by E. P. Clark
“Here it is, Marina Yekaterinovna.” And indeed, a small kibitka, just big enough for three to ride inside and four to ride outside and stand guard was coming up to us.
Princess Velikokrasnova turned back to me. “I fear there is room only for my own party, Valeriya Dariyevna. We will await you at the kremlin.”
“Of course,” I said, and stepped back so that the kibitka could pull up to them and they could all get in. Nika gave me a brief but miserable look as he went by me, and Ivan hurried past with flushed cheeks and downcast eyes. I waited until they were all in the kibitka and it had started down the street, before turning back to Sasha and Tima.
“That kibitka doesn’t look like it’s going very fast,” I said.
“And they won’t be able to pick up the pace any between here and the kremlin, Valeriya Dariyevna,” said Sasha. “They’ve only got two horses for all that load, and they’ll have to go through the Haymarket on a market day.”
“I feel strangely like a run,” I said. “But you lads don’t have to follow me.”
“Tima is pretty light of foot, Valeriya Dariyevna.”
“Good. Tima, do you feel like a run?”
“Of course, Valeriya Dariyevna!” he answered, his face glowing with excitement.
“Then run back to the barracks and find Vitaly Mariyevich and tell him what’s happening. Sasha…”
“My running days are long over, Valeriya Dariyevna.”
“And I need you to stay behind anyway. How do you feel about a spot of information gathering?”
“That I can do, Valeriya Dariyevna.”
“Then go to any of the likely-looking taverns around here and see if you can fall in with any of the Velikokrasnova household and find out what happened there today—and what they think might happen there tomorrow.”
“As you wish, Valeriya Dariyevna.”
“Good. I’m off, then.” I clapped them both on the shoulder and took off down the street, in the opposite direction from the kibitka.
I was hoping I still knew the back ways (learned in that fatal summer, when I spent a fair amount of time at the beginning sneaking in and out of the Vostochnokrasnova palace, and a certain amount of shameful and best-forgotten time at the end spying on Princess Velikokrasnova instead of the people Sera had wanted me to watch) between the kremlin and Black Earth Street, and as my feet flew along, it seemed that they still remembered how to slip down back alleys and past stables and servants’ houses, so that I found myself back at the kremlin drenched with sweat and panting for breath, but long before Princess Velikokrasnova and the others could be expected. I dashed through the kremlin and up into my chambers, washed off and changed into fresh clothes, and made my way, now walking at what I hoped was a nonchalant and leisurely pace, to the children’s chambers, where I found Mirochka, the tsarinoviches, Vyacheslav Irinovich, and Sera all gathering together for our promised outing.
“Ah, Valya,” said Sera. “We were wondering where you were and whether you would be able to join us. Are you ready?”
“Indeed,” I said, trying to breathe normally as I spoke. “And we will have more companions as well.”
“Why have you been running, mama?” asked Mirochka, coming forward and examining me with a motherly air.
“I had to race a kibitka back to the kremlin.”
“A kibitka!” said Sera, at the same time as Mirochka asked anxiously, “And did you win, mama?”
“I think so,” I said. “When I came through the stables I saw no sign of them, although they’ve probably arrived by now. Princess Velikokrasnova’s kibitka,” I added, turning back to Sera.
“You mean to say you ran all the way back from the Velikokrasnova palace?” asked Sera. “Faster than horses?”
“Faster than walking horses, yes,” I told her with a grin. “I wanted to make sure to be able to welcome our visitors properly.”
“Is that so?” she asked, now smiling and arching a brow. “Will Ivan Marinovich really be joining us, then?”
“Along with his mother and stepfather,” I said.
Vyacheslav Irinovich stared at me in dismay, and Sera’s face was torn between a laugh and a groan. “Is that wise?” she asked.
“Princess Velikokrasnova seemed to think so,” I told her. “It was entirely her idea. Just as it was her idea to get in a kibitka and leave me standing in the street.”
“Well,” said Sera. “May she get much joy out of it, then.” She leaned close to me and whispered, winking, “As much joy as I get out of seeing you with pink cheeks once again, Valya. It’s been too long.”
“I’ll be glad to run every day if it will make you happy,” I said.
“I’d be even more happy if you had other, better, reasons to make your face glow, Valya—and you soon will, if I have anything to do with it.” She winked again, clearly in high good humor.
“What are you talking about?” demanded Mirochka, sounding alarmed and left out.
“Nothing,” I said, “and don’t interrupt the Empress, my dove,” while Sera patted her on the head and said, “Oh, only some plans I have to make your mother happy. You want her to be happy, don’t you?”
“Of course, Tsarina,” said Mirochka, with an earnest little bow.
“Wonderful. Then let’s go make that happen. Shall we go down?”
“Whenever you’re ready,” I said, and, after the last-minute confusion that always accompanies the movement of children, not to mention large parties, we were all trooping down the corridor and the stairs towards the stables. Sera, nearly bouncing with good spirits and excitement, chatted with great enthusiasm about our walk with Vyacheslav Irinovich and the children. Watching her as I walked in the back, I was struck by the alarming thought that at least some of her good humor was due to the thought that she was helping me, that she was doing something to make me happy, and that she expected me to be…happy, like she was right now. Well, that was manifestly impossible. I had never been prone to Sera’s bouts of cheerfulness. But of course I could be happy in my own way, even if it bore little outward similarity to hers. I tried to think about the possibility that we were right now walking towards the source of my future happiness, which would be found, as Sera seemed to think it would be, in a union with Ivan Marinovich. I tried to imagine burdening a man, and such a young man at that, with such a heavy task, but my head knew that that was out of the question, and my heart shied away from thoughts of happiness in general, and the thought that my happiness could be riding on the outcome of tonight’s encounter especially. The very idea of striving for something with the specific goal of happiness was too…I would have said frightening, except that I couldn’t work up enough passion even to feel frightened about it. Everything inside me simply wheeled about and galloped off in the opposite direction at the first sign of such thoughts, so that it was as if I didn’t have them at all.
I was fortunately interrupted in my non-thoughts and non-feelings by our exit into the stable yard, where we found Princess Velikokrasnova’s kibitka and its occupants waiting for us.
“Dearest Marina Yekaterinovna,” said Sera, hurrying over to them. “What an unexpected honor! I confess I had no idea when I invited your son that you would favor us not only with his presence, but with that of yourself and your husband as well, but I am delighted to have you all grace our stroll through the park. Such a fine evening, is it not? I confess I adore walking in the evening after summer rainstorms. I hope you are well? Your recent journey has not discomposed you? I am so glad to hear it! Please, if you would be so kind, walk with me, for we have much to discuss…” And Sera, pouring forth a torrent of civilities, forced Princess Velikokrasnova out of the kibitka and marched her off in the direction of the park without allowing her to object or even get a word in edgewise. Vyacheslav Irinovich did the same thing to Nika, who managed to give me one despairing look, and glance for an instant at Mirochka before jerking his eyes away as if burned by the sight of her.
And so it naturally fell out that I ended up
escorting Ivan, while the children frolicked around us with all the abandon of a group of children who had been penned up inside on a long summer afternoon, thus providing us with one more layer of distraction and concealment. If there had been a bit more of a breeze, enough to blow away the mosquitoes that were whining anxiously around us, it would have been a perfect family outing.
“I got your note,” I said to Ivan as soon as I judged the others to be out of earshot. “That was clever of you. And I didn’t know you had a knack for drawing.”
“Oh…” He blushed. “They took away all my things for writing, but I managed to tear off a corner of a letter I’d been meaning to send to Denis but hadn’t gotten around to. And some of the serving girls are…kindly disposed towards me, so…”
“I understand. I hope you weren’t mistreated?”
“Only locked up,” he said with a rueful smile. “So far, at least. There may be some revenge for this little outing, though.”
I looked at Princess Velikokrasnova’s unpleasantly rigid back ahead of us. It certainly had a vengeful look to me. “You think it likely she’ll take this out on you later, then?” I asked.
He shrugged in a way that said it was too distasteful to talk about. I eyed Princess Velikokrasnova’s back with even more disfavor. Was she truly the kind of person who would have her own child beaten out of spite? I looked at Ivan again. By the way he was holding himself, I had to guess yes. I looked up at Nika and wondered if she extended that kind of treatment to her husband as well. To my surprise, my heart squeezed painfully at that thought. Despite all the ill I had wished him over the years, all the times I had wished I could make him suffer, suffer horribly (perhaps by setting him on fire or tearing all the flesh from his face, since I myself was far from immune to vindictive and violent impulses), when I actually thought of the very real suffering he might have undergone, and might still undergo, I found as I watched his hunched (I couldn’t help but think) shoulders walk in front of me that I didn’t like the thought of his unhappiness one bit, and I wished I could spare him all of it.
“And I’m sure she’ll rope him into it somehow too,” said Ivan bitterly, following my gaze.
“Do you think it will involve…violence?” I asked cautiously, not wanting to frighten him into silence with questions that were too direct. It was not the kind of thing that people tended to talk about.
He shrugged and looked away. I could feel the muscles of my jaw begin to jump in time with my pulse. And to think that this was something Nika had become complicit in…
“No,” I said out loud. “No she won’t.”
“No one seems to be able to stop her,” he said tiredly.
Ruslan ran past us, chasing his brothers. I grabbed him by the shoulder. “Ruslan,” I said. “Soon you will be a man grown. It’s high time you had a companion, a young man of noble birth to be your friend and confidant. Let Ivan Marinovich here be that man.”
Ruslan looked at me with equal parts confusion and suspicion. I gave him a little shake. “You need someone other than your brothers, someone who can guide you into manhood. It is common for tsarinoviches and tsarinovnas to have such companions. Ivan Marinovich will be yours.”
“But I don’t know him, Valeriya Dariyevna,” he objected, frowning his sullen frown.
“Well, you will soon,” I said. “We’ll tell your mother at the end of our stroll, agreed?”
He tried to squirm free, but I gave him another little shake and held him until he said, reluctantly, that he agreed.
“You’ll start tonight,” I told Ivan. “I’m sure your mother will be delighted at the honor done to you and her family.”
Something like a smile was trying to tug at the corners of his mouth. “And my proposed journey with you East?” he asked.
I waved my hand. “The tsarinovich’s companion may be called upon to serve the realm in myriad ways. And he should gain some knowledge of the world in order to better serve his young charge.”
Now he was truly smiling. “And will the Tsarina go along with this, do you think, Valeriya Dariyevna?”
“Chances are high. She often does go along with my mad schemes.”
“Nikita Marislavovich said…” began Ivan, and then stopped.
“Yes?” I prompted.
“There was a lot of commotion this afternoon after you came by the first time,” he said. “And disagreement. More than usual. My mother said…my mother said that it was just another one of your ploys, that there was no way that the Tsarina was behind all of this, that you were just bluffing and you should be called on it and reported to the Empress and sent packing, but Nikita Marislavovich said…he said that,” he swallowed and then rushed on, “that you were headstrong and proud and would ride roughshod over other people’s lives—except for the Tsarina’s. He said that the other princesses, the ones who thought you were self-serving, were wrong, and that you would do anything for her and that everything you did was ultimately for her, and if you said you were there at her orders, it was because you were there at her orders and that we would do well not to cross you in this.
“And then my mother stormed off—we were in my chamber—and he stayed and he asked me about…about what you and I had done, and what I thought your…your intentions were, and so I…I told him. There’s little love lost between us, but he’s the only person I can confide in, I can ask for advice about such a matter. And he said that,” he swallowed again and looked away with even greater embarrassment than before, “he said that any man in your life, or anyone at all for that matter, would have to understand that he came second. He said that…that as far as he could tell, there are really only two things you love in the world: serving your sister and having your own way. And he said that…that the entire time you were…together, the entire time you were telling him that he was what you…wanted the most, it was still clear as daylight that your heart really lay at the foot of the Wooden Throne, and when…when it went bad, it was the Empress who helped you, and the Empress you listened to. And he said that he was sure it was even more the case now, and any man who married you would have to understand that first of all he would always be a prize that you had won, and second of all that he came second in your life, after the Empress. But if he understood that, he said, he would probably have a good life and be fairly treated. And then he said…he said that for many men, coming in second on the list of things you loved was probably better than coming in first on the list of things that other people hated, and that…I needed to face the fact that I was always going to be a prize for other people to win, no matter what I thought of the matter, and that it was time for me to start thinking for myself and making my own decisions, because despite all that, the only person who could live my life was me, not my mother or my wife or anyone else.”
“I see,” I said softly into the silence. I paused for a moment, but Ivan continued to look down and away from me. “Thank you,” I told him.
“Dearest sister!” called Sera from in front of us. “Ivan Marinovich! Favor us with your company for a moment, if you will.”
We both hurried forward to where the others were walking, breaking off our conversation at what for me had been a keenly interesting moment, but what for Ivan, I could tell, had been a keenly painful moment and one he had been glad to leave behind.
“Dearest sister,” said Sera, once we had drawn level with the others. Princess Velikokrasnova gave me a look that would have curdled stone, and Nika kept his eyes studiously fixed on the ground. “Marina Yekaterinovna here has, with a mother’s proper concern, expressed some reservations about the possibility of Ivan Marinovich accompanying you on your mission East. I have explained to her why I wish to have him there to represent her family, but perhaps you can lay some of her apprehensions as to his safety to rest.”
“With pleasure,” I said with a little bow. I turned to Princess Velikokrasnova and began speaking as earnestly and mildly as if she were awaiting my words with smiling interest, not glaring daggers at me. I wou
ld have thought the daggers would have hurt more than they did, but in fact I hardly felt them at all. I didn’t know whether that was because I had stopped being able to feel anything other than a distant rage regarding her, or because I was looking towards the future and better things in it. “We will travel with all speed, of course, as our errand is urgent and we will need to go there and return before winter sets in, but I anticipate little actual danger. We are merely going to gather information, and I cannot see anyone being so bold or so unwise as to attack a party carrying the Imperial flag. And of course Ivan Marinovich could have a trustworthy escort as befits his station as the son of the Velikokrasnova line and as the tsarinovich’s confidant and companion.”
“I beg your pardon?” cried Princess Velikokrasnova in involuntary dismay, while Nika shot one hot glance at me before returning to studying the ground at his feet.
“It is high time Ruslan Tsarinovich had a proper companion of high birth and good character,” I said. “He has chosen to favor Ivan Marinovich with the office. Ivan will thus be a representative of Krasnograd as well as the black earth district, and of course will have Imperial guards at his side day and night, as well as whatever chaperone you choose to provide him.”
“I don’t see how he can be companion to the tsarinovich while gallivanting about the countryside in search of…phantoms and shadows!” said Princess Velikokrasnova, relaxing slightly back into her natural arrogance, now that she thought she had spotted a flaw in my plan.
“It will be of great benefit to Ruslan Tsarinovich to have a companion who has proven his trustworthiness and gained experience with the world through travel,” I said. “A most ideal solution, I would say.”
“Indeed,” agreed Sera gravely. She sent me an amused glance, her eyes sparkling, and then went on, still speaking seriously, “And I am delighted that Ivan Marinovich has done us the honor of accepting our proposal, although knowing his noble heart, along with the long history of service rendered by his family, I am not surprised.”