Falcon Song: A love story

by Cross, Kristin

  Jennika sat back down beside her and took a long, deep breath and then looked over and studied her. Kate smiled and then rolled her eyes as the emotions came on again and Jennika asked softly, “You okay?”

  Unable to answer, Kate simply nodded and dug into her purse, hoping for another tissue she was relatively sure she wasn’t going to find. Man, she needed to stop with the blubbering, which was a great idea until she thought back to how Jason had told the entire world she was the love of his life. His tone of voice had left nothing to doubt and that felt almost overwhelmingly sweet to Kate.

  They sat there in relative silence for being in a stadium of twenty something thousand people and finally, Jennika said, “Kate, I know this is going to sound crazy after how hard we’ve tried not to get busted here by them, but I need to tell Cody I’m here. After watching them tonight, not telling him feels dishonest. I’d rather he knew why we came and that we were here than that we sneak on back home and not tell them.

  Kate nodded wordlessly. She felt the same way. They were past this now. The questions had been answered and fears laid to rest and now there was just the raw emotion and need to see Jason and have him hold her as she struggled to swallow her tears. He’d understand her heart. He always had and he’d laugh at her, but he’d know she was finally over that strangling, stalling fear.

  The crowd had begun to thin and as they stood to go, Kate asked, “Can you call Cody? I’m still afraid I’ll cry if I call Jason just now and he’ll think something is wrong.”

  They began to climb the stairs as Jennika held the phone to her ear, but after a moment, she shook her head. “I didn’t think they’d have their phones on them. Do you think they’ll hang out here or leave?”

  “They usually meet people backstage who have won passes on the local radio stations and that sort of thing. They’ll probably be here for hours. Then depending on what time they fly out in the morning, some of them will probably go clubbing and the rest of them will go back to the hotel and unwind. They kind of have to decompress from the adrenaline and high of performing before they can rest.”

  Jennika shook her head. “I’d think after putting out that kind of energy for a couple of hours they’d be thoroughly exhausted.”

  “They will be.” Kate smiled. “They just have to come down first. Their concerts are a rush to them and it takes a while. Then they’ll be completely drained. See if Scotty answers his phone. He’ll help us find them. In the mean time, let’s see if we can find some security or someone who will know how to get backstage and we’ll get as close as we can until someone let’s us through.”

  It was a good plan, but they could never get anyone to pick up their calls and even after finding security, they were brushed off as just another couple of hopeful locals who pretended to be close friends to make it backstage to meet the hunky stars. After standing in a crowd of pushing and crowding groupies outside a carefully guarded door for twenty-five minutes, Kate sighed and turned away. “Let’s go back to the hotel, Jenn. This is stealing all of the magic of their show. Maybe we’ll just have to tell them we came and we’ll see them when they come back home.”

  They caught a cab and as they drove through the city lights back to the Marriott, the feelings that were still so close to the surface threatened to overwhelm her again. Jason had been incredible tonight. He always was, but tonight… She didn’t even know how to get these tender memories to behave enough not to embarrass herself as she rode the elevator back up to the sixth floor.

  They were back in their room and had kicked out of their shoes and were deciding about ordering a pizza when Cody called Jennika’s phone. Kate heard her start trying to explain so Kate ordered the pizza and then went into the bathroom and began to take her hair out of its messy up do and wash her face. All the tears had done a terrible number on her eye make up and she was grateful she had dark lashes and brows and wasn’t one of those pale pastels who melted at times like this. She still hated it when she cried. Even happy tears made her head ache and her nose run.

  There was a knock a couple of minutes later and she gathered up her cosmetics and tossed them into her case so Jennika wouldn’t have to wade through them as she got ready for bed. Still emotional, she grabbed a tissue and then opened the door to let Jennika have her turn.

  It wasn’t Jennika. It was Jason standing on the other side of the door looking like a superstar in his jeans and sleeveless muscle shirt. His face was so full of concern that as soon as she saw him, the tears welled again and she walked into his arms and buried her face against his neck and held on. He didn’t say anything, just held her and rubbed her back for the longest time and let her cry.

  When she finally began to wind down, he took her hand and led her out and to the small couch and sat down on it and then pulled her down onto his lap, let her lean against his chest and wrapped her back in his arms as he asked quietly, “Can you try to help me understand why you’re so upset, Kate? What’s wrong?”

  She shook her head against him and sniffed at the stupid tears. “Nothing’s wrong, Jason.” She looked up at him and wondered how she could explain what had happened out there tonight. Unable to put her feelings into words, she shook her head again and snuggled back into his neck. “Nothing’s wrong.”

  Sounding somewhat skeptical, he asked, “You’re not upset about the concert?”

  Leaning back in his arms to look at him, she swallowed the lump in her throat and said, “I’m upset, but it’s good upset. I’m sorry. The concert was… It was…” It was several more seconds before she could whisper, “Really, really good.”

  She leaned back against his skin and after a second could continue, “I knew I missed seeing you, but I didn’t realize how much. I’d forgotten what you can do to me. You were incredible out there tonight, Jason. You have such a gift.”

  He released a big breath and pulled her tighter into his arms and rested his face on her hair. “I thought you were disgusted again at the concert. That you’d want to leave again. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done that would make you so sad.”

  Still snuggled against him, she shook her head. “The concert was marvelous, Jase. The only thing even remotely sad about it was how much some of your music had changed. My happy Jason was missing part of the time.”

  In a low voice, he admitted, “Your happy Jason was missing the whole time you were gone, Kate. How could I be happy when my life had no meaning? Then when I found out you were married…” He let out a sigh that was half groan. “It felt like it was over.” He brushed a hand over her back and then put it down to her chin to get her to look up at him as he said softly, “But the happy part is back now, babe. Couldn’t you tell?”

  She looked up into his brilliant green eyes, nodded and smiled through the last of her tears. “Why do y’all think I’m such a mess? Geez, look at me. I’m laughing and crying at the same time.”

  She wiped at her eyes with the tissue in her hand and then reached the other up to caress his cheek. “You blew me away out there tonight. It was so different than I expected. I… I… Oh, Jase, for some reason, even though I knew we were back together and committed, somehow I didn’t think it could ever be like it was. I mean we’re older and wiser. Tempered. We’re parents. I thought that was the reason I wasn’t as… As, I don’t know, hopeful maybe. I’m not sure how to describe it. Some part of me was so holding back, but I didn’t really realize it. Not until tonight.”

  His expression was absolutely sober as he asked, “Were you expecting me to mess up again, Kate? Is that why you came? Do you still not trust me?”

  Shaking her head, she said earnestly, “No. No. Jason, I swear it. I came here to help Jennika learn to deal with all of this and to let her see Cody as big as life and how he did. I honestly didn’t come here to spy on you. I promise. In my heart of hearts, I believed I was past all the hurt. I was fine with knowing you were committed to me. But don’t you see? That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I didn’t understand my own heart or head or some
thing. What I thought was simply accepting life as an adult was actually believing we could never get past the hurt and distrust. I knew some of the magic was gone, but I thought that was just what happened when life tempered you.” She laid her head back onto his chest and went on, “But Jason, I was wrong wasn’t I?”

  His low words sounded reassuring even through his chest next to her ear. “I think you were, Kate. I know that yes, we are a couple of years older, but honestly, I feel twenty years younger now than I did two weeks ago. And my feelings for you have never changed. You’re still the love of my life, Kate. You always will be.”

  She turned her face up to his and smiled even though her eyes still glistened with tears and reached a hand up to caress his cheek again. “And being the love of your life feels so good, Jason. Please forgive me for not understanding all the way. I’m sorry I didn’t.” She looked into the depths of his eyes and struggled not to let the emotions overcome her again as she went on, “You’re the love of my life, too, Jason. My soul mate for this life and the eternities. I can’t even tell you how it feels to have the last of the doubt gone.” She dropped her eyes. “I can’t even put it into words, but it…” The tears overflowed and he gently wiped them and she whispered, “It makes my feelings way tender. Sorry.”

  He pulled her so tightly into his arms he was almost hurting her, but that was the depth of the emotion that flowed between them as he said huskily, “Don’t apologize, Kate. I’ve prayed for us to find these tender emotions again for forever. I need you so desperately in my life to feel whole. Don’t apologize. Just let me bask in them. Let me drown in them. Let me suffocate in knowing you finally trust me again. That you’ll finally fly with me again like you used to before. Before we grew up and you grew wary and away.”

  This time when she looked up at him, the green fire in his eyes was liquid and the emotion she saw there was tender, but explosive as well. The time apart had more than just tempered and refined them. The male who looked down at her was so mature and masculine and powerful that if she hadn’t known that what she was feeling equaled him as a female it would have scared her. The need she read there was molten.

  For just a second, he simply searched her eyes and then finally, he lowered his mouth to hers in a kiss that started oh so tender and then built around the pent up need and frustration and heartache until it threatened to consume them in an inferno of core deep passion that flamed from one soul to another.

  The knowing that they were indeed mates for this life and beyond kindled the strong friendship that had been through the refiner’s fire, turning it into a firestorm of desire that became forged into the commitment of forever. Raw emotion filled the void left by the last of her doubts until by the time he pulled away, their breathing heavy and ragged; her very innermost emotional needs had been finally quenched by the surety of his devotion. He had been right all along- they were Falcons who had mated for forever. Knowing to the very depth of her heart that he was hers and hers alone for eternity was the most empowering feeling she had ever experienced.

  ***

  Jason knew without a shadow of a doubt that she’d finally been able to sweep away the reservations she’d been having since long before she’d even left. But the desire that that surety and those kisses aroused was just at this moment threatening to torch the whole hotel and he pulled away with a groan and struggled to get a handle on the passion that had him wanting far more from her than she could give right here and now.

  He needed her desperately. And he knew she needed him just the same, but he also knew that this searing hunger for each other could char their whole future if they let it get out of control like they had that one desperate time before. They would be dealing with the ripples from that disastrous night forever as it was and there was no way he was going to take risks like that again. Not when he could taste eternity in her kiss tonight.

  Even without her mouth on his, her exquisite sensuality was making him crazy and after fighting his own body for several moments, he finally forced himself to let go of her completely and get up off the small couch and walk across to the window. He stood there and looked out at the lights of the city and then leaned and turned the air conditioner up to full blast. He needed all the cooling off he could get right now.

  He heard her get up and glanced around to see her filling a glass with ice at the little bar. She added water and brought it over to him, her face still flushed from the heat of the moment. With a tentative smile, she handed it to him and asked, “Are you okay?”

  Returning her small smile, he took the ice water and quietly admitted, “I was just worrying about spontaneously combusting again. You have no idea what you can do to me, girl.” She was silently watching him and what he saw in her eyes made him ask softly, “Or do you?”

  He set the water glass on the air conditioner and reached for her again to fold her into a gentle, but very tight hug with a deep satisfied sigh. “This is where we’re supposed to be, isn’t it, Kate? Close enough that I can feel you breathe and feel your heart beat with mine.”

  She didn’t answer and after a few seconds, he looked down into her blue eyes and knew it was time to get on to forever. “Katelyn Marie, would you marry me?”

  There was no doubt in her eyes, none of that worry, no fear, just the faint glisten of tears as she answered without hesitation. “I would love to marry you, Jason. I would be honored.” With another happy sigh, he bent to kiss her again. This time so gently that the smallest sensation felt huge as they touched. This was definitely where they were supposed to be.

  When they finally pulled away, he said, “I’m sorry. I was going to surprise you and take you to the lake, but I couldn’t help myself. Tonight, you just feel like forever here in my arms.”

  She teared up again and he could tell the tender emotions were back as she shook her head and then had to pause before she could whisper, “No, this was perfect. It does feel like forever. Take me to the lake to give me a ring. But maybe we should do it sooner than later.” She gave him a shy smile. “Spontaneous combustion is a very real threat.”

  He chuckled as he bent to kiss her again. It was probably a good thing the pizza was delivered soon after that.

  Chapter 27

  Cody actually talked Jennika into flying on to California with them for the next concert, but Kate had to get back home to Kennen. Saying goodbye to Jason at the airport was more poignant than she ever remembered. They both almost missed their planes because they were so hesitant to tell each other goodbye.

  It was a good thing Kate hadn’t opted to stay, because the next day, Kennen came down with a low grade fever and obviously wasn’t feeling well. She was glad she was the one to be able to care for him as well as not exposing Gretchen to a bug.

  The fact that Jason would be home the next day filled her thoughts as she worked around the house and cared for Kennen. It was incredible the difference that one concert and night had made in knowing everything was going to be okay with them. Having the last of the doubt gone was like having the sun come out after a year of rain. The only problem was that the day dragged by because she couldn’t wait to see him. Every time she thought about those kisses on the hotel couch, she’d feel these amazing butterflies dance in her stomach.

  Toward evening, Kennen’s fever spiked and he started to cough and the thoughts of Jason were pushed into the background as she struggled to bring the fever down and keep Kennen as comfortable as possible. She still felt those sweet warm feelings when she thought about Jason, but there wasn’t a whole lot of time to let her thoughts wander. Kennen had had the usual bouts with a cold all babies had, but he’d never gotten this sick, this fast.

  By three-thirty in the morning, she was exhausted and beginning to wonder if maybe this wasn’t just a cold as Kennen’s fever climbed and he struggled to breathe between coughing. She got on-line and then called her mom and was becoming more worried by the moment. Several times she’d thought about taking him into an after hours clinic, but knew the
y would be packed with other sick children and she was hesitant to expose him to something worse than just a cold. There were some truly nasty things going around and she didn’t want to take a chance on him catching something even worse.

  When her cell phone rang a few minutes later and she saw it was Jason calling, she breathed a sigh of relief. He’d help her calm down and be able to get through this. He always helped her settle down and focus. His deep, sexy voice made her feel better as soon as he said her name and what he said next made her feel unbelievably better. “Hey, Kate. I’m on your front porch, but I didn’t want to scare you by knocking. I got in a minute ago, but I saw your lights are on. Is everything okay?”

  “No. Everything is not okay.” She felt a sudden urge to break down and cry as she carried her son to the door to let his dad in. “Kennen’s really sick.” She opened the door and Jason walked inside looking positively exhausted and completely beautiful. The concern in his face was the most reassuring thing she’d ever seen.

  He leaned down to kiss her and then put a gentle hand to Kennen’s head and gave a low whistle. “How long has he been like this?”

  “He got a fever this afternoon, but it was pretty mild until about seven o’clock. Since then he’s been getting worse and worse. I’ve given him everything I dared. I would have taken him in, but I’m worried about him being exposed to something even nastier.”

  “Can I hold him? You look all in.” He squeezed her shoulder and kissed her temple as he took Kennen from her and went to sit in a recliner to rock him. Even Kennen seemed to be calmed as Jason rubbed him and spoke to him gently as the sick little boy was wracked with a coughing spell. When he was quieted again, Jason asked, “Kate, how do you know he doesn’t already have something pretty nasty? This is a bad cough. He’s having trouble breathing.”