“Nor did I,” his wife said. “It’s encouraging to hear that you’re finally ready to grow up and take some responsibility, but this is all so new.”
With a harsh laugh, I said, “With all due respect, Mrs. Myers, I’ve loved your daughter more than half my life. Nothing about this is new to me.”
“I understand that,” she said, shaking her head. “But we thought it was over between you two. We haven’t heard Riley talk about you in a long time. We just assumed she was ready to move on with her life, especially when she started dating Stephan.”
“Brody’s right about her reasons for ending things with Stephan,” Macy said. “Riley told me she couldn’t go on being with him and thinking about Brody.”
“Well then,” her father said. “I guess there’s nothing more we can say or do, is there?”
It wasn’t exactly a blessing, but at least it didn’t seem as though they would disown their daughter if she chose to marry me. “I know only time can prove that I’m sincere.”
“You’re right.” Her father stood, as did I. “And I honestly hope it does.”
I shook his hand for what seemed like the first time. “It will, sir. I promise you that.”
Chapter Thirteen
Riley
I was stunned when I walked into my condo after a long day of work and found Stephan sitting on my sofa.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I demanded. “How did you get in? You gave my key back when we broke up!”
He shrugged, looking morose in a rumpled shirt and loose tie. “I had another key cut before I gave it back to you.”
“You what?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing—until I looked into his eyes and realized they seemed cloudy and unfocused. “Have you been drinking?”
He tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling. “What’s it matter? Nothing matters anymore.”
“Don’t say that.” What the hell was wrong with him? I knew he wasn’t taking our breakup well, but this reaction seemed extreme. I inched closer, torn between calling for help and hearing him out. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“You know what’s going on.” He stared at me or through me, as though he wasn’t really there. “I want us back.”
I eased onto the edge of a chair, prepared to flee if he did something crazy, like lunge at me. “I know this hasn’t been easy for you—”
“I thought you loved me.”
I tried seeing him as I had when we met. Looking at him for the first time, I’d felt a surge of hope—I was attracted to someone other than Brody. I’d begun to imagine a normal life in suburbia with a husband who devoted his life to caring for sick kids.
“I wanted to,” I said softly, afraid of setting him off. I’d never known him to be violent or aggressive, but he clearly wasn’t himself tonight. Whatever had prompted him to come here was clearly a toxic cocktail of sadness, grief, and something else…
“You wanted to?” he repeated, leaning forward and dropping his head into his hands. “Why couldn’t you? What’s wrong with me that you couldn’t love me, Riley?”
I swallowed my guilt as I tried to decide how best to proceed. I didn’t want him in my apartment, but my conscience wouldn’t allow me to send him away since I’d contributed to his mood. I moved to the sofa and sat beside him, my hand resting on his back. “I’ve been where you are. I know how much it hurts when—”
He turned his head to look at me, and the words got trapped in my throat.
“When the person you love doesn’t love you back? When they don’t want the future you’ve spent every waking moment mapping out?”
“I wanted things to work out for us,” I said, clasping my hands in front of me and leaning forward. “I really did.” If I’d had a choice between loving a safe bet like Stephan and a risk like Brody, I might have chosen Stephan. But my heart wouldn’t let me do that.
“But you couldn’t.” He rubbed his eyes furiously, his hands trembling. “I know.”
“You’re going to find someone amazing. I know you are.”
“I don’t want anyone else,” he said, his voice raspy. “That’s just it, Riley. If I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone.”
I didn’t think we’d dated long enough for him to think I was the only woman in the world for him. I’d spent most of my adult life with Brody, yet I’d still allowed myself to entertain the possibility of a life without him. “You may feel that way now—”
“You don’t get it, do you?” he asked, clutching my hand. “You’re not hearing what I’m telling you. I can’t go on without you. I won’t.”
Oh, God. What was he saying? That he intended to end his life? Because of me? “Stephan, please—”
The door opened, and Brody rushed in, calling, “Hey, baby.” Then he spotted us on the couch.
“You’re back with him!” Stephan pointed an accusatory finger at Brody, his entire body trembling. “I should have known you left me for him!”
“What the hell is he doing here?” Brody asked, glaring at me.
The last thing I needed was a showdown. I needed to talk Stephan down, to convince him to get the help he clearly needed before he did something we’d both regret. “Brody, you need to go. Please.”
“I need to go?” he asked, flattening his palm against his chest. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
I’d known Brody long enough to see every shade of his moods, from angry to hurt and everything in between. Right now he was looking at me as if I’d run over his dog on purpose and he wanted revenge.
“We just need a little time,” I said, trying to reason with him. There was no way to tell him I feared Stephan’s life might be hanging in the balance, so I had to hope Brody knew me well enough to know I’d never ask him to leave without good reason.
“No,” Stephan said, jumping up. “He can stay. I’ll go. It’s him you want anyway.”
“Please,” I said, grabbing Stephan’s arm as I stood. “Don’t go. Not yet. We weren’t finished talking.”
My heart broke when I thought of how Brody must be feeling, but I’d have plenty of time to explain to him later. The next few minutes with Stephan could be crucial. I couldn’t let him go without knowing what he might do when he left. He wouldn’t have let himself into my apartment if he wasn’t desperate. Stephan had been my boyfriend, my lover, and I’d foolishly allowed him to believe we could be together forever. In spite of what Brody thought, I owed him some kindness and compassion now.
“You weren’t finished talking?” Brody parroted. “I thought you were done with him. Isn’t that what you told me? You’re sharing a bed with me! What the hell could you possibly have to say to this guy?”
My knees nearly buckled when I heard Stephan’s anguished cry. He sounded like a wounded animal caught in a trap. One that had already accepted his fate and was waiting for it to be over.
I grabbed Brody’s arms, my eyes pleading with him for understanding. “I am begging you, just go. We’ll talk later. I promise.”
“We’ll talk later?” he shouted and shook me off before he reached for the door handle. “Don’t count on it!”
I could barely breathe as I stared at the closed door. I wanted to go after Brody, to explain everything, but I couldn’t risk letting Stephan out of my sight for even a second. Turning slowly, I said to Stephan, “I’m sorry about that.”
“About what?” he asked, shoving his hands through his hair. “Sleeping with him again?”
I’d never regret sleeping with Brody, but Stephan didn’t need to know that. “Come, sit down and talk to me.” I was trying to remain calm so he would too, but it wasn’t easy.
He allowed me to usher him to the couch, and I smelled the sweet stench of liquor. Stephan had never been much of a drinker, which made me pray he’d had the good sense to take a cab to my place. Alcohol must be partially to blame for his irrational thoughts. A man with as much to lose as Stephan would never take his own life over a failed relationship.
“Have yo
u talked to anyone about how you’re feeling?”
“I’ve tried talking to you, but you’ve been ignoring me. That’s why I had to come here tonight,” he said, gripping my hands so tight, I fought the urge to wince. “To make you understand that we belong together. Can’t you see that?”
It was as though the last few minutes had never happened. He knew I was back with Brody, but he couldn’t accept it, or didn’t want to.
“What I see,” I said, choosing my words carefully, “is a good, kind, decent man who’s looking for someone to love, someone to share his life with. And you’ll find her. You just have to be patient.”
“I’ve already found her,” he said, stroking my cheek.
He was seriously creeping me out, but I feared for his safety more than my own. Please let me take you to the hospital. If he wouldn’t, I wouldn’t get a wink of sleep tonight, worrying about what he might do next. If this was a cry for attention, it was working. He had my attention. “I really think you should talk to someone, Stephan. A professional.”
“Doctors don’t spill their guts to a shrink,” he said, sounding disgusted. “How would it look to my colleagues if they knew the truth about me?”
“The truth? What does that mean?”
“That my life is falling apart.” He started to cry, leaning his head on my shoulder.
I did the only thing I could—I closed my arms around him and patted his head as I would a small child’s. “I know it seems that way now. We all go through times when we can’t imagine things getting better, but they always do. You know that.”
“I worked my whole life to be a pediatrician. Got good grades, scholarships, went to the best schools. I’m highly regarded in my field.”
“I know,” I said, reaching for a tissue and handing it to him. “You’re important to every child you treat. Those kids and their parents trust you. You save lives, Stephan.”
“Then why do I wake up feeling so miserable, like I can’t stand another day of it?”
After work, he’d often seemed mentally and physically drained, and he didn’t seem to take as much pleasure in his work as some other doctors, but I never thought it would be a source of depression.
“Do you know what it’s like to spend your entire life chasing a dream only to realize it was the wrong dream? It was someone else’s, not yours.”
“Someone else’s?”
“My father’s. He’s a doctor. He always wanted me to be one too.”
“So you did it to make him happy?” I understood the desire to please one’s parents. I’d wrestled with that for too many years.
“Yeah.” He balled up the tissue I offered him before leaning back into the sofa’s cushions. “How pathetic is that? All my life, I never had the guts to tell him what I wanted.”
“What do you want?” I asked, shifting my body so we were farther apart.
“That’s just it. I don’t even know.”
“Oh.” I was starting to understand that his depression had little to do with me. I was just the most recent in a long line of failed relationships that led him to believe things would never work out the way he wanted them to. “Well, maybe you need to take some time to think about that. How about a vacation?”
His eyes swept over my body, taking in my tight gray skirt and tank as though he was seeing it for the first time. “Would you come with me?”
With a brittle smile, I said, “No, I don’t think so.” I hesitated slightly before asking, “Can I make a suggestion?”
He gestured to the door as if he hadn’t heard me. “Sorry I busted in here tonight. That was dumb.”
“As long as we’re on the subject…” I held out my hand. “Can I have my key, please?”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a very familiar key dangling off a silver ring. “Here.”
“Are there any more?”
“No.”
I’d be changing the locks tomorrow anyway, just to be on the safe side. “As I was saying, why not think about getting away for a while? There are some great facilities where you could go to get a little R&R and maybe some therapy to figure out what your next step should be?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “You think I’m having some sort of breakdown, don’t you? I’m not, I pro—”
“Stephan,” I said, silencing him, “I really think you need to do this. If you want, I can drive you home. While you’re packing, I can make some calls, see if we can get you into a treatment facility right away.”
I didn’t feel good about letting him return to a life he hated. And I especially didn’t feel good about the patients he would be treating tomorrow, those who would be counting on him to come to work with a clear head.
“Why would you do that?” he asked, seeming surprised. “You’ve obviously moved on. Compared to Brody, I must be a pretty insignificant part of your past.”
Every man seemed insignificant compared to Brody, but Stephan didn’t need to hear that.
“I’m doing this because you need a friend right now, and if our situations were reversed, I’d like to think you’d do the same for me.”
“You know I would.”
***
Fortunately, we’d found a treatment facility for Stephan in Orlando, and he’d be able to check in tonight. I waited with him until the hired Town Car showed up at his house, and I wished Stephan well with a friendly hug.
Now I was dying to talk to Brody. I’d been trying to call him for almost an hour, but his phone went straight to voice mail. It was getting late, and I knew I should wait until tomorrow to talk to him, give him a chance to cool off, but I needed to see him now. I needed to feel his arms around me, to hear him tell me he didn’t hate me for chasing him off like that.
I drove past all of his brothers’ houses, expecting to see his car, but I had no luck. When I drove past Kane’s house last and saw my sister’s Jeep instead, I had to pull in and find out what was going on with them. And Brody.
I rang the doorbell, turning my back to the door as I waited for Kane to answer.
“Hey,” he said, smiling. “What’re you doing here, beautiful? I expected you and my brother to be celebrating tonight.”
“Celebrating what?” I asked, accepting his unspoken invitation to come in.
My sister was sitting on Kane’s couch with a bowl of popcorn in her lap. “Hey, what’s going on?” She set the bowl on the coffee table, her gaze dropping to my hand. “What happened? Please tell me you didn’t say no.”
“Say no to what?” I rubbed my temple when I felt a headache coming on. After the night I’d had, I wasn’t surprised. “What are you guys talking about? And what are you doing here, by the way?”
“Watching The Battle of Five Armies.”
I rolled my eyes at my sister. “You’ve seen that, like, five times. Do you really need to watch it again?”
“Turns out we’re both huge Hobbit fans,” Kane said, curling his hands around my shoulders from behind. “So I talked her into coming over for a movie marathon. I wanted the company.”
“Huh.” My sister and Kane were friends? I didn’t know what to make of that, nor did I have time to worry about it. I was sure later I’d worry about it plenty, but right now, the only thing on my mind was finding my man. At least, I hoped he was still my man after the way he’d stormed out. “Have you guys seen or heard from Brody tonight?”
“No, we expected him to be enjoying a romantic evening with you,” Macy said. “You haven’t seen him?”
“I did see him earlier, but…” How was I supposed to tell Brody’s brother that I’d asked him to leave so I could have a heart-to-heart with my ex-boyfriend?
“Brody was on cloud nine last time I saw him,” Macy said, studying me closely. “I assumed by now you would be too. What the hell happened?”
“Let me open a bottle of wine,” Kane said. “I have a feeling you’re going to need it.”
“Thanks,” I said, squeezing one of his hands before he released me. “You’re a
lifesaver.”
“Okay, so spill,” Macy said, pointing at a chair next to the sofa she’d camped out on. “Why are you so freaked out?”
“You’ll never guess who was at my place when I got home tonight,” I said, sinking into the chair with a sigh.
“I’m guessing it wasn’t Brody?”
“Stephan.”
“Wait a minute, what?” Macy sat up straighter, pulling her legs into her chest. “He was waiting for you in your apartment? What the hell? You said he gave his key back.”
“Yeah, well, apparently he had another one cut.” I raised my hand. “Don’t worry, I intend to have the locks changed just as soon as I can.” I hoped Stephan would come back from his little vacay with a healthier perspective, but I wasn’t taking any chances.
“You better! Okay, so I’m guessing Brody wasn’t there.” She chuckled. “If he was, he would have beaten the shit out of Stephan for letting himself into your place like that.”
“Brody doesn’t know he let himself in.”
Kane returned with an open wine bottle and two glasses, looking wary. “If you need a little girl time, just say the word.”
“No,” I said, pointing at the free chair across from me. “Please. Sit. I need your take on this.” If anyone would know where Brody would run to, it was Kane.
Kane sat down and set the wine on the table before pouring a glass for each of us and handing them out. “All right, let’s hear it, Ri. What’d my little brother do to screw things up this time?”
“He didn’t do anything. I did.” I took a big sip of wine before curling my hands around the cool glass.
“You said no when he asked you to marry him?” Macy asked. “I was so sure you’d say yes when you saw that ring.”
I sputtered around my second mouthful of wine and wiped my lips with the back of my hand. “What ring?”
Macy winced. “He, uh, didn’t propose?”
“No!” I set my wine glass on the table before I could drop it. “He was going to propose tonight? He had a ring? How do you know that? He told you?”
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