Forgiving Hearts: Duncurra 1-3

by Ceci Giltenan

  Chapter 20

  One glance at Niall told Katherine he was dangerously angry, and for the first time since she’d married him, she was truly afraid.

  “Good morning, brother.” Niall nodded to Fingal. “Wife.” He nodded to Katherine. “I am so pleased ye could both join us this morning. I think it is high time we discuss what has been going on around here.”

  Looking completely confused, Fingal said, “I’m sorry, Niall, it was only an accident. I should have kept the men farther apart on the training field. It won’t happen again.”

  “I’m not referring to your accident. I am more concerned about the little conversation Tomas overheard before the feast on Epiphany.”

  “I’m not sure I understand. Tomas didn’t mention a conversation to me.”

  “Nay, I’m sure he didn’t,” Niall said smoothly, “because he overheard two people plotting to kill me, and one of the two thought Duncurra would become his upon my death. Now, who could that have been?”

  Fingal looked stunned, “Ye aren’t suggesting I—”

  “Silence,” barked Niall. “Don’t dig your grave deeper with your denials. What I want to know now is how Katherine is involved? Are ye lovers? Is the babe she carries yours?”

  Katherine, who had been staring in utter astonishment at Niall, snapped, “Niall, how could ye think that, much less even speak it? Before anything else, I am your wife. I am devoted to ye, and I love ye with all my heart. Why do ye refuse to believe that?”

  Niall sneered. “Ye give every indication of loving Fingal, too. I understand ye spent a cozy afternoon with him just yesterday.”

  “Ye blind idiot!” Katherine shouted as a rage every bit as hot as his own overtook her. “I have no idea why ye think I spent a ‘cozy afternoon’ with Fingal. I stitched and bandaged his wound; Turcuil and Edna were there the whole time. When I finished, I spent the afternoon with our son, who was terrified by what he had heard. I told ye that. Why would ye believe something else?”

  Too angry to speak, Niall just stared as Katherine continued, “And as to loving Fingal, of course I do. I love Fingal as a brother, as your brother, because I love ye. What’s more, Fingal loves ye, and even if I were inclined to be unfaithful, he would never betray ye. Why is it so hard for ye to fathom that? Am I betraying ye by loving Tomas? How about Father James and Father Colm? I love them, too, but Niall, ye are the heart of my heart, my soul mate. How can ye not see that?”

  “He can’t see it because he doesn’t believe it’s possible,” spat Fingal. “He couldn’t manage to earn my mother’s love, but who could, Niall? Do ye think she loves me anymore than she does ye? The only person she truly loves is herself, and yet ye will never give up trying.”

  Turning back to Katherine, Fingal continued, “Perhaps you didn’t know this, but several years ago my brother fell for the wiles of a faithless, grasping wench who betrayed him with another. She was never worthy of your love, Niall, but ye have been so tainted by her deceit, ye can’t recognize genuine devotion when ye see it.”

  Then, sounding defeated, he said, “I don’t know whom Tomas overheard, or why they would believe Duncurra would become theirs, but it wasn’t me. The only thing I have ever wanted was your respect. When ye appointed me to your guard, I thought I had finally earned it, but that must have been an illusion as well. If my presence here causes ye such distress, as soon as I can travel, with your permission, I will leave Duncurra and return to Laird Chisholm.”

  Niall stared at both of them, speechless. Katherine trembled, forcing back her tears. She felt as if he had mortally wounded her. Fingal, ashen and obviously in pain, looked…lost. Niall shook his head and said in a calm voice, “Ye’re not going anywhere except back to bed, Fingal. Katherine, give him something for pain. I will join ye in our chamber shortly.”

  Katherine ran out of the great hall and up to their chamber. Safely behind the closed door she broke down and sobbed. She had been afraid when she saw Niall’s raw anger. She felt the same heart- stopping fear she had when she knew Uncle Ambrose was going to beat her. This man she loved so desperately had hurt her more deeply than anything Uncle Ambrose could have done. You have learned the surest way to open yourself to hurt is to love, and yet you love anyway.

  How could he have accused her of something so awful? How could he doubt her so profoundly? After a few minutes, she pulled herself together, washed her face, and prepared the potion to give to Fingal—the same one Niall had seemed angry about yesterday. She shook her head at the irony.

  Diarmad was helping Fingal into bed when Katherine arrived. He looked miserable.

  “Here, drink this,” she said, handing him the potion. “It will help with the pain.”

  “Is it the same bitter swill ye made me drink yesterday? Thanks, I think I’d rather be in pain.”

  Diarmad frowned at him and Fingal took the potion from her. “Still, I wouldn’t want to be accused of not following orders,” he said wryly. He swallowed it, grimacing at the taste.

  “I’ll send Edna up later to change your bandage,” Katherine said flatly and turned to leave.

  “Katherine, wait,” called Fingal. She stopped but didn’t turn around as he went on. “I don’t know where that came from, but I am sorry. I know he loves ye; he didn’t mean to hurt ye like that.”

  “Still, Fingal?” Katherine asked, turning slowly to look at him, “After he verbally scourged both of us for some imagined wrong, ye would still defend him and apologize for him? I think your attempts at winning your brother’s love and approval are as vain as my own.” She turned and left the room, returning to her chamber quickly lest she cry again.

  ~ * ~

  Niall remained in the great hall brooding. Alan and Cairbre didn’t interrupt. Niall knew they would simply wait until he either dismissed them or drew them back into the discussion. Malcolm did not show the same deference, finally asking, “Ye don’t believe them, do ye?”

  “Aye, Malcolm, I do,” said Niall irritably.

  “Niall, I am afraid ye are becoming just like your father. He was too willing to trust people. That was his greatest fault. I hope it doesn’t destroy ye.” Niall didn’t respond and Malcolm continued, “Well, I had planned to return to Brathanead today, but if ye would like for me to stay until things are sorted out, I would be happy to.”

  “My thanks, Malcolm, I don’t think that will be necessary. I don’t know whom Tomas overheard or what it means, and I really can’t see any solution to this issue with Matheson at the moment. Laying siege to Cnocreidh would be a colossal waste of resources. I will increase security along my western border and raid again to try and recover some of our losses, but I will not allow revenge to drive me to wreak the kind of destruction he did. If there is any way ye can help, I will send ye a message. Have a safe journey.”

  “I’m sure you know best,” Malcolm said before he left the hall.

  Diarmad returned as Malcolm was leaving. He approached Niall and said, “Fingal is in bed and your wife awaits ye in your chambers, Laird.”

  Niall nodded but said nothing.

  Diarmad shook his head. “Laird, I know it isn’t my place to tell ye this, but even at the risk of worsening your foul temper, I find myself agreeing with your lady wife.”

  “Diarmad, I think we all agree with her,” said Cairbre dryly.

  “Agree with what?” Niall snapped.

  “Begging your pardon, that ye’re a blind idiot, Laird,” answered Alan.

  Niall simply rubbed his temples and said, “Oh that, aye, that has been fairly well established.”

  ~ * ~

  When Niall entered their chamber, he found Katherine sitting on the hearth hugging her knees to her chest with her head on them and he knew she had been crying. She had pulled her kertch off and it lay on the floor beside her. He went to her and gently pulled her up off the floor, putting his arms around her. “Katherine, I’m sorry.”

  “I can’t do this anymore,” Katherine said so softly he could barely hear her.
>
  “Can’t do what anymore?”

  “I can’t love ye. Father James was wrong. This hurts too much and I can’t do it anymore.”

  “Katherine, please don’t say that.”

  “Why, Niall? At dinner on the day we arrived here, ye told Cairbre your heart was never part of this bargain, but I had already given ye mine. Nothing I do or say seems to convince ye of that. Ye seem determined to punish me for the other women who have hurt ye. I thought I could stand anything, but the pain ye inflict is more than I can bear.”

  Niall knew he deserved that. “Katherine, I’m sorry, I was wrong.”

  “Aye, ye were,” she agreed, her voice catching, “but this pattern doesn’t change. Ye are always willing to believe the worst about the people who love ye the most. Fingal can leave. I can’t. I have to protect myself. I don’t want to love ye anymore.” Her voice broke with a harsh sob.

  Those words cut him deeply. “Katherine, please, ye don’t mean that. Sweetling, I do love ye. I love ye with all my heart. Ye are right, I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to risk getting hurt as I had in the past. I know I have hurt ye and I am sorry. Please, Katherine, forgive me. Tell me I haven’t lost ye,” he said desperately. He tipped her chin up, looking directly into her tear-filled eyes.. The pain he saw rent his heart. “Katherine, I need ye. Please don’t stop loving me.”

  She sobbed again, “I don’t think I could stop if I tried, but don’t do this to me again. It will kill me.” She was unable to force back her tears any longer.

  He pulled her close again and buried his head in her hair. “Wheesht, lass.”

  Chapter 21

  January had been unusually cold and stormy but not within his keep, thought Niall. It had been three weeks since he had admitted to himself he was hopelessly in love with his bonny wife, and she with him. He basked in the heat of that love. Several nights ago, under the crystal clear sky that follows a storm, he had led a successful raid against Matheson, replacing most of the livestock that had been slaughtered. However, he had spent the other nights with Katherine. Her passion continued to thrill him. He thought the sight of his delicate wife lying in his arms, cloaked only in her soft honey-colored curls, looking drowsy and replete after their love-making, was the most beautiful sight on earth. The thought made him grin as he stared into the fire in the great hall.

  “Ye haven’t been listening, have ye?” asked Diarmad.

  “Nay, I’m sorry, I was distracted,” Niall said, his grin widening. “What were ye saying?”

  “I was saying,” Diarmad repeated indulgently, “things have been quiet since we increased the number and frequency of patrols on the border. Maybe the show of strength is all it will take.”

  “Let’s hope so,” said Niall, but he didn’t believe the trouble with Matheson was over.

  Moments later he received a message from the watch. A small group of men approached Duncurra under the MacLennan banner.

  “Malcolm is returning so soon? That’s odd,” he said.

  Diarmad chuckled. “Perhaps not. When he was here, he spent most of his time in Lady Eithne’s company. Maybe he will rid ye of that thorn in your side by marrying her.”

  “One can only hope,” answered Niall.

  ~ * ~

  When Malcolm arrived, it was not to visit Eithne, and he did not bring good news. “Niall, I came as soon as I heard. The daughter of one of my clansmen, who is married to a Matheson, tells me they are planning something at Candlemas or there about. Matheson may be planning a siege on Duncurra.”

  “A siege?” Niall was incredulous, “in the dead of winter?”

  “He believes ye to be weakened and unable to withstand a siege for long.”

  “Why would he think that?” asked Cairbre. “Duncurra is more secure and has better resources than it has had for several years.”

  Malcolm shrugged. “Who knows why rash young men do the things they do? The fact is ye can expect him on your doorstep soon.”

  “Well, we can certainly withstand a siege during winter within Duncurra better than he will be able to survive outside the walls,” Niall declared.

  His commander and captains nodded in agreement.

  “I’m sure that is true,” agreed Malcolm, “but will ye risk the lives and health of your wife and mother by keeping them here? I thought perhaps it would be best if I escorted them to Brathanead to keep them safely out of harm’s way. Once they are secure, I will send a contingent of my men to support ye.”

  “That is a very kind offer, and certainly if Lady Eithne wishes to, she can return to Brathanead with ye, but Katherine will stay here. A siege on Duncurra would be folly on Matheson’s part. I don’t believe he will follow through with it.”

  “Niall, don’t make this decision hastily, or based on what ye think another man’s rational choices should be. Matheson has already demonstrated his brutality. What do ye think he will do to Katherine if his siege is successful?”

  Niall paled. He remembered the threat conveyed after the last raid: Duncurra next. The thought of his wife, his pregnant wife, at the hands of Matheson made his blood run cold.

  Malcolm assured him, “She will be safe with me, regardless of what happens.”

  “Don’t speak of this to anyone for now,” Niall warned. “There are things to discuss and I need to consider all options.”

  ~ * ~

  The Laird was preoccupied during dinner, but he didn’t share the most recent news with Katherine. After dinner he suggested she retire early, telling her he needed to discuss a few things with his commander and captains. They discussed strategy late into the night. None of them liked the idea of sending Katherine to Brathanead. Furthermore, Niall knew he would have a battle on his hands convincing her to go, but as they discussed it, he became even more certain it was the right choice. He and his guard would escort them with the MacLennan soldiers. When she was safely ensconced at Brathanead, he would return to Duncurra to prepare for a siege.

  The next morning, he told Malcolm the plan. “I can understand your desire to see her safely to Brathanead, but do ye think it wise to leave Duncurra with a siege eminent? What will your people do if ye and your elite guard are gone when Matheson attacks?”

  “Surely I can take the two days needed to escort Katherine safely to your keep and return.”

  “Are ye sure enough to risk everything on it? The only information I have is that Matheson has planned something at Candlemas, which is in two days, but we can’t be sure he won’t attack before then.”

  Niall realized Malcolm was right. Time was precious and even taking one day to ride with them was folly. He agreed Katherine and Eithne would travel to Brathanead at dawn, under Malcolm’s care. He considered sending Tomas, but he wouldn’t be able to send a guard with them and he didn’t trust Eithne. Furthermore, he reasoned if Matheson was successful, a boy would be less a target than his wife. Tomas would stay at Duncurra.

  Niall waited as long as he could to tell Katherine the plans for her safety.

  ~ * ~

  After the noon meal was finished, Niall asked Edna to take Tomas out of the great hall.

  Assuming he intended to talk with his men, Katherine said, “I’ll take him. He wants to show me what a skilled horseman he is.”

  “Nay, Katherine. There is something I wish to discuss with ye.”

  “Tomas, shall we go find Maura and Nevan?” asked Edna as she ushered the lad outside. Diarmad, Malcolm, Eithne, and Fingal remained at the table, making Katherine instantly wary. Her gaze flitted around the group, but Fingal’s was the only face registering the same uneasiness she felt.

  When Tomas was out of earshot, Niall took Katherine’s hands in his. “Sweetling, we have received word Matheson is planning to lay siege to Duncurra any day now.”

  “What? Why would he do that?”

  “It doesn’t matter why. The point is we will be under attack very soon, and I do not want ye here when it starts. I need to protect ye.”

  “What are ye s
aying, Niall? Are ye sending me away?”

  “My love, I am keeping ye safe. Ye will go with Eithne and Malcolm to Brathanead until the siege is over.”

  “What about Tomas?”

  “Tomas will be safe here.”

  “Niall, this doesn’t make sense. If Tomas will be safe here, I will be safe here. Ye don’t even know why Matheson is attacking. Why are ye so sure he will?”

  “Katherine,” said Niall, frustrated, “apparently, he believes we are vulnerable and he can take Duncurra. I believe we can withstand a siege, but I don’t want to risk your safety or that of our bairn.”

  Katherine felt panic rising. There was something desperately wrong here. This didn’t make sense. Even if it were true, she certainly would not leave her home when she should be helping prepare for its defense. She glanced around the table again, looking for support, but she found none. Even Fingal’s mouth was set in a grim line. She did not want to argue with Niall in front of an audience, so she leaned toward him and said very softly, “Please, Niall, can we discuss this privately?”

  Niall shook his head. “There is nothing to discuss.”

  Katherine glanced around the table again and caught Diarmad’s eye. He looked at her and, shaking his head, said, “My lady, ye should not be here during a siege.”

  Malcolm said, “Ye will be safe at Brathanead, my dear, and that will give your husband peace of mind. He does not need to be distracted at a time like this. Once ye are safe, I will send men to help defend Duncurra. It will be over soon and ye can return.”

  Katherine tried one more time. “Niall, please, can we talk alone?”

  “There is nothing to talk about. I have made my decision,” Niall said sternly.

  “Katherine, it is obvious Niall loves you,” said Eithne. “He only wishes to keep you safe. Your behavior is very unseemly.”

  Katherine ignored her. “Nay, Niall, please don’t make me do this. Don’t send me away. If there is a siege the clan will need me.”

  Niall would not relent. “I protect what is mine, Katherine.”

  “Then protect me here. This is where I belong.”