Now there were three rogues come into that settle-ment and they heard somebody tellin’ how that old lady kept all her money at home on the fireboard, so they decided they’d rob her. The big robber he didn’t have but one eye. And he made a plan to watch the old lady till she went to bed; so he sent one rogue to hide in the chimney corner and watch. The man went and got up close to the house and looked through a crack in the logs right there by the chimney. Heard the old lady’s cards a-goin’ “Scratch! scratch! scratch!” So he waited and watched and listened.
The old lady she carded a while then she stopped and stretched and gaped, says, “That’s one come.” Says, “Two more and then I’ll get out my knife.” And she looked over at her old dried fish. Hit was hangin’ on the same side the fireplace, where the rogue was peepin’ through the crack, and he thought she was lookin’ right square at him. So when he heard her talkin’ about two more to come and gettin’ out her knife, he run back and told the other rogues she was a witch. The one-eyed ’un didn’t believe him. Sent the other man to watch.
So he got there in the chimney corner and about the time he looked through the crack the old lady raised her head and gaped again, says, “That’s two come. One more and I’ll get my butcher knife.” Looked over at her fish. And that rogue put out from there quick. Ran back and told the one-eyed rogue he was sure that old woman was a witch. Said, “Let’s not rob her. She’ll git us with her butcher knife sure’s the world!”
So the big one-eyed rogue he had to go and watch. He looked through the crack and seen the old lady cardin’, cardin’, cardin’, and rockin’ in her chair, and directly she stopped and gaped real big, set her wool-cards on the table, says, “Aa, Lord! That’s the third. And now, Old One-Eye, I’m goin’ to cut me a chunk out of you.” And she grabbed up her butcher knife and made for that dried fish.
Well, that one-eyed rogue jumped out of the chimney corner and run for life, and him and his two buddies left that country in a hurry.
And the old rich lady she cut her off a piece of that fish and eat it, and went on to bed and slept sound.
NEARLY DAYLIGHT
One of the little boys had wakened, slipped off the bed, and climbed up in Old Robin’s lap. He broke the silence that had followed our laughter over Old One-Eye with a small drowsy voice.
“Rob?”
“What, son?”
“Sing ‘Froggy-went-a-courtin’-he-did-ride.’”
Rhody reached over the foot of the bed and shook one of the little girls. “Wake up if you want to hear ‘Miss Mousie.’” The child sat up, rubbed her eyes, slid to the floor and wobbled a bit unsteadily toward the fireplace. Delia took her on her lap and stroked her towsled head.
As Old Robin began to sing the other little boy on the bed woke up, and was soon nestled in Tom’s arms. And before the fourth verse every young ’un on the big bed had wakened as if by magic and crept into some grown-up’s lap.
FROGGY WENT A-COURTIN’
Froggy went a-courtin’ and he did ride—unk!
Froggy went a-courtin’ and he did ride
With a sword and pistol by his side—
A-kiddely waddely, kiddely waddely, unk, unk, unk!
He rode down to Miss Mousie’s door,
where he’d often been before.
Little Miss Mousie came tripping down,
in her velvet satin gown.
Then Miss Mousie asked him in
where she sat to card and spin.
He took Miss Mousie on his knee,
said, Miss Mousie, will you marry me?
Without my Uncle Rat’s consent
I would not marry the pres-i-dent.
Soon Uncle Rat came home:
Who’s been here since I been gone?
Nice young man with a moustache on,
a-askin’ me to marry him.
O Uncle Rat gave his consent,
so they were married and away they went.
O where will the wedding supper be?
Away down yonder in a holler tree.
O what will the wedding supper be?
Two butterbeans and a black-eyed pea.
O the first to come in was a little white moth,
spreading down the table cloth.
O the next to come in was a bumblebee,
set his banjo on his knee.
O the next to come in was a nimble flea,
took a jig with the bumblebee.
O the next to come in was two little ants,
a-fixin’ around to have a dance.
O the next to come in was the old gray goose,
she picked up her fiddle, and she cut loose!
O the next to come in was the old red cow,
she tried to dance but she didn’t know how.
O the next to come in was the betsey-bug,
passin’ around the cider jug.
The next to come in was the old grey cat
said she’d put an end to that.
The bride went scramblin’ up the wall,
she let out an awful squall.
Froggy went swimmin’ across the lake,
he got swallered by a big black snake.
The song book’s sittin’ on the shelf, um-hum!
The song book’s sittin’ on the shelf,
if you want any more you can sing it yourself!
Tom lifted his lap-sitter over and propped him on Rob’s other knee. Then he took the little man and the notched stick down from the fireboard. “Stan, go find me a rock about the size of both your fists. Here,” and he handed him the flashlight. While Stan hunted the rock, Tom looped a length of string about the little man’s neck, fastened it someway to the saw, inserted the top of the saw between the gripping hands, and tied another string to the bottom end of the saw. Stan brought the rock. The children were watching every move. The rock was tied to the lower end of the saw, and Tom set the little man’s feet on the edge of the mantel. The rock swung free and Tom gave it a gentle push.
Leaning way over the edge the little carved man began to saw. And all the kids were wideeyed.
“Stand back, boys, so we can all see.”
“Aw! Look!”
“What keeps him from fallin’ off?”
“Can I have it, Tom?”
“I want me one, too!”
“You boys can all make you one. I’ll help ye get started.”
Every boy had a good look at the little saw-man and a try at making it work.
“I’m goin’ to start me one right now,” said Steve.
The little man kept sawing away, and when the rock’s momentum played out some boy’s hand reached up and gave it another easy push. Delia was rocking her chair and humming low to the child in her lap. The last of the pile of wood went on the fire. And Big Rob took over.
“One more tale, and then you kids better go home and get some sleep. Good thing tomorrow’s Sunday!”
And he told—
The Green Gourd
One time there was an old woman lived all by herself in the head of a holler. And one day this old woman went to the spring after a bucket of water, and she dropped her gourd-dipper and broke it. She had to have a dipper, so she went to look at the gourdvine she had out on the fence. It had some big dipper gourds a-hangin’ on it but there wasn’t none of ’em ripe. Well, the old folks always said you oughtn’t never to pull a green gourd. Said was you to pull a gourd ’fore it was plumb dry-ripe, it ’uld witch ye sure. But this old woman she was in a hurry about her dipper, so she said, “Humpf! I’ll pull me a green gourd if I want to!”—and she went right straight and jerked one off.
Took it on in the house, put it up on the fireboard to dry. Then she went on about her business. Well, she was sittin’ there knittin’ when that green gourd rolled off from up there, hit the hearthrock—Fump! The old lady picked it up and put it back. Then she stooped over to mend her fire and that green gourd rolled off again, bounced on the floor—Fump! Fump!
“O yes, you ain’t a-goin’ to stay
up there, are ye? Well, I’ll just see about that!” And she propped that green gourd ’way back on the fireboard with a big stick of kindlin’. Sat down again with her knittin’ when all at once the green gourd raised up from behind that chunk of kindlin’, drawed back and slammed right down the middle of the fireboard, knocked the clock off and scattered the bottles and papers every which-a-way, jumped off and sailed around in the house, knocked over some chairs, and then it made for that old woman and commenced fumpin’ her right in the back of the head—Fump! Fump! Fump!
Well, that old lady she’d done already headed for the door but time that green gourd lammed her, she picked up her skirts and put out. Out the door she flew and took out down the holler just a-squallin’ and that green gourd jumpin’ right in behind her. She’d outrun it part the time, but it ’uld catch up with her, fump her again, and she’d bawl and duck and run right on.
Got down the holler a piece, came to the groundhog’s house. The old groundhog was sittin’ there by the door, saw her comin’, says, “What’s the matter, old woman?”
“O law!” she says, “this green gourd’s after me!”
“Run in here. I’ll get after it.”
So she ran in the groundhog’s house, got down behind the door. The green gourd bounced right on in the house after her, and when the groundhog made a pass at it hit knocked that old groundhog’s legs out from under him, fumped him in the ribs a time or two, drawed back and slammed him right on the end of his nose, knocked him a back somersault, sailed around behind the door and fumped the old lady. She hollered and out the door she put.
“Oo-oo law! I got to get shet of this green gourd!”
On down the holler she ran. Came to the fox’s house. The fox was sittin’ there by the door, says, “What’s the matter, old lady?”
“O law! This green gourd’s tryin’ to witch me!”
“Run in here. I’ll witch it!”
So she ran in the fox’s house and got down behind the door. Here came the green gourd! The old fox snapped at it, and it raised up and lammed him right on the top of the head, knocked him down. Sailed in behind the door and fumped the old woman. Out the door she went!
“Oo-oo law! I got to get shet of this green gourd!”
On down the holler! Came to the wildcat’s house. He was sittin’ outside, says, “What’s the matter, old woman?”
“O law! This green gourd’s about to run me to death!”
“Run in here. Hit won’t get past me!”
In she ran, got down behind the door. Here came the green gourd a-rollin’ and a-bouncin’. The wildcat jumped for it and it turned back and smacked that old cat right square between the eyes, knocked him sprawlin’. Fumped the old woman. Out she hopped and on down the holler!
“Oo-oo-oo law! Got to get shet of this green gourd!”
Came to the pant’er’s house. He was stretched out by the door, raised up, says, “What’s the matter, old woman?”
“O law! Hit’s this green gourd! Hit’ll have me kilt yet!”
“Run in here. I’ll handle it!”
She ran on in behind the door, and that green gourd sailed right in after her. The pant’er jumped at it, scratched it a little, bit a chunk out of it. Then the green gourd it stopped and let go again—and punched the old pant’er right smack in the belly, knocked the wind out of him. Sailed in around behind the door, came down on the old woman—fumped her right on.
“Oo-oo-oo-oo law! Got—get shet—this green gourd!” She went a-tearin’ on down the holler and that green gourd was just a-rattlin’ on her. She ran with all her might and outran it a good piece that time. Came to the bear’s house. The old bear was standin’ fared up in the door, says, “WHAT’S THE MATTER, OLD WOMAN?”
“O law!” she says, and she was out of breath, “This green gourd —hit’s just about got me! I’ve tried to hide—behind everybody’s front door—all the way—down the holler! And yonder it comes again! O law!”
“RUN IN HERE, OLD WOMAN. I’LL GIVE IT GREEN GOURD!”
She ran in the bear’s house, and got down behind the door, but the old bear came and nosed her out.
“LET ME GET THERE, OLD LADY. YOU HIDE IN HERE.”
And he shoved the old woman in his clothes-closet, and slipped behind the door right quick.
Well, that green gourd shot in the house, sailed in behind the door and—the old bear he turned around quick and sat on it: squnched it all to pieces.
The old woman she was so glad to get shet of the green gourd she just laughed and hollered. Then she took the broom and swept it in the fireplace and burnt it up.
“Much obliged,” she says to the old bear. “Now hain’t there somethin’ I can do for you?”
“WELL, A LITTLE BAIT OF HONEY SHORE WOULD TASTE GOOD.”
“Come on,” says the old woman.
She and the bear went on back to the pant’er’s house.
“Much obliged for tryin’ to help me like you done. Now what can I do to help you?”
“Well now,” says the pant’er, “I’d rather like to have me a pig.”
“Come on,” she told him.
They went on to the wildcat’s house. The old woman thanked the wildcat and asked him what he ’uld like to have.
“Chickens,” says the wildcat.
“Come on.”
Got to the fox’s house.
“I sure do thank you for tryin’ to help me. What can I do for you now?”
“Well,” says the fox, “I’d not mind if I had me a couple of ducks—fat’uns.”
“Come on with us.”
They got up there to the groundhog’s place and there wasn’t nobody in sight. So they hollered a couple of times and directly the old groundhog came to the door a-limpin’ and holdin’ on to his sides, and had his nose all wropped up in a piece of rag.
“I’m mighty much obliged to ye,” says the old lady, “for tryin’ to help me. Now you tell me what I can do to help you.”
“Well, bab,” says the groundhog, “a bess of tirdips ’uld be bighty dice.”
“Come on.”
So she took ’em all on back down to the mouth of the holler and out in the bottoms and on to where an old stingy farmer lived at The old woman she knowed he’d gone off to town that day, and there wasn’t nobody at home but the dog. So when they all got to the fence the old woman stopped, says, “Now you ’uns jest stand over there and wait a minute.” Then she stooped over and raised up the bottom fence-rail, put her fingers in her mouth and whistled right sharp. The old dog came lopin’ out from the house, and when he saw all them varmints at the fence he just made for ’em—
“A-woo! Woo! WOO-OO!”
and when he tried to scrouge under the fence the old lady she dropped the rail on his neck, and that held him. So they let the old dog howl, and they all started gettin’ over the fence.
The old woman she pulled off a couple of top-rails, h’isted one side of her skirts, and she got over all right. The old bear just stood up and put his front paws down on the other side and humped himself, and he got over. The pant’er he hunkered back and jumped—and there he was. The wildcat crawled up one side and jumped off the top rail. And the fox put up his forefeet and he clambered over. The old groundhog he kept tryin’ to find him some hole or other to crawl through, and tryin’ not to get too close to that dog, and fin’lly the old bear went back and reached and scooped him up easy with one paw and set him over.
So then they all scattered to get what they’d come for, and the old woman she watched out for the old farmer if he was to come back. Then directly here came the old bear a-grinnin’ and a-huggin’ a big tub of honey, and his jaws just a-dribblin’. The pant’er came back with a shoat under his arm and hit a-squealin’ every breath. The wildcat had him about a dozen chickens with their legs tied up. And the fox came with fat ducks under both arms. And they waited and waited for the groundhog, and fin’lly here he came draggin’ a big poke of turnips—and the poke three times bigger’n he was. He was
havin’ a time, so the old woman she went and holp him.
And when the groundhog and her got to the fence the others had all got over—all but the old bear; he was a-waitin’, says, “HOLD THIS FOR ME, PLEASE, MA’M, WHILST I GET OVER.”
So he humped over the fence and then the old lady handed him his tub of honey, and then them turnips. Then she picked up the groundhog and set him over the fence, h’isted her skirts and she got over.
So they all went back up the holler and stopped off where they lived at, and the old woman she holp the groundhog plumb to his door with all that big mess of turnips.
Then she went on to her little place up in the head of the holler—and they tell me she never did pull another green gourd as long as she lived.
Old Rob paused, then quite suddenly he picked up the tale again.
“The old woman had run so hard the sole of one of her shoes had come loose. So first thing when she got home again, she jerked that shoe off and got her some stout thread and waxed it, then she took that little thing with a sharp point—what-ye-call-it—you know: that sharp thing in a little handle, what you punch holes in leather with—”
“A awl,” said Stan.
“That’s all!” shouted Old Rob, and the boys had a good laugh at Stan for being caught.
Grandfather Tales Page 15