“What for?” He sounded impatient. There was a familiar sign.
“There were...rumors, sire.”
“What rumors? Are you going to stand there and let me ask you obvious questions all evening?”
“Er, my apologies, Your Majesty. Boremasta and the Von Heisens might be colluding to effect a political coup and I’m heading over to confirm things with my own eyes.” How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so honest? I blurted the whole thing out like a proper two-year old instead of maintaining professional courtier-appropriate subtlety.
“I have a feeling I have pressured you too much, Helidon. You’re starting to hallucinate.”
I wanted to contradict His Majesty who, thanks to his great power and grand status, thought little of coups and rebellions. These were anxieties for his courtiers to fret and fuss over.
“You’re right, sire. I think I’ll head back to the city and start on simpler tasks. I’ll have a preliminary report on the methodol—”
“Helidon!” I rattled. “Be quiet for a while. You are in Madame Plaisir’s Parlor. As my Reincarnator, I’d like for you to appreciate what it has to offer.”
I grew concerned. This was not my department at all. “I beg your pardon, Your Majesty. I’d best retire, this is not my field of expertise.”
“Stop being so scared, Helidon. Madame Plaisir!” The crossdresser or eunuch, I still didn’t know who this was, came in within a few seconds. S/he suddenly moved with excellent grace. “Get my Reincarnator a collection of your best. Humans will do, he is not used to anything stronger.”
The madam bowed and left. His Majesty shooed me out the room. I ended up following Madame Plaisir with shaky knees. To say I was nervous and helpless would be telling the truth. But I was even more afraid to insult the King by refusing his offer, or should I say command. If this were anyone else but King Death I would’ve said no in a jiffy. I find sex too much of a committment. You had to live up to a silent expectation, rise to the ocassion and stay risen for an apt amount of time, there were individual preferences that needed to be known, almost psychically, and the whole affair had to be preceded by a lot of physical and emotional preparations, concluding with potential cuddling. I was what you’d call a virgin and preferred to remain that way after seeing so many people go through so much effort just to enjoy a few minutes of pleasure. I found more lasting satisfaction through the pages of a book, or through solo adventures where all the expectation required by an imaginary partner was what I deemed it to be. It was begun, concluded and wrapped up with no lingering judgements, and I got a lot more diversity over the same period of time than I would’ve found through the real deal. But tonight seemed to be my day of reckoning. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare and fast.
“Madam, if it’s alright, may I please have a drink?”
“Of course, sir,” said Madamae Plaisir in that distinctly masculine voice. “I was hoping to suggest that myself.” Was the fear that plain on my face?
I felt most awkward sitting in the pink waiting room, a tray of assorted liquor before me and a potential death trap soon to come. Why did His Majesty put me in this position? I should be investigating the Von Heisen-Boremasta connection not sit here waiting to have sex with total strangers. I wasn’t paying for it, which probably made it a gift from the King himself, which in turn made it impossible for me to refuse even last minute. With each sip of different Karals, I found myself running out of plausible excuses.
By that time the door opened and gorgeous women poured in. I counted five to six of them, each one as beautiful as the next. They giggled, chuckled, and played with my hair and clothes as they guided me bodily to a room. I was scared for my sanity. This was not what I wanted, never ever never. They started to take my clothes off and I was too drunk or I’d have stopped them and put a padlock on my attire like the Von Heisens did their gate. Unlike the castle Karal, parlor drink didn’t leave me feeling buzzed but nauseous, dizzy and disoriented.
They took off their clothes, and to see six bodies with all the right shapes and features pointing in all the right directions... It was splendid but also disconcerting. These were professionals and I was, well, me. The door opened and few more people came in, all of them human, that much I could observe. I was going in and out of consciousness and how I managed to hold my liquor without gurgling it all up and out I do not know. The new entries numbered four and they were men. I didn’t bark up their kind of tree but I was too wasted to understand what I should do about the whole thing. I couldn’t make head or tail of the rest of my evening and late night, all the way into the wee hours of the morning. Totaling ten, these ‘people of the night’ were perfect specimens in body and looks. My sight went one way and the rest of the room followed after.
The first thing I could recall is waking up to a searing headache and plenty of guilt and regret. At least I was grateful that there were no unwelcome violations on my person. They had gone easy on me. I slipped out of bed, over and away from ten sleeping forms, all naked. I felt rested, calm, satiated and completely at peace with the world. I don’t know where the jump in my step came from. I did not want to know a single detail of what happened last night. I was in complete denial and will be for the rest of my existence. What happened in Madame Plaisir’s Parlor stays in Madame Plaisir’s Parlor. I hopped, skipped and jumped my way out of there.
11
I had a note in my hand, given to me by the madam. The King wanted to see me when I woke up, he wanted me back at central government. He also mentioned: ‘The good time wasn’t free. It will be taken out of your credits. Since you’re confident you can reincarnate all these souls, your remuneration will be more than adequate with each succesful reincarnation.’ Bugger, I went through all that torture drunk and I ended up paying for it. Just like His Majesty to pull something like this.
I was mad at him but since I obviously couldn’t show it and since I knew he’d think I was still asleep, I decided to get some solid information under my belt before I met with His Majesty at Death Hall. So here I was doing yet another ‘last thing ever expected’. I was stealing my way onto the Von Heisen estate. I was determined to learn the truth, even if it meant looking King Death in the face and telling him, ‘Sir, your have a traitor for a courtier and his name is Boremasta. Oh, by the bye, he’s working with the Von Heisens to overthrow you’. Of course there were a few technicalities I had to wrinkle out, like my whole idea being based on a thin rumor. But as every courtier knew, whispers like that were smoke. And where there’s smoke there’s a fire.
After all the messes I had gotten myself into, I could sure use a few stars in His Majesty’s favor. That’s why I panted as I climbed the vines growing on one section of the tall outer wall. It was topped with wicked stakes but I was confident I could get over them and lower myself down the other side. It took me a while and I was glad the vampires built the castle on classic tradition than strict modernity. There were no cameras or alarm systems to hinder me. I successfully made it—it’s a good thing vampires hate dogs. I recognized the front entrance and the circular driveway so I made for the back where I spotted a simple fountain and hedged garden. The door was locked but my attempts to see if a good pull would make it obey had someone clinking keys. Soon the door was open and I just stood there, paralyzed with indecision.
“May I help you?” asked one of the servants. He was another life-form, not human, which increased my chances of not being recognized.
“I’m the help. Got locked out. Needed to clean the pool.” My shirt was untucked, my shoes unpolished and overall I looked unkempt. I had after all woken only an hour ago and hadn’t brushed my teeth or combed my hair. I looked much like one of the human staff at this time in the morning.
The creature scoffed, ‘humans’, and moved to let me in. I wasn’t sure the Von Heisens had a pool but with a castle this big and the climate passably good and the money this plenty they must have one. Spontaneous guesses often rang true. I took the first left
I came across and the following right. The corridors were wide enough to accomodate ten servants walking side-by-side but small tables with interesting showpieces cut into some of that space. Paintings—how many do these people have—hung every few meters on the walls. I soon came to a set of pneumatic double doors that my instincts screamed at me not to use. I unconsciously walked past them but before I could make it half way over to the other side, the large doors shot open and almost gave me a heart attack. Staff rushed out and I was carried along with the tide into a set of similar doors on the wall to my left. I hadn’t noticed the second set, they were camouflaged to resemble the corridor decor. I was on familiar territory, the kitchens, but as seen from the far side of the room not the place I had been shown when I first came down to meet Carina Jelva.
An unwelcome voice spoke right next to my ear. I had heard the swoosh and seen the black smoke from the corners of my eyes. Natalya Dunayevsky, vampire chef, had caught me. “You are new?” That thick Russian accent sounded bone-rattling considering I wasn’t here as Reincarnator. “I have smelled you before, da?”
“Noy, noya, no,” I said and quickly composed myself. “New to work, madame. Dessert duty.” I had seen French comic villains a long time ago and used to imitate them well enough to recall how it was done. I used that accent and stilted English so she wouldn’t catch any patterns in my speech from our meeting a few days ago. She immediately responded in rapid-fire French. I though she spoke only Russian but her accent and slang were flawless, at least I thought they were at the speed she spoke. I just nodded my head, didn’t understand a word she said, and followed the huge arm that pointed me toward an immense confectionery station.
“You have been to Madame Plaisir’s,” she said in a slightly shocked tone. “Do not worry, I smell it on many servants who exchange service for service. You cannot afford it otherwise.” She flung a finger in a direction and I silently walked forward as commanded.
I nearly forgot that they had cake for breakfast in Castle Von Heisen but was reminded when I saw flour, eggs, bowls, mixers and instruments I didn’t even know they used in kitchens. A deep horn sounded and several hundred people from all life-systems marched in. The noise was like an ocean pouring over land and breaking everything in its path. They each occupied designated locations. Natalya shouted something loud enough for everyone to hear but even her voice was only mildly noticeable in the din of utensils and varied speeches. Everyone knew the routine, apparently even the newbies, and they obeyed their chef’s start-up command. Breakfast was in the making. Several new hands came to the dessert counter and, from the way some of them moved, I was among pros. Cake was in the baking. I had to slip out sometime and this seemed as good a moment as any. I dislike the Von Heisens but even I didn’t want them to eat bad cake. I was about to slide my way to the next station and then the next until I finally found the exit. I could see it on the far west wall.
“You are out of station,” said Natalya and the gigantic vampire lady didn’t sound happy when she found me ten counters over. Her expression became a suspicious frown.
“Got lost, madame. New to big workplace.”
“If you cannot handle the heat, stay out of my kitchen!” Her voice was a hybrid of a scream and a roar. She caught me with those huge hands and flung me out the double doors. It’s a good thing the doors worked on a pneumatic pump or I’d have been crushed. I don’t know if my afterlife flashed before my eyes, but I’m sure I saw stars. My head hit the corridor wall and I rubbed it to no avail. As soon as I found my feet, I ran in a random direction deeper into the castle.
“Excuse me, may I help you?” The voice was so exceptionally beautiful I thought it was one of the Von Heisens. I turned to find that woman again, the one who danced as she sang in the clearing. I didn’t know what to say. She looked outstanding even in normal settings. She can’t be one of the family, that much I was certain of. The Von Heisens were sticklers for tradition and they won’t be caught undead among the domestic staff let alone a brothel. They did sneak to the Parlor through underground tunnels, though, everybody knew that but who cared about beautiful people looking for pleasure, it was part and parcel of who they were.
“I thought you were... You’re part of Madame Plaisir’s Parlor?”
She gave me a demeaning look. “Not all who are pretty are whores.”
“I meant no offence, lady, I just...”
“It’s alright, the Von Heisens themselves have made inappropriate approaches.”
“And you have the right to say no? I mean, I want you to say no, you’re your own woman, but I’m just looking for answers and I can’t find gentler questions, I’m sorry.”
“The Von Heisens, no matter their vampiric natures and sometimes unusual behaviour, are bred to the highest standards. They are true gentlemen and ladies and will never force someone into bed against their will. To them sex is most satisfying when all parties are in agreement. But when it comes to everything else they have a hand in, well, let’s just say they’ve made a science out of servitude. And who are you to be asking all these questions anyway? Kitchen staff I met just now are still laughing at you being thrown out by Madame Chef.”
“I’m afraid you’ve caught me. The game is up but only to you. Lady, I’m the Reincarnator and you seem like a sensible person so please listen to me before you do anything hasty.” I explained what I was doing in the briefest manner possible. I told her about my suspicions, the pressure that was on me to get results, and the fact that Boremasta’s involvement with the Von Heisens could hinder that result. She was shocked at first but gradually simmered down. Dang, she was so beautiful, more so up close. My heart beat fast and it wasn’t just because of my self-appointed spy mission.
“What makes you so sure you can trust me, Mr. Reincarnator?”
“Please call me Helidon. I’m desperate, that’s why I’m going out on a limb here. I don’t believe in signs but this is the second time I’m seeing you. I always tell myself, one is a circumstance, two is a pattern. I need your help, please.”
“You were so desperate that you spent a night at Madame Plaisir’s before you came here to investigate State matters?”
“That’s not my fault. It was His Majesty. I’m not saying it’s King Death’s fault but he ordered me to enjoy myself and I thought it was free and I’d never done it before so I was terrified and I don’t remember doing any of it because I was drunk. Then he left me a note, King Death did, not one of the men who got into bed with me. I mean I don’t recall anything, there were more women than there were men and I’m into women, hell yeah, but I drank too much, the King’s orders. I... I’m sorry. I don’t know what to make of yesterday.” I was winded and confused by the time I finished speaking. She smiled at me.
“Well, if it isn’t your fault and you’re here this morning to carry out the King’s tasks, I think I believe you. I’m Elizabeth Krem,” she said and offered her hand. I shook it. “Call me Elizabeth. I’ll help you but nothing over and beyond, Helidon.” She didn’t sound happy to call a courtier by name. She placed the tray she was carrying down on the side-table and rubbed her hands on her apron. “I can only do so much to help His Majesty. But I’ve been here many years and I do not want to lose my job. With all due respect, Helidon, from what I’ve heard or read about you in the papers there’s not much you can do to save my neck if I get caught.” I tried to look nonchalant. It wasn’t my plan to make such a bad impression on a beautiful girl. I had to try and salvage my image, even if it meant keeping a straight face as she spoke. “I’ve got to take this pre-breakfast tray to the morning room. You can help me, if you’d like. Just follow behind and help me set the table. We’ll see how things go from there. If anything happens...”
“...I never met you,” I completed for her. I was already taken with this woman, beautiful and devious. She was amazing, smart, talented. I wondered what she was doing in a place like this let alone why she’d taken her life. There will come a day when her name will be on paper and I’
ll have to take it to His Majesty for approval. There will come a day when this desirable woman will be reincarnated and gone from Quadrant City.
I followed her past the corridor and into a huge antechamber. Her steps echoed in the uncarpeted space. She walked toward a single ornamented door and I held it open for her. As soon as I laid eyes on Courtier Boremasta my palms found the surface of the door and my eyes shot wide open. If I could see my own face I’d have described the bewilderment on it. I wasn’t expecting to see the fat Ferxian rubbing shoulders with his schemers this early in the morning.
“...And I had to tell them off,” said Boremasta. I never did understand how something as ugly as him could sound so refined and charming. He spoke between bites. “It’s hard to get good help these days. But I see you are doing well in that regard.” He had caught sight of Elizabeth and his attention was on her. I hated that lecherous shine in his eyes but it served to keep them off me. I had composed myself, closed the door behind me and then imagined hitting myself on the back of the head for not leaving the room instead. From what I saw at first glance, he was with three other Von Heisens and not the esteemed baron and baroness.
“I wish the governent had more help with this Resistance that’s growing in the slums?”
“They’re deplorable. Why is there always a Resistance? Are they opposing His Majesty’s rule? The dumb blokes. They won’t even be able to see a pixel of their thoughts become reality.” Boremasta chuckled and ate some more.
This was fresh news. A Resistance in Quadrant? But this was one of King Death’s many territories. Nobody could go against His Majesty, and that’s an afterlife fact. It just wasn’t done, impossible and improbable at the same time. You can’t kill Death. Besides, his rule wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been for us suicides. If he put his mind to it, he could’ve made our afterlives a veritable hell. Over all these centuries, Quadrant City has gradually grown and spread under His Majesty’s progressive rule. Why would a Resistance pop up for the first time in the city’s history?
Long Live Death: Welcome To The Afterlife Page 10