by Cheryl Holt
I’m sorry I didn’t protect you as I should have. I’m sorry I wasn’t the guardian you needed me to be.
“Hello, Aunt Abigail,” they said in unison. They were grinning, giggling.
“Hello. What are you doing at the manor?”
“It’s a secret.” Mary frowned and pointed to her dull, conservative dress. “You didn’t wear one of the pretty gowns Mr. Wallace bought you.”
“He and I are having an important talk about my work as your governess. I decided I should look like the schoolteacher I am.”
“You’ve been a very good governess,” Millie said. “We told him you were the best ever, better than any governess in history.”
“Thank you.”
She hadn’t wanted to distress them so she hadn’t informed them about what would transpire. She’d been pretending all was fine, and they would continue on as they had been.
What would they think when they learned the truth? She would request that Alex allow her to write to them. She could understand if he refused to let her visit, but she didn’t see how an occasional letter would hurt. And they would be able to reply. She would receive enormous joy from their correspondence.
They had their hands hidden behind their backs, and when they pulled them out they were holding bouquets of roses they must have picked out in the garden.
“These are for you,” Millie explained.
“For me? What a lovely gift.” Did they suspect a bad conclusion? Were they trying to cheer her up before the axe fell?
“We’ll keep them for you until you and Mr. Wallace are finished speaking.”
“That’s probably a good idea.”
The butler interrupted by knocking on the library door.
Alex called, “Enter!”
“Miss Henley is here, Master Wallace,” the butler said.
“Show her in,” he responded. “Don’t make me wait.”
She flashed a tepid smile at the twins, then walked into the ostentatious room. He was at the other end, seated at the massive oak desk. There was a chair across from him, and she went over and eased herself down.
She wasn’t about to have an awkward silence fester, and she couldn’t bear to be scolded or reprimanded. Whatever penalty he chose to level, it was definitely warranted, and she had to seize the initiative.
“I’d like to begin by saying I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused. I was reckless and imprudent, and I fully admit my numerous blunders.”
“Your blunders?”
“Yes. There were so many of them I can hardly keep track.”
He scowled. “Tell me what some of them were.”
“I suppose the biggest one is that I promised to leave and never contact you again, but I swiftly broke my vow.”
“Yes, that was quite a big one.”
“And I took the twins with me, but I had no plan with regard to them. I figured it would be simple to have custody, but I couldn’t support them.”
“No, you couldn’t.”
“I’m not usually so scatterbrained, and I most humbly apologize.”
“Apology accepted.”
“I hope you won’t take it out on them.”
“Take what out on them?”
“They’re Henleys, and they’re my nieces, and I realize how my presence here has aggravated you. I pray you will overlook my kinship with them and that you’ll furnish the safe and secure life they deserve.”
“You sound awfully glum, Abigail.”
She shrugged. “I was so excited when you let me have them. I didn’t reflect on any of the difficulties I might encounter. My inattentiveness and pride led us into various disasters, and I’m lucky they weren’t harmed.”
“Yes, we’re very, very lucky.”
He was studying her, his expression unreadable, so she couldn’t guess what he was thinking.
“Am I to be fired?’ she asked. “I assume I am, and I was wondering if I’ll have to depart immediately. I haven’t mentioned it to the girls, but I’m certain the news will upset them. I’d like to prepare them for what’s coming.”
“Do you believe I should terminate you?”
“Absolutely, and I’m ready to face the consequences. There’s no excuse for my errors, and I won’t offer any justifications.”
“I wouldn’t listen to any,” he said.
“I understand.”
“You seem to be confused about one detail which surprises me. Faith is such a gossip. I’m stunned that she didn’t tell you about it.”
“Tell me what?”
“I didn’t send Camilla to discuss your leaving early. I didn’t demand it, and I most especially didn’t intend for you to have custody of Mary and Millie. She lied about everything.”
“Oh.” Could she possibly be any more wretched? “Then I doubly apologize.”
“I knew you couldn’t care for them so I would never have given them to you.”
“You’re totally correct. I couldn’t.”
“Camilla was jealous and possessive, and she engaged in many behaviors, expecting it would make me happy, but she was often wrong about what I actually wanted.”
“Yes, I recognized those traits in her.”
“I was fond of you, and she noticed. She was determined to be shed of you at all costs.”
“Faith warned me not to trust her, but I was too much of a fool to heed her advice.”
“Camilla never liked Mary and Millie either. She constantly urged me to ship them off to boarding school.”
“I’m sorry you felt they were such a bother.”
“That’s the problem, Abigail. I didn’t feel they were a bother, and Camilla misjudged my opinion. I like having them here. I haven’t always shown it, but I like them very much.”
“And I ran off with them—when you didn’t wish me to.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Will you view it as a kidnapping? Am I to be in trouble with the law again?”
He scoffed. “You’re not in trouble with me or the law. The twins belong with you. They’ll be better off.”
“I used to think that,” she morosely said.
“What do you think now?”
“I think I’d be a horrid guardian.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
He snorted with amusement. “Let me get this straight. You’re completely naïve and gullible, and you didn’t realize how you were being tricked and manipulated. You love your nieces and only want what’s best for them. Does that about cover it?”
“Well…yes, I suppose.”
“I agree with all of those points. You’re naïve and gullible and too trusting for words.”
“I am, and it means I’m a dangerous person to have authority over the twins or anyone else. I can barely take care of myself.”
“Now that is another point upon which I thoroughly agree.”
“Will I have to depart today?” She gulped and braced for the answer that was coming.
“Today? No.”
She sagged with relief. “When would you like me to go then?”
His exasperation evident, he drummed his fingers on the desktop. “Aren’t you curious about where I’ve been the past three weeks?”
“It’s none of my business. You don’t need to apprise me.”
“I’d like you to know though.”
“Fine. If you believe it’s important, I’m content to listen.”
“First, I have parted with Camilla. She and I are no longer…involved.”
She couldn’t deduce why he’d explain the separation to her. What would be an appropriate reply? She settled on, “I’m sure it’s a good decision.”
He nodded. “It is, but I will admit to having mixed feelings. I had been close to her for many years, and she was my only friend during a period when I didn’t have any friends. So I’ve suffered a few lingering regrets. Not many, but a few.”
“She was all wr
ong for you!” Abigail blurted out before she could remember to keep the remark to herself. Her opinion about Camilla Robertson was irrelevant.
“Not necessarily.” He shrugged. “She was right for a time—and then she wasn’t.”
She withered with mortification. “Of course you’re correct. I shouldn’t have commented.”
“You didn’t like her.”
“No, I didn’t, but could we talk about something else?”
“Certainly. Next, I visited Eugenia.”
“Why would you?”
“I was irked by her stealing your purse, and I had to learn if she had colluded with Camilla to harm you.”
“Had she?”
“Yes. Apparently, they corresponded regularly and were quite cordial.”
“That’s the strangest detail you could have shared.”
“I found it extremely odd myself. She blithely confessed her participation in Camilla’s scheme to rob you, and as punishment she’s left the country. She moved to a place called Massachusetts in America.”
Abigail was stunned by the news. “She sailed to America?”
“Yes, she and her husband both. She had no remorse over the predicament she orchestrated for the twins, and I couldn’t risk that she might interfere again. Nor could I allow her to have any continuing contact. I felt they should have an ocean between her and them. Otherwise, I would never have deemed them to be genuinely safe.”
“She’s gone for good? You’re positive?”
“Yes. I watched them board their ship, and I tarried until it vanished down the Thames. They won’t ever be back to plague us.”
“Thank you. I’m so glad.”
“I thought you would be.” He grinned a sly grin. “Guess where I went after that?”
“I have no idea.”
“I visited your cousin, Jasper, at Middlebury.”
Abigail froze with astonishment. “You what?”
“I visited your old home.”
“But…but…why?”
“I was interested in seeing where you were raised.”
“Why would it matter? Did you identify yourself? Was he aware of your history with Hayden?”
“He seemed to be, but he was too polite to mention it.”
“You popped in for what reason?”
“I was curious. About you—but about a few other issues as well.”
“What issues?”
“I’ve been perplexed by the notion that your father didn’t provide for you and your sisters. I’ve known men like him all my life, and it’s a mystery to me why he would imperil you. You must have once had a dowry. Was it ever discussed?”
“Yes, but when Jasper inherited, he claimed my father had died deeply in debt, and our dowries had been spent years earlier.”
“You believed him?”
“Not really, but I didn’t have the means to fight him over it.”
“I don’t like him. Or his wife. She was incredibly unpleasant, and I didn’t trust them. I don’t like how he’s treated you. He’s the head of your family, but he exposed you and your sisters to the rigors of the world. It’s not right.”
“I enthusiastically concur, but I couldn’t persuade him to behave any better toward us.”
“You were very young.”
“Yes. I had just finished school, but my sisters were still enrolled. My father had paid for the rest of their education, and I’ve always been grateful for that.”
“But after their studies concluded, they were forced into service.”
“I couldn’t stop any of it from happening.” She blushed with shame—as if the situation was her fault. “It’s been a great embarrassment to me. My father was such a good man, and my mother so kind and supportive. They’d be devastated by our reduced condition.”
“Yes, I imagine they would be so I’ve decided to have my attorney investigate the probate on your father’s estate. I’d like to discover the terms of his Will and find out a bit more about your dowries.”
She frowned. “I don’t have money to hire a lawyer.”
“I do so don’t worry about it.”
“I will worry. I’m already so beholden to you, and I can’t grow even more obligated.”
“Maybe I like having you obligated. It will furnish me with many avenues to coerce you into giving me what I need.”
“You don’t have to coerce me. I’ve admitted all my failings. I’m prepared to receive my penalty.”
He raised a brow. “Are you?”
“Yes.” She stiffened as if she was about to suffer a hard blow, but he merely gazed at her, and his unflappable demeanor had her exceedingly distressed.
“What’s it to be?” she snapped. “Am I fired or what? Don’t keep me in suspense. I can’t bear it.”
“You’re not fired.”
“What is to become of me then?”
“I have a few ideas.”
Suddenly, there was a hot gleam in his eye, and he was scrutinizing her as he used to when they were in the middle of their flirtation. The look unnerved her. She’d never been able to deflect or ignore it. When he acted fond, she was easy prey, and her recent tribulations hadn’t made her stronger or smarter. If he had his mind on amour, she should run out of the room as fast as she could.
“What ideas?” she warily grumbled.
“I just parted with my mistress so I’ve lost my female companionship.”
“You poor thing,” she sarcastically said. “You never should have taken up with her in the first place so I don’t feel sorry for you.”
“Yes, but I hate to be lonely, and I’m awful at managing my own home. It’s such a large residence. It really needs a woman’s touch.”
“Then you should marry again.” At mentioning the prospect, her heart broke a little. It killed her to consider him bringing a bride to Wallace Downs—for it wouldn’t be her.
“Yes, I definitely think I should wed.”
“And you have that trust account waiting for you, remember? You should travel to town and begin courting.”
“I’m not in the mood to chase after any silly debutantes.”
“You wouldn’t locate a suitable candidate in that group anyway so it would be a waste of energy.”
“I’m sure it would be too so what’s a fellow like me to do?”
“I can’t advise you,” she said, “and it’s not appropriate for you to discuss this subject with me. May I be excused?”
“No.”
“I’d like to return to the cottage.”
“No,” he said again. “Why shouldn’t I confer with you about my nuptial plans? You know me better than anyone.”
She scoffed. “I only thought I knew you, but it was all a fantasy.”
“You don’t know me? You don’t understand me?”
“No.”
“I disagree with your assessment, and I’d like your opinion as to the traits I should seek in a bride. I’ve put beauty at the top of my list.”
“You would. Facial beauty is all you men think about.”
“True, but I mean inner beauty too. I need someone who is loyal and steady, who’s tough and strong and resilient. I need someone who will be my friend and confidante, who will remain by my side through thick and thin, who will cherish me despite my foibles and flaws.”
“It sounds as if you’ll be searching for a saint.”
“I don’t believe a saint will work. Besides, I don’t have to search. I’ve already found exactly who I require.”
Her jaw dropped in surprise. While he was away, had he become engaged? Is that what he was telling her?
She couldn’t help but recollect that she had just been the recipient of a marriage offer from him, and before she could process the notion of being his bride he’d rescinded it. He was a conceited, fickle oaf, and she certainly hoped his new betrothed fared better than she had!
“You found her?” She couldn’t keep the disappointmen
t out of her voice. “Have you proposed? Should I tender my congratulations?”
“Well, I’ve sort of proposed, and I sort of haven’t.”
She shook her head with derision. “You could be talking in riddles, and I can’t stay and listen.”
“What about the attributes I’m seeking? Do you imagine that kind of person would make me happy?”
“Yes, Alex, if you’ve stumbled on a paragon with all of those stellar qualities, you’ll be deliriously happy. So…congratulations, but you’ll have to excuse me. I can’t listen to this.”
He appeared cunning, as if he was toying with her. “Why can’t you?”
“You’re not dimwitted, Alex, so don’t pretend. I was so fond of you, and I assumed you would marry me. I assumed I would be the woman to make you happy, but you yanked it all away. If you’re expecting me to announce that I’m delighted another female will have the chance, I won’t tell you that! Now excuse me.”
Terrified she’d burst into tears, she stood to run out, and he said, “Sit down, Abigail.”
“Alex, please! Don’t be cruel. You’re hurting me.”
“Sit, Abigail!” he commanded more sternly, and she plopped into her seat.
“What is it? Would you hurry and finish? I’m anxious to be apprised of what will happen to me.”
He laughed as if she was hilarious, and he muttered, “It’s you, you little fool.”
“It’s me…what?”
“You are the woman I want to wed.”
She gaped at him as if he was deranged. “No, I’m not. Don’t lie. I am Hayden Henley’s sister. I am Lord Middlebury’s oldest daughter. You were very clear that you can’t abide me, and I’m leaving.”
She stood again, and before she could take a step he was around the desk to block her way.
“When I found out your identity, I was furious,” he admitted. “I hurled a dozen stupid insults—but I didn’t mean any of them.”
“You meant every word, and I appreciate your sentiment. I really do. I tried to warn you that I couldn’t be your bride, but you ignored me. So hear this: I won’t apologize for being who I am. I won’t apologize for who my brother was or my name or any other detail. I loved my brother, and I can’t guess why he involved himself with your wife, but I loved him. I’m sorry for the damage he caused, but I can’t change the past.”