“I sure will, Raff, just as soon as Paul gets things done.”
I don’t cry when Paul lifts me into his truck and buckles me in, and I manage to make it all the way to the airfield before the poor man has to carry my sobbing ass onto his jet and rock me as we take off.
“It’s not all that bad, baby. We’re still together, huh? We can make this work for a little while as long as we’ve got each other.”
“I know. I just realized I never had sex with you in the bathtub that’s near the creek is all.”
I’m more adventurous now and that tub was cute. I wanted to do him in it with the moon shining down on us because it seemed so magical when I thought of it.
“We’ve got all our lives together to fuck in weird places. By the way, I have a sex swing in my apartment.”
That earns him a slap and a giggle. He leans down and kisses me again.
“Let’s not tell Percy though, okay? She’s a straight-up freak.”
Chapter Twelve
This Is My Life
Dot
Mother is a mess as I steadily and firmly tell her for the absolute last time that I’m not going through with their idea of a shotgun wedding, since I am indeed already in love and engaged to the man of my dreams.
I’m steaming mad when she starts trying to use her illness to guilt me, but when I go to rage at her Paul just squeezes my hand and shakes his head subtly.
We’ve talked about how to handle this for the three days we managed to hide out at his place without being shanghaied, and we agreed that I would stay calm and not go Dot on anyone.
According to him, and believe me I do not find his mirth at my expense funny, for a woman who previously described herself as a wallflower, I have a temper that is violently scary.
“But, Dorothea, you promised. You don’t want Mummy to relapse, do you?” she sniffles, looking up at me from beneath her lashes.
Relapse? If she doesn’t stop this I may let Indie loose on her and then a relapse will be the least of her worries. She’ll be needing wreaths. On her grave. The one beside Father’s when I give Percy the green light.
I may even let Callie “Biter” have a piece of that revenge pie.
“Mother, I promised you no such thing. I recall telling you that I would not marry Alexander and that it would be better for all involved if you printed a retraction and let everyone know that there won’t be a wedding. You and father just refused to listen.”
“But the SCANADAL.” She weeps, making my ears start ringing.
The scandal? That’s what she’s worried about instead of congratulating me on my happiness the way Gruffy did, sloppy kisses and all?
She was so thrilled I didn’t even bat a lash when she squeezed and fondled Paul’s butt a little longer than appropriate. For her, at least.
One good thing to have come out of all of this is that Paul and the men met, and Jack and Woody expressed some real interest in his plans and even offered him top dollar for his company.
It looks like I may be going home sooner than expected. If I don’t kill myself first, thanks to Mother’s theatrics.
Now I’m thinking I may agree with Paul. There is definitely something more than some old family marriage pact at play here. I am dying to know why they’re all so desperate to seal this deal and why it seems that Mother almost had a freaking coronary when she found out that I was marrying Paul.
“Rethink this, Dorothea. You don’t know this man. Alex has the worst things to say about him and—”
“And that is his problem, not mine. I love Paul and I am so marrying him, I don’t give two shits what you and this fucked-up Adam’s family remake have to say,” I yell, losing my temper finally.
It feels like my hair is on fire when I rise to my feet and I look down at her with a contempt that I’ve been striving not to feel since I started listening to the voice mails they left on my phone for three weeks.
Paul, my sweet, often amused darling, stands too and seems to have shed whatever anger he was carrying around these last three days.
“You’ll regret this, you little ingrate! We spent years feeding and clothing you and sending you to school! And this is how you repay us? What he sees in you I will never understand, but at least Alexander was willing to overlook your flaws and make you a member of the top echelons of society.”
Boooooring.
“We thank you for your time, Mrs. Harper, but Dot and I are ready to leave. Please do not expect an invitation to the wedding. We only want real family there. Come on, baby, let’s go see your real family. At least there no one pretends to be sick and they actually offer us coffee.”
That last part has her shrieking and I want to laugh myself sick when we reach the front door, only to have my father barrelling in, his face red and sweat soaked.
“There you are! You’re lucky I found you before I really lose my temper, Dorothea.”
Uh-oh.
I feel Paul go so tense behind me, he feels like granite and I think I hear his teeth grind to dust as he takes a step forward and gets into the other man’s face.
“I suggest you rephrase that, fucker, or you’ll be talking out of your ass for the next twenty years. No one talks to my girl that way.”
Where is my phone?! I need to record this to show Indie and Percy! And Callie.
Father seems to pale and shrink into himself a little, and I have to say I am totally satisfied and a little turned on when Paul collects himself on a dime, straightens, and smiles while giving me his arm.
“Baby, let’s go.”
This makes me feel all magical because right there is that moment when Patrick tells them, “Nobody puts baby in a corner.”
No freaking damn way will I ever forget this! I have got to text Callie; she’s gonna be green with envy over this. ight now. I feel like Rocky when he got to the top of the freaking steps!
“What are you doing, baby?” he asks as soon as he puts the car in drive and pulls out.
“Texting Callie about my hot Dirty Dancing moment. She is going to be pea green with envy, and I’ll have finally won the Swayze showdown. Thank you, babe! You just totally made this the second best moment of my life besides the totally cool way you proposed to me.”
“Well hey now, where’s the sex on that list?” he grumps, making me giggle because it is so like a man to see sex as trumping the Swayze.
Madness.
In my romance-clouded brain it is so number three, but I don’t think he’ll appreciate losing out to a dead Hollywood legend. Poor baby does not understand. Those movies sustained me through a lot of messed-up times.
“The sex is one and the ring is two. This moment is definitely three,” I say at last, loving his smile and victory cry as he fist pumps the air.
“You bet your ass the sex is at one, baby. Bet your sweet ass.”
I have a feeling he may be high maintenance after all, but that’s totally okay.
“Where to, baby?”
I want to say home but I can’t, not yet because he’ll know what I mean and just feel guilty. Instead I grin and mouth Gruffy, watching him shudder and wipe his lips.
Gruffy gives tongue. Who knew?
***
Paul
I feel like I’m walking on cloud nine as I leave Jack, Woody, and Freddie Cage and take the elevator down to the first floor. Right now I should probably be going to the office and talking to the board about what I have just done, but I can’t seem to give a damn about any of it. All I want to do is go home to my Dotty and hammer her a little before making slow sweet love to her and crowing in victory.
I just took that very last step and offloaded the company that’s been a burr in my ass for years and I feel like celebrating it with my woman.
I also need to call Mom and Grammy and get them over to my place for the good news before convincing them somehow to move with us.
Mom won’t be too big of a problem, but Grammy’s so used to the city and her little poker buddies, it may not work out
on that end. That’s about the only fly in my ointment at the moment, and I’m grinning like an ass as I slide into the car and the driver pulls away, smiling when I tell him to take me home.
It’s funny, I’ve been driving with Ramon for years and I never once bothered to talk to him besides the directions he needs or the odd hello.
I didn’t even know his name. Give Dot five minutes with that tinkling voice and cute-as-pie face and it’s like we now have another family member in our midst.
I’m not kidding, the woman invited him and his wife to Gruffy’s for Thursday night meatloaf. My baby loves meatloaf.
“You get it done, Mr. Summers sir?” Ramon asks, looking back at me from the rearview mirror.
“Yup and I even found a way to make sure some of the money Alex should get goes to charity, so I’m pretty happy right now, Ramon my friend. Pretty fucking happy.”
“Good job, sir. The little missus is sure gonna like hearing that, what with being homesick and all. I’m gonna miss you and the little hellion, though, I really am.”
“Yeah, but home is where the heart is, man, and I think my heart left hers back on the ranch. So there we must go,” I say prosaically, though I’m grinning like a fool.
We all know I’m just as happy about this as Dot is, so my stiff upper lip is just not possible.
“Here we are. Congratulations, Mr. Summers, and tell Dot that Hilda loved the recipe.”
“Will do, my man. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and go on home to your wife.”
I run my way to the elevator and I don’t bother to act civilized as I run into the apartment and slam the door, my smile so wide it actually hurts when I look around and spot Dot on the sofa, crying a little as Alex scowls at me from his perch way too close beside her.
“What the hell are you doing here, you little asshole?”
My façade is not one I can hold anymore. I haven’t been very convincing at all since I walked into the office and this little shit gobbler grinned at me while apologizing for screwing up the account he was handling.
Alex seems to puff up and grins at me with a victorious smile that has my hackles rising. I know something is wrong as soon as I walk over to Dot and she seems to stiffen and go cold as ice beside me.
I take her hand, and though she doesn’t pull away, I feel how closed off she is from me.
“Just telling her everything she needs to know about you, Paulie boy.”
I could punch his lights out right now and loosen some of those fake-ass teeth of his without much guilt, but instead of letting my anger free rein I choose to push it all down and smile at him the way I smile at my enemies.
The look is threatening, malicious, and scary as hell. I know since one guy actually started crying once.
“Is that a fact, little man? And what exactly would that truth be since you seem to think you know me so well?” I ask quietly, my voice laced with acid.
“I told her all about how you’re only using her to get revenge on me for sleeping with your fiancée.”
Yeah, okay, this is not good. I was expecting it but when I feel Dot tense and try to wrench her hand free I feel like the world as I know it is teetering on the brink.
Time to fess up, I guess, but I won’t sit here and beg Dot to listen while this asshole gets a free show. I despise everything about my cousin, from his fake smile, oozing charm and stupidity, to the spite that I recognize those traits as being inherited from his grandmother.
Boy am I glad my family is normal. Or as normal as it’s possible to be for an ex-waitress who sees a psychic on a daily basis and a grammy who smokes cigars and sounds like a man.
“Get out.”
“Dude, you think you can just ignore this and downplay it? Dorothea deserves to know the truth, man, and she deserves to know that I’m willing to give her another chance at—”
“I said get the fuck out!” I roar, coming to my feet in a lunge that has Alex scrambling so quickly he trips and falls over the armrest before springing to his feet and running out.
The satisfaction that brings is short lived when I look down to see my girl staring at me, her face blank but for the almost imperceptible thinning of her lips.
“I can explain, baby.”
“Really? Because from where I am sitting it seems to me that you used me to pull a fast one on your cousin. Tell me, Paul, is it true that you were engaged?” she asks softly, her sing-song voice flat and cold as she looks at me with dead eyes.
I want to kiss her and hug her and plead with her to give me a chance to explain and sort this out, but I see her anger raging beneath the surface and I see the utter control it’s taking for her not to lose her cool and have an episode like the ones Indie told me about.
Knowing that I caused it would kill me and I don’t want her hysterical. I need her to listen.
Should have told her about Sarah, man. Stupid fucking mistake.
“Yes. A long time ago,” I admit, flinching when she swallows and I see her eyes mist.
If she cries I’m screwed.
Right now I need happy Dot to peek her little head up and give me a fighting chance before I lose the one thing in my life I love more than the ranch.
“You never said.”
So cool and composed. Dammit, baby, don’t do this, I plead silently as I lower myself to the sofa and let my hands fall between my spread knees.
“I didn’t want to ruin it all by talking about that part of my life, baby.”
“And yet it’s okay for me to share all those embarrassing things about my own life with you? I told you about my parents and my birthday, and how I wished my whole life that they would love me. You let me humble myself to you, thinking we were an item, a real love match, when all the freaking while you were using me to get back at him?”
“No! That’s not true, baby. I do love you,” I yell, my panic rising faster when she collects herself and rises to her feet.
“Did you or did you not start this with the intention of using me?”
I’m caught here and I know it. I have the urge to lie but I swore I would never lie to her and I won’t break that promise, no matter if it kills me now.
“Yes.”
“That’s all I need to know.”
When she starts walking I want to grab on to her and hold her against me till she listens and gives me another chance, but all I can do as she slips her engagement ring onto the hall table and closes the door silently is sit like a statue and feel…empty.
There’s no anger or rage. No intensity of emotion as she walks away from me and leaves me in the cold. I’m just…nothing.
I didn’t feel this pain even when Sarah fucked my own cousin, not when Grandfather trapped me here and denied me my dreams. Not even when I found out years after my broken engagement that Sarah had been pregnant but miscarried after a night of hard partying.
There is nothing to compare to the agony trapped inside me, so instead I just sit and stare at nothing as my every dream turns to ash.
Chapter Thirteen
Twilight
Dot
As I sit and stare out at the dreary, rain-splattered window and take in the grey skies and cold colorless scene, I feel a small, tiny kernel of amusement when I think of that vampire movie and how that Bella girl sat for months in one spot and just stared out of the window.
Indie, Percy, and I laughed our asses off at that scene and went so far as to deride her for letting a man get her that messed up that she was just a shell.
I feel the same way now, only worse, I think, because this shit isn’t a movie and I don’t get to have my happy ending with a boyfriend who glitters in the sun.
“Get your smelly ass up off that sofa and get with it, you pathetic lump!”
I ignore Indie and wipe her gob from my face in a daze as the pain and heartache threaten to spill out.
I haven’t cried yet, I can’t because I think a part of me knows that if I cry it will all be over. I’ll have to admit that there’s
no Hollywood happy ending for me and I will never have that joy I felt just days ago ever again.
When Alex turned up and asked to talk to me I wanted to flip him the bird at first and tell him to screw off. I felt like I had that right after the hell he and my parents tried to put me through by lying through their stinking teeth about Mother’s illness. Or lack thereof, as it may be.
But I’m still me, you know. I’m still just a kind, stupid idiot who will listen and try to help you in some way. I stupidly thought that I could get Alex to give up and walk away, so I let him come up and spent the next half hour feeling like I was shattering inside.
At first I was just plain mad at him and wanted to clean his clock when he told me about Sarah and how it was all his grandfather’s idea to bring her in to bedazzle Paul and keep him where he belonged.
How dare they deny my Paul his dream life and laugh at him behind his back!
I really did almost lose it and attack Alex when he admitted that he’d been with Sarah right from the start and really enjoyed Paul’s humiliation when he caught them together, though according to him Paul never breathed a word, just broke things off and pretended it never happened.
I hate nasty, vindictive people and that’s just what I saw when I looked at Alex and the smile he couldn’t hide.
It was only when it all started clicking into place that I knew, and as he went on and told me how Paul is just using me…
I kept it together though, even when my chest started squeezing and my nerves started jangling in that all too familiar way.
It’s the rage that gets me, you see. I get so damn angry that it just explodes out of me and I go nuclear.
“For fuck’s sake! That is it. I am done with this shit, Dorothea Harper. You will get your fat ass up, go bathe, and then we will talk this out before I call the fire department to hose your stinky ass down,” Percy threatens, grabbing and pulling at my dirty hair.
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