by Sophia Gray
“Um, he probably doesn’t have a criminal record. At least, not for physical violence, anyway,” Maya said, blowing a few random strands of coppery hair out of her face.
“How do you figure that?” Arsen asked.
“He wants our attention. Really bad,” Maya said. “Otherwise, he wouldn’t go to all the trouble of mailing the hearts to the families. He feels like he hasn’t been recognized, like he hasn’t gotten his fair share. If he’d been convicted for hurting someone before now, he’d feel differently, maybe even a little scared to be caught again. But he’s never been caught.”
“Fuck, you’re smart,” Arsen murmured, the words leaving his mouth without his permission. He saw Maya blush a little, her pale cheeks going a deep pink as her eyes dropped to the floor bashfully.
“Thank you,” she muttered in response.
Arsen could tell that Maya’s skin was crawling. She was always uncomfortable when people looked at her for too long, even Arsen. He quickly made up an excuse to leave her alone. “I’m gonna go get the mail. Be right back,” he said, walking past her to leave his apartment and go out to his mailbox.
When he reentered his apartment a minute later, he realized that Maya still had his phone. He needed to e-mail Chris back to thank him for the favor, but Maya was nowhere in sight. “Maya?” he called out, scanning the living room and kitchen for any sign of her. But she wasn’t there.
A small little flash of fear went up Arsen’s spine. Calm down, crazy, he said to himself silently. Nobody kidnapped Maya. She’s fine. We’re fine. Everything’s fine.
Even still, he found himself walking into the spare bedroom, anxious to find Maya and dispel the worry that had suddenly clogged up his throat. “Maya?” he called out, but he couldn’t see her, even after walking through the bedroom’s doorway.
But then a second later, he heard something, a sweet, high noise, like the chirping of birds. Arsen turned to find the source of the noise, cracking open the door of the bathroom to reveal Maya in the shower, singing something above the noise of the water hitting her naked body.
Arsen could see her silhouette even through the fogged-up glass door. Her long legs, her slim waist, her pert breasts—all of her gorgeous, beautiful, miraculous body was right there, right in front of him. Arsen longed to lunge forward and crash through the shower door, press their bodies together and never let go. He wanted to be wet with her. He wanted their bodies to stick together like glue, never coming apart.
Maya turned to face him, and for one long, glorious moment, Arsen thought she was going to open the shower door and reveal herself, fully. But instead, her jaw dropped open and her hand flew up to cover her mouth in shock.
“Arsen! What the hell are you doing?!” Maya shouted, covering her breasts and vulva with her hands.
“I’m…sorry, sorry, I’m sorry,” Arsen stuttered out, stumbling backwards until he left the bathroom entirely.
Fuck. What have I done?
Chapter Eight
Maya stood there under the water, which turned from warm to cool to freezing above her. But she couldn’t move out of the way. She couldn’t budge a single fucking inch. What the hell had just happened?
Maya shut her eyes and let the chilly water crash over her nude body, causing her to shiver and shake. But it was what she deserved. She had done something very bad.
When Arsen first walked in, she heard him, felt his presence as he entered the room. But she didn’t freak out right away. She hadn’t immediately told him to go away. She waited, staring at the wall of the shower in front of her, her breathing going ragged as she waited for Arsen to do something.
Bad thoughts had entered her brain. Terrible thoughts. Unforgivable thoughts.
Take off your clothes and join me, Maya had thought to herself, sticking her chest out and sucking her stomach in to present the best possible view of her body. Join me, join me, join me. I’ve missed you.
Now, freezing under the relentless streams of water, she tried to push back against those thoughts, arguing with them until they shut up. I don’t want him. I don’t miss him. I don’t want to cheat on Chuck. I’m a good girlfriend. A good fiancée. I will be a good wife. I don’t want to cheat. I don’t want to do that to him. I’m a good person. Right?
But even as she trembled under the cold water, she knew the answer wasn’t as reassuring as she’d hoped it would be. She was dirty. She was slutty. She wanted to have sex with Arsen, right here, right now. Her body still ached for it, like she’d crumble in a million pieces if he didn’t touch her.
Well, too bad, she told herself as she shut the water off and reached for a towel. You don’t get to have what you want. You don’t get to cheat on Chuck. You don’t get to be the shitty person that you really are underneath it all.
She tentatively opened the bathroom door to reveal that the bedroom was empty. Arsen must have gone out into the living room/kitchen area. Maya swallowed around the lump in her throat, willing her heart rate to calm down as she slipped into a dress and a pair of leggings. For good measure, she went ahead and put her sweater on as well, wanting to be as fully clothed as possible. She needed to make a statement. She needed to make it clear that she didn’t want him to see her undressed, not anymore, even if that wasn’t exactly the truth.
Maya stepped out into the living room, keeping her arms crossed to cover up any potential cleavage as she walked towards Arsen, who was sitting at the kitchen table with his head bowed.
“So, what the fuck?” Maya said, choosing to stand off to the side rather than sit at the table across from Arsen.
“I know,” Arsen said. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you? Are you really? How long were you standing there?” Maya asked, even though she already knew the answer to that question. She had to make it seem like she hadn’t noticed him until the very last second.
“Just a few seconds,” Arsen said, but he sighed deeply when Maya glared at him, keenly aware that it was a lie. “Okay, like a minute. I stood there for a minute. I’m sorry. I just…I wasn’t thinking. Okay? That’s all it was. I was staring out in space, trying to remember what the fuck I came into your room to ask you.”
Maya felt a little pang of disappointment at his words. Was he really just “staring off into space?” Maybe he hadn’t been ogling her at all. Maybe it was just Maya who’d been unscrupulously horny. The mere idea sent another wave of guilt crashing over her, making her feel a little light-headed as she stood over Arsen.
Arsen didn’t wait for her to reply before he spoke again. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I promise you that.”
Maya slowly walked over to the seat across from Arsen, sitting down to stare directly into his face. “It shouldn’t have happened,” she whispered, more to herself than to her ex.
“I agree,” Arsen replied before sighing deeply, sounding about as defeated as she’d ever heard him. In the past, she would have been tempted to comfort him, to reach out and wrap her arms around him until all of the negative energy abandoned his body. But she couldn’t do that anymore. Not after everything. Not after Chuck. Maya stared down at her own lap, clasping her hands together tightly, holding onto herself like she was about to slip away. The guilt burned inside of her like an endless flame, turning her stomach lining into ash. How could she forgive herself for this when she wasn’t even really sorry?
# # #
He wasn’t sorry, honestly. Not really. It had been an accident, after all, but that was beside the point. Despite everything, despite the very real, very terrifying possibility that Maya might leave early as a result of this incident, there was another part of him that was elated, filled up with happiness like a balloon. As scared as he was, with his heart pounding in his ears like a drum, he also had to fight off a smile. He saw Maya’s body, for the first time in over a year, and she was still every bit as beautiful, every bit as sexy and irresistible as she’d ever been.
But he knew he had to apologize, if only to get her to stay. He’d do anything to
make sure she stayed as long as possible, helping him with the case. But it’s not just the case, he thought to himself. It’s not about Roxie. It’s about you. You want her to stay because…because of your feelings for her. Don’t pretend it’s anything noble.
It was true. With Maya around, he felt like he could breathe for the first time in a year. It was like she was his air supply, the one thing he needed to feel alive. He couldn’t let her go.
Right then and there, staring down at his own lap, Arsen made a decision. He wasn’t going to let Maya go back to the countryside without a fight. He’d wage war for her if he had to do it. He wasn’t going to lose her again. But he had to be careful about it, otherwise he might scare her off.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “You have my word that I’ll respect your boundaries. I promise.”
“Okay,” Maya said a moment later in a low voice. “Alright. Just…let’s pretend that it never happened.”
Her words hurt. Arsen couldn’t deny that. It stung, knowing that if Maya had a choice, she’d prefer to forget about him. He wondered if she ever thought about them, about the days when they were happier, about the nights where’d they fuck over and over and over again, feeding on each other’s bodies like they were starving. Arsen could never forget those times. He knew he’d remember them as long as he’d lived, no matter what happened. Would Maya?
Maya grabbed a newspaper from the pile of mail that Arsen had brought in only a few minutes earlier and began flipping through the pages. Arsen finally saw his phone at the other end of the table, so he reached forward to grab it and send Chris a quick message to thank him for his help.
Without any warning, Maya leapt up from her seat like she’d been burned. “What? What is it?” Arsen asked, getting out of his chair and walking around the table to put a hand on her shoulder in case she was having another panic attack.
“She’s dead,” Maya said brokenly. “The girl, the missing girl, the one taken before Roxie—she’s dead. The newspaper says so.” She flung the paper down on the table, knocking Arsen’s phone aside in the process. “Sorry,” Maya mumbled, but he could tell that she didn’t mean it.
It wasn’t front page news. That’s why Arsen hadn’t noticed it when he got the mail that morning. It was stuck in the middle of the paper, next to random news pieces about school district changes and garbage collection problems. There she was, the missing girl, the one taken by The Blade, stuck in between stories that didn’t matter. The city didn’t care all that much about what was going on to these girls, not really. It felt like it was just Arsen and Maya, the two of them against the world. Just like the old days.
There was a picture of the girl on the side of the article. Apparently, her parents’ commitment to anonymity faded away after death. She was a beautiful brown girl with a beaming smile and big, dark eyes that shone even in the black-and-white of the newspaper print. “Goddammit,” Arsen muttered.
Maya was panting like she’d just finished a long run. “What are we going to do? What are we going to do, Arsen? Roxie’s next.”
“I know, I know,” Arsen murmured, staring down at the dead girl. “We’ve gotta get the crime scene photos, to start with. Maybe we’ll be able to see if there’s anything different this time. But before we can get our hands on those, we’ve got to go interview the suspects. It’s the only way to narrow the list down.”
Maya pursed her lips a little, clearly unhappy with that proposition. “What if we’re just wasting our time? What if it’s some random person with no known connection to any of the girls and we’re just floundering around while the real killer cuts Roxie up into pieces—” Maya cut herself off, pressing her hand against her forehead as if she could physically make the bad thoughts stop. Arsen knew from experience that it didn’t work that way, unfortunately.
“I don’t know,” Arsen answered honestly. “I don’t know if we’re wasting our time or not. But it’s all we’ve got to go on. I’ll make a call to my connection within the police department. He’s not very helpful, but he’ll fax over copies of the crime scene photos in a few hours if he gets the chance. In the meantime, we’ve got to look at the suspects. Otherwise, we’re just sitting here waiting for Roxie to be killed.”
Maya nodded slowly, still staring at the ground rather than looking across at Arsen. Even still, he could see the sadness in her eyes, the deep resignation. He knew what she was thinking. What if she’s already dead? It was a real possibility, and Arsen couldn’t deny that. Still, he had to say something to give Maya some hope. Without hope, they weren’t ever going to save anyone. “We have to fight for her,” Arsen said softly, stepping closer to Maya and reaching down to grab her hand. For once, Maya didn’t pull away. She let him take her hand into his, rubbing the backs of her knuckles with his thumb. “We can’t give up on her.”
“But what if…” Maya began to say before letting the sentence hang. Her hand began gripping Arsen’s back, so hard that it almost hurt him. But he could handle it. He could take anything Maya could give him.
“Girls are strong,” Arsen said. “Much, much stronger than we think. She’s still got a chance. We can do it. We can help her. I believe in us.”
“Me, too,” she whispered back, so softy that Arsen could barely hear it, despite standing right next to her. “I do, too. That’s the scary thing.”
Before Arsen had a chance to ask her what she meant, Maya squeezed his hand a little bit before going limp and pulling out of his grasp. “Come on,” she said, heading toward the front door of his apartment. “Let’s go.”
Chapter Nine
Maya and Arsen headed to the mall first to find out if the guy from the sunglasses store was still there. Maya was practically squirming in her seat on the subway, stuck in a mixture of fear and anticipation. At one point, when she was tapping her feet so loudly that she was attracting the glares of other subway riders, Arsen’s hand drifted over to her knee, giving her a reassuring squeeze before pulling back. Maya felt her entire body flush with heat as a result, but when she turned to look at Arsen, he was staring down at his phone rather than looking at her. He was infuriating, really, crossing boundaries again and again yet acting so nonchalant and innocent about it, like he hadn’t done anything.
Maya had a sneaking suspicion that the apology from before, in the kitchen, wasn’t really genuine. Something just felt…off about it. Arsen was never really one to apologize. He’d admit when he was wrong, but he never expected to be forgiven. He never begged for her approval. But now, he seemed like he was desperate for her to believe him, repeating the same apology over and over again. It just came off as false. Maya knew that she should have been offended, absolutely incensed that he wasn’t even sorry for barging in on her while she was showering. But she wasn’t. It’s at least 50% my fault, she thought. I should have screamed at him to leave the second he walked in. But I didn’t. I’m just as bad. She couldn’t exactly justify hating Arsen for it when she had been complicit in the incident.
In the back of her mind, there was a gnawing sensation that grew and grew as they got closer to their destination. Nagging thoughts emerged out of the ether of her brain, telling her, You should leave. You should get out of here. You should run back to the countryside where you’re actually a good woman, where you have morals. Here the truth comes out. Here it becomes clear that you’re made of the same dirty, filthy muck as the rest of this godforsaken city.
But she couldn’t. She didn’t have a choice, not really. As long as Roxie was still out there, most likely being held captive by a man who was steadily carving into her, Maya couldn’t rest. She had to keep going, no matter what the price was. Roxie and the other girls, the ones The Blade had killed already, depended on her. Maya didn’t take that responsibility lightly, to say the least.
“Here we are,” Arsen said as the train rolled to their stop, the one close to both the Inked Hunters’ clubhouse and the mall that Roxie frequented with her friends.
They had to walk a few blocks before
they hit the shopping center, and then it took them a good fifteen or twenty minutes longer to find a sunglasses store, right next to an upscale boutique that marketed itself towards teenagers. This must be the right place, Maya thought, inhaling deeply to calm down and ready herself to interview suspect number one.
There was a young guy with long, greasy hair and speckles of patchy facial hair all over his chin. Maya cringed a little as she observed him pick his nose. This was the type of guy that Roxie was into? Why did teenage girls always have the worst taste in men?
Arsen walked ahead of her, approaching the guy first. “Hello, we’re with the police department,” Arsen lied, sounding as convincing as ever. Maya had to stifle a chuckle at the sight of the kid’s face going sickly pale; he was obviously terrified at the prospect of a potential interrogation. “We just need to ask you a few short questions, no big deal,” Arsen said a minute later, probably worried that the kid was going to bolt before they could get any information out of him.
“Um, sure, I’ll try to help you out,” the greasy young man said, chewing anxiously at his upper lip with his bottom teeth.