‘I know we’re here for her birthday,’ Lexie said quietly, taking her seat, ‘I just didn’t expect there’d actually be a place setting for her.’
Rachel bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset anyone. Just when I rang to make the booking it didn’t seem right not to acknowledge her.’
Lexie gazed wistfully at her plate, nodding. ‘Because three’s a crowd.’
‘That’s not right,’ said Catherine.
Lexie looked at her.
‘The saying is “Two’s company, three’s a crowd”, it has nothing to do with four becoming three.’
‘Whatever, but the fact is three doesn’t work,’ Lexie insisted. ‘It’s wrong. I’ve heard it’s even unlucky.’ She sighed. ‘How are we going to get by without her?’
‘Oh God, you’re not going to get all maudlin, are you?’ Catherine muttered.
‘I wasn’t the one who booked a place for her!’ Lexie declared indignantly.
‘It’s okay, Lexie,’ Rachel interrupted before it went any further. ‘This is the first time we’ve all been together like this, since . . . so maybe we’re all a little . . . sensitive. And anyway, what is wrong with feeling “maudlin” after somebody dies?’ She looked pointedly at Catherine. ‘Surely this is the most appropriate time to feel maudlin. Or not. If you don’t, that is. Feel maudlin. I mean, you don’t have to feel maudlin, you can feel whatever feels right, I mean, you will feel that regardless, but you shouldn’t feel bad expressing whatever feeling you happen to be feeling. Maudlin or otherwise.’
Rachel looked at the faces of her friends trying to follow what she was saying. She wasn’t surprised they were confused.
‘I guess what I’m trying to say,’ she went on valiantly, ‘is that I reckon whatever anyone is feeling is okay, acceptable, appropriate, at a time like this. And we should support each other . . . in feeling however we feel.’
‘Fine,’ Catherine said, but Rachel knew she was dismissing the notion in the same breath. ‘But think about it this way, what would Annie want us to do?’ She paused for effect. ‘Would Annie want us to sit around moping? Would she want us to wallow in those feelings? I don’t know about you, but I doubt that very much. You know how she was, she’d want us to get something positive from this experience, learn from it, even grow from it.’
Rachel glanced at Lexie, who now just looked guilty, or perhaps ashamed.
‘Fine,’ Rachel said, mimicking Catherine’s dismissive tone. ‘But maybe it takes time to get to that point. First you have to be allowed to grieve.’ She paused for effect, and to think of what to say next. ‘Because, the thing is, grief is like . . . it’s like an anchor. If you don’t bring it up to the surface, then it’s going to hold you right where you are, and stop you from moving on.’
Catherine rolled her eyes. ‘Sounds like something Annie would say.’
‘Well that makes it very appropriate then, doesn’t it?’ Lexie blurted.
Rachel looked at her kindly. ‘Go ahead, Lexie, tell us what you’re feeling. We want to know, don’t we, Catherine?’ She sensed Catherine’s silent groan, but chose to ignore it.
Lexie sighed. ‘I just miss her,’ she said plainly. ‘That’s all. I mean she lived right next door. I keep thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye when I go out the front. It just feels so empty in there now.’
‘How’s Tom?’ asked Catherine. ‘We haven’t heard from him since everything –’ she was about to say ‘died down’ but caught herself in time,‘– settled down.’
Lexie shrugged. ‘I’ve barely seen him, or the girls. You know they left straight after the funeral to stay with his family up north, and then a few weeks ago they came home. I let them be at first, you know, give them space to settle back in. But before I knew it they were gone again.’
‘Gone? Where?’ asked Catherine.
‘Back up north again,’ Lexie explained. ‘I didn’t even talk to Tom, he left a note and the house key in my letterbox. You know, could I water the plants, collect the mail, that kind of thing. Anyway, he said he was sorry he missed me, that they’d probably be gone till after Christmas.’
‘That’s very odd,’ Catherine remarked. ‘Why did they come back at all, did he say?’
‘Sophie had to sit her school certificate,’ said Rachel.
‘How do you know that?’
‘Huh? Oh . . .’ She faltered. ‘He must have said it at the funeral, or sometime. But she’s in Year 10, and the exams were only the other week.’
‘Which means her formal would be any day now,’ said Catherine, thinking. ‘Why would they come all the way back for the exam and then not stay for the formal?’
‘Maybe Sophie didn’t want to go,’ Rachel suggested. ‘She just lost her mother, after all.’
‘Nonsense, it would be the best thing for her, take her mind off her troubles,’ said Catherine. ‘Tom really should be asking for advice about this kind of thing. Why didn’t he call me, for example? Alice is one year ahead of Sophie, I’ve been through all of this.’
‘You haven’t been through losing your spouse,’ Lexie muttered.
Catherine either ignored that or wasn’t listening. ‘Actually, I’m surprised his firm is letting him get away with this,’ she went on. ‘There are things you can suspend temporarily, but after this long they’d have to do something. For his sake let’s hope they’ve brought in a locum, because God help him if they just shared his clients around to the other associates.’
‘Why do you say that?’ Rachel frowned.
‘Isn’t it obvious? If they can redistribute his workload, they can get by without him.’
‘Oh, come on. He just lost his wife. They wouldn’t be so callous.’
‘Don’t be naive, Rachel. It’s a law firm, not a welfare agency. And given the current economic climate, they’d be looking for excuses to shed staff . . .’ Catherine drummed her fingernails on the table as she sipped her wine. ‘Frankly, he’s being reckless. It’s not like Tom.’ She stopped drumming. ‘You don’t think he’s seeing someone up there, do you?’
‘What?’
‘An old high-school flame perhaps? Widowers have quite the pulling power.’
Lexie was shaking her head vehemently. ‘There’s no way he’d be seeing someone else, it’s far too soon.’
‘Not for a man,’ Catherine said wearily. ‘They jump right back in the saddle.’
Lexie looked horrified. ‘How can you say that?’
‘’Cause it’s true, sadly,’ said Rachel. ‘Sean was supposedly heartbroken when we split, but he barely had time to change the sheets before he was seeing someone else.’
‘I think this is a little different, Rachel,’ Lexie said, adopting an almost reverential tone. ‘Annie and Tom were . . . Annie and Tom! They were such an amazing couple, everyone thought so. I’m sure he’s absolutely lost without her.’
‘Which is why he needs to fill the gap,’ Catherine agreed. ‘Men are not like women in that respect. The more pain he’s in, the more he’ll need to block it out with someone else.’
‘Tom will never be able to replace Annie,’ Lexie insisted, ‘they were perfect for each other.’
‘To all appearances,’ added Catherine.
Now Rachel was frowning. ‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Just that no one ever really knows what goes on behind closed doors.’
‘Why would you say something like that?’ said Lexie, blinking back tears. ‘If Tom’s behaving recklessly, and not like himself, it’s because he’s devastated, not because he’s having an affair!’
‘Lexie,’ Catherine interrupted calmly, ‘it wouldn’t be an affair. He wouldn’t be cheating on Annie, she’s . . . gone.’
Lexie gasped. ‘That’s exactly the word he used. You didn’t hear his voice, on the phone that day, he could barely get it out . . .’ Nor could she now, her own voice breaking at the very thought of it. ‘I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Annie couldn’t have died, she had the flu. I talked to he
r only the day before, when she asked me to pick up the girls from school. She was just feeling a little dizzy and lightheaded, she didn’t want to drive . . .’
‘Yes, we –’
Rachel cleared her throat, giving Catherine a pointed look across the table. Yes, they had heard it all before, but it didn’t matter, Lexie needed to go over it. Again. So Catherine needed to button it.
‘And even when Tom called that night, late, remember?’ Lexie went on, ‘to say he was taking her to the hospital, I wasn’t worried. I just thought he was being a bit overly cautious. He said Annie was wheezing so badly she couldn’t sleep, and he thought they might be able to give her something to open her airwaves, that she couldn’t go all night like that. She was already in the car when I went next door, that was the last time I saw her, through the window of the car.’
Lexie could see her now. Pale and drawn. She had raised one hand briefly, before putting it to her mouth as she broke into a fit of coughing.
The girls were in bed asleep, Tom just wanted someone there in case they happened to wake. Lexie didn’t mind, Annie would do the same for her without blinking. She ended up falling asleep on the couch in their living room. It was Hannah who woke her.
‘Lexie?’ she yawned. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Oh, hi sweetie.’ She roused herself, looking around to get her bearings. It was daylight. ‘Are Mum and Dad back yet?’
‘Back from where?’
Lexie hesitated. Hannah was twelve, the younger of the two girls, and a little excitable. Lexie didn’t want to startle her. She pulled herself up to sitting. ‘Well, Hannah, your dad took your mum to the hospital –’
‘What?’ That woke her up.
‘Just to get her checked out,’ Lexie reassured her. ‘That cough was really starting to bother her, making it hard for her to breathe, and you know there are no doctors’ offices open in the middle of the night, and the hospital’s only up the road . . .’ She didn’t know what else to say. She really had no idea why they were taking this long. ‘So they might have put her on a nebuliser, maybe, you know, like they do for people with asthma when they have trouble breathing?’
‘Does Mummy have asthma?’ asked Hannah.
‘I don’t think so, but she might have some of the same symptoms, and so they might treat it the same –’
Her mobile phone started to ring in her pocket. ‘Just a sec, sweetie,’ said Lexie, reaching for it and flicking it open. ‘Hello?’
‘What’s going on, hun?’
‘Oh, Scott, I don’t really know. They’re not back and I haven’t heard anything.’
‘I’m going to have to get to work, Lex, it’s already seven.’
‘Oh sorry, you’re late –’
‘It’s okay,’ he assured her. ‘I called Josh, and he was going to open, but I can’t leave him on his own for much longer.’
‘No, of course. You should go, just bring the kids in here. I’m sure Tom and Annie can’t be too much longer.’
Lexie decided to proceed as normally as possible, helping the girls with breakfast and their school lunches, while Riley and Mia were occupied in front of the morning cartoons – something Lexie did not ordinarily allow, but today was somewhat out of the ordinary. She kept expecting Annie and Tom to walk through the door any minute, but as the clock ticked closer to the time the girls would have to leave, there was still no sign of them, no word.
‘I think we should stay home and wait for them,’ Hannah said finally.
‘Don’t be a baby, Hannah,’ said Sophie, using her authority as the older sister. ‘I have to go to school today, we’ve got debating practice at lunchtime for the finals this Friday.’
Hannah bit her lip. ‘Can’t we ring Daddy and find out?’
‘You have to turn off your mobile in a hospital,’ said Sophie. ‘And Dad would totally let us know if there was anything wrong. No news is good news, isn’t that right, Lexie?’
Lexie agreed and, spurred on by Sophie’s pep talk, she hustled Hannah along, and the two of them left the house in ample time to catch their regular bus. Lexie took Riley and Mia back home and got on with her day. From time to time she would glance out the front window, or listen for noises next door. She’d heard horror stories about overcrowding in emergency departments, but this was getting a little ridiculous. Surely Tom would have given up and just taken her to a doctor now that it was normal business hours.
As the afternoon wore on, Lexie wondered if she ought to pick up the girls from school. But she was certain Tom would have phoned if he needed her to do that, and if she drove there and the girls weren’t expecting her, she’d never find them. They could already be on the bus, or Tom might have arranged for them to go home with someone else. She just wanted to do something useful. Lexie got to thinking about what Annie would do in a situation like this. She wouldn’t panic or make a fuss, and she certainly wouldn’t interfere; she would do something thoughtful but practical. Lexie was resolved then, and she set about making a casserole for their dinner so Tom would have one less thing to worry about when they did eventually make it home.
However, as dinner time approached and still no one had showed up next door, Lexie had worked herself up into quite a lather by the time Scott arrived home from work.
‘I don’t understand why you don’t just give Tom a call,’ he said.
‘I don’t want to seem anxious, or over the top.’
‘But you are, sweetheart,’ Scott said plainly. ‘Give him a call, put your mind at rest.’
‘But he might not have his phone on in the hospital.’
‘Only one way to find out.’
Still she hesitated, and in the end, Tom beat her to it.
‘Tom,’ Lexie said, relieved. ‘I’ve been so worried. What on earth went on at that hospital? I can’t imagine how long they must have kept you waiting. Why didn’t you just take her to her doctor’s?’
There followed what felt like the longest pause. Lexie was beginning to think the line must have dropped out.
‘Tom?’
‘She’s gone, Lexie.’
‘Where to?’
‘No . . . um, Annie’s . . . she died.’
‘What? That’s impossible, Tom,’ she scoffed. ‘She has the flu.’
‘Yeah . . . they put her on a nebuliser, and apparently it set her heart off into this irregular rhythm, but it wasn’t picked up until a nurse was doing a routine check. I think her pulse was too high, or something, and then, I don’t know what happened, all hell broke loose, and they were using those paddles, you know?’ His voice was breaking up. ‘But it wasn’t any good. Her heart failed. They worked on her for forty-five minutes. They don’t know what happened for sure, there’ll have to be an autopsy, but they think she might have had an undiagnosed heart condition, myopathy . . . something, anyway the Ventolin was the worst thing they could have given her. But they weren’t to know. And there was nothing they could do.’
‘That’s ridiculous, of course there’s something they can do. She has the flu!’ Lexie almost yelled, hysteria creeping into her voice. Scott came into the room. ‘Tell them, Tom, tell them they have to do everything they possibly can –’
‘It’s too late, Lexie.’
Her whole body began to shake violently. She felt Scott’s arms around her, supporting her, as he took the phone from her hand. She leaned heavily into him, breathing hard.
‘Christ, Tom, I can’t believe it. I’m so sorry,’ she heard him say after a while. It was real then, she hadn’t imagined it. The knot in her chest exploded and she began to sob. Scott tried to hold her up but she slithered down to the floor.
‘Yeah, of course, Tom, I’ll make the calls,’ he was saying, as he crouched down, rubbing Lexie’s shoulder. ‘Just let us know anything we can do, call any time of the day or night, it doesn’t matter.’
‘Catherine, are you there?’ Rachel asked.
She swallowed. ‘Yes, yes, I’m here . . . only . . .’ She couldn’t talk right no
w, there was a good chance she was going to be sick. ‘Can I call you back?’
‘Oh . . . okay.’
Catherine could hear the confusion in Rachel’s voice, but she couldn’t do anything about that right now. She hurried to the bathroom and quickly checked she was alone before locking herself in a stall and promptly throwing up. She flushed the toilet and walked back out to the bank of basins. She turned on a tap and splashed water repeatedly onto her face. Her hair was held back in a neat chignon but this was going to ruin her makeup. She pulled out a paper towel and dabbed carefully at her face. Not too bad, she should be able to touch it up and no one would be any the wiser.
She took a couple of calming breaths, centring herself the way she’d learned at the health spa last year. Then she walked sedately back to her office and sat down at her desk.
Okay, so people don’t just die from the flu, there was obviously some malpractice on the hospital’s part. Catherine turned over to a clean page in her notebook and began to write down a series of questions, then she reached for a loose sheet of paper and listed the relevant authorities she would need to contact. She pressed the button on her intercom, summoning her assistant to the door.
Catherine held up the piece of paper. ‘Get me these names and numbers, ASAP thanks, Brooke.’
Brooke came forwards to take the paper from Catherine, giving the list a cursory glance. ‘Excuse me, Catherine, you are aware it’s almost seven pm?’
‘So? I told you we’d be working back this evening.’
‘Of course,’ said Brooke. ‘It’s just, this list, I don’t expect you’d get through to any of them after business hours, they’re mostly government departments.’
‘Fine, I want to start on them first thing tomorrow.’
‘You’re in court at nine.’
Catherine breathed out. ‘Thank you, Brooke, you can leave me to work out how I organise my time. Just please do as I ask without the commentary.’
‘Of course,’ she said, retreating.
‘And close the door behind you,’ Catherine added.
Three’s a Crowd Page 3