“And who’s going to take care of you?”
“You will, by being there for your mum. I want her to get well as much as you do. I’d like to help as much as I can, but I know she wouldn’t have wanted me there last night, and that’s fine. Next time something happens that has you feeling worried or anxious or guilty, just don’t shut me out, tell me so I understand.”
“I will.” I kick my shoes off and pull my feet up on the sofa, feeling my body relax again.
“So, good day?” I ask him and the grin is back.
“Yeah, you could say that. Got some news actually. We have awards in the design business called FX International Interior Design Awards, held in London every year and televised on Sky too. I got a call from them today, the show is in a couple of weeks. I’ve been nominated for Breakthrough Talent of the Year.”
Pride swells inside me and shoots straight to my smile as I throw my arms around him, “That’s so amazing. Congratulations.” He hugs me back tightly.
“Thanks. I won’t win, I’m up against some great people, but it’s nice to just be nominated.”
I roll my eyes and pull away, “You don’t know that. You were nominated so you’ve got as much chance as anyone else. Don’t be so negative.”
“Yes ma’am,” he salutes. “Bossy little thing aren’t you?”
“Damn right, now shut up and kiss me.” He doesn’t need telling twice.
Two weeks ago James gave me the news of his nomination. One week ago, I cancelled on The Shepherd reopening party because I was too tired, and today, the day of the awards, I’m cancelling on him again. Mum came home from work, tired and grumpy. She took one look at me and burst into tears. She’d been brushing her hair and had lost a huge clump from the back. You can’t notice it much, but that didn’t stop it from hitting her hard. She had been prepared for the side effects of chemo from the nurse obviously but the reality is very different. I can’t imagine how it must feel, but she looked so devastated I couldn’t leave her tonight. I don’t think she remembered it was the awards, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was going out. So here I am, with James on his way to pick me up, feeling like the worst girlfriend in the world.
The doorbell rings and my heart starts racing. Opening it slowly, I feel like crying, he looks so happy.
"Hey babe. You ready to forget the rest of the world for a night?” He says walking through and kissing me soundly on the cheek. “Oh, you’re not dressed yet?”
“I can’t.” I blurt out quickly so I don’t go back on my promise to mum. “I’m so sorry. Mum’s having a really bad day,” I say quietly. She’s upstairs but I don’t want her to hear. “Some hair fell out today, and she cried. A lot. I just want to be here for her tonight. Distract her. I’m so sorry James.”
I see the flash of disappointment on his face before he masks it completely, “Don’t worry, it’s fine. She needs you. I get that.”
“I know I’ve been a crap girlfriend lately. I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you I swear. Please, just bear with me.”
James
"Seriously, I'm fine with it. Don't worry, babe. I know exactly what you are going through, don't forget. I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."
She looks at me sceptically and I know she's thinking of what happened with Darren. Even now, I still struggle with the fact that bastard hurt her, and because of him, she doubts me. I don’t take it personally, I know it’s not me in particular. It’s just men in general.
“Hey,” I say lifting her chin so she looks me straight in the eye. "You own me, Laurel. Other girls have been and gone, but none of them come close to the way you make me feel. Believe me when I say, I’m staying by your side.” She breathes in and out slowly and flicks her eyes over my face as if trying to figure out whether I’m telling the truth. I hope she can see how much I love her. I’ve told her that. But I haven’t said it since that night, I feel it, but I don’t think she’s managed to let herself go and really trust in it yet. But I’m here and I’ll wait as long as she needs. “Capisce?” I say dramatically and place a small kiss on her soft lips.
“Yes James, I get it. I’m not going to be able to get rid of you now.” She breaks out into a smile and nudges me with her arm and I still don’t think she quite believes it but she’s trying, and now it’s down to me to prove myself.
“Exactly. So, where do you want me? I can make some dinner. Has your mum eaten? Or is she not able to hold anything down?” I walk past Laurel and head to the kitchen to get started. At least now I won’t have to practice my gracious losing face. It’s being filmed for Home, a UK T.V channel and practically everyone I know has said they’re going to watch it. I shrug off my jacket and pull my bow tie away, breathing easier with each move. I hate having to wear the stupid penguin suits.
Laurel finally walks in, and goes straight to the back of the chair, picking up my jacket and holding it out.
“What?” I ask when I see her expression harden.
“You’re not missing this because of me. Put it on, and get out of here. You’re going to be late.”
I shake my head and attempt to respond but she holds up a finger to hush me.
“I don’t want to be the reason that you miss out on experiences. I don’t want you to resent me. I’ve been there before and it destroys relationships. You don’t need me. You need to carry on living your life. I won’t be the one to hold you back. You’ll go, and you’ll accept the award and be so fucking happy about it you won’t be able to get the smile off your face.”
She’s staring straight at me, and her lips pressed together in a straight line. This is one of those times when I can’t read her. Am I going to be labelled as a shit if I go, when there’s things I could be doing here to help out? Or is she genuinely okay with me going? She thinks she’s holding me back but the truth is, I don’t want to go on my own. I don’t want to go without her. I don’t want to leave her here to deal with things by herself when I can help and share the workload. But she’s so stubborn, she wouldn’t believe me if I told her. She still bases our relationship on her experience with Dickhead Darren. And he was an immature prick who wasn’t able to deal with real-life shit.
I sigh out loud, and can’t help but smile at her hand that’s still outstretched, clasping the jacket. She moves her arm and waves it in front of me then gestures to the time. I am actually going to be late. I start to grab the jacket, and pause. She lets out a frustrated groan and walks towards me, “James, if you don’t hurry up there’ll be no sex for a week.”
I frown, standing up straighter, giving her my full attention now. She’s playing dirty. Again. She can’t mean it: she wants it just as much as I do.
“You’re bluffing.” I smirk as I walk round the table and lean down close to her neck. My senses overload with her perfume and the sweet smell shoots straight down to my cock. I need a taste, so my tongue comes out to lick her smooth tanned skin.
“You wouldn’t be able to last without me babe. I make you feel too good.” I’ll give her something, she’s a bloody good actress because when she steps away from me and quirks an eyebrow it really feels like I had no effect on her at all. She’s just gone at my ego with a baseball bat again.
“Silly me. Have I not introduced you to my friend Mr Rabbit yet? He takes awful good care of me when you’re not around.” She smiles and turns towards the door, moving quickly towards it with a hip-shaking, ass jiggling strut that has me launching myself through the hallway and to the front door with lightning speed. There’s no way I’m being replaced by a damn vibrator.
“Let the record show I got here before you.” I shout as she catches up to me, laughing. She helps me into the jacket and tie and gives me a long and thorough kiss before opening the door and shooing me outside.
“I’ll call you after, babe. But ring me if you need anything. Or if Judy needs anything.” If anything happened to Judy and I wasn’t reachable I’d never be able to forgive myself. “I’ll have my phone by me all night, I promi
se.”
“Thank you, but really we’ll be fine. Don’t worry about us. Enjoy your night.” I nod, and walk away from her, deflating fast like a balloon with each step. I couldn’t care less about this stupid award tonight now. It means nothing in comparison to Laurel. I just want to be there for her. I get in the car and pout like a child the whole way to London. As the glistening lights of the City flash in front of me, the gulf between Laurel and I seems to widen. It feels so far from her and home.
By the time I get there, I’ve already decided to forgo staying at the hotel I’ve got booked and come straight back home. I should be able to get back by midnight. Then I’ll take Laurel out early tomorrow for breakfast. Feeling slightly better, I hand the keys to the valet and walk into Grosvenor House. The stylish lobby and its huge chandeliers grab my attention long enough for a member of staff to ask if I’m okay. He points me in the direction of the Great Hall and I head straight to the bar to get a drink. I’m at a table tonight with a few designers I have collaborated with before so it should be tolerable. Sometime on the way down here I decided that if I’ve got to be here alone, I’ll make the most of it. Networking, contacts and a whole load of schmoozing and inspiration.
“James, nice to see you again.” The sour voice brings a wince to my face, something I need to be careful of given the number of reporters in the room. Of course she doesn’t really think it’s nice to see me again. I’m sure she wishes I’d take a running jump off Tower Bridge. But I plaster a grin on my face through gritted teeth and turn to face Sarah Cooper of Cooper Design. We went to Cambridge together, and both graduated at the top of our class. We’ve been following each other professionally ever since. I land a hotel, she lands a school. She lands an office complex, I land an apartment complex. We’ve always been on the same level but tonight is the decider. We’re both up for Breakthrough Talent of the Year.
“Sarah, great to see you too.” She acknowledges my comment with a nod of the head like she really believes it. Her wavy brown hair is pulled back in a sleek bun and her dark green cocktail dress is as tight as it could ever be, with a long slit up one leg. She’s attractive, there are guys staring at her as we speak, but everything about her is sharp; her look, her clothes, but more dangerous than any of that, her claws. She reminds me of Alex actually. I’ve only ever been with two types of woman before Laurel. The power hungry, cold-hearted women like Sarah and Alex, and the easy, trashy girls like Chrissy. I’m not proud, in fact I’ll go as far as to say I’m completely ashamed of my previous sexual experiences. I’ve had a taste of a sweet, kind, beautiful woman who gives as good as she gets and I will do my damned hardest to treat her in the way she deserves.
“Where is your date tonight then? Don’t tell me you’ve left her somewhere all alone? You really must work on your manners.” She doesn’t even bother trying to mask her patronising tone. She’s a piece of work and I need to get as far away from her as physically possible.
“My girlfriend couldn’t make it tonight but she’ll be watching when it airs.”
“Oh, poor darling, here all alone. Don’t you worry, I’ll take good care of you tonight.” She says, as she takes a step closer. God, that’s the last thing I want. I look around for an escape and nearly yell with excitement when I see Sebastian Burrows, one of the architects I’ve got on well with since we both worked on a housing development a couple of years ago. Seb and his wife Tiffany, make these things bearable and they’ve saved me from many a tight spot like this one. He nudges his wife, who’s in conversation with someone else and when Tiff looks over at me she throws her head back laughing. As they make their way over from the other side of the room, a photographer from a country home magazine comes over and asks if we would mind a picture. “Of course. James, let the nice man take a photo of us. It’ll look good for the press.” I begrudgingly let the photographer do his thing whilst Sarah drapes herself over me and pushes her breast into the side of my chest. As soon as the photographer leaves, I expect her to give me some space but she stays right where she is.
“Excuse me. Sarah, great to see you again. I’m afraid I’m going to have to steal James away for a while. We have business to discuss. James?” Seb smiles at Sarah, who looks like she’s just eaten a lemon, then looks at me. “Of course, excuse me Sarah.”
I don’t give her the time to reply, I can’t wait to get the hell away from her. I’ll keep one eye on her tonight though, I don’t want to give her any opportunity to corner me again or make good on her promise of looking after me.
“You’re getting too old for this now, James.” Seb chuckles, and slaps me on the back.
“And you’re too young for the old married couple routine, Burrows. You need to show this lady of yours a good time.” I say as Tiff joins us and reaches up to kiss my cheek.
“Did you hear that Seb? I need a good time. And falling asleep on the sofa is not what I call a good time.” Tiff admonishes as she tips back her Champagne. “Is it sad that I actually look forward to these awards each year because it’s the only thing we ever do?”
“Sweetheart, you know I work long hours, and I get up so early I can’t help it.” He looks guilty as he tries to placate his wife but she laughs and her eyes roll; I bet they’ve had the same conversation many times before. Seb’s nothing if not predictable.
“I know you love me. Anyway, James, how are you?”
“You know she doesn’t care how you are, she just wants to know whether you’ve got a girlfriend yet.” Tiff huffs and puts her hand on her hip, “No, idiot, I actually want to know how he is. How are you?” She turns back to me with a small smile on her lips and I can’t help but smile too, they’re a great match and remind me so much of Laurel and I.
“Great thanks. Work’s going well, and I’ve met someone. Couldn’t be better actually.” It could if Judy was okay, but they don’t need to know about that.
“Oh,” Tiff claps her hands together and squeals, “Finally! You’ve got to tell me about her.” We find our seats and relax into them as I talk about Laurel for the next half an hour. I’ve bored Seb, he sits back in his seat and yawns, but Tiff leans forward, nodding along and asking me so many questions it feels like Laurel’s actually here with me. I take a break to check my phone and when there’s no messages or calls I relax again. Judy must be fine.
I leave it next to me in case anything comes through and turn back to Tiff and Seb. As I pick up my glass to take a drink hands come round my neck and fingernails dig deep into my shoulders.
“Fancy seeing you here.” The low and sultry voice breathes against my ear, forcing a shudder to rock my whole body. These women will make me go ape-shit if they don’t give me a break.
“Alex, what are you doing here?”
“Oh darling, I have a house in London don’t forget. And when I heard you were nominated I just wanted to show my support. And I’m seated for dinner at your table, isn’t that just the funniest coincidence?” It’s no fucking coincidence. Stalker alert!
“I don’t need your support. What the hell has gotten in to you?” I lower my voice to a frustrated whisper, hoping to rattle her. She laughs and settles into the seat next to me.
“Darling, don’t be mad. I just wanted to see you. I wanted to see you win, I mean.”
“I’m not going to win.”
“Oh don’t be silly, you will.” She rests her hand on my arm and leans in closer showing me a clear view of her breasts. I jump up and away from her as quickly as possible. That was way too damn close. Tiff gives me a sympathetic look as I head through the tables to the toilets and put some distance between me and every other female that’s glanced up and smiled as I walked through the hall. Why does it have to be like this? The only woman I actually want here, isn’t. She’s at home, going through a shitty time with her mother, and I’m here having a shit time at an awards ceremony I haven’t got a hope in hell of winning. I slam my hands down on the sink and take a few calming breaths in. She’s at home, I think again. She has no choice but
to be there. So why the fuck am I here? A hundred miles away. It’s too far. I have to get back. I’m leaving.
I walk back into the room, and the heat of hundreds of sets of eyes on me has me wanting to shrink back in the corner. I’ve missed something, clearly.
“Ah, there he is, ladies and gentlemen. Bathroom break, James?” The MC on the stage laughs and so does everyone else in the room.
“Ladies and gentlemen, again, the winner of Breakthrough Talent 2013, James Dawson.” The MC’s voice echoes loudly and he points his arm out toward me. I’m stood still in shock until someone shouts at me to get up on stage. The next few minutes go by in a blur, as I walk towards the stage, clamber up the stairs, pose for photographs and mumble a few words about my inspiration and my work and how thankful I am. As I walk back towards my table, I’m stopped several times by acquaintances offering their congratulations, and I glance up to see Sarah sitting with her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes narrowed in my direction. At least I beat her. One good thing to come of tonight.
“Well done, mate. I knew you had it in you.”
“James, it’s so well deserved. Congratulations.” Seb and Tiff get out their seats to hug me and I’m still in shock I can only mutter a thank you.
“I’ve got to go. Long drive back and all.” I give a pointed look to Alex and they seem to get it because they just nod and sit back quietly in their chairs. I pat my trousers to make sure I’ve got everything. Phone? Where’s my phone? Table. I stretch over and pick it up quickly. Now I’ve decided to leave, I just want to get back.
An hour and a half later I’m slowing down as I drive into Stamford. I made good time, could be because my foot slipped and landed hard on the accelerator a few times. I pull in the garage and get out the car with determination. I need to hear Laurel’s voice. I need to make sure she’s okay, not having heard from her at all worries me. Maybe she just wants to give me a night to myself, but I don’t need it, I need her. I slump back on my bed and dig out my phone. Swiping across the screen does nothing. I take out the battery then put it back in again and give it another try. Shit. It’s broken. What the hell? It was fine earlier. I only had it on the table, how could it have broken? I glance at the clock and it’s nearly midnight. I can’t do anything about it now. I rest my head on the pillow and drift off to sleep with an uneasy feeling. Anything could have happened and I won’t know until tomorrow.
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