As if she hears me, she looks over and I know I’m still frowning and staring at them. She has the courtesy to look repentant but it’s too late. The damage is done. “Hey gorgeous, I thought it was you. Where have you been lately, I didn’t see you here last week?” The voice is high and whiny, but it’s definitely not the voice that gets my attention. I rip my eyes away to look down at Shannon. She’s a girl I’ve known for a while, we’ve hooked up a few times. She’s wearing a tight denim skirt and low cut top and she’s so tiny that I can see right down it when I look at her. It’s so obvious now but it’s what I need. I need to remember who I am. I grin that half grin that I’ve been told makes all the girls swoon and she brings her hands up to stroke at my chest.
“I missed you, baby.”
I know I shouldn’t but I look behind Shannon. And the flash in Laurel’s eyes hits me in the gut but I can’t take this back now. Then it changes from hurt to determination. Her eyes narrow. She flicks her hair. And she bites her lip. But she isn’t looking at me anymore. Motherfucker. Her eyes are roaming over his chest. Her hand is making its way down to his abs. Mine clench with rejection but I can’t stop watching. She flicks her eyes back to me.
“Shan, you look hot tonight.” My hands move round to cup her butt and I squeeze roughly, my head bending down to kiss the side of her neck. I dare to look back up and raise my eyebrow in provocation. Wrong. Fucking. Move. Before I know it my angel has grown horns and her hand is grabbing Ryan by his shirt and pulling him into her. He’s surprised but it doesn’t stop him from feeling her up and her arms come up round his neck. They haven’t come up for air yet. I’m frustrated as hell and can’t think of anything else to do but the same thing they’re doing. I push Shannon back into the wall and place my hands either side of her head. My lips crush against hers and I push my tongue into her mouth, not asking just taking. She moans in response and rubs herself against me, running her hands all over my chest and back. I’m breathless when I pull away and my first thought is Laurel. How will she respond to that one, I laugh to myself. My eyes scan the room and I can’t place them. I walk further over to where they had been standing and look around again. Shit, she left with him. Laurel 1, James 0.
Chapter Two
Eight Months Later
Laurel
I’m so close to crying right now. Wait, is that a tear I can feel on my cheek? Yes it is. Once one falls they all do and they’re streaming down. I can’t stop. And then I’m bowled over whilst the sobs keep my chest heaving and I’m ugly-crying. If anyone else walks in right now I’m going to be humiliated.
“Why are you crying?” Cassie asks and she’s holding back a fit of laughter, I can tell by the way she’s chewing on the inside of her cheek.
“B-b-because, you’re g-g-getting m-m-married.” I wail.
Why am I being such a girl? I run a bridal shop for goodness sake, I should be used to it by now. “I’m s-s-so happy for y-you,” I cry in between the hiccups. She reaches over to the far table and grabs a few tissues out the box. I always keep tissues in the store, and right now I’ve never been more appreciative of that fact.
“Well don’t cry about it, you’re going to set me off.” She’s close, her voice breaks and there’s a hitch as she tries to breathe to force them back but when I stand and throw my arms around her she’s sobbing too. We sway and I grab hold of her tighter than before, not for her benefit, for mine. She’s a sister. Not by blood but that doesn’t matter. I’ve been enjoying my life so much more since she came back into it last year and we’re close again. Like we always should have been. And there’s nothing I want more for her in life than her own happily ever after. It’s her fiancé Blake; I knew from the moment I saw them together. They calm each other and they go all googly-eyed and when you watch them you can’t help but be happy because after all the stuff they’ve been through, they’ve come out of it stronger than ever. I will never tell her, but part of me is crying for me too. Crying because I think it’s something I want but will never have; I still don’t feel capable of it after Darren. A teensy tiny fleeting part of me thought that somehow, maybe, I had a connection with James, but that was ages ago and is now dead in the water.
I had tried all morning to get hold of Cassie, but she wasn’t answering her phone. She always answered it to me. It was coming up to the anniversary of her parents’ death, and I wanted to distract her but not being able to contact her worried me. She had enough good things in her life I was confident she wouldn’t do anything stupid, but she was hurting and I wanted to be there for her. I sat down at a table in the café next door to work, and tried her again. Voicemail. I huffed into my coffee and nearly choked on it when the door opened and in walked James with two girls trailing behind. He was flirting with his little fans and they seemed to be hanging on to every word he was blessing them with. He ordered drinks and leant an elbow against the counter. His gaze drifted across the room and I wanted to slide right down into my seat to avoid having to talk to him. I hadn’t seen him or his sexy swagger since he basically brushed me off in favour of Shannon a few weeks ago, and that was completely intentional.
My eyes made their own decisions though and like magnets they were drawn to his. I wasn’t sure how he’d react. Was he even going to acknowledge me? Yes, he was. He smiled and made his way to the back where I was trying my best to sink into the corner.
“Hey, wasn’t expecting you to be here, thought you’d be at work.” He pulled a chair out and sat down. Oh, goodie. He was staying a while.
“Just took a break to call Cassie, but I can’t get through.”
He rubbed his hand over his chin, and looked at me guiltily, “Ah, now that would be partly my fault. She was pretty upset so Blake and I organised a few surprises for her. It was all a bit last minute. We’ve done a kind of treasure hunt, or memory lane trip and she’s visiting all the places that were special to her and her parents. Sorry.”
Sorry? Why was he apologising? I think my mouth had dropped open. That was one of the sweetest things I’d ever heard and, well, completely unexpected.
“Don’t apologise. That was a lovely idea. I was worried though, I’m just glad she’s okay.”
“James, drinks are done.” One of his fans said moodily and waved the cups around in the air to prove her point. He rolled his eyes and got up out the chair.
“Right, well I better go. Oh, the trip they’re on ends in dinner tonight with some family and friends. Do you want to come? I know its short notice, but we only finished arranging it all late last night. And I didn’t have your number.” He gets out his phone, and hands it over to me to enter the digits. Dinner where he’s going to be there too? For Cassie, I told myself.
“Sure sounds good.” I entered my number and handed it back over.
“James.” Fan number one snapped at him angrily. She was really annoying.
“Cool. See you later.” He winked back at me as he snaked round the tables and I saw him throw an arm over the girl’s shoulder as they got outside.
And since then I have come to realise that once a man-whore, always a man-whore.
I dry my eyes with the tissues and get up, legs slightly shaking like they’re made of jelly and head over to the mirror. Ugh, my foundation is all streaked and I have mascara under my eyes and on my cheeks. Not a good look. I grab my make-up from my bag and start fixing myself. “So how did he do it then?” I ask Cassie. “I’m sure it was romantic. He’s so in love with you, it’s always written all over his face.”
I giggle with her and then sit on the sofa opposite whilst she tells me.
“We were in the clearing on York Street, we go there sometimes to just hang out; there’s an amazing view of the town. It’s so peaceful. And he got down on one knee. I was so nervous. I did not expect it. We had talked about it a few times but with all the stuff that’s gone on with Gran I just didn’t think it would happen any time soon.”
“Yeah there’s been some tough times but hopefully this is the end of all the
shit. Cassie, it’s such amazing news, I’m so happy for you.” I get up to give her another hug and something catches the light. “Oh. My. God. I cannot believe I forgot about the ring. Let me see.” She slowly lifts up her hand to show me and it’s the biggest stone I’ve ever seen. I whistle and raise an eyebrow, “You won’t be able to miss that. It’s huge. Must have cost a fortune.”
She nods, “Yeah I know. Blake says he wants everyone to know I’m taken. I think ‘everyone’ means every guy I come into contact with.”
“That sounds like him. Tiffany’s?”
“Yeah.”
“Show-off.” I nudge her and we fall back down onto the sofa laughing.
“Laurel, serious moment?” She asks me.
“Shoot.” I reply.
“You were there for me through everything last year and I’m so grateful you welcomed me back into your life and forgave me for how I treated you.” She smiles sadly, I know she still feels guilty for what happened when her parents died. We had been best friends in school, completely inseparable, but when her parents were killed in a car crash four years ago, she withdrew from everyone close to her including me, then moved to London without even saying goodbye. Thankfully she came back to help out her grandmother, and we have rebuilt our friendship.
She takes a deep breath in and grabs my hand, “Will you be my Chief Bridesmaid?” She asks tentatively. I have no idea why she looks so hesitant, like I could say no to her.
“Of course I will.” I squeal. “I get to plan the hen do right?”
She grins and nods feverishly.
“Good. And I know what you’ll say to this, but I’m not taking no for an answer. I want to give you your dress as a wedding present. Don’t be shy about telling me what you want. If I haven’t got the perfect one in, I’ll find it for you.”
“No Laurel, it’s an amazing offer, thank you, but it’s too much. I can’t let you do that. Of course I’ll get it from you but I can pay for it.”
Her voice is adamant but she’s not the only one who’s stubborn. “Forget about paying for it. I won’t take your money Cassie. What good is a best friend with a bridal shop if she can’t do her bit for your wedding? And any planning you want help with, I’ve got a lot of contacts so just let me know.”
“Well the planning part I might take you up on but as for the dress, I just can’t.”
I know I’ll get my way eventually so I just tell her we’ll discuss it another day. We carry on talking for another hour about ideas and venues then agree to meet up tomorrow night for a few drinks with the gang. She says everyone will be there, and clearly there’s someone in particular she is talking about.
“Laurel, what’s going on with you and James?” She’s watching carefully for my reaction so I need to make sure my usual mask is up to standard. I knew she was going to bring it up soon. I’ve been trying to avoid it for ages. When James and I are in the same room, there’s tension, and not just a little bit. It’s the kind where a knife just wouldn’t do the job; you’d need a chainsaw. We haven’t spoken about those two significant nights since they happened, so the air hasn’t been cleared. It’s just been swept under the rug and we have this unspoken rule that it doesn’t get mentioned. He still sleeps with his little tramps and I still have my moments.
I rounded the corner and stopped abruptly when I saw James talking to Chantelle. He’d brought another one of his groupies to Blake’s parents’ party. They held it every year at their sprawling mansion for the workers at the construction company and their families. They were talking quietly but I could still hear, the music wasn’t too loud up here. I couldn’t decide whether to walk away completely or hide and listen. They hadn’t seen me, so in the end I opted for listening. I know, it was nosy, but I was intrigued.
“I just don’t like her.” Her voice was shrill. She was looking up at him and I could tell they were fake tears hanging on to her fake eyelashes.
“You don’t even know her Chell. You don’t have to like her.” There was frustration in his tone. I bet the last thing he wanted was to have to stand in a corridor placating his bit for the night. He wanted fun. And this wasn’t it.
“I know. But she wants you. I can tell. I don’t like the way she looks at you, and I think you look at her in the same way. I don’t like you spending time with her.”
“For God’s sake, we don’t even spend any time together. Laurel and I are friends, she doesn’t want me the way you’re thinking. Quit the crying. It’s so damn unattractive.” Oh crap, they were talking about me! We were friends, really? When did that happen? I must have missed the memo. He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation and sighed heavily.
“Look, go sort yourself out and then we’ll get another drink okay? I got plans for us tonight.” He winked at her and she forgot all about me, stopped whining and giggled as she strolled through to the bathroom.
“What are you doing there, silly? Toilets are at the back.” Cassie and her loud voice sure had the worst timing in the world. James peered round the corner and his eyes widened when he saw me. That was fucking awkward.
“I don’t need it anymore. I’ll see you back out there, Cass.”
I turned and walked away as quickly as my heels would allow.
We are just like each other really, and that’s probably the reason it won’t work. Opposites attract and all that.
I take in a deep breath. I can’t tell Cassie this. She overthinks things. She’ll overthink this and come to the conclusion that she should try and set us up.
“Dawson? Ha. Nothing at all. He irritates me. I irritate him. It’s all good. We both know that you love us so we just ignore each other.”
I shrug my shoulder hoping she gets the message; that I don’t want to talk about it.
She looks at me sceptically, “No you don’t ignore each other. You give each other dirty looks, make snide comments. I know you; you like him.” I do my best to hide my real feelings. I don’t even really know my real feelings actually so I guess that’s why I’m pretty convincing.
“Hey, would I be going out tonight with Sam if I had feelings for someone else?” Clearly I would, because I am; but hopefully this will make my story more solid. I wiggle my eyebrows and she forgets about James to grill me about my choice of date.
“Sam, as in the manager of the bank round the corner? Huh, I never pictured you with a suit.”
“I’m not getting married, it’s just a night out. He’s cute. I bet behind the glasses and that moody persona, he’s a tiger in the sack.” I burst out laughing at her eyes rolling back thinking this will deter her, but she goes again, “What about Ryan Murphy? What’s going on with him?”
Ryan’s a great friend. We’ve become really close in the past few months after having got together a while ago. He’ll make a lucky girl very happy someday. I shrug a shoulder again and purse my lips. “Nothing, he’s just a friend. I like him, and we get along great but Cassie, you know how I feel. Nothing serious. I had that, and the person I thought was perfect, turned out to be so far from it I can’t believe my judgement was so far off. I don’t trust men.” I also don’t trust myself now.
“They’re not all like Darren. I know he really hurt you, but you have to let someone in eventually.”
“No I don’t. I really don’t. I’m having fun. And Sam is going to be my fun for tonight. Don’t worry about me.” She has her hand on her hips, I’m not as convincing as I first thought. I don’t feel the words I say anymore. I’ve earned myself a reputation doing the things I do, and a bigger part of me grows more ashamed each time I wake up drunk in a stranger’s bed. I still do it though; I go out, have a few drinks, feel less inhibited, find a willing guy to go home with and wake up in his bed with a pounding headache. More often than not, they want my number but I don’t give it. I don’t get hurt because I have control and I set the rules.
“Of course I worry about you. It’s a best friend’s job. I just want you to be happy, Laurel. So if you say you are then so am I.”
She glances at her watch and gets up from the sofa. “I better get going. Blake’s taking me to dinner tonight, and I have to get ready. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She reaches down to kiss my cheek and squeezes me goodbye.
After a brief stop at home to get changed, I head out to meet Sam. He’s waiting at the bar having bought me a glass of wine and the gesture reminds me of one James Dawson who I have been trying to forget. It’s funny, I’m not even bothered by Sam doing it, but when James had the nerve, I got so angry.
Sam looks good tonight, he’s given up the suit in favour of jeans. He’s attractive in that Auggie Anderson kind of way; geeky but hot. It must be the glasses and that personality trait I’m enticed by: arrogance. His mop of short dark curls falls forward over his forehead, and when he pushes them away he looks up and sees me walking towards him. He gets bonus points for rising from his barstool to greet me.
“Hi Sam.”
“Hey, looking good sweetheart.” I see his gaze linger slightly too long on my breasts so I know exactly what he’s thinking.
Sweet Reflection (Truth) Page 2