by Brook Wilder
“You said it’s been happening off and on for a while? Every day?” Hannah finally asked, still giving her an intent look.
Rachael thought back over the last week and a half, before giving her sister a shrug. “Yeah, I guess so. Every day.”
“About this time during the day?”
“Yeah. And?” Rachael spit out, shoving the last of her clothes into the bag and zipping it up.
“But you feel fine afterwards?” Hannah was sitting forward on the edge of the bed now, her green gaze intense.
“Yes! I told you, Hannah, I’m fine!” Rachael threw the bag over her shoulder and headed for the door. She really didn’t have time for this little Q and A session with her sister but before she’d even left the room, Hannah’s voice stopped her cold in her tracks.
“Rae, could you be pregnant?”
The question rocked her back on her heels for a long moment before she could reel herself back in.
When she did, Rachael threw a caustic look over her shoulder. “Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not, Rachael. I’m being logical.” Hannah held up her fingers, ticking off her points as she went. “You’ve been throwing up every morning for the past several days, but you don’t have a fever and it’s not food poisoning. You’re more emotional—”
“I am not emotional!” Rachael interrupted hotly and turned to face her sister head on with her hands on her hips. “This is absurd!”
“So you’re saying there is absolutely no way that there’s a possibility you might be pregnant? Not even the smallest percentage?”
“No! Of course not!”
“Have you had sex in the last three months?” Hannah asked calmly and an annoyed flush tinted Rachael’s cheeks.
“Well, yes, but…”
“So, there you go. It is a possibility then.”
“No, it’s not. We’ve been careful. We always use a condom.”
“Things happen, Rae. Condoms break.”
“I know, Hannah, but…no, just no! Not a possibility!” Rachael said adamantly, but now that her sister had put the thought in her head she found herself mentally calculating her last period. Six weeks. It had been six weeks.
“Shit.” Rachael said softly, her whole world contracting as the thought settled over her. It was a possibility. It was more than a possibility. But it could also just be a fluke. She was stressed waiting for the call from Houston. She’d been working her ass off. Or maybe this was just new strain of the flu with no fever and periodic bouts of nausea, right?
“Why don’t I just go down to Doc’s Pharmacy and get you a pregnancy test? Then we won’t have to argue about this anymore because you will have unequivocal proof one way or the other.” Hannah suggested, her voice doing that ‘I’m being completely reasonable and I don’t understand why you don’t agree with me’ thing that always drove Rachael up the god damned wall.
Her sister saw the world in straight lines and if it couldn’t be explained logically it didn’t exist. On the total opposite end of the spectrum, Rachael lived her life full speed ahead, barely stopping to look where she was going and running on pure gut instinct.
And looks where it’s gotten you. A soft inner voice whispered. Rae forced the thought away.
“We can’t go to Doc’s,” Rachael said, shuddering just thinking about all the judgmental looks from the busybodies of Mayville as the resident fuck-up tried to surreptitiously buy a pregnancy test. She still wasn’t even sure it was necessary. It was probably just a touch of the flu or something.
But still there was that little kernel of doubt that had panic taking flight like a flock of birds inside her.
“Okay,” Hannah said with a simple shrug, not even having the decency to fight back with her, “There’s always that drug store the town over. We’ll go there.”
Rachael didn’t move for a long moment before heaving a loud sigh of resignation.
“Damn it. Why do you always have to be right?” Rachael finally said, casting her twin a baleful glare. “Would it be so terrible for you to be wrong? Just once?”
“I’m sure I’m wrong all the time, Rae.” Hannah said as she dug the keys to her sensible four door sedan out of her small brown leather purse. “Come on. We’re going. I bet it will be nothing and then you can prove me wrong. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”
Rachael gave her another petulant look before reluctantly nodding. “As a matter of fact, it does.” Rae turned on her heel to head down the stairs, “But I’m driving. You drive like an old lady.”
“And you drive like a maniac. Besides, you’re sick, right?” Hannah said with that same calm logic.
“Of course you’re right, Hannah,” Rachael sighed, adding under her breath, “You’re always right.”
A few moments later and Hannah was pulling out of the long driveway and Rachael was pouting in the passenger’s side seat, her arms crossed over her chest as she stared out of the window.
The nausea was nearly gone but every time she thought about what they were about to be doing, and the reason for it, the nausea came back up again and Rachael had to swallow hard to keep it suppressed. It didn’t help that her heart was trying to hammer its way out of her chest.
The twenty minute drive was nearly more than she could take and after forcing Hannah to go inside and buy the test, Rachael had realized she couldn’t wait for the drive all the way back to find out. It was killing her, the doubts, the thoughts, the nervous wondering.
She pointed out a gas station as they drove past. “Stop there.”
Hannah gave her a sideways look but didn’t say anything as she pulled over. Before Hannah was even out of the car Rachael had grabbed the test and sprinted towards the ladies restroom only to emerge two minutes later with the opened box clenched in her hand.
She collapsed on the curb outside in the empty parking lot, her nerves going mad inside her as she handed the test to her sister.
“Here, Hannah, read the damn thing. I can’t fucking do it.” Her fingers were shaking so badly she could barely keep a hold of the test but finally Hannah took it. She pulled out the novel length instructions and read them carefully as Rachael sat there biting her nails.
Seconds inched into minutes and finally, Rachael couldn’t stand it anymore. She felt like she was going to burst apart.
“Hell, Hannah. Just tell me what the damn thing says!” Rachael spit out the words, her nerves taking a nosedive as her sister finally put away the instruction booklet and drew the tiny, white plastic stick from the box. It looked so innocent, that thing, but Rachael stared at it like a poisonous snake as Hannah stared at it.
Another excruciating moment dragged by and Rachael couldn’t keep it in anymore. “Jesus Christ, Hannah, just fucking tell me what the god damned thing—”
“You’re pregnant.”
The words hit her like a ton of bricks and her vision darkened. For just a brief second, she went all light-headed and she was almost certain that she was about to black out right there in the parking lot of the gas station.
Over and over, Hannah’s voice echoed in her head. You’re pregnant. You’re pregnant. You’re pregnant.
“Holy shit.” Rachael finally said when she could speak again but there was no fire behind the words. They were spoken softly, everything insider her overwhelmed by the panic that those words had conjured inside her.
She looked up at her sister. “Well, it could be cancer. I’ve heard that cancer can sometimes cause a false positive. It could be cancer, right?” Rachael asked hopefully.
Hannah sighed before taking a seat next to her on the curb, after a moment she put her arm around Rachael’s shoulder and leaned in. Rachael’s mind was full of white noise. She knew she should be thinking of something, anything, trying to figure out what to do next but it was like she couldn’t hold on to them. A thought would come and then slip away before she could grasp a hold of it.
Rachael stayed like that, her sister’s arm around her. No matter how crazy
her perfect sister drove her sometimes, Rachael still loved her, and right now, she needed that love more than anything else in the world. Shock filled her. And alongside that shock was pure terror. She was going to be a mother.
“Do you know who the father is?” Hannah asked gently, and Rachael shot her an indignant glare, her heart still thudding in her chest.
“Of course I know.”
“Who is it?”
“I… I don’t want to say,” Rae said after a long moment, “I don’t want anyone to know. Not yet. I need…I just need a little time. To figure out what I’m going to do.”
“You have to tell him, Rae. Whoever it is has a right to know.”
“I know that, Hannah.” Rachael bit off, her voice trailing off as she thought of Johnny, her Jackrabbit, the president of an outlaw motorcycle club. And apparently, now a father to be. The thought had her fears once more writhing inside her, strangling her. “Damn it, Hannah, I know.”
CHAPTER FOUR
“Here’s your double shot latte.” Rachael placed the steaming cup of coffee across the counter. It spilled a little and Mrs. James gave her a dirty look but she just ignored it. Just like she’d been ignoring everything over the past week. Ever since D-day.
That’s how she’d been thinking about it. Ever since that day a week ago, her world had stopped, and then been remade into a new place that she didn’t know. She was walking in unfamiliar territory, and it terrified her. If there was anything Rachael Donohue hated, it was being afraid of anything.
She’d always been the first one to go head-first down the slide. She’d been the first one to jump off the water tower. She’d been the first to hop on Peter Tippen’s new dirt bike. Sure, she’d broken her arm in three places and she still had the scar on her hip from the rocks she’d crashed into, she’d been fearless. Always had been. Full speed ahead. No fear. No doubts. No second thoughts.
In a single moment, that all had changed.
She didn’t know what the hell to do about it. She glanced at the clock. Her shift was almost over, thank god. She didn’t think she could take any more snarky comments from the inimitable customers of Mayville. Customer service had never been her strong suit but now it seemed even farther out of reach.
“Hey, Rae,” Her manager Tom said as he started to close down the register for the day, “You seemed distracted all shift. Everything all right?”
She bit her lip against the urge to tell him to mind his own business, instead just forcing herself to nod and smile as best as she could. “I’m good, Tom. Just feeling a little off, you know? It happens. I’ll get over it.”
Liar. her inner voice cried. Liar, liar, pants on fire. You’ll never get over it.
But her manager just nodded. “Why don’t you go ahead and clock out for the night. I can finish up here.”
“Really? Thanks Tom.” Rachael had to fight back sudden tears at the kind gesture and hurried to leave before she started blubbering like a baby and really made a fool of herself.
“Have a good night.” She said, throwing a wave over her shoulder as she grabbed her purse and headed outside into the balmy night air. Spring in Texas was as warm as summer in other places but it was a mild night and Rachael took a moment just to take in a deep breath, smelling the sweetly scented flowers on the light breeze.
Despite her best efforts, her thoughts circled back to one thing she’d been trying to avoid. She knew she had to tell Johnny the truth. It wasn’t just thoughts of him she’d been avoiding, either. His phone calls. His texts.
She knew he thought it was because of that stupid fight at the club but it was so much more than that. And what was worse, she still had no idea how she was going to tell him. Just the thought of it had her throat closing as the nerves tried to sink in.
Only two other people knew about the baby. Her sister Hannah and her best friend Elsie. Rachael had made them both swear to secrecy on pain of an agonizing death. As far as she knew, they kept their word, and would continue to do so if they knew what was good for them.
Where is that fearless Rachael? Where the hell did she go? That damned inner voice was back and all she could do was shake her head. She didn’t have an answer. The old Rachael would never have hesitated to do what she needed to. She never would have been found standing in a parking lot too scared to act, too scared to face her fears.
I don’t want to be that girl. Rachael thought, trying to banish the nerves that had exploded like a hundred butterflies inside her. She fought them off tooth and nail as she made her feet move once more and climbed in her truck. She knew what she needed to do, damn it. No matter how much she didn’t want to, she knew she had to face Jackrabbit. She had to tell him the truth. Because in the end, Hannah was right—like always. He deserved to know.
The drive to the Roadburners clubhouse was nothing but a blur. All Rachael could remember was the feel of her sweaty palms gripping the steering wheel so hard it turned her knuckles white. She practically had to pry them off one by one after she had parked in the lot outside the warehouse looking building that was the clubhouse.
She could hear the ruckus coming from inside. A mix of drunken shouts, raucous laughter, and rowdy music that mingled together in the evening air. Rachael took a deep breath, and another. It was time. No more stalling. She wasn’t about to run away afraid with her tail between her legs. This was too important. Damn it. She hated feeling like this. So uncertain. So unlike her.
She was always confident. She always knew what she wanted and she never let anything stand in her way, and she certainly wasn’t going to let anything stand in her way now, not even herself.
With her resolve somewhat bolstered, Rachael slid from the jeep and made her way to the front door on legs that trembled like leaves.
“Get a fucking hold on yourself, girl. You’re Rachael Donohue and you are fearless. And you can absolutely do this.” She gave herself a little pep talk along the walk and all too soon she was at the door. There was nothing else for her to do but reach out, grasp the handle, and pull it open.
The noise hit her first. Even louder than the muffled din that had reached her outside, it was nearly deafening as she made her way through the crowded bar. Or at least she tried to. Rachael found herself have to push bearded, leather clad bikers out of her way just to take a few steps and every few paces she would get jostled as some drunk asshole bumped into her.
She was gritting her teeth by the time she made it to a small clearing right beside the wooden bar itself and scanned the crowd, hoping to spot Jackrabbit but it was just a sea of black leather and rowdy partiers.
“Damn it, Johnny. Where the hell are you?” She muttered under her breath but the words were instantly lost into the noise of the clubhouse.
“What’s a pretty girl like yourself doin’ in a place like this.” Rachael turned to cast a look of disgust at the drunken pick up line and found herself looking at a very big, and very drunk leather clad biker. He leered down at her with alcohol glazed and bloodshot eyes.
“Not interested.” Rachael said with another scathing look before turning back to her perusal.
“Hey, thasss not very nice.” He slurred again, this time reaching out and grabbing her shoulder, hard. Rachael didn’t think. She just reacted, every instinct inside her firing at once. She whipped around back to face the idiot who kept trying to hit on her and at the same time her right hand balled into a fist and came up swinging. It landed square on the man’s cheek and pain radiated from her fingers all the way up her arm.
“Leave me the hell alone!” She shouted, cradling her injured hand close. She’d just started to turn back around, the man already forgotten when she felt it. The hands on her back, the sharp pressure and he shoved her into the edge of the bar.
Those instincts must have still been in full gear because she reacted faster than she could thing. Her arms wrapped protectively around her middle, her fear for herself forgotten. All that mattered was keeping her baby safe. She rounded on him like a feral anima
l, ready to keep fighting if she had to.
Rachael clawed at his face, his arms, anything she could reach. She felt wild. Out of control. All the stress and fear and terror and panic from the last week bubbling up to the surface.
“Don’t you dare touch me, you pathetic, disgusting, douchebag! I’m pregnant! You hurt me that’s one thing, but you hurt my baby and I swear to god I’ll claw your eyes out, got it?!” She shouted the words, lost in the blood-pumping heat of the moment and it took her a long moment to realized that there was another set of arms around her, gentle arms, arms that were struggling to pull her back from the douchebag who was now staring at her in shock. And he wasn’t the only one.
Slowly, Rachael noticed the hush that had fallen around her and even more slowly, she turned to look over her shoulder. Her eyes collided with Jackrabbit’s, emerald green against ocean blue but now his was wide with shock.