by Barb Han
The minute she found Nicholas—and she would find him—she needed to get him and her baby out of town and far away. All three of them could start fresh in the quaint house in Michigan that she’d purchased using a dummy company that she’d set up out of her Cayman bank account.
The paperwork to change her last name to her mother’s maiden name was almost finalized. Faith had planned this new life for her and her baby, and now she would include Nicholas.
The first phase of her plan was in place.
At this point, she would welcome being kicked out of the family. What family? she asked herself through blinding tears. What kind of family treated each other like this? There was no love, just expectations and heartache.
The thought of leaving her mother alone to fend for herself ate at Faith. If she was going to be allowed to stay in contact with her mother, she could never allow the true paternity of her baby to be known. If she had to plead with Ryder to keep her secret, she would.
Faith still hadn’t figured out how she was going to handle the situation with Ryder. Part of her, the part that had known she had to tell him all along, was relieved that her secret was out in the open with him. Ryder was a good man and he deserved to know. That fact had warred with the reality that she lived in. The one in which her father’s realization would be harmful and toxic to everyone involved.
Could she tell Ryder about her Michigan plan? She wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek. Maybe they could figure out a way for him to visit the baby without the entire town knowing their business. She held on to that hope as she pulled down the gravel lane.
The fishing cabin was blacked out. Her heart sank at the realization there was no sign of Ryder’s truck. It was probably for the best since she didn’t need another emotional complication, even if part of her brain argued that being with him was so much better than being without him. Faith parked near the front door. Her headlights would time out automatically in sixty seconds, so she made a mad dash for the cabin.
Exhaustion started wearing on her as she crossed the threshold, closing and locking the door behind her. Pregnancy exacerbated everything. Her need for Ryder felt a thousand times stronger because of her hormones.
And then there was the issue of not getting enough good-quality sleep lately. Her mind was spent, her bones tired. So she let herself think about Ryder and how amazing she’d felt in this very spot not so long ago with his arms curled around her, their legs in a tangle. And the feel of his warm breath against her neck as he feathered kisses there.
* * *
RYDER STARED AT the ceiling. It was two o’clock in the morning and he hadn’t had any shut-eye. Activities at the ranch would pick up in a few short hours. All he could think about was Faith and if she was okay. She’d disappeared without leaving a note. He’d texted her and she responded with one word. Home.
And tonight, the thing that was on his mind the most as he lay in bed unable to sleep was how much he missed being with her, holding her, feeling like she belonged with him—to him, a rebellious part of his brain interjected.
Her soft skin, the way her body molded to his...
He threw off the covers and pulled on his jeans, needing to get out and clear his head.
Standing on his back porch, looking up at the open sky he loved so much, brought no peace tonight. The fact that Ryder was going to be a father hit hard, but not for the reasons he’d suspected. He’d thought there’d be regret—not normally something in his vocabulary—and was surprised when there wasn’t a hint of it. He’d need to make a lot of adjustments in his life to be ready for a little one, but the idea itself was starting to take hold. The thing that bothered him was that he’d never have the chance to introduce his child to his parents.
Getting through the holidays without them had been brutal, even for a tough bunch like the O’Briens. Hitting a major milestone like this—becoming a father—and realizing they wouldn’t be around for any of it had him gripping the wood railing overlooking his yard so hard his knuckles were white. Texas, this land, was a piece of his soul. And yet even the land he loved couldn’t settle his anguish or lessen his pain.
Being here at the ranch without them was hard. Reminders of the two of them were everywhere, even on the porch his mother had insisted on helping decorate. Her touches could be seen in the Kyra Jenkins wildlife bronze sculpture behind his coffee-colored sofa and the matching hand towels in his guest bath. He should’ve reined her in on that last one, but she’d been beside herself when she’d brought them over. She’d done a good job and his house was cozy. Someday, all of those reminders of her might bring comfort. Now they just made him feel hollowed out.
There was a different feeling settling in his chest since Faith had returned. He was more at ease and yet he couldn’t sort out the reason. Not much had changed. His parents’ killer hadn’t been brought to justice. And yet the hole in his chest was less cavernous. Did that have to do with learning he was going to be a father? Ryder had thought about telling his brothers about the baby Faith was carrying and decided against it. He wasn’t ready to talk about it with them, not until he and the mother of his child sorted out important details like how they were going to handle the news with her family. Complicated didn’t begin to cover the journey they were about to be on. Speaking of Faith, the thought of her being at the McCabe ranch sat like scalding coffee on his tongue.
It was the middle of the night. He should be tired. Instead, his mind raced. There was no way he was going to be able to go back to sleep now. He didn’t want to be on the ranch tonight.
Within five minutes he was on the road, and twenty minutes after that he was pulling up at the fishing cabin.
Faith’s car was parked out front and relief flooded him. Ryder stomped the brake. He should turn around and go back home. It was late and his mind played tricks on him, tricks that had him thinking that he wanted to feel her in his arms again, to find that same comfort he’d found there after learning about his parents.
All the lights were out, so he figured she was asleep. He should give her the cabin.
On second thought, someone had tried to kidnap her earlier. It might have been a scare tactic, as she wanted to believe. She’d said the guys who’d taken her didn’t want to get on the wrong side of the O’Brien family. So those guys wouldn’t likely make a second attempt. Didn’t exactly mean she was safe. Whoever sent them could’ve hired someone else to finish the job by now. Then there was the issue of her father. Ryder didn’t trust Hollister McCabe. And he couldn’t shake the feeling that the man was somehow involved in Nicholas’s disappearance.
Instead of making a U-turn, Ryder pulled into the spot next to hers and parked.
Protecting his child was the reason Ryder told himself that he’d parked his truck and was heading inside. And not because he needed to see Faith.
Chapter Eight
Ryder closed the bedroom door and then made a pot of coffee using the light on the vent hood in order to see in the small kitchen. Knowing that Faith was sleeping in the next room played havoc with his pulse but was so much better than before when she’d left without a note. She still had that effect on him, the one that had him wanting to touch her soft skin and get lost in her fresh-after-a-spring-rain flowers-and-sunshine scent.
How many times had they slept twisted in the sheets with their bodies fused together in that very room? Exhaustion from making love sometimes two or three times in a row having zapped their energy and forced them to finally give in to sleep.
The memories were burned into his brain not just because the sex was mind-blowing—it was. Sex couldn’t be this good with anyone else because he felt a connection to Faith that he’d never experienced with another woman. Sex was sex. The physical act was always good. No woman before Faith had ever fit his body the way she had. He’d never felt as content afterward with anyone else, either. And that had
a lot to do with what happened in between rounds. Faith was easy to talk to. She was smart and had a quirky sense of humor. It didn’t hurt that she was beautiful. She was just as attractive when she was fresh from the shower and her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, maybe even more so, than when she was all done up.
Thinking about their past and the times they’d spent together under this very roof stirred areas that didn’t need to be awake at this hour and especially without the prospect of release. His body was keenly aware of her being in the next room.
Ryder took a sip of black coffee, hoping it would clear his thoughts and steer him away from the dangerous territory he was dipping into. It was the past, and best left far behind. They had a new reality to deal with. Five days of Nicholas missing.
The door to the bedroom opened and Faith stood there, wearing only one of his old T-shirts like she’d done countless times. His heart stirred at the same time blood flew south, awakening areas he’d have to work to ignore.
“I hope it’s okay that I came back here,” she said. Her voice had that low sleepy quality that was enough to tip him over the edge and make him want things he shouldn’t. Another thing he couldn’t afford to notice right now, since his better judgment had hit the trail, was how sexy her hair was when it was tousled and loose around her shoulders. Or how long and silky her legs were.
“I’m glad you did.” Ryder took another sip of hot coffee, focusing on the warm burn on his throat. Holding his mug kept his fingers busy. And that was good because they wanted to do things that would get him into more trouble, like tangle in her hair and haul her body against his.
“You were right about my father,” she said, taking a few tentative steps toward him. Her voice cracked like she was on the verge of tears.
And that was enough to dampen any sexual thoughts he’d been having. It was just as well. He forced his gaze away from the V that fell over her full breasts, exposing just enough skin for him to be able to remember planting kisses along that trail a few short months ago. Her breathing was erratic, and he felt electricity ping between them as she joined him in the small kitchen despite the fact that she was about to cry.
“You want a cup of coffee?” he asked, tamping down his own inappropriate thoughts.
“No, thanks. I can’t.” Her hand went to her stomach.
Right. He hadn’t really thought about how much she’d already had to sacrifice for the pregnancy. How much more she’d be sacrificing when she had the baby. Her father would disown her for sleeping with an O’Brien. He’d cut her off financially in a heartbeat.
Not a problem, Ryder thought. He had enough money to take care of her and their child. It was just as much his doing as it was hers that she was in this situation, and no child of his would want for any necessities.
She stepped past him and his nose filled with her scent as she pulled a glass out of the cupboard. Ryder tried not to notice her sweet bottom or the silky-smooth skin of her thighs when the T-shirt rode up.
He forced himself to look in the other direction. It took considerable effort. She filled the glass with water from the sink and turned around to face him.
The two were in close proximity because the kitchen was built for one.
“Did you find something in his office?” he asked, needing to redirect his thoughts.
“He knows about Nicholas’s disappearance, won’t pay ransom, and I have no idea how I’m going to find my brother now. We had a confrontation,” she said. “He doesn’t care about my brother.”
Talking about Hollister McCabe was sobering enough to quell any sexual thoughts Ryder had been having.
“Tell me what happened,” he said, motioning toward the couch.
She shook her head, pacing in the small area between the kitchen and the living room instead.
“He caught me in his office and we exchanged a few heated words,” she said. “I can’t go home again.”
“What makes you think you can’t go back?” Ryder was relieved because he didn’t want her there.
“He threatened me.” Her gaze dropped down to her stomach and bounced up again. “It’s no longer safe for me or the baby.”
His grip tightened on the handle of his coffee mug and he clenched his jaw. At least she had that part right. Ryder didn’t want his child anywhere near Hollister McCabe. “What did he say about Nicholas?”
“That he had no plans to give in to blackmail. He called Nicholas a bastard.” She paced faster. “Can you believe that?”
Sadly, he could. That, and so much more about the senior McCabe. He wondered how Faith had turned out so normal given the family she’d grown up in. Her three brothers were trouble, and her mother seemed like a fragile woman the few times he’d seen her in town.
“I’m sorry.” He could tell that she loved Nicholas and he knew how much her father’s rejection would hurt her.
“I mean, can you even imagine?” she asked, her voice rising in anger. “It’s his own son and yet he called him a bastard. And Nicholas is the only good brother I have.”
Becoming upset wouldn’t be good for her or the baby. Ryder needed to figure out a way to calm her down...
Nothing immediately came to mind, since he’d never been much of a talker. So he pulled her into his arms.
“I know,” he said, trying to soothe the frustration making her heart beat so rapidly against his chest. The man needed to be in jail, and yet he couldn’t voice his opinion out loud. He could already see that it was hard enough for her to realize that her father wasn’t the man she’d hoped he was.
Faith leaned into him and she looked up into his eyes. He sensed the second her body became aware of being fused with his.
Ryder should let go and back away slowly, because this situation was a powder keg. Logic flew out the window with common sense as she pressed harder against him. The feel of her full breasts against his chest spiked his blood pressure in an all too familiar way. He let his hands drop to her waist and then encircled her with his arms. No matter what else he felt toward her, Faith was a beautiful woman. Even more so now.
Her hands came up, palms flat against his chest. He wasn’t sure if she was going to push him away, but his answer came in the form of her fists closing around his shirt and tugging him toward her. He was already hard and his erection strained against the zipper of his jeans as he breathed in her fresh-April-shower scent, all flowers and warmth.
He should probably stop himself before this went too far, or ask her if she thought this was really a good idea. He didn’t do either. Instead, he dipped his head down and pressed his mouth against hers—something he’d been wanting to do far too long and had been denied. Her lips were soft against his, molding to his.
She raised her hands, tunneling her fingers into his hair. He brought his up, his fingers curling around the base of her neck, positioning her so he could really kiss her. In the space of one deep breath, her lips parted and his tongue slid inside her mouth. The taste of her, honey and mint, crashed down around him as memory merged with the here and now. How long had he been needing to do this?
Too long.
And that damn question resurfaced as to whether or not this was a good idea. Ryder had to force restraint, so he put a little physical space in between them first. That he could do easily because he didn’t want to do anything that might hurt the baby growing in her stomach. Primal urge had him wanting to rip off her T-shirt and panties, lift her onto the counter, and drive his pulsing erection deep inside her. Her hands were all over him, roaming his arms and back. She was driving him insane with need.
But would it somehow hurt the baby?
With all the effort he could muster, he pulled back.
“Faith—”
“Don’t say it,” she said breathlessly.
“You don’t think this is a question we need to ask ourse
lves before...?”
“No. I don’t.” Faith crossed her arms, grabbed the hem of the T-shirt she wore and pulled it over her head. She let it go and it tumbled to the kitchen floor. Next, she shimmied out of her pale blue panties, and that nearly did Ryder in. She stood there, arms at her sides. There was enough light for him to see every curve of her body clearly. Her breasts were fuller than before, her hips a little more round, and he suspected that the changes had to do with the pregnancy. Her body had been beautiful before but he found her even sexier with a few more curves.
She was close enough for him to see her pulse pound wildly at the base of her throat. His groin strained as he took in her form. His gaze slid down her body, pausing at the small strip of hair at her mound.
“Don’t just look at me. I’m right here. I want you to touch me, Ryder.” She took a step toward him, cutting the space between them in half. Her delicate skin was flushed with desire and her honey-brown eyes glittered with need.
“You know I won’t be able to hold back if you take one more step toward me,” he warned, and it was more for him than her. Of course, he would stop at any point if she told him to or gave him a sign that she wasn’t absolutely certain this was a good idea.
“Give me one good reason we shouldn’t do this,” she said, that defiance he loved about her twinkling in her eyes.
“The baby,” he said.
“You can’t hurt it, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she said with confidence.
“How do you know?” He wasn’t so sure.
“I’ve been going to the library and reading everything I can get my hands on about being pregnant, and that topic is more than covered. Didn’t think I’d need to know any of it until right now,” she said, her tone a low, sexy note. But then, he’d always liked the sound of her voice. His gaze roamed all over her throat, thinking of all the times he’d feathered kisses there. “At least, I hope I need to know that now.”