“That’s me, Aliah. That’s what I’ve done to my family. It’s no wonder you don’t want me.” He turns his head to the floor and closes his eyes. "You’re smart to guard your heart from me. I take what I want without looking back."
“You don’t mean that.”
Harley’s gaze scalds her, as the heat radiates from his skin and glimmers in his eyes. “I knocked up my girlfriend when I was young. She was a year younger than me. Sixteen.”
“Oh.”
“Exactly.” He sighs, but finds the strength to continue. “Her family disowned her when she decided to keep the baby. So did I. We were both so young. She was my first.”
“You knocked her up on your first try?”
Harley chuckles. “You have confidence in my skill.” Then he outright laughs. “No. It wasn’t my first try.” He scrubs at his face and looks Aliah in the eye. “But it was just plain stupid of me. It was an accidental pregnancy. Neither of us were ready to have a baby, but she shouldn’t have had to go through that alone. Unfortunately, I didn’t hang around to regret it. Now I’ll spend a lifetime making up for it.”
“You left her?” Aliah chews on her lip anxiously. She wonders how he still feels about her.
“In the worst kind of way. I was a coward.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t love her.” Their gazes lock and a breath catches in Aliah’s throat from the force of the meaning in that look. “Even after our daughter was born, I refused to see her. I left her all of my savings from working two part-time jobs and then I enlisted in the army.”
“What happened to Hannah’s mother?” Aliah just has to know; the curiosity pecks away at her insides.
“While I was dicking around on the other side of the world, she was over here fighting for her life. After I served my time, I came back to check up on her and to apologize, but I was too late.”
“What do you mean, too late?”
“She died.” Harley seems a little choked up, so he clears his throat. “I’m a rotten person. Hannah was dealt a raw deal. Her mother became terminally ill and her father was M.I.A. She had no one. Her grandparents refused to come to her rescue and my sister was too young to get involved. Hannah deserves a better father and you deserve a better man. Maybe I’m just not cut out for the job.”
“Last I checked, my man didn’t come with a job description. But that can be arranged,” she teases, trying to lighten the situation.
Harley finally smiles, and it eases the tension squeezing at her heart.
She thinks better than to delve any deeper into his past, but she just has to know. “How did you get your daughter back?”
“That’s the funny thing. I didn’t plan to get her back. But I just had to know that she was okay. When I finally found her, and I saw Hannah for the first time, all that changed. I couldn’t leave her in the foster system; not when she is my blood.”
Aliah rests her hand on top of his, to show she understands. She brushes her thumb over the veins in his hand and smiles into his eyes. “You’re not all bad.”
He nods, but it’s not to agree. It’s clear he’s done with his story and she worries when he finally reconnects with her eyes.
“Why do you find it so hard to love?”
Aliah tries to act like that question hasn’t thrown her for a loop, but she’s dizzy like she’s just been spinning on a merry-go-round. “Who said I don’t know how to love?”
“I didn’t say you don’t know how. I said that you find it hard.”
“No, I don’t,” she snaps. “Loving you has been much too easy.” Aliah slaps her hand over her mouth, choking on a strangled cry.
Harley smiles, taking a lot of pride in her response. “Does it really kill you that much to admit it out loud?”
Her hand slips to the floor and he collects it in his. She gulps, not one hundred percent sure that she’s ready to repeat it.
“Tell me. What happened to you?”
Aliah sighs, but decides it’s about time she get it off her chest. She can’t seem to face him though, so she looks away. He squeezes her hand ever so slightly, and it gives her the push she needs to admit it.
“The day those babies were born was the day I officially retreated from the idea of a relationship. I was ruined. Jealous. Callous. Even I hated being around me. I told myself… No man, means no problems. No kids, means no stretch marks. And no love, means no heart break. The plan was foolproof.”
“Was?”
She tries to hide the terror in her eyes, when he catches the slip of her tongue that describes exactly how she feels without a need for further explanation.
He’s blown her plan out of the water.
She swallows, but it does nothing to retrieve the ball of cotton from her throat. Aliah licks at her lips, and that will have to do. “I only wish I could find a man to hold up his end of the bargain. But they always press for more.”
“They?” he asks.
“You.”
Harley’s done beating around the bush. “Why won’t you kiss me? I want to understand.”
Aliah pauses, drumming up the courage to tell him how she truly feels. She awkwardly clears her throat, but he turns her chin toward him.
“Why won’t you kiss me?” he repeats, his lips as soft as his eyes.
“Because I can’t,” she whispers.
“But you can, Aliah. It hurts me to know that you don’t want to feel my lips moving against yours. It’s the most intimate way to show someone you…” He’s almost said it, but he fills the blank with the next best thing. “…care about them.”
Aliah gulps, knowing exactly what he was going to say. It is too soon to be throwing around that four letter word. Aliah starts back stepping, not knowing any other way to escape the feelings exploding from her body.
“Maybe we’ve taken this too far already.” She turns and walks away.
“That’s B.S. I know you love me. Don’t say it. Fine. But don’t stand there and act like you didn’t know it was coming to this.”
Even though she has put a lot of distance between them, it feels as though she’s run away from her heart; having left it clutched in his hands. Harley’s voice is no less painful, but she can’t possibly respond to that.
“I might as well come clean, while we’re pouring our hearts out,” he adds. “I’m an investigator. I investigate people. I was hired to look into you.”
There it is – the lie that has been tagging along this entire time.
She can’t even think of the words to say and she doesn’t have to, because Harley keeps talking.
“The night we met was completely concocted to see if I could earn your trust. I attracted your eye. I ignored you, knowing it would only gain your interest. Then I kissed you.”
I’m not going to cry.
“The guns,” she recalls out loud, mostly to herself. That explains that. “The number you gave me?”
“My cell. The message is depersonalized.”
She narrows her eyes at him, to give him her full reaction. “You fucking prick.”
He lifts a hand, in an attempt to explain. “I decided to turn in your case. I didn’t give her any info on you. Except that I thought you were innocent.”
Aliah hears what he’s saying but she refuses to believe another word from that filthy, lying, no-good mouth. “Was that before or after you fucked me with your tongue?”
“Before… After...” He’s clearly torn. “I honestly don’t know anymore.”
“You don’t know? Or you don’t have the balls to admit that you duped me? You tricked me and you fucked me, like a recycled piece of trash. You stole my information, and you took advantage of me after I let my guard down.” She brings her hand to her forehead and shakes it side to side. “Stupid, stupid girl.”
“You were always willing.” His words only make it hurt that much more.
“Don’t use that sexy voice on me.” She huffs. “I trusted you.” And his deceit only seems to cast a sh
adow over everything he’s ever said or done.
Harley takes a deep breath. “I know. And I’m sorry. But you weren’t exactly forthcoming about your work.”
“I guess I was right to trust my instincts. I knew something wasn’t quite right about you.”
He smirks, trying to lighten up the conversation. “I’m not a serial killer.”
She doesn’t respond. It’s like he’s stuffed her heart back in her chest cavity, but he’s already stabbed what is left of it, leaving the other half flagging from its mass.
He can see that she’s not handling this very well. “You continued to see me after you learned about my investigation into Cavanagh.”
Is that supposed to make it all okay?
She shakes her head and stares up at the ceiling. “Gah!” Why is she making excuses for him? “The sex is good,” she admits.
She makes him smile. Even in this situation. “That is true.”
“Just because I’m educated, doesn’t mean I’m all that smart.”
He tilts his head, not for one second buying into what she’s selling. He doesn’t’ want her to go. “Stay with me.”
Oh, she’s tempted. So she can use his face as a punching bag. “You must think I’m really stupid.” A tear slips down her cheek, as she rushes out her front door and drops into the driver’s seat of her car. She admits she doesn’t want Harley to follow her, but she’s surprised when he doesn’t.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Four long weeks later.
Harley stumbles into the living room, where Hannah’s on her tablet watching her favorite music videos on YouTube.
“Hannah, I think we need to talk.”
She acts like she hasn’t heard him, when he knows that she has.
“Hannah!” The force of his voice catches Hannah’s attention in an instant.
“Really, dad? Do we have to?” she moans, like a typical teenager.
“Quit with that. It’s important, okay?”
Hannah flops back onto the sofa and kicks up her feet, making herself comfortable. Does she really think this is going to take that long?
“I just wanted to ask how things have been going.” Harley struggles to say the right thing.
Hannah shrugs her shoulders. She doesn’t even give a peep.
“Nothing, Hannah? Work with me here, please. I’m trying.”
She props herself up on her elbows and glances at him. Her facial expression changes, when she realizes that he’s being serious. “You’re going to have to think of a better question, unless you want my one word answer.”
Now she’s got him curious. “What’s the one word?”
She smiles, loving how he can’t escape his child-like inquisitiveness. “Good.”
Harley’s smile grows equally as fast. “That’s good.”
“Okay, dad. I get it. You want to talk about Aliah. You don’t have to beat around the bush. I know you like her. Is that all?”
He can’t even keep the stunned expression from his face. He hadn’t realized Hannah has been paying that close of attention to him. Apparently she has.
“I know a lot has changed in a pretty short period of time. These past few weeks I’ve been around a lot more than I used to be. Aliah had been taking away my evenings and stealing most of our weekends together. How does that make you feel?”
“How does that make you feel?” she mocks, in her best tight-wad psychiatrist voice. After giggling, she answers him. “It’s okay, dad. I’m happy for you. You should do what makes you happy.”
“You make me happy,” he admits, wanting to make sure she knows that.
“Yeah, but that’s not the only kind of happy I’m talking about. You’ve been stodgy and miserable without Aliah in your life. I like Aliah. I’m glad she’s your first.”
“My first?”
Hannah smiles really big. “The first girl you’ve brought home to me. I feel like I have a new girlfriend, or something. She’s really cool.”
Harley shakes his head. “I cannot believe it,” he pauses, thoughtfully. “Thank you.”
Hannah swings her feet to the floor. “You hardly need to be thanking me. I should be thanking her. You were in such a good mood when you two were hanging out and it’s amazing what Aliah has done for my social life.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes. Aliah might appear all hard and cruel on the outside, but I think she’s like a Cadbury egg. She’s sweet.”
He wants to agree with her, but he doesn’t dare with the lewd comparisons he wants to make. Harley clears his voice, growing uncomfortable in his own head.
“Like, when we were chatting the other night…” Hannah starts.
“You were chatting with Aliah?”
“Yeah. Just because you dumped her, doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends.”
Harley mumbles. “I never dumped her. She ran from me.”
“As I was saying!” Hannah interrupts dramatically. “When we were chatting, your name came up.”
Harley closes his eyes and keeps them squeezed shut. “Did the conversation involve Aliah’s fists and my face?”
“Ha ha, dad. That’s none of your business. But I did tell her that she shouldn’t take you so seriously. You get like this all the time when you get into an investigation. You’ll lie, cheat and steal to get to the bottom of it. But I also told her that if you said that you love her then she should believe it, because that’s the one thing I know for a fact that you would never lie about.”
Harley reopens his eyes to connect with his daughter. “You said that?”
She looks so grown up right now. “I did.”
“Thank you.”
Hannah just smiles through the thoughtful silence. “I’ve been working on her for you. I think she’s ready to see you again. I think you should make your move already. That is, if you still want her.”
Hah! Dumb question. But not something he’s likely ever to discuss with Hannah.
“I’m going out tonight. Is everything okay here then?”
“Yes, dad. Everything’s fine. Go. Get your girl back.” She smiles at him and his heart clenches in his chest.
He can’t believe she’s taking this so well. “You’re sure you’re okay with me seeing this girl.”
“Do you like her?” Hannah asks frankly.
He tilts his head to the side, suddenly uncomfortable sharing his emotions by voice. He starts to mumble, but he can’t lie to his daughter. “I like her a lot.”
“Then go.”
“I want you to be happy though.”
“If you’re happy, I’m happy.” Hannah’s voice tightens up and she swallows before making her next statement. “Mom isn’t coming back. I know you didn’t love her. It’s okay. I understand. She explained it to me a long time ago.”
“You were only little.”
“Yeah, but her diary doesn’t lie.”
“I should have never given that to you.”
“I’m glad you did.”
Harley gathers his daughter in his arms and they share a moment of forgiveness. He wants to explore this conversation further, but he can see that Hannah has already made peace with it.
“Here goes nothing.”
Hannah smiles and gives him a shove. “Good luck.”
“Thanks. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”
Harley leaves the room and plucks his keys from his pants pocket. He kicks his bike off its stand and settles on the seat as it rumbles to life beneath him. If Hannah thinks he stands a chance at reconciliation with Aliah, then he has to give it a good shot. He only has one chance left. He’s not going to mess it up this time.
After running a few quick errands, to procrastinate, Harley pulls up to Aliah’s short paved driveway. He feels his palms growing sweaty and loses his nerve. David H. Gates never loses his nerve. But he still finds himself pulling back on the accelerator, shooting himself down the road in a flurry of speed. He only hopes she hasn’t caught a glimpse of his embarrassin
g attempt, as he passes by her house.
He rounds the corner, but knows he has to do this. Swallowing his nerve, he takes his final approach. He forgets about thinking altogether, as he marches up to her front door. The doorbell is right there, but he decides to put his fisted hand to the door instead.
She appears in the doorway instantly, like she’s been waiting for him to arrive.
“What?” She peers around the door, as if he’s an annoying solicitor and she can’t be bothered to open it up for him.
He sighs, disappointed by her reception. “I need to make things right, Ally. Can I come in?”
“No.”
“Will you come out with me?” His voice pleads his case rather effectively.
“I really shouldn’t.” But she looks like she might actually say yes.
“I’d like to take you somewhere.” He raises his eyebrows to her in apology.
“Why? So you can get me alone and strangle me with your charm?”
“Yes, Aliah. That’s it, exactly. Now, do you have a blanket? And grab a jacket. We’re taking my bike.”
He turns away before she can tell him no. It’s a beautiful sunny afternoon made even more memorable when Aliah appears in the doorway behind him with a blanket tucked under her arm. The early autumn breeze sends her dark hair passing over her face. He watches the way she pulls a hair from that mouth and smiles. He still can’t believe she’s said yes.
He silently follows her to the motorcycle and pulls on his helmet. He starts it up, as she slips behind him. She rests her forehead on his shoulder, making him wonder if she knows how wretched he still feels. He’s sure she feels awful too, but he doesn’t breathe a word of it. He’s just happy to have her next to him.
Harley has a destination in mind, but he takes the scenic route, steering them where he wants to go. They take an extended cruise, with her clutched around him, until it feels like they are isolated from reality, surrounded by the sights and sounds of nature. Despite her hesitance, he can still feel the magic shimmering in the atmosphere between them.
He turns down a long, dirt drive, and veers around the barricade with the sign marked, “Private property. Keep out.”
The worn path seems to indicate that few others have made the trip before them. He travels farther up the property until he can see the berm separating the land from the water. He pulls his bike over, where the land’s still flat, and parks on a small patch of gravel. The grass is tall and the land is overridden with weeds, but Aliah seems to see past all that, as her eyes train in on the pathway leading to an old, oversized barn. The breeze gently rustles the grass to the north, as he drops the kickstand and waits for Aliah to unwrap herself from his waist.
Twisted Desire (The Twisted Series) Page 19