A Cowboy’s Dance
White Oak Ranch
Book 1
Diana McKinley
Copyright © 2017 Diana McKinley
Licensed material is being used for illustrative purposes only and any person depicted in the licensed material is a model.
All rights reserved.
DEDICATION
Thank you, Will and Julie, for cheering me on once again.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Cover Art: Reese Dante http://www.reesedante.com
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Actual locations are referenced solely to lend realism to the story. No negative connotations to real locations are implied or suggested
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Table of Contents
Book Start
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Epilogue
About the Author
“The only way to make sense out of change
is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”
― Alan Watts
Chapter 1
Cole Gentry sat astride his favorite working mount, Pike, just outside his main barn and stared at his phone in utter disbelief. His eyes had lost focus for a moment or two before his horse shifted under him, bringing Cole back to reality and out of the stupor he’d fallen into so easily. A cold, hard reality by the looks of the text illuminating the tiny screen.
Was this how people broke other’s hearts now, he wondered with a detached sense of finality? They sent a text, rather than face their companion and tell them one-on-one that their time together was at an end? Hell, maybe it was, Cole thought with a disgusted sigh. Maybe… just maybe… he was so out of touch with how things were done in relationships that he was the odd man out in this situation. And if that were so… Well, Cole conceded he didn’t want any part in one.
He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes briefly, knowing that was a lie if ever he had heard one. Cole did want a relationship, more than he knew how to articulate. Only he hadn’t really found someone who would be the kind of partner he secretly hoped for in his corner of Texas. Instead, he held his wishes and dreams close to his vest and had settled for convenient rather than forever. And therein lay the problem.
Cole acknowledged that he had no one to blame for his current situation but himself, even if that truth stung in the worst sort of way. He had stood by stoically and watched as his first and only boyfriend, Robbie Paschal, moved away after high school to chase his dream of living in a large city, while Cole remained on his family’s ranch trying to keep the business afloat and their hands employed. Though Cole had wanted to beg Robbie to stay, he knew he couldn’t stifle the man if he really wanted to spread his wings elsewhere.
Cole had settled on taking the scraps Robbie offered – little interludes over the last five years whenever Robbie could get away from his increasingly busy schedule. As time progressed, those visits became fewer and fewer, until they only saw one another two or three times a year. Their phone calls and emails to each other had dwindled as well. Sometimes, they went months between chats, and that said a whole helluva lot, even to Cole’s heavy heart.
Cole knew that what they shared didn’t qualify as a relationship. And as much as he hated it, he also knew that though he had remained faithful, Robbie had not. Robbie had told Cole that he couldn’t promise fidelity if they weren’t living in the same state, and Cole had accepted that decree as well, not wanting to demand what he knew Robbie wasn’t willing to give him.
Man, but had he deviated from his core values and dreams over the years, and in some mighty big ways.
Cole exhaled and shook his head, admitting to himself that he wanted more from a partner – so much more – and that the only way he was going to get it was to stop accepting less from another man than he was willing to give. That, too, terrified him, because Cole had never admitted to anyone other than his parents and Robbie that he was gay.
He had been too afraid as a teen to come out, sure that bigotry would overshadow any of his neighbors’ friendships and warmth toward him. The world at large may have been changing and tolerance for gay people spreading, but where he came from there was still a lot of prejudice and judgment. A lot of hate too, which Cole didn’t want spilling over to his mother and his ranch hands, all of whom still lived on the sprawling farm that his father, grandfather and his father before him had built through blood, sweat and years of back-breaking work.
Yet Cole wondered how much longer he would be able to shoulder the burden alone, all because he chose to hide and bury himself in work with no one at his side to help him carry the load as a true partner would. Surely, he thought, by now his community knew him well enough to let him at least live in peace if he openly lived with a man, even if they didn’t accept his choice. Perhaps… just perhaps… he could live his life without fear of violence and reprisal because he had proven himself to be a good neighbor and a hard worker throughout the course of his twenty-six years.
Maybe it was finally time to man up and find out because the alternative was a lonely, cold existence of which Cole wanted no further part. He’d already had a taste of what that felt like during his long-distance association with Robbie. No way did Cole want that to be his future. Not when his parents had shown him what a happy marriage looked and felt like until his father’s untimely heart attack and death seven years earlier.
Yeah, something had to give, Cole admitted, and he was the only one who could initiate the change. It was long past time.
Cole lifted his dusty hat and ran his fingers through his thick chestnut locks, rubbing his scalp and then his tired eyes. Heaving another beleaguered sigh, he looked down at his phone and read the text again, trying to make himself accept what his lover was telling him so he could make a clean break with the man and move forward on his own.
“Time to face facts, Gentry,” he admonished himself softly.
Robbie’s words glowed on the screen, presenting those facts in clear, concise language so that there was no mistaking his intentions.
“I know you’re expecting me to come to the ranch next weekend, Cole, but I won’t be able to make it. Not this time and not next time either. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but there’s nothing there for me anymore. I’m not sure there ever was. I’m better off staying in Chicago where I have friends who get me and like the same things I do. I’ll always cherish our time together, Cole, but I have to close the door on us if I’m ever going to be able to resist your invitations to come back there. Please understand that life has taken us in different directions, and I’m following my path. I hope you’ll do the same with yours. Love you always, Robbie.”
Cole reread the text four times, and then he cleared his throat and slid the device in his breast pocket, effectively closing the door on them as Robbie had asked him to. He didn’t respond to the text because that just wasn’t his way. It would have been too damned impersonal. Plus, there was nothing left to say. Robbie had made the decision to move on, and Cole admitted it really was time for him to do the same.
He swung his leg over Pike and dismounted, patting the horse’s neck as Pike nickered at him. Clicking his tongue while holding the reins loosely, Cole led Pike inside the barn to brush and cool down his mount before leaving him in his paddock for the night.
; “You all right there, Gentry?” Mike Watkins, his foreman, called out as he strode into the barn several paces behind Cole.
The man was almost old enough to be his father and stood only an inch or two shorter than Cole’s six-foot-two height, though Mike was broad like Cole and heavily muscled too from his years of manual labor.
Cole looked over his shoulder and offered Mike what he knew was a sad attempt at a smile. Yet, it was all he could seem to muster at the moment.
“I will be,” he said gruffly, knowing it was true, though still painful all the same.
Mike squinted as he dismounted from his mare and angled his head slightly at Cole. “Anything you wanna talk about?”
“Nah.” Cole shook his head and set about removing all of Pike’s tack. “Just some stuff I gotta deal with.”
Mike watched him for a few more seconds before he gave Cole a swift nod. “Well, offer’s still open if and when you need an ear, boss.”
Cole huffed out a soft laugh and gently tossed a brush at Mike. Mike grinned as he snagged it from the air and set it aside to use on his mount when he finished removing the mare’s tack.
It was a long-standing joke among Cole’s hands to call him boss, as Cole was younger than all of them save one young man who had come from Arizona to join the ranch two years before – a twenty-three-year-old buck named Andre. Cole had still been in high school when his father died suddenly, yet he had stepped up and assumed the mammoth responsibility, alongside his mother, of maintaining the forty thousand acre cattle ranch without one word of complaint. Cole knew that too many depended on him for their livelihood, and he took his responsibility to them and to his heritage seriously.
Cole also knew that, though the hands smirked and grinned when they uttered the title, it wasn’t given lightly. It was truly a sign of their respect – respect which he had well-earned over the last seven years. It was, after all, what they had called his dad.
“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. Cole grinned as he worked, though, glad that Mike had given him a reason to smile a little.
“So,” Mike said after several minutes of silence. “Looks like we’re gonna hafta replace that stretch of fence up along the northeastern ridge after all. Dennis and Walter found a good bit of damage today after that last storm, and Dennis said that it looked like some of the heifers had already been gettin’ too close to it for comfort. Gonna lose some if we don’t take down what’s there and put up new wire.”
“Then we’ll replace it,” Cole said without hesitation. Maintaining the herd’s borders wasn’t something he played at, nor did any rancher worth his or her salt.
Cole turned from Pike and draped an arm over the horse’s back. He nodded at Mike. “I know that Everest would return any wandering cattle without a word of irritation, but if we can prevent them from straying off our land, then let’s not delay.”
Everest Cooper was not only his neighbor, but the slightly older rancher was also one of Cole’s best friends. He knew Everest wouldn’t do more than give him good-natured hell if some of his herd made it onto Everest’s land, but still, Cole didn’t want to get into the practice of sloppy ranchmanship and put a strain on one of the most reliable relationships he had developed in his life.
While everyone else called Everest, Ev, Cole used his full name. In part, because he liked the way the man’s name sounded, but also because Everest was literally like a mountain. Taller than Cole by at least two inches, strong, and solid like the peak he was named after, Everest seemed a formidable man to most who encountered him.
Cole, however, knew the truth. Everest might be a man of few words to those who didn’t know him personally, but he was actually open and friendly if someone took the time to know him. Funny as hell, too, with a quick wit that would leave a person laughing so hard their sides ached. Most importantly to Cole, though, Everest was a gentleman, which made Cole appreciate him even more. Cole hated a bully and, thankfully, Everest was the antithesis of that.
No matter what challenges Cole had faced since assuming the mantle of leadership his father had left behind, it had been Everest who had steadily remained there in the background to guide and steer him in the right direction with an encouraging hand and a gentle word. Even if his advice had initially been met with some skepticism by Mike and a few other seasoned hands, Cole had trusted that the successful cattle rancher wouldn’t lead him astray. Now, several years later, Mike and the others had admitted to Cole in private that they were glad Cole had stuck to his guns and allowed Everest to lead him.
Thanks to Everest’s ingenuity and forward thinking, Cole had managed to bring his ranch out of the red and place it firmly in the black. He did that all while pursuing a business degree online, so his dream of earning a college diploma didn’t get lost in all he had been called on to do so early in his life. Everest had initially been the one to insist that Cole make that dream a reality and, with his support, Cole had convinced his mother and Mike that he could do that as well as run the ranch. It hadn’t been easy at all, but Cole had made it through and with honors no less.
It had been Everest who taught him to diversify and sell his beef through a broker so the grass-fed stock could be introduced to markets which would pay for healthier meat. Everest had also shown him how expanding his operations into the production of wheat, oats, and hay, which he could also sell through an open market, meant he wasn’t dependent on the whims of the nearby buyers and suppliers.
In essence, Everest had helped Cole slowly break away from the local ties which so often pulled smaller ranches under. There was a much broader market for what they were selling, and Everest had helped Cole see that in time to do something with the knowledge before he and his mother had to start selling off acreage just to stay afloat. Business had become so consistent and solid over the last five years that Cole had to assure some of his former buyers that he was still in the market of selling beef and hay to them as well. Thankfully, they had wanted his product badly enough to go through his broker and pay slightly higher prices.
“Earth to Cole,” Mike teased, waving a hand to get Cole’s attention.
Cole snapped his focus back to his foreman and blinked a couple of times. He had the good grace to smile at himself for wool-gathering and chuckle. “Sorry. My mind seems to be wandering a bit today.”
“I can see that.” Mike gave his mare a solid pat on the rump and strode closer to Cole. “Well, since it’s Saturday, we can put off workin’ on the fence tomorrow and get to it Monday. Walter said they moved that portion of the herd further south today, so they’re less likely to get too close to the damaged sections. That sound all right to you?”
“That sounds just fine, Mike. Tell them I said thanks and that we’ll get to it first thing Monday morning.” Cole glanced over at his Tennessee Walking horse, Bennan’s Fire, or Fire for short, and decided the two of them were due for a ride. Fire was really the only luxury he’d allowed himself, and one of Cole’s greatest joys was riding the solid black stallion when he took time away from his duties – which, though rare, was precious.
Mike arched an eyebrow at Cole. “You skippin’ out on poker night? Damn, Cole. Something must be off if you’re choosing a ride over time with all the guys. You sure you don’t wanna talk about anything? You know I’ll hold your confidence.”
“Ah, man. I completely forgot that was tonight.” Cole rubbed the back of his neck, surprised that the monthly gathering of friends and neighbors had escaped him. It never had before. “And thank you for the offer, Mike, but I’m gonna be fine once I work through some stuff. Being alone tonight’s probably the best thing for me. I wouldn’t be good company to anybody.”
“If you’re sure,” Mike said hesitantly, his eyes probing deeper than most other’s would or could.
“I’m sure. You go on and have a good time. Tell everybody I said hey.”
Mike watched him for a few more seconds before he exhaled and nodded. He gave Cole a warm, understanding smile that so reminded him of the way hi
s father would look at Cole when he knew Cole was holding out on him. Cole always caved in short order from that look and told his dad everything. However, his breakup with Robbie wasn’t something he wanted to discuss with Mike or anyone else.
Though Cole suspected that Mike and the other hands knew what he and Robbie did in the privacy of Cole’s house during the times Robbie had come to visit, they’d never spoken of it, and Cole didn’t want to start that conversation now. No, now he felt too raw and too exposed, and that wasn’t something he wanted to be aired in front of his co-workers, even if the men and women on his ranch were more like family than employees. Cole knew he needed to do some serious soul-searching before he finally stepped out of his self-imposed closet, and that could only be done in private.
“All right, then,” Mike said, interrupting his wandering mind again. “I’ll see you bright and early Monday mornin’. And if you need me before then, you call, ya hear? Mary will understand if I need to come back and be your soundin’ board.” Mike pointed a finger at Cole and clicked his tongue.
“Yeah, I hear ya,” Cole drawled and turned, ready to lead Pike into his paddock so he could saddle Fire. “And thanks,” he said a little quieter. “Tell Mary I said hello,” Cole added, referencing Mike’s wife of twenty-nine years.
He felt Mike’s hand on his shoulder as he gave him a firm squeeze, and then Cole was alone with his horses.
After several more minutes, he had Pike settled for the night and had fed and watered all the others in and around the barn. Cole led Fire from his stall and began to prepare him for a long ride, talking softly to him while he worked. Cole’s mother was away from the ranch, visiting her extended family in Virginia and wouldn’t be back for another two weeks, so he didn’t need to check in on her that night either. That left Cole to his thoughts and own devices.
A Cowboy's Dance (White Oak Ranch Book 1) Page 1