I heard the pounding on the large front doors. I heard yelling. I couldn’t move. I was too late. I was too much of a fool to believe them. They had me right where they wanted me. I bet one of them was outside the windows behind me, ready to break through and grab me if I tried to run. I knew it would be Silas at the front door. I couldn’t face him, but I could probably take whoever it was outside. As I looked back at the windows to try and find whoever had been there, I heard it, the pelting of hail on the windows and roof. It was going to be exactly like that night when I lost myself.
I gasped as the sound of hail was followed by the front doors banging open wildly. The wind ripped through the house and hit me and left with the breath I had been holding. Silas was inside. He looked frantic and crazed. Soaking wet, shivering, and wild. He looked at me and was saying something but I couldn’t hear anything over the hail and the ringing in my ears from my panic. I froze. I had no more fight in me when it came to Silas. I resigned.
Some part of my brain could tell he was yelling something and I felt the bile in my stomach protest. I began to fall to my knees. I knew I kept whispering “No.” over and over but he wouldn’t care. Just like last time when I begged him not to hurt me. He wasn’t going to listen. He didn’t love me. It was all a lie. It always would be. I clutched my chest, it felt like it was on fire and I couldn’t breathe. I knew at any moment I was going to see his boots approach me. I prayed he didn’t take his time like he did long ago. I prayed it was quick.
My vision became blurry and black spots were creeping in, I was going to pass out from all this. I chanced a look up and what I saw knocked the breath out of me. He was in front of me. On his knees. With his palms flat on his thighs. His head was bowed and he was whispering. I couldn’t make out what it was. Everything else was too loud. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I closed my eyes and exhaled and opened them. He was still there. Kneeling in front of me. Like the king accepting defeat and surrendering to the queen.
I was wrong. He wasn’t here to hurt me. The ringing in my ears stopped and I heard him. I heard the whispering. “I love you, Honey. I love you, Honey.” Over and over. I broke with a sob and collapsed fully on my hands and knees. My sobs turned into a broken laugh. Silas lifted his head and watched me. He didn’t move closer to me or attempt to touch me. “Little Honey.. I am so sorry. I swear I tried to get here before it got too bad. I’m so sorry I failed you, baby.” His voice was raw, thick with emotion, and gravelly from yelling my name. The tears were falling freely from my eyes and I sat back with my knees close to my chest. Silas stayed where he was but his hands were now clenched into fists. He was shivering, too. My heart clenched and I wanted to reach out for him but I didn’t have the strength to move.
He looked at me and offered me a small nervous smile. “Little Honey, let me hold you?” Barely managing it, I nodded. He moved slowly to me and lifted me up and asked, “Did you set up in the den, little love?” I shivered and nodded my head against his chest. He tightened his hold on me and carried me all the way into the den and set me down into the corner spot of the sectional. “I’m going to take my boots off and make sure the doors are shut and locked, I promise I will be right back, okay?” Apparently, all I could do was nod, I gave a small smile but I’m sure he saw right through it.
He walked out of the den and I felt the panic creep back in slowly. What if he was letting the rest of them in? What if they were here to hurt me? I begged myself to get it under control and I focused on my breathing. I heard the fridge open and a deep chuckle from Silas. He walked back into the den and held up the cooler I heard prepared. I shrugged at him, embarrassed that he had caught me. “You know, I never thought I would meet someone who was this prepared. Who would’ve thought it would be the girl I was in love with?”
He smiled, and not just any regular smile. He smiled the true genuine Silas smile. My heart fluttered and may have even stopped beating for a second or two. I attempted to speak, clearing my throat, I whispered, “Why are you here?” He tipped his head back and laughed, a deep and rich sound. Setting the cooler down on the table and taking his soaking shirt off he looked at me. “I’ve just confessed, not even five minutes ago that I love you, and now not even thirty seconds ago that I am in love with you, and you ask me why I am here?” He shook his head and tsked at me, before turning serious and kneeling down in front of the couch and grabbed my hands. “Honey, I suspected you feared storms, after what happened the last time you were here. I wanted… no. I needed to be here to erase those memories with better ones. I needed to be here for you in the right way. The way I want to always be here for you. The way I always should have been.”
I felt the tears slip and I sniffled. He squeezed my hands and kissed my knuckles, slowly. “I do love you, Honey. I have for over half my life.” I nodded and smiled. “I know. I’ve known for a while. It’s nice to hear. Especially after everything that just happened.” I sighed and swallowed; my throat felt like there was a knot in it. “Honey, what happened when I knocked on the door?” I turned away from him and looked out the bay window and watched the storm. “I hate storms like this. I despise them. I loathe hearing hail on the glass windows. When… when I was being taken out of the house that night, the only thing I could hear past the ringing in my ears was the sound of hail pelting the glass on the windows and the rain on the roof. When I heard you knocking on the door, along with the sound of the hail, it… it started to make me shut down. My brain brought me back to that night and I thought history was repeating itself and I just couldn’t-” I choke off for a moment, pushing back the rising panic as the memories start to push to the surface again.
After a few deep breaths, I look at him again and continue. “I couldn’t look at you again if you had been here to repeat what you did that night. Not after what we have shared since I have been back. I didn’t want to believe that it hadn’t been real. I didn’t want everything to be a lie. I didn’t want to lose you, not when I had just got you back.” I turned back to the window and watched the wind tear through the manor grounds.
“Right before you started knocking and pounding on the door, I was already falling victim to a panic attack. I felt like I was hearing things and seeing things. I swear I saw someone outside the windows in the other room. I knew it was you at the door and my fear got the best of me and I thought the rest of the boys were outside waiting to break in and grab me. I figured I could take them. I knew I could face them; my anger would have gotten me through it. But you? I fell. I wasn’t able to face you and I resigned before you even took two steps in. I was ready to beg you to make it fast. I was ready to beg you to have mercy on me.” He reached up and cupped my cheek and I leaned into his warmth and closed my eyes.
He wiped away my tear with his thumb and squeezed the hand he was still holding. I found the courage to continue. “Silas, everything has moved so quickly that sometimes I wonder if we’re still spinning while dancing. So much has happened. I don’t know where we stand fully and I feel like I never will. I feel like I know what I want, but I know I can’t have it yet. There’s too much to do. It’s overwhelming, even on a good day.” I laughed softly, but bitterly and looked back at him. I felt drained. Tired and weak. I just wanted to sleep.
He stood and leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Honey, I need to get out of these jeans before I freeze to death and then I want to curl up on the couch with you and hold you. Will you let me do that?” I nodded. “I don’t have any pants that will fit you though. You’re too tall.” He laughed and looked right at me as he unbuttoned his jeans and slowly slid them down his long-toned legs, not breaking eye contact at all. I swallowed. It was too hot in here. Surely the fire was out of control and I was going to be burnt alive under his gaze. Should have written my will. He could tell I was having a hard time focusing and the bastard smirked at me. He stood back up slowly and I watched him intently. He stood in front of me in nothing but soft, bamboo boxer briefs. Nothing was left to the imagination. My mouth watere
d.
He stretched lazily and I watched his muscles in his abdomen tighten and his arms bulge and my gaze landed on the elusive tattoo on his chest. A cluster of deep vibrant red roses were placed right over his heart. Black swirls of thorns surrounded it and spread along his chest and on the sides of his neck and to his back. I had to know. “When and why did you get that tattoo?” He smiled at me and walked over to the cooler, giving me the most delicious view of his toned ass. “The day I turned sixteen, the boys and I went to the tattoo parlor. I told them what I wanted to get and why. They were all on board and watched me get inked that same day. I got it because you have always held my heart. You have always owned my heart. You always will, little Honey. The day that Hawk turned sixteen he called us all up and told us that he wanted to get a tattoo. Naturally, we all supported him. When we got to the same place I went he showed us the design he had Gabe draw up. Would you like to guess what it was?” My throat was too thick with emotion again. He could sense it and continued. “Gabe drew a cluster of five smaller roses just as deep and as vibrant as mine.”
I felt my eyes fill with tears again. “Hawk got that tattooed on his right shoulder blade. As did Gabe and Kass, both on their respective birthday’s. We meant it when we said we were yours, little Honey.” My heart swelled and I couldn’t believe all four of them did that for me. Silas moved back to me and handed me a bottle of water that I had put in the cooler and lifted my legs up and sat down and placed my legs over his lap. He grabbed one of the blankets I had and covered us both up. He settled into the couch and let his hand settle on my bare thigh. His hand was so warm and welcoming, I felt myself relax at his touch, and closed my eyes.
Hours must have passed. I hadn’t even realized I had fallen asleep. The storm was still raging outside but the fire was almost completely out and there was still no power. I looked over at Silas and saw that he, too, had fallen asleep. I took this moment to study him. He looked so peaceful, his head turned slightly in my direction and up against the back of the couch. His breathing was steady and soft. He was beautiful. His hand was still on my thigh and his other arm was draped over my lower stomach and hips. I hadn’t felt this calm and relaxed in such a long time. Things couldn’t go on like they had been. I needed to learn to let Silas in and let him help me. Even just his presence helped calm my nerves. It was time to forgive.
I smiled at this revelation and vowed to be more open and try to trust him more. If I wanted to find peace and move on with my life I needed to have him in my life and I needed to let go and just feel. I shifted slightly, not wanting to wake him but I desperately needed to move. I tried to stretch out just a tiny bit, when I heard his lazy drawl, “You know, if you needed to move, you could have just asked me to get up.” He lifted his head and gave me a sleepy smile before yawning and stretching his arms. I took the opportunity to move my legs from his lap and stand and stretch. I suddenly became very aware of what I was still wearing. I was only in some cheeky panties and a very loose-fitting oversized shirt that hung off my left shoulder. I was sure he had an exceptionally good view of my ass. The next thing I knew he was behind me, wrapping his arms around my abdomen and pulling me tightly against him.
I felt his breath on my neck, soft, steady, and warm. I sighed into him and our bodies became completely meshed together. It felt like coming home. It felt right, like we belonged together. I laid my head against his chest and just let myself be in the moment. “I’ve missed you, little Honey. So much. I’ve wanted to hold you this close since you returned.” I didn’t know what to say. I still felt lost with where Silas and I stood with one another. I needed clarity, I needed to be able to breathe and not be influenced by his intoxicating smell. I pushed away from him slowly and turned to face him.
“We really need to talk, Silas.” He looked puzzled. “We are talking, Honey. What else do we need to talk about? I’m sorry if I’ve misread something or if I’ve-” I held my hand to stop his nervous rambling and explain. “No, no. Everything is okay, I’m not mad at you, but I do need to tell you some things. Why don’t you get the fire back to life and I’ll go grab some stuff from the kitchen? Do you still like the honey pecan cream cheese with your bagels?”
He grinned at me. “I can’t believe you remembered that.. Yes, it’s still my absolute favorite, little Honey.” I smiled and blushed and went into the kitchen after lighting a candle to take with me. I grabbed some of the bagels Vi had made and then grabbed the cream cheese spread that Silas was practically addicted to and put everything on a tray to take back into the den. Next, I grabbed a pitcher of fresh orange juice and set everything on the tray and made my way back into the den.
Silas had added more logs to the fire and came to grab the tray from me and set it down on the table. I took that moment to see what he’d done with the room. He had taken all of the blankets and laid them flat on the large area rug in front of the fire. He was still in the process of grabbing the pillows I had brought and the pillows in the storage area under the bay window and was making a makeshift lounge in front of the fire for us. It was so simple yet so Silas. “I’m still rather cold from earlier, so I hope you don’t mind sitting down here with me and talking things out by the fire while we eat.”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t mind at all. Speaking of earlier, why were you that soaking wet? Didn’t you drive here?” He sat down and brought the tray down in between us and poured us both a glass of juice. “I ran here, Honey.” I looked at him in confusion. “Why would you have ran here? I mean unless you were at your house, but still I can’t imagine you being that wet from running from your house.” He shook his head.
“Honey, I was in town, at the Drip when I saw the clouds getting darker. I left my car in the public parking lot because I knew there was too much traffic for me to get here in time. I got here just as it started to hail. I probably should have brought my car but it didn’t matter at the time. I was so focused on getting to you and making sure you were okay. I was still too late. I tried calling you as I was running here to tell you that you weren’t going to be alone. That you didn’t have to be alone anymore, but you never answered. I even called Hawk to try and get a hold of you. By the look and the state of you, you really didn’t expect any company.” He looked up and down my figure and smirked. “Unless, of course, this is how you dress to greet all your guests.” I scoffed.
“Only the stubborn, arrogant, cute ones.” I mutter, mostly to myself but he heard anyway and I wasn’t really complaining. He looked surprised by my answer but recovered quickly. “Well, if that’s how you want to welcome me into your place, you won’t hear one complaint from me. I appreciate it very much, little Honey.” I felt the blush creep back up my neck and focused on my juice.
“Thank you, by the way, for coming. I know that you didn’t have to but it means a lot to me. I’m not sure I would have been able to calm myself down on my own. Thank you for knowing how to help me out of my panic attack.” He leaned forward and grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Honey, I want to be here for every single one in the future and I never want to be the cause of another.” He squeezed my hand gently before moving back to his side.
“I think.. I’m ready to forgive you… I think it’s time. I think you deserve to be forgiven.” I felt the last of the weight lift off of me as I said those words to him, I felt free. The rest of the halls I kept around my heart burst into flames, the ash carrying away on the winds of the past. I almost expected the immediate sense of fear at being so open with him again, but it never came. When I looked up into his deep cerulean eyes, so full of wonder and surprise, I felt like I was coming home and my heart cracked in two for a whole other reason.
Everything that happened next, happened in slow motion. I watched as Silas moved the tray and set everything back on the table and then he was right in front of me, on his knees and sitting on his heels. “I am going to kiss you now, Honey, and if you don’t want me to, you need to tell me right now.” I nodded my head and gave him my permission
. He closed the distance between us and cupped my cheek as he kissed me softly. I felt his love and his passion being poured into me. It felt like he was literally breathing life back into me. He pulled back and I wanted to protest at his actions until I opened my eyes and looked at him.
Silas had never looked so happy. He was glowing with joy. I could see it radiating off of him. I smiled and unconsciously brought my fingers to my lips. I watched as his eyes darkened as he watched me and I blushed. He moved over me, effectively pushing me back onto the mountain of pillows and positioned himself in between my legs. I felt my heart rate pick up and I shivered at the feeling of him against me like this. Towering over me, his core against mine, his abdomen pressed against me.
He was holding himself up on his hands and he leaned down and kissed my cheek and whispered into my ear, “Say you’re mine, Honey, tell me that you want only me… forever.” I felt myself become slick with arousal and I felt entirely too hot, but if it meant catching fire, I would want it to be like this. In his grasp. In his love. He licked the shell of my ear and my hips lifted into his on their own. He chuckled a deep and sinister chuckle, “I am very eager to explore everything you have to offer, little Honey, and I will, but not this time. Say it, little love.”
I moaned softly at his words and gave a breathy, “Yes, always.” I could feel his smile against my neck. He kissed his way back to my lips and kissed me deeply. I opened for him, wanting to feel his tongue against my own. He took advantage and slid his tongue along mine, slowly, savoring every single second. Simultaneously he pressed his arousal into my core, letting me feel just how hard he was for me. I lifted my hips and pressed against him just as hard. He groaned as he kissed me and I felt myself become even more slick and I knew it would be visible in just my cheeky lace panties. Time had certainly done Silas justice in his downstairs department, judging by just how long and thick he felt against my pulsing cunt.
Whiskey & Honey: Crimes of Crimson Valley: Book One Page 30