‘What?’
‘Stop saying what! Just listen. I only heard one side of the conversation, but I’m pretty sure. Mum’s been flipping out.’
‘I’m not staying there forever,’ I say, but even as I say it, I imagine it. Staying. I shake my head. ‘Why would Kelly say that to Mum?’
‘I don’t know. Mum’s been crying.’ Taylor kicks at a clod of hard, dry dirt and sighs. ‘She thinks she’s losing you, Stell.’
***
As it nears dusk, Mum insists on driving me back to Kelly’s. She waves a finger at Taylor before we leave home. ‘Don’t you even think about going anywhere, okay?’
We don’t talk until we get out of Sutherbend.
‘Where was Dad? I thought I’d see him.’
‘His counselling session, love. You know that.’
‘So he’s doing counselling again.’
‘Yeah.’
‘How is he?’
‘Just tired.’
‘How is he, actually?’
‘He’s fine. Spending a lot of time with that dog. You’d swear the dog knows it was your dad who found him and saved him, the way he follows your dad about.’
‘Mum.’
She sighs. ‘He’s okay, love.’
‘Is he gambling?’
‘He’s really flat, but he’s stopped for now.’
‘For now?’
Mum bites her lip. ‘It’s all that matters. Who knows what he’s going to do down the track, but for now he’s not.’
I wait for Mum to ask me about living with Kelly permanently; to tell me not to. To guilt me and pressure me so that I agree to come back with her, even if I’m not sure that it’s what I want to do. Mum just sighs and reaches for my hand, and I feel a tremor running through her fingers. ‘My, my,’ she says eventually. ‘So, can you really hear the ocean from her place?’
***
It rains and rains. When I get up the next morning, Kelly’s already gone to work. I wonder if she’s noticed the snapped seedlings, whether she’ll say anything to me about it if she does. When I switch on the television, it’s full of footage of the Sutherbend River breaking its banks.
I call Mum.
‘We’re alright,’ she says. I can hear the murmur of her workplace in the background. ‘It’s all fine.’
‘But the river . . .’
‘It’s nowhere near as bad as the last flood. We’re safe on our side of the park. It’s the high side. It’s all fine.’
After pacing around Kelly’s house, I call Taylor, who’s staying with an Ascott friend. ‘The paths in town are all under water,’ she says. ‘Took me ages to walk here.’
‘How’s everyone else at Fairyland?’
‘What?’
‘And where would they go?’ I ask.
‘Who?’
‘Where will everyone at Fairyland go if it does flood?’
She sighs. ‘I don’t know, Stella.’
After hanging up, I try to catch the train to Fairyland, but big patches of the tracks are under water. Walking there isn’t an option because it will take me hours. I call up the River Pub and Stu answers, sounding harassed.
‘How’s the water situation?’ I ask.
‘Not great – scaring away all my customers.’
‘But not as bad as last time?’
‘No. Not as bad as last time.’ He pauses. ‘But there’s a lot more rain coming. I don’t know, Stell. Honestly, it could go either way.’
***
When Kelly comes home, I’m waiting for her by the door, which I know she doesn’t like.
‘The river’s flooding,’ I say. ‘In Sutherbend.’
‘Yeah – some of the storm drains around here are looking a bit full, too,’ she says, putting down her bag.
‘Could you drive me, maybe? I want to make sure everything’s okay and the train lines are down.’
‘I’ve got a meeting tonight, Stella. I’m sorry.’
‘Could they stay here? If they need to?’
‘Who?’
‘My parents. Taylor. My family.’
Kelly goes very still. ‘Oh, Stella. I don’t think so. There’s not the room.’
‘They could sleep on the floor.’
‘I’m sure it won’t come to that.’
My breath catches in my throat. ‘But if it does . . .’
‘There are plenty of hotels nearby.’ She backs away from me, towards her wet garden. ‘They’d be happier booking in there. Lots of the rooms overlook the sea.’
***
My head is consumed with thoughts of Lockwood High, of how strange it is that Kelly would ask me to stay here longer when most of the time it doesn’t feel like she wants me here, at all. Zin and Lara both call me to say my family can stay with them if they need to. Clem texts to tell me the same thing, but I guess it’s probably come from his mum.
‘Is the water still rising?’ I ask Lara. It had stopped raining here at lunchtime, but Sutherbend always seems to have its own weird weather going on.
‘It’ll rise for a while after the rain stops,’ Lara says. ‘With all the run-off and everything.’
‘Is it as bad as last time?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe. The news crews are all saying different things.’
I call up Taylor. ‘How’s the river?’
‘I’m still at Michelle’s. I don’t know.’
I want to call Richard or Matt or Ginny, but I don’t have their numbers. Our friendship has been confined to the sagging fence line of Fairyland. Now that I’ve left, I’m alone.
***
It’s impossible to sleep that night, particularly when it starts to rain again. I sit in the doorway overlooking Kelly’s garden and stare out at the dark, drizzly greenery. Her fishpond is overflowing, but the fish don’t seem to mind.
I want to call Mum, but it’s too late. I know she’ll be asleep, or maybe dozing and listening to the rain on the roof of our cabin. I try to calculate how much higher the water would need to be to reach our cabin and that side of the park, but I’ve never been good at maths.
I find myself daydreaming, remembering all the times when I was young and upset and Clem would be there. I’m here, I’m here, I’m here. It’s okay. I’m here.
‘Keep them safe, keep them safe, keep them safe,’ I murmur.
In the morning, the sky has cleared. Mum calls me to say that the whole low side of the park has gone under, but no one has lost their home. They’re all okay.
I sit in the doorway a while longer, feeling strangely out of sorts that so much had happened and I’d been here, safe in the walled garden, watching Kelly’s pretty fishpond overflow.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
‘Year Twelve,’ says Zin. She’s got a floral scarf tied around her head. We’ve only just got to school and two teachers have already told her to take it off, but she just puts it back on once they’re out of sight. A few kids are off school while their families sort out flooded houses and shops, but the damage has been pretty limited. There’s a sense of relief at the school. It almost feels like the last day, rather than the first.
‘Year Twelve,’ I say, yawning into my hands. Parts of Sutherbend are still under water. There’s less damage than after the last flood, but only just. The sun has been out every day since, almost apologetically.
‘I can’t believe it! Our last year!’ Zin says. We get lockers next to each other and bags two others for Clem and Lara. The lockers are worn out, rusted in places. But we’ve been waiting for these lockers for five years.
‘You’re not really just staying with her for a holiday anymore though, are you? Not if school’s back. You live with her.’
‘I don’t live with her!’
‘You live with her.’
I find Richard at break time. He’s pale and drawn, fretting about all the plants and trees that have been washed away by the river.
‘We’ve lost all the beds near the water,’ he says wearily. ‘And it’s been so humid we’re getting fun
gus on everything and the tomatoes have split. It’s a mess.’
‘I can come by and help.’
‘Thanks – we’re still trying to work out what exactly needs doing.’ He shakes his head. ‘Gardening, hey?’
The only class I have that day with Clem is biology, but he sits across the room with his soccer friends and I end up with Lara, who’s been in a bad mood all day because one of her electives got cancelled at the last minute.
‘It’s preposterous!’ she says, stabbing her pen so hard that she punctures through her exercise book.
A girl called Fee who’s sporty like Lara sits down on my other side. ‘Wow,’ she says.
I sigh. ‘Legal Studies got canned, she only just found out.’
‘Oh, that’s rough,’ Fee says.
Matthew comes in and sits down on the other side of Fee. ‘Hey,’ he says. ‘How’s Lockwood?’
‘Very oceany. How’s . . . the park?’
‘Very rivery.’
I smile. ‘You doing okay?’
Matthew glances at Fee and Lara, who’s now hitting her pen against the edge of the table and swearing. ‘Yeah, fine.’
Clem gazes our way as Matthew sits down with us and then studiously ignores me for the entire class, and when the lunch bell rings he heads straight out to the oval.
‘You having lunch?’ I ask Matthew.
‘Nah. Said I’d drop in and catch up with Ms Huang in the library.’ I remember what Ginny had said, about Taylor covering for Matthew.
‘Hey, Matt?’
‘Yeah?’
Zin stops outside our classroom. ‘He’s not having lunch with us?’ she asks, watching Clem disappear across the grounds.
‘Never mind,’ I say to Matthew. ‘See ya.’
‘See ya.’
Zin cranes her neck towards the oval. ‘What about his pie? He always has a pie.’
‘He obviously doesn’t want his pie,’ Lara snaps.
Zin raises her eyebrows.
‘Legal Studies,’ I explain.
‘Oh yeah. Right. That sucks.’ She pats Lara’s arm and Lara bats her away and stalks up the stairs towards the lockers. Zin and I are lazier – we collapse into chairs by the canteen without putting away our books.
‘Clem’s being weird,’ I say. ‘He didn’t even sit with us in biology.’
‘Well, he’s upset,’ Zin says.
‘Why?’
‘You know why,’ Zin says a bit grumpily.
‘I don’t!’
‘Stella, c’mon.’
‘What?’
‘Are you really that dense?’
‘I’m not dense! I’m evolved!’
‘He’s crazy about you, and since all the family and Fairyland drama, you’ve totally iced him out, that’s all.’
‘What? Clem’s not crazy about me! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!’
‘Wow. You really are that dense.’
‘You and Lara have never got it! How we’re just friends!’
‘No, you’re just friends. Clem’s always had a thing for you.’
‘He has not!’
‘If you say so.’ She counts her change. ‘If I grab some chips, you want to split them with me?’
‘Sure. Thanks.’ I frown. ‘Clem’s not crazy about me, Zin. That’s not what any of this is about.’
‘I’ll be back. Mind our books!’ As Zin goes to line up, I rest my chin in my hands and look out across the oval. Even from here, on the crowded grass, I can pick out Clem zipping across the pitch and it makes my stomach harden unhappily.
***
That night, Mary’s picking me up from Kelly’s. She’s taking me to meet my grandfather. When I get back to Kelly’s after school, Kelly’s already there. She’s vacuuming and I can faintly smell bleach. ‘Kelly?’ I call, a bit unsettled. I mean, she’s never home this early. I’d had to keep checking the text message to make sure I’d read it correctly.
She steps out of the bathroom, looking harassed. ‘Stella!’
‘Everything okay?’
‘You left the window open!’
‘What?’
‘I’ve told you so many times that everything has to be shut! Do you feel how hot it is in here? Do you?’
‘I’m sorry! I thought it was closed!’
‘It wasn’t. It was open.’
‘How open was it? I thought I checked.’
‘A good inch.’
‘I left it open an inch?’
Kelly seems to calm down a little. ‘Mary’s late.’
‘She’s not late – she’s picking me up in half an hour.’
‘I’m going to throttle her. You know you don’t have to see him, don’t you? He’s not very nice, Stella.’
I swallow. ‘I want to meet him. And I promised Mary – if you say you’re going to do something, you should do it.’
***
My grandfather has on a checked shirt with short sleeves. Mary gives him a hug and a little kiss on the cheek and then goes back to enthusiastically stirring the curry on her new stovetop.
‘This is great! Isn’t this great? It’s amazing how quickly the weeks just whizz by. Not enough hours in the day.’ Mary drops the spoon on the benchtop and comes over. ‘This is Stella. Isn’t she divine?’
‘Stella,’ says my grandfather. He extends a calloused hand for me to shake without quite looking at me. ‘I’m Simon.’
‘She’s got Mum’s eyes,’ Mary says.
Simon does look at me then. ‘No, she doesn’t. She doesn’t look like your mother. I thought . . . I hoped she might.’
‘Well,’ says Mary. ‘Curry’s ready. We should eat. It’s from that wonderful Indian cookbook of Mum’s. Best curries I’ve ever had.’
‘I don’t like curry,’ Simon says.
‘This isn’t even spicy!’ Mary says. ‘You’ll love it, Dad. I promise.’
I study Simon. He and Kelly look similar. They have the same hair and nose and the same long faces.
‘Sutherbend’s quite the up-and-coming suburb,’ says Mary through a mouthful of naan bread. She turns to her dad. ‘Really, the market. It’s exploding.’
‘Yes,’ says Simon. ‘I read about that meth-lab explosion in the papers.’
‘We’re only at the caravan park temporarily!’ I say.
‘What are you saying?’ Simon turns to Mary. ‘Mary, what’s she saying?’
‘It’s a great suburb,’ says Mary. ‘A really up-and-coming market. Right on the river. Going to be the next Lockwood.’
‘I’ve got a headache,’ Simon says.
‘You’re fine, you’re fine. Have an aspirin,’ Mary says.
‘What school does she go to?’ he asks.
‘Dad used to be a school principal,’ Mary says to me. ‘He was great at it.’
‘Sutherbend,’ I say.
‘Stella loves reading,’ Mary says.
‘Comforting to hear she can read, given how awful that school is.’
I flush. ‘Sutherbend’s a good school.’
‘Ascott’s the awful one,’ Mary says helpfully.
‘Taylor doesn’t mind it,’ I say.
‘Who’s Taylor?’ Simon asks Mary.
‘Stella’s sister,’ Mary says. ‘Taylor goes to Ascott?’
‘Only because there was a misunderstanding about a fire in the library,’ I say.
‘At least Stella doesn’t go to Ascott,’ Mary says.
‘She may as well be going there. Sutherbend’s no better. Kids who go to those schools, they don’t amount to much.’
Mary gasps. ‘Dad!’
‘Well, it’s true.’
‘I’m right here!’ I snap.
He doesn’t look at me. I stand up. ‘You know what? I get that it would’ve been difficult for you when Kelly got pregnant with me – but it was eighteen years ago! Get over it! Kelly has, and she was the pregnant one!’ I pick up my bag. ‘I can’t do anything about being here. But I am here. I exist.’
***
I
walk back to Lockwood. It takes me an hour, and when I get back to Kelly’s, she buzzes me in and I find her sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. She drinks coffee like water. She even has a coffee just before she goes to bed.
She glances at me as I walk into the room. ‘You okay? Mary called me.’
‘Yeah. I’m fine.’
‘I’m sorry about that – and him.’ Kelly twirls her cup on the wooden tabletop.
‘Has he always been like that?’
‘Since it happened.’ She glances at me. Since I happened, I think. ‘Once you were adopted out, he pretended nothing had happened. But he never treated me the same.’
I want to know what it was all like. Whether she was frightened or elated or furious. I want to know when she could feel me kicking. I want to know what it was like to lose her mum when she needed her so badly. I want to know what it was like to give birth to me and then lose me and wonder about me. I want to know my grandmother’s name. But Kelly sits with her back very straight and her jaw tight and I can’t bring myself to ask her anything. ‘That must’ve been tough.’
Kelly’s expression hardens. She shrugs and puts her cup in the dishwasher. ‘I’ve got that conference call.’
I wonder if this is the most I’m ever going to find out about how I came to be here; what Kelly went through. ‘Why won’t you talk to me?’
‘I’ve got a conference call, I said. Good night, Stella.’
***
I dream of my grandmother that night. She is running and I can’t catch her. As soon as I wake up, I call Mary.
‘What happened to your mum?’ I ask.
Mary yawns and I realise that I’ve woken her up, that it’s only just after dawn.
‘Mum wanted to help Kelly raise you, but Dad wouldn’t allow it. He and Kelly had a huge fight about it and Kelly ran away for a bit, stayed in this abandoned house by the beach, although we didn’t know where she was at the time. Mum and Dad flipped out – their pregnant, teenage daughter, living on the street. Dad sort of flipped because it wasn’t seemly, you know? And Mum just went mad with worry. And then Mum had a stroke while Kelly was gone. That’s how she died.’ Mary’s voice cracks. ‘It was just one of those things, you know? No real reason for it. She had the stroke and then she was gone – just like that. Dad blames Kelly for her dying. For everything. He reckons it was her running away that did it. I guess it’s easier for him to focus on that than start to unpick all the stuff he did wrong.’
How to Grow a Family Tree Page 23