As Rick neared his wagon, he heard his niece crying. Waves of guilt threatened to overwhelm him. He should never have let Sadie talk him into the trip out West. She wasn’t strong enough to travel, the last difficult birth leaving her weak. But only in body. When Sadie set her mind to something, nobody could change it. But he was the man of the house. He should have put his foot down. If he had, his sister and maybe the boys would still be alive.
What would Sadie have made of Johanna Thompson? Would they have been friends? Somehow, he thought they might have been. He didn’t know Miss Thompson well but she seemed to share their values. The way she had stood up for her belief that all people were equal had impressed him. She had a quiet nature but when provoked was almost as fiery as her other sisters.
Chapter 7
“What did you do today, girls?”
“Jo, that’s what we call Johanna now, showed us how to crochet. She is going to make a new dress for my doll. Isn’t that nice of her?” Carrie said climbing onto Rick’s lap. She had taken to doing that since losing her ma. She twirled her finger in his hair reminding him he needed a haircut.
“She is very nice doing that. What about you, Sarah, what did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“Really?” He knew Sarah was upset about something, not just from her tone but also the look on her face.
“Come here, sweetheart. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Is that all you can say tonight?” When Sarah kicked at a pebble in response, Rick asked Carrie. “What upset your sister?”
“I don’t know. She’s been real grumpy all day.”
“Have not.”
“Have too.”
“Stop it, girls. Carrie run along to bed and let me speak to Sarah, please.” At the mutinous look on Carrie’s face, he said “Please. I will come in and read you a story in a minute.”
Carrie climbed down from his knee and walked slowly to the wagon. Rick waited until she was inside before gesturing for Sarah to come sit beside him.
“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”
“I’m scared.”
Rick’s chest tightened. “Who scared you, Sarah?”
“You did.”
“Me?”
“I heard you talking to someone. You said you were thinking of going back home.”
Rick could have kicked himself for not checking that he didn’t have an audience when he had spoken to Mr. Bradley about his plans. They had discussed whether it was wiser taking the children back or moving forward. The consensus was it was probably safer to continue with the wagon train than to try to return on their own. He wondered how long Sarah had been listening?
“I don’t want to go home. There is nobody there now. We have to go to Oregon. Pa is waiting for us. Isn’t he?”
Rick watched the fire for a couple of seconds trying to work out what to say. Hopefully, their pa was waiting, but there had been no news since that first letter. The lack of letters had been part of the reason his sister had wanted to make the journey. She’d had a funny feeling all was not well. But how could he say that to his ten-year-old niece? She had just lost her ma.
“I thought it would be easier to go back. The route ahead is dangerous and I am not much good with girls. I never had kids and until I stayed with your ma, I hadn’t spent that much time around them.”
“But I can manage. I know I don’t cook too good but I can learn. Jo can teach me.”
“Sarah, honey, you are only ten years old. You can’t take on all the chores.”
“I can if it means we can find Pa. That’s if he is still...”
“Still what?” Rick’s heart raced. What did Sarah know of her pa? “Sarah, tell me what you meant?”
“Ma was talking a lot just before she died. She told Benjy that he had to be head of the family as Pa might be dead. She was crying and asked Benjy not to tell us. But he didn’t get a chance did he, ‘cause he died too. Him, Ma and baby George. Why did they have to die?”
The tears came thick and fast. All he could do was cuddle her. He didn’t know what to say to make her feel better. How could you explain death to a child? It was just something that happened.
“Sarah, your ma is up in Heaven now looking down on you. She is real proud of the way you look after Carrie.”
“She can’t be. If she was here, she would give me a clip around the ear for shouting at Carrie.”
“No, she wouldn’t. She knows all sisters fight. But she might want you to be a little more caring with your sister. She is younger and probably more scared than you are. You are all she has left of her family now.”
Sarah pushed him away. “Are you leaving us as well? What about Pa? Is he dead?”
“Sarah, shush, Carrie will hear you.”
“Well, is he?”
Rick wondered if he should lie but something in Sarah’s face told him that would be a mistake.
“I won’t leave you, Sarah. I promised your ma I would take you to Oregon to find your pa, and that’s what I will do.”
“What if he is dead?”
“We will deal with that at the time. I hope he isn’t. You know that the post doesn’t work properly.”
“But there should have been at least one letter?”
Rick nodded not wanting to make her hope dissolve with any words. “Come here, darling. I promise you won’t be alone. I will always be with you.”
“Will you be our Pa if our real one is...d... gone?” she asked, her voice slipping on the last word.
Rick looked into her eyes, saw the uncertainty and fear. He knew he had to do something, say something to ease that. But promise to be their pa? That wasn’t in his plans. At twenty-three it wasn’t in most men’s plans. He wanted to start a school and teach children and maybe adults too. He had intended on setting up a string of schools. The current lack of education was a serious issue out West. But how could he drag two young girls with him. How could he leave them either? He didn’t know if their father had any family. He couldn’t remember Ellis mentioning any. He took too long to answer her.
“You don’t want us either.” Sarah ran to the wagon. He called to her to stop but she ignored him.
Darnation, but he had made a mess of that too.
The next morning Sarah wouldn’t speak to him. No matter what he said or did, she continued to ignore him. Carrie said she was being grumpy but he knew his niece was hurting and it was all his fault. They had arranged to go walking with Johanna again. Maybe being with Miss Thompson would help Sarah feel a bit better.
Chapter 8
Johanna was so confused. Rick seemed to like her but there were days it was as if he couldn’t get away from her fast enough. The other day, his hand brushed hers and it had lingered on the small of her back longer than necessary when he ushered her around a group of excited children. He had smiled at her too, making her feel like the only girl in the world. Then today, he was almost rude in his haste to get away from her. It was so frustrating. She longed to ask him straight out but her ma would have a fit. She had drummed it into all her girls often enough that the man always made the first move.
She picked up the dress she was crocheting for Carrie’s doll. It should be finished by now but she couldn’t concentrate on it. Carrie was behaving as normal but Sarah had closed up like a book. She was really worried about the young girl. She wasn’t eating properly. It was as if she had given up on happiness. She never smiled and rarely talked. Carrie had said she was sulky but Johanna knew it had to be more than just that. She had tried talking to the young girl but failed to get a response. She had to speak to Rick about it, tell him her worries. Are you doing this for the child or yourself? She couldn’t answer her own thoughts truthfully.
Rick had provided meat earlier in the week. She went back to the girls’ wagon and had the fire lit and the stew warming with biscuits on the side by the time Rick came back to the wagon. She waited as he saw to his horse. He looked tired, the lines etched around his eyes more v
isible as the white marks stood out against his tanned face. He couldn’t be getting much rest with driving the wagon all day and then having to catch meat as well as show up for guard duty. It was a lot for one person. Add in two young girls and it was easy to see why he was shattered.
“Miss Thompson, thank you for waiting with the girls but you didn’t have to.”
“I did. I have something to ask you. It will wait until after dinner,” she said sending a quick glance in Sarah’s direction in the hope he would know she wanted to speak privately. “If you want to wash up, the girls made some stew and biscuits for you.”
“Makes a nice change from beans. Thank you kindly, ladies.” Carrie laughed as he swept his hat off his head and bowed to all of them. Sarah barely looked at him never mind smiled.
Something must have happened between Rick and Sarah. Johanna was determined not to go back to her own wagon until she got things straightened out.
“Are you joining us for dinner?” Rick asked as he took his place near the fire.
Johanna was about to say her ma would have some waiting for her but Carrie answered on her behalf.
“Course she’s staying. She likes us.”
“Guess I am staying then,” Johanna agreed as she took a seat and began dishing up their meal. Sarah gave out cups of water. As Johanna gave everyone a plate, she saw Sarah listlessly pick at hers.
“Don’t you like stew, Sarah?”
“She likes it just fine. She’s just sulking.”
Ricks tone surprised Johanna. Usually he had lots of patience with the girls, but not tonight. She saw the tears in Sarah’s eyes and longed to give her a cuddle. She was too young to have been through the devastation of losing her ma and brothers. She tried again. “Sarah, sweetheart, are you feeling all right?”
Sarah turned her big blue eyes on Johanna who held her breath at the look of loss and confusion on her face. “Sweetheart, if you are feeling ill you need to tell us so we can make you better.”
“She’s fine.”
Johanna whirled on Rick. “I didn’t ask you. She obviously isn’t fine.”
She took the plate from Sarah and led the girl to the wagon. “You stay here and let me deal with your uncle.”
“You will make him angry.”
“Not as angry as he has made me. Go on inside and lie down. Everything is going to be all right.”
“I know you mean that, Jo, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Uncle Rick doesn’t want us. Pa is dead, so when we get to Oregon he is going to dump us somewhere. It will just be me and Carrie.”
The girl’s shuddering sobs racked her whole body and fed Johanna’s anger until she thought she was going to blow off steam like a boiling kettle. “Come on, darling, you got it all wrong. Your uncle Rick wouldn’t do that. He loves you. Carrie too. I know you miss your ma. You have every right to be upset. But don’t make up stories. It’s not nice.”
Sarah turned on her. “I am not lying. You go ask him for yourself.”
“Ask me what?” Rick was standing in front of them at the opening of the wagon canvas.
Johanna had no idea how long he had been there. Would he be angry with her for interfering? But then what did it matter? A child was hurting and she needed to help.
“Sarah thinks her pa is dead and once you get to Oregon you will be leaving her and Carrie there. Alone. Of course I told her she must be mistaken. You wouldn’t do that.”
The few seconds of silence told Johanna the child had spoken the truth. She put a hand to her mouth to stop herself from saying something she’d regret. She turned toward Sarah. “I apologize for not believing you, darling. I’m sorry. We will talk tomorrow.”
Trying to hold her temper in, she climbed down from the wagon. Her long skirt made it awkward but she brushed aside his attempt to help. “Don’t touch me,” she hissed at him, trying to keep her voice down.
“Miss Thompson, it’s not like it sounds. I can’t... I mean it’s not... Oh, I don’t have to explain myself to you anyway.”
“No you don’t. But I hope you can live with yourself. You are a grown man and all those two girls have. I never thought I would ever say this to you, but you must be the most selfish, self-centered individual I have ever had the misfortune to meet.”
“Jo, don’t say that, please. Let me explain.”
She stood for a second looking into his face. He looked the same as he had earlier before her vision of him being the perfect man shattered before her very eyes.
“Go on then... I’m waiting.”
Chapter 9
What could he say? How could he possibly explain to this woman with a heart of gold that he wasn’t ready to take on two young girls. He didn’t know exactly what he would do in Oregon. Sure, he had a dream to set up a number of schools but what if it wasn’t that easy? What if parents couldn’t afford to send their children to school? How would he look after two young’uns when he planned to be traveling from one area to the next?
“I don’t have all night.”
Her words, or rather her tone, brought him back to reality. He looked at her and immediately wished he hadn’t. Her eyes were full of anger, loathing but also hurt. He had hurt her as he had Sarah.
He twisted his hands together.
“I don’t know what happened to Sarah’s pa. My sister believed something bad happened and that’s why he stopped writing.”
“You mean they are orphans.”
“I don’t know for sure but yes, probably.”
“Oh the poor girls. They need you more than ever now.”
“Jo, I am only twenty-three. What do I know about raising two young’uns?”
“You can learn. It’s not hard. It is much more important for them to be with someone they know and love than it is for them to be left to fend for themselves.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” he spat, immediately contrite as she flinched at his tone. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I would never leave them alone. I love those girls.”
“So why are we having this conversation?”
She was beautiful when she was mad. This wasn’t the time or place for him to even notice such a thing.
“I was planning on leaving them with an orphanage or mission. Somewhere like the Whitman Mission.”
“Oh that’s a good example.” Her sarcastic tone hurt. “A lot of those kids died in the Indian attack.”
“Wrong example but something similar.”
“I don’t think Oregon has been established long enough to have a proper orphanage system. But even if it did, you couldn’t be cruel enough to leave the girls there. Nobody will want to adopt a ten-year-old, particularly if Sarah insists on being surly. Carrie, with her sweet smile and loving nature will be snapped up and you will have achieved everything your sister never wanted. Most of her family dead and the remaining siblings having no contact.” Tears made her voice tremble making him feel worse.
“What would you have me do?” He knew he was pleading but he genuinely wanted to know. He didn’t like his plan either. If he was honest he hadn’t given it proper thought.
“You keep them. Whatever plans you have you give up. You became their pa the day your sister gave them into your safekeeping. You can’t go back on that now,” she insisted.
“But what if I am no good for them? If I can’t get a job they won’t eat and could starve.”
“Well, that is just about the most stupid thing I have ever heard. Why couldn’t you get a job? You are well educated, thoughtful, kind, considerate, good with animals and people...” Johanna flushed, the pink glow on her cheeks making her eyes sparkle.
“I thought I was a selfish, self-important donkey.”
“I was being cruel to the donkey,” she retaliated, but he sensed she was more willing to listen to him now.
“Please sit down and have some coffee. I will do my best to explain my reasons.” When she hesitated, he persisted. “It would be nice to get someone else’s opinion, once they know the full story.”
His last comment got her attention. She nodded. “Just let me settle Carrie in the wagon. You can make the coffee provided you don’t burn it or make it too strong.”
“No, ma’am”
Carrie was sleeping so instead he carried his niece to the wagon while Johanna made the coffee. He laid Carrie down gently by her sister. “Sarah, I promise I will try my best to sort this out for everyone.”
His niece had her back to him and didn’t even move at his words. He patted her shoulder but she moved closer to the canvas.
He climbed down to where Johanna sat waiting at the fire, her blonde hair glistening in the firelight. He was suddenly terrified of her reaction to what he had to say. It sounded so much more reasonable in his brain then when he had tried to explain it a few minutes earlier.
He didn’t want to lose her respect or her admiration. He thought she must like him a little bit. He had caught her looking at him a couple of times but he had no right to make any romantic approach. Didn’t he have enough problems with his two nieces? But he could solve everything if Johanna agreed to marry him. Where had that thought come from? Yet as he stood there watching her back, he realized he’d been thinking of her ever since they’d first met.
Chapter 10
Johanna felt his eyes on her. She waited for him to come toward her but he seemed to be waiting. She looked around, catching his gaze. The look in his eyes took her breath away. She had to break the connection yet found she couldn’t. She summoned the anger she had felt toward him only moments before but even that had cooled somewhat. She sensed there was much more to the story than Sarah had told her. Suddenly, she wondered if she should be sitting there at all. It was late, they were alone, a single male not related to her family. If anyone should walk by, her reputation would be compromised. Even as the thought crossed her mind, she found she didn’t care. All that mattered now was Rick.
Oregon Dreams Page 3