Derailed

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  It was Ben’s turn. “Never have I ever slept with a teacher.”

  Tom laughed before taking a drink. “You didn’t say whether it had to be my own teacher.”

  Kelly kissed him. I was glad to see her having so much fun.

  “Never have I ever given someone a fake phone number,” I said, trying to come up with a safe one.

  “You’ve never done that?” Kelly asked after taking a drink.

  “Nope. I just tell the guy I’m not interested.”

  “You’re too nice.”

  “My turn,” Gavin said loudly, even though he was across the circle and it definitely wasn’t his turn. “Never have I ever taken advantage of a girl because I was too much of a loser to know she deserved better.”

  The circle got quiet, and Gavin glared in our direction. I knew the glare wasn’t meant for me.

  I felt Ben tense beside me, but he stayed calm. “Anyone have a better question?”

  I smiled at him, appreciating that he didn’t ruin the party by making a scene.

  “There is nothing wrong with that question. Go ahead and take a drink.” Gavin seethed, as if itching for a fight.

  Aaron jumped in before Ben could respond. “Never have I ever taken someone’s virginity.”

  At least half the circle took a drink, including me. I laughed. It had been Ben’s first time too.

  “Never have I ever had sex at over thirty thousand feet.” Ronny grinned. “I’m hoping to rectify that though.”

  Tom took a drink.

  “What? We never… who was it with?” Kelly turned to Tom, suddenly on a warpath.

  “Okay, I think we’ve had enough of this game.” I ran into the kitchen and came back with the pack of cards. “Is anyone up to playing truth or dare?”

  Everyone agreed.

  “Who wants to go first?” I pulled a card from the deck.

  “I will,” Ronny offered.

  “Truth or dare?”

  “Dare.” He grinned.

  “Dance the Macarena in your underwear.”

  “I’ll do it if someone can show me the dance.”

  Daniela demonstrated and Ronny stripped down. Kelly and Tom were all over each other, so I figured it was as good a time as any to slip out.

  I tugged on Ben’s arm.

  He turned to me. “You doing okay?”

  “Am I that obvious?”

  “Only to someone who really knows you.” He said it nonchalantly, but his words spoke volumes.

  “I’m not feeling great. Would it be okay if we left?”

  “Absolutely, want to just go?”

  “I think that’s best. I don’t want Kelly to get upset, but I really need to get out of here.”

  He held out a hand. “Your chariot awaits.”

  “Always my prince charming.”

  “Always.”

  I handed the cards to Katie and followed Ben out.

  By the time Ben pulled into my driveway, the sore throat was worse and I had a killer headache.

  “Are you going to be all right?”

  “Yeah, I just need to get some sleep,” I reassured him.

  “All right, but call me if you need anything or want me to pick something up for you. It’s no fun being sick with no one to help.”

  “I will. Thanks for the ride.”

  “My pleasure. Take care of yourself.”

  “Good night.”

  I got ready for bed, crawling under the covers as quickly as possible. I closed my eyes, hoping the dreams would give me a break for once.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The light of the train grew closer as I stood, unable to move. I vaguely realized that people were shouting at me to get off the tracks, but all of my focus was on the light coming toward me and the heat rapidly spreading through my body.

  I woke up with a start. I was sweaty, but not the cold sweat of a bad dream. I still felt on fire. I kicked off the covers, but it didn’t help. I struggled out of my pajama pants, hoping for some relief from the heat. I winced when I tried to swallow, my head pounded, and my entire body hurt. I was really and truly sick. I wanted to take a cold shower, but the walk down the hall seemed insurmountable.

  I rolled over, hoping a change of position would ease the body aches. It didn’t help. Pulling myself out of bed, I fumbled around for my purse, knowing I had a small container of ibuprofen. Shaking out two tablets, I threw the now empty bottle back in the purse and took a gulp of water from a bottle I’d brought home with me from the party.

  I barely slept the rest of that night. I spent it tossing and turning, feeling miserable and hot. The hours dragged by. The numbers on the clock moved at a snail’s pace. When my phone rang at eight a.m. and Ben’s number flashed across the screen, I felt the first semblance of relief.

  “Hello,” I croaked.

  “Yikes. Not feeling any better, huh?”

  “So much worse.”

  “I was calling to see if you wanted to take a sailboat out, but obviously that’s not happening. Is it just a bad cold?”

  “Fever, body ache, sore throat.” I tried to suppress a moan, but failed. I felt beyond miserable.

  “Have you taken anything?”

  “Two ibuprofen last night, but I’m out.”

  “Hang in there. I’ll be over soon.”

  “You don’t have to come.” I really hoped he wouldn’t listen.

  “Like I said, I’ll be over soon.”

  I tried to fall back asleep, but it wasn’t happening. Sometime later, I heard the front door open. I was glad I hadn’t demanded Ben return the key. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have made it downstairs. He quickly ascended the stairs. The squeaky second from the top step let me know he was close.

  “Hey, love.” He sat down on the edge of the bed next to me. He touched a hand to my bare leg, but quickly removed it. “Wow, you are hot.” He reached up to touch my forehead. “Okay, let’s start with Tylenol.”

  I heard the rustle of a plastic bag before he propped me up and handed me pills and water.

  I painfully swallowed the medicine. The pills felt enormous. “Thanks so much. You didn’t have to come. I don’t want to get you sick.”

  “Don’t worry about me. You haven’t eaten, have you? Are you hungry at all?”

  “Not really.”

  “At least have a few crackers.” He opened a pack of Ritz.

  “The only kind of cracker I’ll eat.”

  He smiled. “I know. Mom’s going to bring some of her soup over in a few hours, but hopefully this will hold you. I can make you tea or whatever.”

  “Wow, you really know how to take care of a girl.” I cringed as I croaked out the words. I sounded worse than I expected.

  “I’m Prince Charming, remember?”

  “How could I forget?”

  He got up suddenly. “I’ve got an idea.” He picked up my “Ben” box and rolled my desk chair over to the bed. “I’m sure this box can keep us busy until your meds kick in or you fall asleep.”

  “You don’t have to wait until I fall asleep. You can go.”

  “Uh uh. I’m not leaving when you fall asleep.”

  “You’re not?” I asked.

  “Nope. I might go downstairs and watch TV, but I’m here at your service.”

  “I feel bad.”

  He leaned down close to me, kissing my forehead. “I know you do. You’re sick.”

  “That’s not what I mean.”

  He laughed. “Just relax. I’m here because I want to be. Besides, you’d better get used to me taking care of you. And just so you know, you’re a VIP, because I wouldn’t do this for just anyone.”

  “No? I made the short list?”

  “The very short list.”

  “How short?”

  “One name.”

  I closed my eyes, leaning back into my pillow. “Wasn’t there some nostalgia to experience?”

  “Yes. Shall I start by rereading some of my award winning letters? It looks like you kept them all.”<
br />
  “I knew they might be worth something one day.”

  I relaxed as he read his letters in one ridiculous voice after another. I must have nodded off because, when I woke up, I was sweaty again. Ben was there with more Tylenol and his mom’s famous chicken soup. He propped me up with pillows and gently helped me balance the bowl.

  After a few bites, the way he watched me made me self-conscious. “Wow, I bet I look really hot right now.”

  “Yeah, but hopefully the Tylenol will help.”

  “Ben!”

  “Okay, okay. You look sick, but beautiful as always. I’ll take it as a good sign that you are feeling well enough to even question it.”

  We spent the afternoon looking at old pictures and playing card games between naps. I felt much better until four o’clock rolled around.

  I moaned and groaned as I curled up, trying to find a comfortable spot.

  “I wish I could do more to help.” He looked at me sweetly.

  “You’ve done plenty. Don’t you want to go home?”

  “I told you, I’m not leaving.”

  “What, are you going to stay here all night?”

  “Yeah. I figure Shayna can’t complain if I sleep in her room, right?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Please don’t sound so surprised. You’re hurting my ego,” he teased.

  “I love you.” The words slipped out without warning, and my stomach did flip flops. For a split second, I debated blaming it on the auto pilot, but the truth was, I’d never stopped loving him.

  He smiled, picking up my hand and squeezing it. “I love you too.”

  Ben kept his word. He spent the night in Shayna’s room, coming in to give me medicine just when it was time for more. The next morning, he made sure I had breakfast and a shower before he left.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I must have had a 48 hour virus, because two days later, I felt like myself again. I was glad to be better in time for Ben’s show. After the way he’d taken care of me, I wouldn’t have missed it unless I absolutely had to.

  Kelly didn’t think she could make the show because she had a tasting scheduled with the caterer. I wasn’t sure if Ben was serious about me going with Jake rather than alone, but I decided to call and find out. He was. He arranged for Jake to pick me up. Part of me was glad. We needed to clear the air. We’d known each other our entire lives. There was no reason we couldn’t call a truce.

  It felt funny to be picked up by Jake. He still drove the same black Jeep Wrangler he’d had in high school. He had the top off, and I couldn’t completely hide my excitement. I’d always had a soft spot for jeeps.

  “Hey, thanks for the ride,” I said politely as he pulled away from the curb with just a nod in my direction.

  “Not a problem. Ben was pretty insistent.” Jake was more dressed up than usual, wearing a collared shirt. I wondered what occasion warranted the upgrade.

  “I’m sorry you got pushed into it then. Is being in my presence that loathsome to you?” I turned toward him, daring him to answer.

  “No, it’s not completely loathsome.” He smirked.

  “So… any reason why you’ve been such a jerk? I’m used to us fighting, but this feels way too personal.”

  He looked over at me before turning onto the main road. “You really want to know?”

  “Yeah, I want to know.”

  “You nearly destroyed my brother. You took his heart and smashed it, and because that wasn’t enough, you had to make him think it was his fault.”

  It felt like whiplash. If I’d known how much the truth would hurt, I wouldn’t have asked for it. I couldn’t respond.

  I stared out at the darkening sky. I should never have broached the subject, I told myself. All I wanted to do was get out of the car and go home. I fumbled with my seatbelt, ready to do just that when I realized that doing so would hurt Ben more. I couldn’t run from him again. At that moment, I made a decision. I came to the realization that the whole casual label had to go. There was no way I could crush Ben again. Pretending that I could protect him from me would have to stop. The truth was that Ben never had a chance.

  “Molly?” I realized that I must have been silent for some time.

  “Yes? What do you expect me to say?”

  “Anything… Call me an asshole, something.”

  “Why do you want me to fight with you so much?”

  “Because it’s easier that way. I like being mad at you. I don’t like feeling sorry for you.” He shifted gears.

  “Then don’t feel bad for me.”

  “I won’t. Because you know what? You are a lucky son of a bitch.”

  “You do realize I’m a girl, right?”

  “You know what I mean. You’re lucky to have Ben, and you aren’t going to screw him over again. I know you’re in love with him, so try not to deny it this time.” Jake half smiled as we pulled onto the interstate.

  “I’m not denying it. I’m thinking of telling him I want more tonight.”

  “Good.” Jake turned up the radio, blaring some classic rock song I didn’t know the name of.

  The wind in my hair felt freeing, and I tried to unwind. Jake and I rode in silence. Things felt better now that he’d said his piece.

  He broke the silence by turning down the volume. “You know if you end up marrying Ben, your name is going to be Molly Mathews.”

  Talk about random. “Um, okay. Your point is? Besides, I wouldn’t worry about us getting married quite yet.” Even with the radio turned down, I had to yell over the wind.

  “It kind of sounds like a stripper name. Like the librarian type that goes from serious to sexy when she takes off her glasses and shakes out her hair.”

  “Wow, you’re really weird, Jake.”

  He laughed. “Come on. It does sound that way, doesn’t it?”

  Never, in all of the hundreds of times I’d doodled that name all over my notebooks, had I ever thought that. “Like I said, you’re really weird.”

  “Now you’re going to think it too. Admit it.”

  I decided to play along with the ridiculous conversation because it beat fighting. “So, is the name a good or bad thing?” We hit traffic, and as the Jeep slowed down, we no longer needed to shout.

  “Good. It can’t hurt for an attractive girl to have a name that brings up those kinds of images. Well, Ben might not think so. He’d keep you covered up and tucked away if it was up to him. You saw how he freaked out the other night. He goes psycho over anyone coming near you.”

  I decided to indulge my curiosity even though I wasn’t sure I was going to like the answer. “Did he go crazy when he found out I had a new college boyfriend?”

  “Yeah. I was kind of waiting for him to go up to Boston and drag you back.”

  “But he didn’t.”

  “Because he still blamed himself. I also think he always assumed you’d come back to him.” Jake never took his eyes off the road.

  “Yeah…” My phone rang, interrupting the suddenly serious conversation. “Hey, Kelly.”

  “Are you on your way to Ben’s show?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “We got done with the caterer early. We’ll meet you there.”

  “Awesome.”

  “So did you really go with Jake? Are you guys killing each other yet?”

  “We’re both alive so far.”

  Jake laughed, probably guessing what the conversation entailed.

  “All right, see you soon.”

  “Bye.”

  “So, Kelly and Tom are coming?” Jake asked.

  “Looks like it.”

  Jake took the exit ramp faster than he needed to. “Tom wouldn’t have invited Gavin, right?” Jake sounded worried.

  “I hadn’t really thought of that. Wouldn’t Kelly have mentioned it?”

  “I don’t know. Would she have?”

  Jake parked, and we walked into the Soapbox. I ran my hands through my hair, trying to repair the damage caused by the wind. T
he Soapbox was nothing like I’d expected. It was actually a converted Laundromat—complete with the machines. The place kind of had a dated look, but the couches and lighting gave it a comfortable feel. I had never seen anything like it. I flashed my ID at the bouncer when he asked for it.

  Jake snickered. “You’ll be showing ID for the rest of your life, you look so young.”

  “I’m legal now, so I don’t care. Besides, a woman always wants to look young.”

  “It’s still funny.” He smirked again. “What do you want?” He gestured to the bar.

  “Oh, just get me what you’re having.”

  “I love how you just assume I’m going to buy your drink.”

  My jaw dropped. “You just asked what I wanted.”

  “It could have been rhetorical.”

  I was tempted to smack the smirk off his face. “Fine, I’ll get my own.”

  “No way. My mother taught me better than that.”

  I laughed. “Do you enjoy fighting with me so much that you’re trying to start an argument?”

  “It’s good entertainment.”

  “And they’re at it again.” Kelly appeared beside me, putting an arm around my shoulder to give me half a hug.

  “Hey, how’d the tasting go?”

  “Great, Tom got his steak, and I got my buttercream frosting.”

  I smiled. “Can’t get better than that.”

  Tom caught me looking over his shoulder toward the door. “Don’t worry, he’s not coming. I’m not that much of an idiot. Inviting Gavin to Ben’s show wouldn’t go over well.”

  “Probably not.”

  We grabbed some beers and took a seat at a front and center table to watch the show.

  The Grizzlies were good. Really good. Last time, I had been so focused on my nerves about seeing Ben that I couldn’t fully concentrate. This time I really got to listen—and watch.

  Watching Ben was always fun. He got so into his music. The intensity was awesome. I used to sit and listen to him play for hours. I rarely went to his rehearsals, but I liked watching him write songs. It felt like I had a secret view into genius or something.