Lipstick Diaries

by Anthony Whyte

  Felix’s eyes were closed. He had fallen asleep. His hands seemed raw and bruised from the day’s labor. I stared at him before going to sleep.

  Next morning I tried to give sex another try. I’d been around but I wasn’t a ho. I was sexually aggressive when I had a man. I jumped on top of Felix and started riding him. Two minutes later, I heard him groan.

  “Damn! You came again.” I screamed still bouncing up and down trying to hold his erection.

  “It’ll get better after you get that thing out of there,” he said rapidly losing hardness. I was disappointed.

  “I gotta pee,” I said.

  “Hurry up, I know this great Dominican cafe on the corner. You’re gonna love it.”

  Certainly no fireworks I thought while hurrying. Taught me that when a man brags about his shit, it’s because he ain’t shit. More important to me was that Felix needed me. We both needed love. Figuring I had nothing to lose I stuck with him. The sex was pretty bad, but most people can learn techniques of lovemaking.

  After a while, it seemed like a good move to leave Hanna and her family alone. I tried to find my own place. It wasn’t easy, especially when funds were low.

  I kept in touch with my friend Carmen. We’d known each other since Public School. Carmen was Boricua, pretty, six-feet tall with big hazel-brown eyes. She had a little too much weight.

  Carmen was pregnant and lived in a horrible basement apartment on One-sixty-third and Amsterdam Ave. I decided to stay with her so I’d have more freedom. She hated Felix.

  “Girlfriend, I don’t know what you see in him.” Carmen would always say. Money was too tight to hassle.

  The first day Felix walked me home we were attacked by a group of young men. Felix managed to fend them off then we were started running.

  I was high on acid and pot and was having difficulty turning the key to the upper lock of the basement door.

  “The bitch got keys,” one of the guys yelled.

  We got inside, ran through the basement to Carmen’s door in no time. Felix was hot on my heels.

  The weather had begun to turn chilly. Felix and I had been together for six months. I would see him often enough. We’d talk and he’d tell me everything. One day he went off to see a compadre from Dominican Republic. He left to score some LSD. Felix was doing everything to score.

  It shouldn’t have been a surprise when Carmen came running at me.

  “Did you read the newspaper today?”

  “No I answered.”

  “Felix got busted. Read it,” she said shoving the paper in my face. My heart sank and all hopes faded as I looked at the news report.

  Felix Pratts-Figureroa and Juan Ortiz-Martinez, natives of Santo Domingo, were intercepted yesterday when police were called about a party in an apartment on Park Avenue South. The parents of the minor, who cannot be named, were notified and the minors were all taken into custody to wait pick up by their parents.

  “I told you he was a loser. Forget him!”

  I didn’t want to but he needed help so I went down to court and met him. He was booked and released on his own recognizance.

  Visits from the INS man with cold blue eyes became frequent. It chilled me to look at him. He said if I didn’t marry Felix, it was likely he’d be deported. Carmen was totally against the plan.

  “Don’t marry him please!” She screamed.

  After Carmen gave birth, her family let her back home. Soon after, her mother gave up the apartment to Carmen. Couple months later, Carmen gave it to Felix and me. People in the hood got to know us and no one bothered us. The rent was something ridiculously low. Later HUD declared the apartment inhabitable and we moved to an SRO.

  We lived at the Rio Hotel on Fort Washington Ave for about three weeks. Felix and I walked the streets everyday looking around Washington Heights. I’d visit my sister and we’d walk all over the Heights.

  One spring day, Hanna and I stood outside a street level apartment between St. Nicholas and Audubon. I saw Chatter. He was parked and chatting up a sexy Latina. He turned and looked at me from behind his dark shades. Chatter was dripping with bling hanging from his arm and neck.

  “Hey it’s my Jewish chick,” he greeted distastefully. My sister walked away and Chatter approached. “Still sexy ass,” he smiled showing more ice.

  “Hey Chatter, I see you’re doing well,” I said and felt the girl’s eyes probing.

  “Real good,” Chatter said and gave me hug. “What’re you up to these days?”

  “I’m trying to make it...”

  “If you come with me, I’ll take care of you for the rest of your life. I got all kinds of paper...”

  “Let’s go Chatter,” the sexy Latina cooed.

  “I got biz to take care of,” Chatter said getting into a new BMW. He waved and left us choking in the fumes from his exhaust.

  “Drug dealers,” Hanna said shaking her head. “They live so good.”

  We stood watching the dust settle and I was thinking about what could’ve been. The door to apartment opened and we raced inside to see the super.

  I knocked to get the attention of the guy painting. He turned out to be the landlord. I got the apartment and Hanna landed a city job with HUD. She became the landlord’s personal secretary.

  Here I was, after being with Felix for a year, with my own apartment. The walls in the living room were made of brick. There was a huge closet off the living room.

  I was still getting my little bit of welfare and working part time jobs. Sex had gotten a little better but Felix still hadn’t gone downtown yet. I was hot and could usually get off without much effort. I was young and wanted to enjoy sex the right way by playing and experimenting. He was my husband and Felix was the person I should be able to get nasty with, but he didn’t want to.

  Money was a problem and I was disgusted because no matter how hard he worked, Felix never had enough dough. My sister and her husband, Freddy, tried to help us. They rented carts and we sold ice cream in Central Park. When winter rolled around Freddy switched to pretzels and chestnuts plus he had a sideline business selling knock-off perfumes.

  One day as they were all seated at the table, I walked in proudly and made an announcement.

  “I started that temporary job with the census department today and interviewed an old lady on Fifth Avenue in a beautiful apartment. She invited me in for something to drink. And guess what? She grew up here and wanted to know all about the Heights.

  “How long will that job last?” Freddy asked.

  “Two months at the longest.”

  “What about you, how’d you do?” I asked Felix.

  “I made one hundred and twenty five bucks today,” Freddy said.

  “That’s good.” I said hugging Freddy.

  “And I really want some good weed,” Felix said.

  “C’mon man, don’t you have any of that stuff around?” I asked.

  Felix started to roll a joint.

  “Hey, what’s up with that?” I said, “Freddy says he got one-twenty-five, what you got?” I asked staring him down.

  “Bitch, what you mean what I got. What the fuck you got?” He wasn’t very tall, but he was threatening standing over me.

  I smacked my lips in annoyance. Freddy came and stood between us.

  “Chill out,” he said.

  Felix stood at the table and continued to roll.

  Fuck, this shit-head smoked from the moment he got up till he went to bed. I was fuming as I sat watching.

  “I got twenty-five,” Felix said.

  “Goddamn! You gotta have more than that?” I said.

  “Leave me the fuck alone,” he said as he threw four nickel-bags on the table.

  Freddy put his arm around me to slow me down.

  “Where’s the rest of the money?” I asked shaking off Freddy and walking to the living room. I saw some new items on our small living room table. A shiny new brass Buddha, a dormer and a meditation bell along with another new book about Buddhism.

&
nbsp; “Man, you’re a piece of fucking work. We’re living off my welfare which pays the rent and the rest. You have to be high twenty-four-seven. That’s where all the money goes.” I was screaming at Felix. Before I realized what hit me, the sting of his slap burned my face.

  Freddy was there in a second.

  “What the fuck you think you’re doing Felix? Back off and chill out!” He screamed and grabbed Felix.

  “He ain’t got no money and he don’t even try.”

  Thank God Freddy was there because my mouth kept going.

  “You’re sitting on a gold mine with this Acapulco gold you scored. No one else I know got this shit, man. I don’t know why you’re messing it up. I’ll be your first customer. Go and get half a Z.” Freddy said interrupting the fracas.

  “He could if he ever kept any money lying around long enough to,” I said and Felix glared at me.

  “What’re you saying?” He asked.

  “Shit, a fucking week ago you spent one hundred and fifty dollars on an ounce of good pot. It was gone in two days.”

  “And you did nothing to help me lose this pot?”

  “I hardly got to taste it, because this selfish bastard kept it all to himself. He just smoked and smoked continuously until it was gone, you just can’t stop. I mean I like to take a hit a day but not all fucking day long like you...”

  “You smoke heavy too”, Felix said.

  “Yes I do. After I realized that it was almost gone. I shared two joints with you, big deal.”

  “Hey man, I got enough money to buy some. Go and score some right now. I got an idea Felix, tell her she can hold on to the weed and control it. That’s the only way you’re going to get her to go along with this.” Freddy said winking at me. I smiled.

  “You’re such a bad girl!”

  “Yeah well, its best I control it because he’d smoke it all up and we’ll lose money. Freddy you got a good point. Everyone I know says the same thing about how good this shit is.”

  “Besides,” Freddy said to Felix ignoring me. “Janis is real friendly and talks to everybody. If you let her hold it, she’ll help you because she knows a lot of the dudes hanging out on the corner right now. She can talk to them and tell them to buy it from you.”

  “So now you think I wanna be a drug dealer, huh? End up in jail too right. You guys are unbelievable.” I said shaking my head.

  “From what I’ve read, the Feds are only interested in the hard stuff, you know cocaine and heroine.”

  “Yeah, so you’ve read. Show me the proof,” I said.

  “I will,” Freddy said.

  “Sure, tell me anything.” I laughed.

  “You ain’t gonna get rich on your census job,” Felix said.

  “You’re not likely gonna get rich on dealing weed either. You’re gonna smoke up all the profits.”

  “Oh really…?”

  “Yeah,” I answered sarcastically.

  “It could be a lot of fun.”

  “And a lot of fun getting set-up and busted too.”

  “I’ve got forty dollars to spend right now. How much you got Janis?” Freddy asked.

  Felix looked at me.

  “C’mon man, gimme the cash. I’ll let you hold it as soon as we get back, I promise. I mean really we do know a lot of heads, and I really think this is a good idea. Janis, baby, I’ll let you hold it. C’mon baby - give me the money.” Felix pleaded.

  “What the hell. Either way you’re gonna do it. So I may as well help you. Otherwise this’ll be a losing proposition here with all the profits literally up in smoke and you in jail.”

  I wasn’t just smarter. Everyone says they’re smarter. I mean I’m smarter in the street way. I’d learned to survive. I’d been through a lot of shit way before I’d met Felix. I’d escaped scathed or beaten but always lived to tell the tale.

  You never know how far a road will lead in the beginning. Then you put some effort into the journey and you see how wide that road can grow. That’s just how it was for us. This drug peddling thing took on a life of its own and expanded beyond our wildest dreams.

  beautiful bird

  Genieva Borne

  It was the wee hours of the morning and the bottle of Viagra sat on the night stand next to the lamp.

  “I thought this stuff was guaranteed to work.”

  Rodney picked it up and flung it against the wall. The little blue pills spilled from the bottle to the floor.

  “Maybe you’re just tired. We’ve been up all night trying and you’ve been working very hard lately trying to get your security business started. Just relax and who knows, it’ll kick-in.” Trina spoke softly trying to console her fiancé.

  Rodney got out of the bed. He walked to the bathroom and slammed the door. He stood looking in the mirror, nothing but his birthday suit on. Damn! It’s bad enough I’m not hung like those gorillas down at the prison, but now you don’t even want to get up for my girl. He thought as the disappointment caused by his lack of manhood stared dejectedly back at him.

  Lack of confidence wasn’t a suit Rodney wore well. He held his little man in the palm of his hand and shook it while looking in the mirror. Frustrated, he smacked it.

  Trina was a beautiful and shapely woman. Her perfectly shaped almond eyes were soul-piercing. Her long wavy black hair that she got from her mother’s Cuban ancestry, and the large, round bottom that was standard on her father’s side of the family were a perfect mixture of her Cuban- African American heritage. Sweat poured from her warm, caramel complexion. Gorgeous, she sat on the bed yearning for her man in between her thighs. Rodney was twelve years her senior and used to make love to her everyday. Then he had the hunting accident.

  Trina went right back to consoling Rodney when he came out of the bathroom.

  “Rod, listen I know you’re upset but we can keep trying. The doctor said that because of your damaged nerves, the Viagra wouldn’t necessarily work all the time. If we keep trying maybe something will happen. Baby I need you to make love to me.”

  “If you love me, you’re supposed to love me for other reasons, not just how I fuck you.”

  “No, I didn’t mean it like that.”

  It was five a.m. and the alarm clock buzzed. Time for her to go to work, she thought when she saw Rodney wasn’t in a good mood. Trina was tired from being up all night. Lately, it seemed all they did was argue over his sexual performance. She didn’t want to do it this morning.

  Trina went to the closet and began to dress for work. Rodney became increasingly frustrated as he watched.

  “Maybe it’s those fucking ugly blue uniforms you wear everyday. When are you going to quit that freaking job? I hate the fact that you work there, around all those filthy animals. That turns me off. You like being around all those diseased rodents looking and gaping at your ass don’t you?”

  “Rodney, why are you tripping? I met you at the prison, right? You were a corrections officer working with the same filthy rodents.”

  “Things change. You’re my fiancé. My wife shouldn’t be working behind prison doors. That’s why I’m busting my ass to get this security company off the ground because with my job, my properties, and my cell phone business, I make enough money for you to quit that job now.”

  “That’s just it. They’re your companies and your money. What about my own money, my own job. I so happen to like my job.”

  “I don’t understand why any woman would want to work around criminals and murderers? You must like being in the presence of those animals.”

  “Rodney, we’re not even married yet and you’re already trying to control my life.”

  “What do you mean not yet? Are you trying to say that you’re reconsidering marrying me?”

  Trina paused then let out a sigh.

  “No, I just don’t want to quit my job before we get married. If something happens that causes us to break up, I would be out of my job. Besides, I like earning my own money.”

  “Trina, we’ll never break up. If you leave me, I�
��m sure I’ll do sump’n very stupid.”

  “What do you mean by stupid? Are you threatening me?”

  “No, all I’m saying is don’t ever think about leaving me because I couldn’t imagine living without you.”

  He was acting strange and Trina was very uncomfortable. Four years ago, his ex-wife told her about his controlling ways. At the time she chalked it up to the venom of a jealous ex. Now Trina was feeling that it had some merit.

  She was glad he had changed to nightshift so that he could run his businesses during the day. She couldn’t stomach the thought of working the same shift as him and then dealing with him at home.

  Around six a.m. a kitchen detail slid a tray with a couple of rock hard pancakes and some watery syrup under the door.

  “Breakfast,” he yelled.

  The deep sound of his voice echoed off the walls awaking Dorel. Four white walls stared back at him when he opened his eyes. Things were the same for the last three years. One look at the breakfast made him loose his appetite. He kicked the tray to the corner of his cell without a bite. Like every other morning before, his mind replayed the bad event that brought him here.

  Why did Rome have to start shooting at me right in the middle of the hood over that bullshit? The thought haunted his mind. The little girl would’ve never gotten shot. He was transported back to the fateful day. He was walking to his car when a black BMW Jeep pulled up. Bullets suddenly started flying in his direction. Dorel ducked behind his limited edition Jaguar and tried to retaliate, but couldn’t get a clear shot. Bullets flew at him like missiles that had locked in.

  Dorel was able to let off three times, then saw a dumpster near a building that was being reconstructed and decided to run for it. She was walking down the street when shots following Dorel hit the little girl, sending her body flying backwards. A cold shiver surged through him when the memory flooded his mind. One more year, he thought looking at the marks on his wall.

  Dorel’s parole hearing was due next year. He hoped that what happened in his first year of his incarceration wouldn’t hinder him from getting paroled. He started at Sing Sing but ended up breaking another inmates arm and fracturing his spine in a fight. He had been on good behavior and out of trouble for the three years of his stay at Coldwell. He found something that he liked very much; a bird.