Zach slumped back into the seat.
“This afternoon.” Johnny tried to smile, but couldn’t quite pull it off. “I’m driving down. It will take two days to get there.”
“Oh. Why don’t you fly?”
“I like to drive. Besides, I’m hoping to stop by and see my mother.”
“Oh.” Zach leaned forward. “Where does she live?”
“Vegas.”
“Cool.” Zach seemed to sense that Johnny didn’t want to talk about her. Just the fact he’d mentioned his mother was something.
“So, we have a surprise for you.” Johnny changed the subject.
“More of a surprise than getting out of school early?”
“I think it’s more of a present than a surprise.” Alice maneuvered to their favorite hot dog place. Outside of the ballpark, that is.
“Cool.” Zach probably figured they were getting him a phone. He’d asked for it, and they had no reason not to give it to him. “Oh, we’re getting hot dogs. And it’s not even Valentine’s Day.”
“What does Valentine’s Day have to do with hot dogs?” Johnny turned around to look at Zach.
“Well, you know how pitchers and catchers always report to spring training around February fourteenth?”
“I never really pay attention to the date.” Johnny still didn’t see the connection.
“Instead of celebrating Valentine’s Day, we celebrate that. We get hot dogs and other ballpark food, then we have Cracker Jack for dessert.” Zach was excited to explain their special day. “It’s, like, a tradition.”
“Sounds like a nice tradition.”
“It sure beats hearts and flowers and stuff.” Zach said. “But sometimes I still get my mom chocolate.”
“Well, you can never go wrong with chocolate,” Alice added.
“I’ll try to remember that.” Johnny glanced over at her with a molten look in his eyes. Damn. Why did he have to leave so soon?
“So how do you usually celebrate—oh, stupid question.” Zach palmed his forehead. “You’re the one reporting to spring training. You’re going to work.”
“Yes. It is work, but it’s kind of a celebration, too. There’s nothing like getting back on the field. The grass is greener than you remember. The sky is bluer than any other time of year.” Johnny made it sound almost mystical. “There’s nothing better than getting back into the rhythm of the game. Seeing the guys you played with or against the previous year.”
“Cool.” Zach dreamed of being one of those guys someday. And maybe with Johnny’s help he would have a chance.
She parked in front of the hot dog place and they headed inside for an early lunch and an impromptu goodbye party.
They placed their orders and found a seat by the window. Johnny presented the cell phone to Zach while they waited on hot dogs, fries and a chocolate shake for Zach.
“Oh, cool. Thank you.” Zach’s face lit up with the surprise. “So can I text you anytime?”
“Anytime.” A warm smile spread across Johnny’s face. “I’m not allowed to have my phone in the dugout, but I’ll be sure to get back to you.”
“Yeah, we can’t use our phones in class, either.” Zach did that half eye-roll he did when he thought he was being treated like a little kid. “They tried to make it so we couldn’t have phones at school, but too many parents complained about not being able to get a hold of their kids.”
“Just know that having a phone is a privilege,” Alice reminded him. “And a responsibility.”
“I know.”
“There are some rules.” She should have discussed them with Johnny. But she wasn’t used to having a co-parent. A partner. “Such as no texting or calling after eight PM on school nights.”
“Okay.”
“And check to see if your friends have unlimited texting,” Johnny suggested. “You wouldn’t want to ring up their bill with non-stop texts if they can’t afford it.”
“Good point.” Zach was familiarizing himself with the phone, but he was listening. “I’ve heard stories of kids getting huge bills and not even realizing it.”
“What else have you heard about kids getting into trouble with phones?” She had to ask.
“Oh my gosh, Mom. Really?” Zach rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I’m not going to take pictures of myself naked or anything. Or anyone else, either. That’s so lame.”
Johnny looked a little surprised by the frankness of their conversation.
“And I won’t text dirty messages, either.” Zach gave Johnny a look. A can-you-believe-I-have-to-put-up-with-this kind of look. “I won’t do anything Johnny wouldn’t do.”
Should she explain that there were times when she’d used Johnny’s example on and off the field as a discipline tool? It had been pretty effective at curtailing tantrums and whining when Zach was younger. As he grew older, holding Johnny up as a role model had provided a good starting point for discussing some of the trickier subjects having to do with growing up.
He’d been there for Zach in many ways, even if he didn’t know it.
Their order came up and they ate quickly. Zach polished off his jumbo hot dog, fries and he gulped down his shake.
“It’s too bad you can’t be here when I have my tryouts.” Zach grabbed one of Alice’s fries.
“You’re ready,” Johnny assured him. “Just remember what we worked on.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“You’re a good ballplayer.” Johnny reached out and patted Zach’s shoulder. “You have talent. It’s up to you to make the most of it.”
Zach’s cheeks flushed as he sucked down the last of his milkshake.
“I still wish you could be there.” He stared down at the table. “Not because you’re famous and all, but just…because.”
Because a boy needed his father.
* * * *
Johnny reluctantly finished his lunch. He needed to hit the road, but wasn’t ready to leave. Not when he finally had a family to miss.
He had no ritual when it came to saying goodbye. He usually hit the road early, giving himself plenty of time to get to spring training. To settle into his hotel room and start his workouts early.
Now he almost wished he’d chosen to fly. To spend the extra day with Alice and Zach.
But one more day wouldn’t be enough. So he might as well get his goodbye over with.
They pulled into Alice’s driveway.
“Hey, thanks for the phone.” Zach was antsy to start fiddling with the thing. Not at all intimidated by the numerous features. “I hope I don’t bug you too much.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.” Johnny’s chest started to constrict. “I look forward to hearing from you.”
“And good luck in spring training.” Zach stood stiffly, like he was wondering if he should say more. Or maybe even hug Johnny.
“Thanks. But luck is the least of it. Preparation. Hard work. Dedication. These things are much more important than luck.” Johnny put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Remember that, when you have your tryouts.”
“Right. That and our little secret saying.” Zach flung his arms around Johnny’s waist. So he’d decided to go for the hug after all.
Johnny returned the embrace with a pat on the back, for good measure.
“Well, I’m going to go play with my new phone.”
“It’s not a toy,” Alice corrected. “It’s a tool for communication.”
“Then I’m going to go make sure I know how to use my new tool correctly.” Zach gave Johnny a smile, and a look that said she’s a
ll yours.
“Come on in,” Alice offered.
Johnny shook his head. “I need to get on the road.”
“Are you really going to stop by and see your mom?”
“If I make good enough time. It’s about ten hours to Vegas from here.”
“That’s a long way to drive all by yourself.”
“I’ve got plenty to think about while I’m on the road.” He shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. “I suppose you do, too.”
“Yeah.” She twisted a strand of hair, releasing the sweet scent of her shampoo. Damn, he didn’t want to leave her. It was almost harder than the last time. When they’d been officially broken up. But he hadn’t let her go without one last attempt at getting her back. He’d gotten her into bed, but hadn’t had the courage to ask her to wait for him. In case he didn’t make it, he hadn’t wanted to hold her back from having some kind of life.
That must have been the night Zach was conceived.
“I should get the results by the end of the week.” Johnny was looking forward to making it official.
“And then you’ll be with your team.”
“No. My team will be right here. You and Zach.” He glanced down at her lower abdomen to where she might or might not be working on expanding their roster.
“Johnny, I—”
He placed a finger across her lips.
“Don’t worry. We’ve got plenty of time.” Johnny felt her tremble beneath his touch. She wanted him to kiss her. And he would have, but he didn’t want to delay his departure any longer. “I won’t pressure you. But I’m not going to let you get away. Not this time.”
He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
“Drive safe.” She had a catch in her voice, which told him so much more than her words.
“Take care of yourself. And our son.”
“Johnny.” She threw her arms around him. And he held her. Both of them wanting more, both of them hoping they’d have another chance.
It didn’t feel like a goodbye after all.
He’d be back and they would finally be able to start the life together they’d put on hold for fourteen years.
18
Nearly ten hours on the open road, and Johnny was no closer to the perfect proposal than he had been in Union Square. Offering Alice her choice of rings at Tiffany’s was so far off the mark. The only thing that would have been worse was if he’d popped the question while they were in the shower.
Alice was a once in a lifetime woman. She deserved a once in a lifetime proposal.
Johnny was relieved to find the McDonald’s still open when he pulled through the halfway point in Tonopah. He grabbed a quick bite to eat and drove four more hours to his mother’s place. She’d been surprised, yet pleased, to hear from him and was more than willing to wait up for him.
“Johnny, you made it.” She opened the door before he even had a chance to knock. “Look at you, so handsome.”
He shook his head, feeling a little bit like Zach, embarrassed by his mother’s praise.
She pulled him into an awkward hug. That was new. He couldn’t remember the last time Destiny Rose Scottsdale showed him any physical affection.
“Did you have a nice trip?” She stepped aside so he could enter her home. “I still don’t know why you’d drive rather than fly.”
“I like to drive.” He shrugged. He didn’t want to worry her with the fact that he needed time to think. “There’s something about being on the road with wide open spaces and oceans of sagebrush.”
He was already feeling closed in by the city. Too many people. He’d missed the desert while he lived in Florida and Kansas City and all the places in between. Where some folks looked out and saw miles and miles of nothing, Johnny saw miles and miles of peace. No people meant no one to let down.
“There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” His mom smiled. No, she glowed. Then Johnny noticed a man, in his mid to late fifties, step forward. “Howard, this is my son Johnny.”
“So nice to finally meet you.” The other man extended his hand for a firm handshake.
“Nice to meet you.” Johnny had never heard of the man, so there’d been no anticipation on his end.
“Rose talks about you all the time.” Howard motioned for Johnny to sit down, as if he’d been the one to pay the mortgage. “She’s awfully proud of you.”
“Thank you.” Johnny sat, but never took his eyes off the other man. He’d worried about men using her to get to him. It sickened him, the kind of guys who would crawl into bed with her just so they could say they rubbed elbows with the woman who’d given birth to the great Johnny Scottsdale. He thought she would have learned her lesson early on. But she had that look. The one that said she was thinking with something other than her brain.
“I hope this move to the west coast means we’ll get to see more of you.” She looked at Howard when she said it, not Johnny. They were a “we” now. Interesting.
“Actually…” Johnny wanted to break the news that she was a grandmother, but he didn’t want an audience.
“Maybe I should let you two catch up.” Howard, at least, sensed Johnny’s discomfort. That, or he was hiding something.
“I’ll keep the bed warm for you, Rose,” he whispered, a little too loudly.
Johnny held on to all his control not to shudder. Or get up and punch the man in the face. “So he’s living here?” Johnny didn’t want to put restrictions on her, but still…
“Yes. And he pays his share, if that’s what you’re worried about.” His mom folded her arms across her chest. Without the glow of whatever Howard inspired in her, she looked older. Weary.
“I don’t want to pry where it isn’t any of my business,” Johnny said. “I just don’t want you getting hurt. I don’t want anyone using you.”
She laughed. A rich, hearty, I’ve-been-around-the-block-more-than-once kind of laugh.
“Oh Johnny. How did you get so sweet?” She smiled at him with genuine surprise. And affection. “I never did deserve you. But I’m so grateful to have had you.”
“Is that so?”
“Look, I know I’m not exactly anyone’s ideal of motherhood.” She fiddled with a rather large emerald ring on her left hand. An engagement ring? Or was it a wedding ring? “But I am proud of you. And not because of the baseball thing.”
The baseball thing. Fourteen years as a professional, and she called it a thing, as if it was some passing fancy.
“Proud of me? Is that why you let me go and live with Coach Ryan?” Even though it was his idea, he’d still wanted her to at least put up a fight. “I thought you just wanted me out of your hair.”
“Oh, Johnny.” She rose and sat next to him on the sofa. “Is that what you thought? That I wanted to get rid of you?”
He shrugged, reminding himself of his thirteen-year-old son.
“I let you go because I loved you.” She put her arm around him. It was the first time he’d ever heard her say anything about love. “I loved you so much, I wanted you to have a chance to make something of yourself. I couldn’t help you with college, or scholarships. Hell, I never even went to school.”
“You dropped out?” He’d figured as much, since she was barely sixteen when she’d had him.
“No. I never went. Ever.”
“Were you homeschooled?” He didn’t know much about her past. She’d never shared this much before.
“Something like that.” She heaved a big sigh. “Oh, I know it’s hard for you to imagine that the life I led after you were born was so much better than what I left behind.”
“It must have been pretty bad.” He didn’t want to know. Yet he’d always been curious. “So you didn’t start…”
“At the ranch?” She made it sound so easy. So normal.
“You didn’t work at the ranch until after I was born?”
“No.” She patted his shoulder. “Did you think your father was one of my customers?”
“I thought maybe I
was named after him.” Johnny tried to smile at the joke, but his lips were frozen.
“You were named after a boy I knew.” She looked off into the distance. Into her past. Some small part that made her smile. “If we lived in a different world, he might have been a boyfriend.”
He waited. Maybe she would reveal who his father really was.
“So tell me about you.” She dropped the subject. “Have you seen your friend from school? He lives in San Francisco.”
Johnny leaned back against the sofa.
“Oh, I forgot.” She patted his knee. “He went and married your girl.”
“Mel died. Several years ago.” Johnny didn’t know how to explain it all. But he needed to explain the most important part. “She married him because she was pregnant. With my son.”
Not exactly the way he’d meant to tell her. But it was done.
“Your son?” He heard tears in her voice. “I’m a grandma?”
“Yes.” He took a deep breath. “His name is Zach. He’s thirteen. A baseball player, like me.”
“Is he as handsome as you?” She squeezed his knee. “Of course he is.”
“He’s a great kid.”
“No surprise there. He’s your kid.” She sounded excited for him. Happy almost. “But she never told you.”
“No. She was already married when he was born.”
“I saw the paper, her wedding announcement. You have no idea how much I wanted to march right over there and give her a piece of my mind.”
“Mother. Please.” He could picture it. Big fancy society wedding broken up by a fight between the bride and a burned-out prostitute.
“You still love her, don’t you?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.” Johnny had never felt comfortable talking to his mother about his love life. Maybe because she’d never known love. At least, not as far as he’d seen. But hopefully that had changed.
“So what are you going to do about it?” She reached up and brushed his hair off his forehead. Such a motherly thing to do. And so unlike his experience of their relationship.
“I don’t know.” He hated to admit uncertainty. Or weakness. And he always tried to be strong, especially around his mother. “It’s not that simple.”
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