Kate felt the hair on the back of her neck prickle to hear him say the thought out loud she’d been trying to ignore for more than an hour now and she nodded her head as the tears she’d been struggling to fight broke free.
Jason got back up and brought Kennen over to her and wrapped one arm around her. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. He’s going to be okay. And I’m here now and can shoulder some of this.” He kissed her temple again and whispered, “Crying will only make him more stressed, Kate baby. Try to be strong until he goes to sleep and then you can rain all over me. Deal?”
Kate nodded but then said sadly, “We need to take him in, Jason. I hate to even admit it, but he’s not getting better even with the cold medicine and Tylenol. I feel like he should be looked at.”
Jason pulled back and looked at her quietly and then nodded. “It couldn’t hurt as sick as he is. Go get the diaper bag and I’ll start buckling him into his car seat.”
An hour and a half later, Kate had never been more grateful for Jason in her life as he rocked their son who did indeed have a bad case of RSV. Jason sang to him as Kennen struggled to breathe even with the tiny oxygen mask he wore to supplement him. Kennen hated the mask and kept trying to pull it off, but every time, Jason would gently but firmly tell him no and try to distract him. Finally, Kennen got the message that Jason wasn’t going to let him remove it and he cuddled into Jason’s chest to listen to him sing to him and finally fell into an exhausted sleep.
Jason was in a rocking chair beside the crib in the room and with his free hand he pulled the other chair over close to him and beckoned Kate to come sit close enough that she could lean on him too. It felt like heaven to lean on his strong shoulder and finally let herself give into the exhaustion she was feeling. He was probably even more tired because he’d done a concert and then caught a red eye back home, but he felt like a rock sitting here beside her.
As she drifted off, she noticed that hospitals all smelled the same. This was exactly how it had smelled the night Jason’s brother Kennen had died.
She thought about the other Kennen a lot over the next forty-eight hours. Somehow, sitting here beside the crib and literally willing her son to be able to breathe was eerily reminiscent of that other night so long ago, when she and Jason had kept a vigil like this. It was a different Kennen and a different hospital and even a different life threatening situation, but the sound and the smells and the oppressive fear were exactly the same.
She knew Jason was feeling the same things. She could see it in his eyes, even though he never said anything even remotely less than hopeful. The exhaustion clouded her brain and she could see the exhaustion take its toll on Jason as well as he stayed strong enough for both her and Kennen to lean on.
In some ways, this time together was precious. Praying beside Jason was a sweet experience they’d never shared like they were now. Prayer helped to strengthen them both when the fear became overwhelming and she knew it was strengthening their friendship as well.
Even though they had both believed their relationship had already been tempered and was absolutely strong the other night in that hotel room when he’d asked her to be his wife, this time of waiting and praying together refined it and solidified it even further. Looking back, Kate had to wonder how in the world she had ever questioned this strong man’s character. He was more of a rock than she’d ever, ever understood.
Their parents came and it was somehow so wrong to have Jason’s parents just meet Kennen and yet be aware he might not live to get to know him. Once again, Kate had to wonder why she’d felt so sure she was supposed to leave after that night in Lubbock.
Cody had been there several times, but on the fourth day, he brought Jennika in to visit and while Kate appreciated their friendship, the look that passed between them as Jennika took in Kennen’s condition, made her more afraid than she’d ever been in her life. She’d known Kennen was slowly getting worse, but seeing that sober look from a medical professional scared her to death.
Deep in the fifth night, as she and Jason stood together beside the crib looking down at the grievously ill small boy, Jason finally spoke about what neither one of them had been able to voice when he tiredly asked her, “Kate baby, what would you think of getting married like tonight so if we lose him, at least he’ll be remembered as Kennen Falcon?” Kate was only able to nod her head as she sobbed into his chest. She desperately wanted to raise this little boy, not just remember him.
Cody made the arrangements and honestly, Kate was so tired and worried that it was all she could do to say “I do.”, when the judge who came right to the hospital married them early the next morning. They were far too worried about whether Kennen was going to make it through the day to care that this wasn’t the way they’d always planned to marry. And filling out the paperwork to have Jason officially adopt Kennen was little more than a heart wrenching blur.
Again, that night, a honeymoon was the furthest thing from their minds as they continued their constant vigil beside his crib, still praying together for their son to be healed. At this point, it felt like a miracle was what it was going to take to bring him back from death’s door.
The attending physicians moved Kennen into the intensive care unit in the middle of the night and tensions stretched still further. Now they weren’t even allowed to stay with him all the time and after their time to visit him was up every half hour, they crumbled together onto a couch in the nearby lounge to catch a moment of sleep and wait for the next time they could check on him for a few minutes.
The hours came and went in a tangled mix of prayer, fear and nightmares, and the fact that they were now married didn’t really register. Even the physical attraction was missing as the night the first Kennen had died haunted them.
Jason had been scheduled to leave with the band on Friday morning for a concert in Georgia on Saturday, but there wasn’t much question of him leaving and the tour bus left with him still existing in a tired, fearful haze in the ICU lounge. Though Kate appreciated him not leaving, and she regretted him being unable to keep a commitment the way he invariably did, she had come to know that walking away while his son had such a tenuous hold on life would be as thoroughly impossible for him as it would be for her. This man worshipped the small boy he’d only recently found out he’d fathered.
Instead of traveling across the south to go and perform, Jason spent that day bearing up under the pressure of worrying about his small son dying and being the rock that Kate leaned on to have faith that their Father in Heaven would intervene here and let them have the chance to raise that son.
That night was the longest night in history. It had to be. There were times Kate literally spoke the word “breathe” out loud to Kennen as they stood there beside his bed for those short minutes the staff allowed them to be in there. When they couldn’t be and had gone back out to the lounge, the fear his small body would indeed stop breathing without them there was the most fearful thing she could ever imagine feeling. It would be bad enough to lose him, but to have him die in there without them felt unendurable and the fear became suffocating.
The only way Kate felt they could even survive that night of hell was to deal with the overwhelming struggle together, hand in hand and with a prayer in their hearts every single second. There was no way they’d have made it at all if it hadn’t been for that sweet relief of prayer. The privilege of being able to take this burden to God and know He was there and listening and comforting had never been more apparent to her.
As it was, when day finally did break outside the big windows at the end of the hallway, the exhaustion was nearly as oppressing as the fear. They’d made it through the night. Whether their little boy would make it through this day was yet to be seen.
They were both standing next to Kennen’s bed in the ICU, wondering if it was their imagination that he seemed to be breathing somewhat easier, when for the first time in what felt like a year, he opened his sweet eyes and looked up at them like he actually knew them. Those ragi
ng green eyes that were so like his father’s were clear and bright and Kate began to cry as Jason reached into the bed to put a gentle hand on Kennen’s head and softly said, “Hey, buddy. Good morning! You look like you’re feeling a bit better.”
Kennen nodded his little head tiredly and rolled toward them as he reached a tiny little hand out to Jason who tenderly picked him up, being careful of the tubes and wires that appeared to truss every part of him. In her tired haze, Kate hadn’t even realized his fever had come down in the last while. Neither of them had. The hope that was born in that moment was indescribable.
Jason cuddled him to his chest and then pulled Kate into their embrace as well and she couldn’t help the tears that fell as Kennen struggled to speak through the oxygen mask and his sore throat and then finally asked, “Daee, sing to Tennen?” Her heart had never been as full as Jason snuggled the tiny boy close to them and began to softly sing to him about the Falcon with the broken wing. She felt like she’d been handed back forever with her family again.
In the late afternoon, they moved Kennen back out to his regular room and once he was settled and had gone to sleep, Jason sat down in the recliner and pulled Kate down onto his lap and kissed away the unbelievable fear and worry of the last hellacious week that felt like it had lasted a decade. The physical attraction that had been overwhelmed with the thought of their son dying, was now back with a vengeance and even as tired as they both were, they struggled not to embarrass the nurse who came in a few minutes later and interrupted them.
Once she went back out, Jason gave Kate a tired smile and said, “You know, Kate. I could have sworn I married you sometime this past week, but in all honesty, the exact logistics of the whole thing evade me. As much as I want to just enjoy being married to you, how would y’all feel about renewing those emergency vows in the church in front of our families and a minister?” He bent to kiss her again.
At length he reminded her, “You didn’t answer about renewing our vows.”
Kate thought about that for a minute and then smiled shyly as she said, “Unless it’s a huge deal to you, Jason, I’d just as soon not. We are married, and frankly, I want to be intimate with you more than I want wedding photos. If we do it again, isn’t that going to take a while? I don’t want to put off being together for the sake of a party.”
Jason chuckled. “My, but I like the way y’all think. But won’t you regret that someday?” He smiled as he teasingly went on, “Once the new wears off my body, I mean? Won’t you wish we had wedding photos?”
“I can’t imagine the intrigue about your body wearing off before we’re eighty, but yeah, wedding photos might be nice. How about if we do this. How about if you go find a plane that can get you to Atlanta before your concert in…” She looked at her watch. “A little over three hours. And I’ll round up a photographer and some rings and flowers, and when you come home and Kennen can come home, we’ll take those photos, have a family dinner and then take that honeymoon we talked about. We can be together and you and I and Cody and our families and that very discrete judge will be the only ones who will know exactly when we got married. Hopefully, the rest of the world won’t wonder when we conceived Kennen when the public finally finds out about us. ”
“Kate, the press comes up with so much garbage about us that hopefully the public doesn’t believe a tenth of it. We can’t let what people know or not bother us.”
“You’re good at that, Jason, but I’m still learning. Let’s don’t think about that. Let’s focus on moving on with our lives. What kind of rings do we want?”
“Honey, I’ve had your ring for about four years now. You just worry about a dress.”
“Really? You have?” He nodded and she laughed and admitted, “Well, actually, I’ve had the dress for probably about that same time, so all we need are the flowers. I’ll work on that. But what about the concert? You committed. Now that Kennen is apparently out of the woods, you should be there if there’s any way possible.”
“You’re right. Call me if he gets worse again and I’ll highjack a jet if I have to. Otherwise, I’ll be home sometime in the middle of the night tonight.”
“Jason, I’d love to have you home, but you’re already exhausted. Rest tonight and come home with the guys, and Kennen and I will be way looking forward to you getting here.”
She met his eyes and he kissed her hard again and assured her, “I’m kind of looking forward to that too.” He pulled out his cell phone and she went to get off his lap, but he stopped her. “No, stay here as long as you can. Let me call Scotty and see what he can manage and then I’ll go.” He pushed a number and as the call was taken, he asked for their manager to try to find a flight to Atlanta even if he had to charter something and then before he closed, he asked that Scotty have one of the techs rig up a feed to the band’s website so Kate could watch the concert from the hospital on a computer.
When Scotty called back twelve minutes later to tell Jason he had a plane waiting at the airport in Tulsa, Jason ended the call and then gently pushed her off of his lap, stood up and pulled her up beside him.
They embarrassed the nurse again, but not too bad and neither one of them cared.
Finally, he reluctantly pulled away and leaned in to kiss Kennen and then hustled out the door, leaving Kate feeling ridiculously lonely when he was gone. He’d been at her side almost constantly for the last week. As she thought about that, even though they had been best friends for most of their lives, this last week had cemented their friendship more than the whole rest of the time put together. He was going to be a wonderful husband and father.
The tech had indeed gotten the feed set up for the concert and then the same nurse they’d embarrassed helped her get the computer in the room interfaced with the web, and at eight o’clock that evening, the band who was opening for Aerie came on as Kate held Kennen in the rocking chair in his room.
His fever had just gone up some again and he lay asleep in her worried arms, his tiny body still exhausted from this fight for his life with this virus. She prayed for the ten thousandth time this week, wishing Jason’s calming presence was still here, but knowing he needed to honor his word. As she gently brushed the dark curls off of Kennen’s forehead, she marveled again at how much he looked like his handsome father.
Finally, the opener band left the stage and Kate wondered if Jason had, in fact, made it in time. He’d called her just minutes ago after he’d landed and she knew he was trying to get through the city to the coliseum, but it was going to be close. As she watched, the crowd began to scream and she knew the guys were coming up onto the stage and held her breath, wondering if he’d walk out there.
He didn’t. It was just Cody and the other four, but the crowd went wild anyway and the band went into one of the few songs Cody sang lead on as Kate felt silly for how disappointed she was that Jason hadn’t come out with them. The band just wasn’t the band without him, even as good as the others were.
As their first song ended and the crowd quieted, Cody stepped to the front of the stage and began to speak. He explained that Jason was somewhere trying to get there and Cody told of the last days as Jason and Kate had sat at their baby son’s bedside as he fought for his life in the hospital. Then he asked for a moment of silence for all those within the sound of his voice to pray for their child and you could have heard a pin drop in that huge coliseum of tens of thousands. Tears filled Kate’s eyes at the thought of all those prayers for her small son. How could he not pull through with that many petitioning the Father on his behalf?
When the moment was over, Cody spoke briefly about what a great friend and mentor Jason had been to him over the years and what a great respect he had for him. The love and respect in his voice was obvious as he spoke of how he felt about his friend and partner.
He was still talking as there came the unmistakable rhythmic pound of a helicopter and Cody laughed and pointed to the roof. “I’ll bet there’s our friend now! He’d given y’all his word that he’d be he
re, and Jason Falcon is a man of his word!” He hit a rockin’ chord on his guitar and the rest of the band took his cue and joined in as he laughed again and yelled, “Let’s get this thing started! I’d like to dedicate this next song to Jason and Kate Falcon. May they ever fly!”
The tears in Kate’s eyes overflowed and trailed down her cheeks. There had been times in her life she’d wanted to strangle Cody, but she loved him like a brother and she knew that in some ways, she owed him her life for taking care of Jason for her. Who knew what would have become of Jason without him?
Kennen began to stir in her arms and she looked down at him and smoothed the IV tubing that was taped into his tiny arm and rubbed a gentle finger across his velvety cheek. His sweet green eyes opened and he gave her the most precious tired smile and turned his face against her chest as she kissed his silken curls. He seemed to be more with it and she hoped and prayed that his fever was breaking again.
A roar went up from the crowd at the concert and she turned back to the screen just in time to see Jason come up the ramp onto the stage, still in the process of strapping on his guitar. The fans were already screaming, but they came unglued as Cody came up to him and gave him an exuberant high five. The two friends embraced as they spoke briefly and then they were back into the song, singing and dancing and entertaining as only Jason and Cody could, and Kate knew the magic had begun again.
Kennen pulled on her arm and she helped him to sit up as he looked at the computer screen and then looked back at her with a sleepy smile and said, “Daee sing to Tennen.”
Still teary with more tender feelings, Kate began to rock him gently as she said, “Yes, sweetheart. Daddy sings to Kennen. You’re his baby Falcon, and you always will be. Falcon’s mate for life, buddy. Some of them for forever.”
The End
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Falcon Song: A love story Page 31