by Sydney Logan
“I’m good,” Silas says.
I shake my head.
Sebastian brings his glass over to the sofa and sits down beside me. At least he doesn’t stare at me like I’m a champion heifer at the state fair like his son did. He just sips his drink slowly and stares off into space.
“I can’t say it’s not a pleasure,” he finally says, looking my way. “You’re a fine cook, Jacey.”
I have no idea what to say. I know it’s a compliment, but really, is awesome meth cook something to be proud of?
I go with honesty instead.
“I didn’t have a choice but to be good at it.”
Sebastian nods in understanding.
“The quality is quite rare,” he says. “I can see why Barnes is so desperate to find you. The problem is that he’s offered a reward. That means your whereabouts have become important to many, many people. That makes you a risk to us and a liability to Silas.”
“Which is why we’re headed to Mexico,” Silas reminds him.
Sebastian finishes his drink and hands the empty glass to Kaden.
“No, son. You’re not going to Mexico. Not tonight. Not any night. And certainly not with her.”
“What the hell?”
“You’re not a stupid boy. Think about it.”
“Nobody knows she’s with me.”
“Really? You held up a convenience store today. I’m pretty sure a whole bunch of customers, not to mention Ruben Lambert, watched her walk out the door with you.”
Silas curses under his breath.
“I don’t understand,” I admit out loud.
“Ruben Lambert is a . . . business associate, as well,” Sebastian explains.
Something Silas said in the car rattles around in my brain.
“Ruben likes to keep an eye on things. He doesn’t know me, but I know all about him. Ruben Lambert doesn’t need what’s in that bag. You do.”
Sebastian reaches for my hand. I let him take it.
“Vince is offering $1,000,000 for you, Jacey. I actually think that’s lowball, considering the quality of your work, but I’m happy to pay it. Say the word and I’ll write him a check. You’ll never have to cook for him again.”
Could it be that easy? I just nod my head and Sebastian Rhodes, drug kingpin, will whip out his checkbook to save me?
“Just like that? You’ll write him a check and I’m free to go?”
Sebastian smiles slowly. “Not quite like that, no.”
I feel Silas stiffen at my side. “No, Sebastian.”
“This has to be her decision, Silas.”
What’s happening? What decision?
“You see, Jacey,” Sebastian says calmly. “I take care of my family. I protect my family. We will welcome you into our family, and I will protect you from your stepfather, if that’s what you want.”
I swallow anxiously. Of course, there’s a catch. There always is.
“And in exchange?” I ask.
“And in exchange,” Silas says through clenched teeth, “you cook for him.”
“Silas, I’d like to speak with Jacey. Alone.”
“Over my dead body.”
“Why do you insist on making everything so difficult? I just want to talk to her.” Sebastian sighs and looks to Kaden. “Son, why don’t you show Silas your new car?”
Kaden nods and heads toward the door. Silas remains planted firmly at my side.
“It’s okay,” I tell him. I really don’t know if it is or not, but Sebastian obviously has something he wants to say to me, and he wants to do it without Silas running interference.
With a heavy sigh, Silas leans in and kisses my temple. It’s just a gentle, brief touch, feather light and tender, but it’s still enough to make my face flame.
“We’ll be in the museum,” Silas says, his tone sarcastic and bitter. He then glares at Sebastian. “Don’t scare her.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Silas looks at me once more before following Kaden out the door.
“Museum?”
Sebastian chuckles. “That’s what Silas calls the garage. We have quite a collection of cars.”
“Oh, I see.”
He smiles. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like something to drink? We do have more than just alcohol. I’m sure Deb can find some juice or something.”
“I’m fine. Thanks.”
He nods. “I appreciate your willingness to talk to me without Silas. He’s quite protective of you.”
“I know. I have no idea why.”
“Silas’s greatest—and worst—quality is his compassion for others.”
I laugh.
“That’s funny?” he asks.
“A little. I mean, compassion is usually an admirable trait.”
“Not always. And not when you’re in the drug business.”
“I imagine not.”
I’m not trying to be rude. I have no reason to be. Not yet, anyway.
Sebastian smiles at me. “I’d like to talk to you about your options, Jacey.”
It’s like he’s my high school guidance counselor, wanting to discuss my career choices.
“I have options?”
“You think you don’t?”
“I think my options are limited, to be honest.”
“Ah, but you still have some. You have several, actually. I’d like to discuss those with you.”
“Okay.”
Sebastian walks over to the bar and pours himself another drink. “First, I’d like to know a little about you. Where have you been staying?”
“The park, mostly. On rainy nights, I sometimes find a homeless shelter, but they tend to ask questions, especially when you’re my age.”
“You have no other family? No place to go?”
“Just back to Vince. And I’ll die first.”
He nods and sits down next to me.
“Jacey, I’m not going to keep you a prisoner here. I’m sorry if Silas gave you that impression. You are, of course, free to leave whenever you like.”
“But?”
“But people are looking for you, and if they find you, they will not hesitate to take you back to your stepfather. As I said earlier, I will be happy to pay Vince for your services. I will arrange it so that you never have to work for him again.”
“But only if I cook for you.”
“You don’t have to cook, Jacey. I was thinking you could . . . teach.”
“Teach.”
“In the lab. Train our employees. And in exchange, you can live here. Deb would be thrilled to have another woman in the house. Of course, you’d be placed on our payroll, as well. You’d never want for anything, Jacey. Ever.”
I can’t deny the offer’s tempting. I didn’t graduate from high school, and I have no actual skills. Making meth is the only thing I’m really good at.
But it’s illegal. I could go to jail.
Or worse.
“Sebastian, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I was kind of hoping that by leaving Vince, I could finally put this world behind me. I could find a real job, get my GED, and do something worthwhile with my life. When I was a little girl, I didn’t dream of being a meth cook, you know?”
“What did you want to be?”
“I wanted to be a teacher.”
Sebastian smiles. “That’s exactly what you’d be doing here. We’ll even call it chemistry class if you like. Whatever makes you comfortable.”
“What would make me comfortable is to teach something that won’t get me arrested. Or killed.”
He nods in understanding. “This life isn’t for everyone. Melody and Kaden are a fine example of that.”
“People keep talking about Melody, but I don’t know who she is.”
“She’s Kaden’s girlfriend,” he explains. “They’ve been together a long time. She’s a sweet girl, and she’s good for him, but she has a hard time with . . . our choice of profession. She tries to understand, but I don’t think she ever will.”
I can’t help but wonder if that’s why Kaden seems to drink so much. It also makes me think of my mom. Like Melody, she tried to understand, too. She tried to love Vince, despite his illegal activities.
I don’t want to have to try.
I don’t want to have to turn a blind eye in order to love someone.
In the few hours that I’ve known him, Silas is by far the kindest and sweetest guy I’ve ever met. I don’t love him, but he’s the type of guy I could love. And he’s trying to leave all this behind.
If I stay, and if he stays with me, will he get sucked back into this world?
“What are you thinking, Jacey?”
Sebastian’s voice brings me back to earth.
“I’m thinking that before I make a decision, I need to talk it over with Silas.”
“Such a smart girl. My Lisa would have loved you.”
“Lisa?”
“My wife.”
“Oh. Would have loved me?”
He sighs softly. “I’m afraid that’s a long story. Perhaps I’ll have the chance to tell it later?”
I can see the hope in his eyes. He hopes I’m still here in the morning, but we both know it’s not because he’s eager to share the story about his wife. At the end of the day, he’s just another person who wants something from me.
Just like Vince.
Unlike my stepdad, though, this man is promising to protect me. And if this house is any indication, he’s also promising a life I never dreamed of.
So tempting.
But is it worth it?
I don’t smoke much. Since leaving the business, I haven’t had to.
Tonight, I have to.
I blow a perfect smoke ring into the air and stare at my car. I could grab Jacey and just take off. Head straight to Mexico just like I planned. With the cash I stole from Ruben, we’d have more than enough money for gas and food. If we ended up needing more . . . well, I still have my gun, and there are plenty of little convenience stores between here and the border.
But what if you get caught?
Then I’d go to jail. Big deal.
But what about Jacey?
Every scenario I imagine, every plan I devise, always ends with that question.
What about Jacey?
“It’s a pretty night, isn’t it?”
With a heavy sigh, I toss my cigarette to the ground and stub it out with my shoe. Jacey joins me on the concrete steps.
“It was, until I brought you here.”
“It’s still a pretty night,” she says, nudging my shoulder with hers. “I didn’t know you smoked.”
“I don’t, usually. I used to. Now I only really do it when I’m stressed out. Or feel guilty about something.”
“Which one are you tonight?”
“Both. I never should have brought you here.”
Jacey sighs softly. “Bringing me here probably saved my life, Silas. I had zero protection out on the streets. With a bounty on my head, someone would have found me eventually. It was only a matter of time before I was back at Vince’s. Trust me. I’d much rather be here.”
Her voice is soft and . . . resigned. Like today is just another day. Is that why I feel so protective of her? Because we both know what it’s like for life to continually kick the shit out of us? That, even when we try to make good decisions, it’s just impossible because life doesn’t give us that option. Our lives are just full of shitty choices, and life dictates that we choose something in order to survive.
I’m not making excuses for my behavior. I chose to be a drug dealer. I chose to hold up that store today. But Jacey didn’t choose any of this, and she sure didn’t choose for some street thug like me to come riding in like some white knight and take her away from it all, only to bring her right back to it.
Out of the frying pan and straight into the fire.
“You don’t want to be here, Jacey. I know what Sebastian said to you. I know he wants you to cook for him.”
“Would that be so terrible?”
I arch an eyebrow. Is she serious?
“And actually, he doesn’t want me to be his cook. He wants me to teach.”
“Teach?”
“Teach his cooks.”
Of course he does.
“And what did you say?”
“I said I had to talk to you before I made a decision,” she says. “He’s offering to put me on the payroll, let me live here. ‘I’ll never want for anything’ were his words.”
“You’ll never want for anything except your freedom.”
“I’m free to leave whenever I like.”
“Sure you are. Right back into the streets where Vince’s guys are just waiting for you to show your face. Don’t you think Vince is going to figure out you’re here when Sebastian’s cooks start producing quality meth? What happens then?”
“Sebastian says he’ll protect me.”
“He said he’d protect Lisa, too, and that didn’t happen.”
The words are out before I can stop them. It feels like sacrilege, even saying her name. I take a deep breath and try to get my stomach to stop rolling. When I feel like I can speak without throwing up, I turn toward her and take her hand in mine.
“Just say the word, Jacey. We’ll go anywhere. Anywhere you want. Just pick a place. I’ll get the money somehow. I’ll protect you. I’ll take care of you.”
Her eyes glisten with tears. “But why? Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m sick of life kicking the shit out of us. Aren’t you sick of it? Aren’t you tired of depending on someone else for . . . everything? We could get new names. Real jobs. A house. Mexico’s really beautiful, but we can go anywhere you want. Just . . .”
Granted, I don’t know Jacey that well, but I know how tempting Sebastian’s offers can be. And I can tell by the resigned look in her big brown eyes that I might as well be talking to a wall.
She’s staying here.
“Silas, we barely know each other, but I already trust you more than I’ve trusted anyone since my mother. And that’s because you took care of me today. The way you did it was . . . insane, and illegal, but you did it. I know you think bringing me here was this terrible thing, but it’s not. Not really. It’s like you said. Vince’s guys are just waiting for me to stick my head out of my shell. I have zero chance of surviving if I don’t accept Sebastian’s offer. You have zero chance of making it to Mexico with me in your car. But you could make it . . . without me.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“I want to know you, okay?”
Jacey smiles softly. “I want to know you, too. But I refuse to get you killed in the process. You can go to Mexico, without me. I’m safer here than I am anywhere. Sebastian needs me. He’ll protect me.”
“And what happens when he doesn’t need you anymore?”
I watch her swallow nervously. Good.
“Once his cooks are producing your meth, he won’t need you anymore. Do you think he’ll still protect you? He doesn’t protect me. He only puts up with me because I’m Kaden’s best friend, and he knows it would cause a shitload of drama between the two of them if he ever really hurt me. Kaden is all that saves me, Jacey. Who will save you?”
A single tear falls down her cheek. What happens next is almost involuntarily.
Almost.
I lean close and gently brush my lips against her wet cheek.
Soft. Salty. Sweet.
Jacey turns her head toward me, and her eyes flicker to my mouth. This time, she leans close to me. Her lips find mine, and in that moment, I answer my own question.
Who’ll save her?
Me.
It’ll be me.
The absolute best kiss of my life is interrupted by the clearing of a voice. Jacey and I turn toward the sound behind us.
“Sorry to interrupt, but we’ve got trouble,” Kaden says. “Better come inside.”
Of course there’s trouble. There’s always trouble.
With a heavy sigh, I climb to my feet and offer Jacey my hand. She stands with me, and the two of us follow Kaden back into the house. The three of us walk toward the study, and Sebastian’s head snaps up when he sees us enter the room. He’s on the phone, furiously spitting instructions at someone while angrily glaring at me.
I’m used to that glare. It’s just another reason why I’m no longer on the payroll.
“Well, Silas,” Sebastian says as he abruptly ends the call, “Not only are the local and state police looking for you, but Ruben Lambert has also identified you as a former business associate of mine and is offering a reward for your arrest. Or your death. Whichever comes first. All that, combined with Vince Barnes’ bounty hunters, is making this a very exhausting night for me and my lawyer.” He quickly turns toward his son. “Kaden, who do we know with the state police?”
Kaden shrugs. “We used to know Josh Ames.”
I remember that name. Josh Ames was a dirty cop we kept supplied with Sebastian’s finest meth. He scratched our backs, and we happily scratched his until one of his customers shot him three times in the leg. Last I heard, he was kicked off the force and changing oil at a Jiffy Lube.
Then I remember that Josh had a partner.
“What about Foley? He owes us a favor or two.”
Sebastian snorts. “Us, Silas?”
“I’m in this, Sebastian, whether you like it or not. It’s not like you’ve given me much choice.”
I see dollar signs flash in Sebastian’s eyes, and he turns to Jacey.
“Does that mean you’re accepting my offer?”
Jacey swallows anxiously, but then she squares her shoulders. For some strange reason, I feel a sense of pride. She’s so much stronger than she thinks she is.
“I have some conditions,” she says, which surprises me. She didn’t mention any conditions when we were talking.
I can tell Sebastian’s impressed, because he smiles.
“A negotiation? As a businessman, I appreciate that. You’ve introduced us to such a smart girl, Silas.”
Don’t remind me.
“I will be happy to negotiate, Jacey, just as soon as we deal with . . . this.” Sebastian turns toward his son. “Kaden, try to get in contact with Foley. In the meantime, I’m going to deal with Ruben.”