We play Monopoly for a few minutes, and he shows me how well he can juggle the tiny shoe, the iron, and the car.
I clap like a pleased spectator at the circus. I have always been a Shaw enabler.
I wait for him to say those words. I’m crazy for you.
I want to hear him say it again when we’re not in the heat of the moment.
But I also want this moment to last as long as it can.
When he takes me to bed, we go again, and I hope those words will fall from his lips as he puts me on my hands and knees, then afterward as he draws me into his arms, curling his strong body around mine.
I suppose I could say it too. I’m an equal-opportunity gal. And I’m dying to know if tonight was the real deal or a one-time thing.
But asking will change things either way, and I’m not ready for this moment to end. So I stay silent on matters of the heart all through the night.
* * *
When I rise, the light of the new day shines on the man in bed next to me. As sunbeams dance across his sleeping form, the realization deepens.
This is what I want.
Waking up with Shaw. Every day.
And to get what you want, you need to ask for it.
As I kick off the covers, I resolve to tell him how I feel. I resolve, too, to talk to Perri and see how she’d truly feel if I dated her brother. While she’s made her stance clear in the past, she also loves me and wants me to be happy. Surely if she knows how happy I am with him, she’ll be supportive.
I always bring a change of clothes when I come to Tahoe, so I tug on yoga pants and a sweatshirt, brush my teeth, and then pad to the kitchen, resolved to move forward and figure out what we can be.
The snow has stopped, the air is crisp, and it’s a brand-new day. I whip up some eggs and toast.
When I catch a glimpse of the clock, I see it’s nearly eleven.
“Holy cow. We really slept in,” I murmur.
When the eggs are done, I hear the shuffle of feet, a yawn, and a stretch. I turn around to where one seriously sleep-rumpled, sexy man wanders into the kitchen wearing only boxer briefs.
“Hey, you,” I say.
“Hey, you.”
But the next sound we hear isn’t either one of us.
It’s my best friend. Because she’s banging on the cabin door.
12
Shaw
I came to this cabin seeking answers. The next morning, I have all of them. Every single last one.
I know exactly why I don’t want Vanessa to go to the wedding with someone else.
Because I don’t want Vanessa to go to any wedding at any time with any other man. Or on any other date. I want to be the one on her arm now and always.
So, yeah, we had great sex. Duh.
Given how long I’ve wanted her, that’s no surprise. But the sex was also amazing because I finally understand why I’ve wanted her with such ferocity. Light bulbs popped, bells rang, birds sang, and chimes chimed. Freaking angels crooned from the heavens.
I’m in love with her.
That means I need to take care of a few important matters, stat.
Like taking a leak.
Hey, nature calls.
I head to the bathroom, drain the dragon, wash my hands, and brush my teeth.
On to the next critical matter.
Tell the woman I love her, hope to God she feels the same, then figure out how to break the news to the she-ogre that is my sister when it comes to Vanessa.
* * *
The scent of scrambled eggs and coffee wafts through the cabin, and I walk into the kitchen in my skivvies, sporting a new round of morning wood—or maybe it’s just Vanessa wood. I plan to slink my arms around the brunette beauty, kiss her neck, inhale her sexy scent, and tell her I meant every word last night.
Every word and more.
Instead, someone knocks wildly on the door, before Vanessa yanks it open.
My dick crawls back into my body, curls up and hides under a couch.
Stationed in the doorway is one wildly worried leprechaun, stomping her feet, flapping her hands. “I thought you were dead! I was calling you all night. And all morning.” Perri points at Vanessa as she goes full j’accuse in a court of law. I don’t think she’s seen me yet. But she must have noticed my truck.
“Why would I be dead?” Vanessa asks, and I can hear the deflection in her voice, and the nerves too.
“Because of the snow! It was terrible, and I was worried about you, and you didn’t answer your phone. And Shaw didn’t either. I thought you were both dead.”
“There’s no service here! And why was I supposed to text you? You knew where I was.”
Perri’s eyes bug out, her neck shooting forward like a peacock pecking. “Because! Because I worry. Hello! I’m the girl who raced to the hospital in college when you broke your leg. I tried the landline too.”
Vanessa’s brow knits. “There’s a landline?”
Perri huffs. “You gave me the number in college. Did you forget?”
“Yes! Maybe I forgot that we had one, but it never rang, so it might not even be on or plugged in or whatever the hell you do with landlines. Did you really think I was dead?”
Perri’s voice shoots to Saturn. “Yes. And as soon as the snow cleared this morning, I got in my car and drove up to see if you were. Derek came with me. I was worried. That’s who I am. I’m the worrier because I’ve seen too much every day in my job.”
She waves behind her as footsteps crunch in the snow. Derek trudges up the steps, thumbs hooked in the loops of his jeans.
He tips his chin at me. “Hey, man.”
“Hey.”
Perri snaps her gaze to me, and her jaw hits the floor in shocked surprise. She stumbles back, grabbing the doorjamb.
“What the what?” she sputters, as she widens her eyes at my attire, such that it is. “Why are you in your boxers?” She whips her head to Vanessa—“Why is my brother in his boxers?”—and back to me. “You were supposed to be helping her with the cabin, not doing a striptease.”
“I helped, and we spent the night,” I say, since there’s no point lying about that. It’s motherfucking obvious. “We spent it together.”
Vanessa parts her lips, nibbles on the corner, her eyes widening with guilt. I wonder if I spoke too soon. If we were supposed to lie. But fuck it, I don’t want to lie about my feelings for her anymore.
Perri squeezes her eyes shut, as if she’s snow-blind, then opens them. “Are you two . . .?”
She can’t even finish.
My heart nose-dives, my chest has an elephant in it, and my gut feels like I ate bad chili.
While I don’t feel a snick of guilt for spending the night with Vanessa, I do feel a ton of it for going against Perri’s wishes.
Even if I don’t agree with them.
Because I should have told her first. I should have told her how I feel. My sister is crazy and intense, but I love and respect her, and the look in her eyes screams her abject disappointment in me.
Though that’s nothing compared to the gaze she casts Vanessa. My sister’s green eyes are now the color of hurt. “Are you guys—”
She seems to be at a loss for words.
Vanessa reaches for Perri’s arm, her voice breaking as she tries to reassure her. “It’s not what you think.”
I step in the middle of things, sweeping over to the open door. “It’s freezing outside. Just come in.”
Vanessa ushers the visitors inside, cold swirling in with them like a trailing perfume. Once the door shuts, my sister stares at me, and she’s no longer shocked, or even surprised. She’s hurt. Just plain hurt. Tears, a mere hint, flicker in her eyes.
“Are you guys together?” she whispers, like she can’t believe we didn’t tell her first.
I lick my lips and look at Vanessa. She gazes back at me. This isn’t how I wanted to tell her I’ve fallen in love with her. I spoke first before so maybe I ought to wait for Vanessa to answer.
&n
bsp; But before either of us can reply, Perri shifts again to a frown. “Shaw. I’ve told you to stay away.”
I snap.
That’s all it takes. “Why the hell am I not good enough for your friend?”
Just like when we were younger, Perri gives it right back to me. “Are you for real? You’re standing here in your boxer shorts. That’s why. If you were going to do right by her, you wouldn’t be half naked. You’d be dating her. You’d be taking her out. You’d have told me how you felt. Now can you please get dressed, because I can’t have this conversation with you flapping around in your underwear.”
“We’re not done with this,” I mutter.
I retreat to the bedroom, with Derek following behind, trying to figure out how to unmake this mess.
13
Vanessa
I sink onto the couch, and my first instinct is to say I’m sorry. But I believe that women say they’re sorry too often and for the wrong things. We say we’re sorry for our life choices, for asking for help, for our sexuality, when we should only apologize for the things we’ve actually done to hurt someone else.
I’ve hurt Perri.
As she slumps onto the cushions, wiping a rebel tear from her cheek, I try to take ownership for my wrongs.
“I’m sorry this is how you found out about my feelings for him. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but if I was going to, I’d have told you years ago that I’m in love with your brother.”
Slowly, as if this moment were unfolding in a jar of molasses, she turns to meet my gaze. “For years?” Her voice is quiet, but each word is clear. Like she’s testing the full weight of them.
Relief overwhelms me, flooding my heart. Telling her tastes like freedom. “Since high school. You probably think it’s crazy. Maybe it is crazy. And the thing I feel worst about is I kept it a secret from you. I love you so much, and you and Arden are my best friends, and that’s why it tore me apart at times to know I had these intense feelings for your brother.” I feel lighter already. “But yes, I’ve felt this way for him for a long, long time.”
She swallows. “You’re really in love with him, and have been since he was a cocky, mouthy, corny, class-clown-meets-jock high school guy?”
“You’re such a sister,” I say with a little laugh.
“But he was,” she insists. “He was all of those things.”
“And he made me laugh. And we had fun. And yes, I’m really in love with him, and love makes you do crazy things, like go for it with a guy. Like drive two hours for a friend when you can’t get through on her cell phone, right?”
“That was reasonable. You could have been dead, remember? Besides, I’m a cop. That’s what I do. Make sure my people are safe.”
“Like I said. Love is crazy. And love makes you do things like keep a secret because you want to protect this person you love.” I reach for her hand, squeezing it, needing her to know she’s my person too. “I wanted to protect you because I knew you’d worry about me. You always have.”
She tightens her hold on my hand, and the look in her eyes is so fierce. “Because I love you like you’re family. Because I want the world for you. Don’t you get that?”
My throat tightens. “I do, I totally understand it. And I want the same for you. I wanted it for you when you were falling for Derek. I want you to have everything. I understand why you do what you do. I understand why you haven’t wanted this to happen.” I shrug helplessly. “But my heart’s been his for a long time. For years.”
She nods as if she’s trying to absorb all this new intel. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I give her an arched eyebrow of disbelief. “Seriously?” I nudge her elbow. “Who’s the crazy one? You’d have cackled. Said he’s not good enough for me, even though he’s your freaking brother.”
She straightens, her nostrils flaring. “But he’s not good enough for you. Yes, he’s a great brother. Yes, he’s a great guy. And yes, if I were in trouble, he’s the one I’d call. Well, before I met Derek.” Perri takes a beat, her voice softening to a worried whisper. “But he’s not a committed type of guy. He’s a ladies’ man. You want something real. How can he give it to you?”
I draw a deep breath, wishing I had the answer. But I do know I won’t find it in Perri.
The answer is in my heart.
And in Shaw’s, if he wants what I have to give.
“I do want something real, and I want that to be with Shaw. I’m willing to take that chance. I haven’t been able to get him out of my heart or my mind for years. And yes, I slept with him last night, and I’m not going to apologize for that. And I’m not going to apologize for enjoying it.”
She pretends to retch. “No more details, please. I’m begging you.”
I hold up my hands in surrender. “I won’t give you any more details.”
“Please never do.”
And because I can’t resist needling her, I whisper, “But it was amazing.”
She slams her hands over her ears. “La la la la la.”
I peel them off. “But I am sorry I kept my feelings a secret from you and that I didn’t talk to you before this happened. Except . . . maybe it needed to happen this way. Maybe Shaw and I needed to be forced together to confront how we feel. And maybe I needed to have this chance with him without involving you. So I could do it for me. Learn for me. Discover if what I felt from afar was true up close too.”
She hums as if she’s thinking about all of this. “Do you know how he feels for you?”
Nerves fly through my body, chased by wishes and hopes. “I don’t know, but I have a good idea, and I hope I’m right. He said he’s crazy about me.”
“He said he’s crazy about you?”
Smiling, I feel a little giddy at the memory. Crazy for you isn’t love, but surely it’s a start. It’s something to build on. “I’m willing to take a chance.”
“But what if it doesn’t work out? What happens to us?” she asks, and that’s when I understand Perri’s biggest concern. Us. Somehow, this crazy loon thinks a man could ruin our friendship.
I scoff and laugh at the same time. “Do you really think we’re not going to be friends if it doesn’t work out?”
“Yes. He’s my brother. I can’t change that fact. And what if it doesn’t work out and you’re done with me by extension?”
Cracking up, I rap my knuckles on her temple. “You’re insane. You’re not getting rid of me so easily. No matter what, we’re still friends, and that’s not going to change.”
She exhales deeply, and her remaining hard edges seem to soften. “I don’t want him to hurt you. If he does, I will have his you-know-what in a sling.”
“I don’t want him to hurt me either, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what might’ve happened with him. I don’t want to compare other men to him. I want to know if we can be what I want us to be. And I want your blessing.”
A tear rolls down her cheek. “All I want is for you to be happy. If that big idiot makes you happy, go for it.”
I couldn’t be happier right now. I love my friend so damn much. I throw my arms around her and pull her in for a hug. We both cry. They’re not tears of sadness. They’re tears of letting go of the one thing that stood between us.
The floorboards creak.
We separate, and I turn to see Shaw and Derek entering the living room. Shaw’s dressed now, wearing jeans and his sweater from yesterday. Looks like he’s dragged his fingers through his hair to comb it.
He clears his throat. “So, there’s something I want to tell you, Vanessa.” His eyes swim with hope and vulnerability.
But I speak first, saying out loud words I’ve held inside me for so long. “I’m in love with you.”
14
Shaw
Derek glares. “Just tell her, man.”
“Vanessa?” I raise an eyebrow as I tug on my sweater.
He leans against the door of the bedroom. “Yes. But in this case, I mean my bride. Tell P
erri you’re going to do right by her friend. That’s all she needs to know. I assure you.”
“You assure me?”
“Trust me. No one knows her better than I do. Now, get out there, get your woman, and sort it out with your sister.”
My woman.
That’s the answer I’ve been searching for.
When it comes to Vanessa, I don’t want what I can’t have. I don’t want a one-night fling. I don’t want a friendship.
I want all of her for all of me.
It’s now. I’m telling her.
I leave the bedroom, run my fingers through my hair, and head down the hall. I’m going for it completely. Nothing is going to stop me.
Not even her when she spots me.
“I’m in love with you.”
Nope. Nothing is stopping me. Not even the best words anyone has ever said to me. Words that touch down in my heart and burrow inside it, making me so damn happy. I’m a man on a mission.
I stride across the living room, reach for Vanessa’s hand, pull her up from the couch, and wrap my arms around her. “I’m in love with you too.”
She melts against me, warm and snuggly and wonderful. I press a kiss to her hair. “I think I have been for a long, long time.”
Somewhere behind me I swear I hear Derek murmur, “I fucking knew it.”
I ignore him because Vanessa looks up at me with a huge goofy grin on her face. “Same here,” she says. “It’s been since high school for me.”
I feel like I’m made of gold. “Is that so?”
She loops her arms around my neck. “What can I say? I had a crush, and it never stopped.”
Perri clears her throat, and I let go of Vanessa but take her hand in mine as I turn to my not-a-banshee-anymore sibling. “Perri, I love you like a sister.”
She rolls her eyes.
“And I never went for it with Vanessa because I respected your wishes. But here’s the thing.” I look her straight in the eyes. “You might think I’m not serious, but that’s because I save it for work. I save it for my job. I save it for when I have to save lives—just like you do.”
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