by Bridle, Dee
“Bar girl wants me,” he grinned, looking at me. “Where did pretty boy go?”
“They’ve gone to Salt. I’m going to meet them in an hour,” I said taking another swig of the vodka that Janey passed back. “Where’s Zac?”
Noah shrugged and looked at Janey.
“Not too sure.”
“Liar,” I said taking another swig.
“So how’s Antony and Nathan doing?” he asked next.
“Reputations are ruined. I never got a chance to thank you.”
He chuckled and took another swig of the bottle.
“Zac was the mastermind, but I’m glad it helped.”
A guy came over to Noah and looked me up and down.
“Who’s this gorgeous creature, Noah?”
“Zac’s,” said Noah firmly. “How you doing, Joel?”
I listened to their conversation, my eyes narrowing on Noah. I was no longer Zac’s. I knew it and he knew it, so why couldn’t this guy think of me as a gorgeous creature? I swigged once more on the vodka bottle and eyed Joel. He smiled at me in mid-conversation with Noah.
“The whole vodka bottle, huh?” he said to me.
“Want some?” I asked seductively.
“Of course,” he said moving across to me and taking the bottle from me, his fingers deliberately touching mine.
I watched him take a drink as I put the joint to my lips. He studied me with keen interest.
“So you’re Zac’s?”
I shook my head and savored the smoke in my lungs before I blew it out.
“Not anymore. Noah’s living in the past.”
“Really?” he said looking to Noah for confirmation.
Noah shook his head and gave him a warning look.
“I’m Ava,” I said, moistening my lips.
“Nice to meet you, Ava,” he said taking my hand and kissing it slowly.
We both grinned at each other, playing a flirting game and enjoying it.
“Get your hand off her, Joel, before I break every fucking finger,” said a husky but angry voice out of nowhere.
I turned and saw Zac standing beside me and then promptly giggled. I didn’t know if it was the joint or just the situation, but I felt a nervous anxiety start to choke me. I shook my head and stood back from Joel. He had dumped me and was still being possessive. It didn’t make any sense.
“Sorry, man,” said Joel putting his hands up slightly.
“I’m not his,” I said flicking my joint away, no longer giggling. “Not anymore,” I added.
I glared at him in defiance as I leaned my back against the railing of the roof terrace.
Zac was suddenly in front of me, looking into my eyes as he put both hands on either side of me on the railing. He blocked me in. The city was behind me and we were suddenly alone as he stared at me.
I swallowed and glared back at him.
“A little possessive, aren’t you? Especially when I’m no longer with you.”
He didn’t answer.
“Where’s your latest blonde?” I asked next, trying to fill the tension-filled silence between us.
The drugs and alcohol had made me feisty.
“I see yours has gone and left you alone,” he returned darkly.
“I’m meeting him at another club,” I returned.
“Couldn’t handle it?”
“He can handle a lot of things,” I said boldly.
He could take that in whatever way he wanted. I saw the fire in his eyes and took satisfaction from it.
“He lets you handle things, like the puppy dog he is,” he said unevenly.
“I’ve been with him enough to know he isn’t a puppy dog,” I said brazenly.
The fire in his eyes burned out of control.
“So he finally got what he wanted,” he said perceptively.
No he hadn’t.
“That’s none of your business anymore, is it Zac?”
“Does he let you take control?” he asked moving even closer to me so our noses touched. “Does he give you the kind of pleasure that only I know you like?”
I swallowed again, this time my breathing became shallow. My skin was on fire and I needed to escape. The long drop behind me suddenly felt like the safer option than staying here in his intentional tormenting prison.
“Stop,” I whispered.
“Never,” he said brutally. “I want to find him and kill him. I thought of all the ways I could do it to him over the last two months.”
“You dumped me!” I said violently, the tension releasing in anger. “You don’t get to do anything anymore! You basically put us together!”
“I wanted someone to look after you,” he growled. “I thought he would.”
“He is,” I said gritting my teeth.
He shook his head and growled, “The fool left you here, with me.”
I tried to process his words. I had so much to say, but I didn’t know where to start. I let out a small uncontrollable soft sob instead.
“Why…why did you end it with me?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said huskily.
“It does. Was I that pathetic that you could just forget me so easily? Did I bore you that much?”
“You never bored me,” he responded gruffly.
“So I just wasn’t enough for you then?” I asked, with hurt lacing my voice.
He swore under his breath and he gripped the railing tightly.
“You were more than enough.”
“So why?” I pleaded in a whisper. “Why did you break my heart?”
“You’re better off with someone like Tyler, not me,” he said harshly. “I’ve said this before, I’m fucking wrong for you.”
“You’re a walking contradiction! How can you say that when we have…this connection between us?” I pleaded.
He was silent.
I blinked back tears, annoyed that I was pleading with him like this.
“I hate you,” I whispered, shaking my head.
“Good, you’re meant to,” he admitted hoarsely.
He came up against me so our bodies were together. My toes curled in anticipation at his closeness. I could feel his breath on my face and my muscles weakened with longing. I shouldn’t be here like this, because Tyler was waiting for me, but I couldn’t move away, let alone walk.
He lowered his head further.
“You need to hate me and then forget me,” he said, his lips barely moving.
I couldn’t breathe as I looked into his eyes.
“That was the plan anyway,” he murmured.
My heart beat faster and all I could think about was how much I needed to kiss him right now. His fingers skimmed my arm and the sensation rocked through me. His eyes delved into my soul.
“You found the envelope,” he whispered next.
I gasped.
“How do you know?”
“I can see the pain in your eyes.”
I wanted to cry and scream and fall into a heap. I didn’t understand why this guy who knew me so well didn’t want me anymore. I couldn’t think of my mother and the pain I held deep inside me. Without another thought, I brought my lips into contact with his, not wanting to talk about it or think about it.
I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of his kiss, his insistent lips and tongue taking over. He demanded exactly what I wanted and I melted against him. My body thrummed with excitement, like it had been starved for months. I was finally getting what I needed.
I felt the tension coiled in his body and the pressure of his mouth increased as his tongue teased me erotically. I physically trembled against him as I leaned back on the railing. I drew him to me, tempting fate and hoped the railing would hold me. And then I no longer cared as he kissed me so deeply, I wanted to weep in lust and happiness.
I had been starved from him and my body cried out for him with such shattering intensity that I nearly fainted.
He suddenly stepped back and didn’t look at me.
“Go back to Tyler,”
he said, his voice rough.
I let out a sob, hurt crushing my chest.
“I don’t want him,” I gasped.
“Jesus, Ava, just do it,” he said emotionally.
Then he turned back around and stormed away back into the club.
I let out another sob in despair and turned away. I looked out over the city but saw nothing. I tried to remember to breathe as my hands shook from the intensity between us. He was a mass of contradictions, and I was so confused that I wanted to curl up into a ball and scream.
We had such a connection, such chemistry, and I knew I hadn’t felt anything like that with Tyler. He was the only one for me and I couldn’t have him. I squeezed my eyes shut.
My phone vibrated against me. I re-opened my eyes and numbly looked at the screen. Tyler.
Tyler: I’m here. Where are you?
I closed my eyes again. Part of me wanted to tell him to go away and I felt terrible.
Janey appeared beside me.
“Tyler’s here,” she said softly, touching my arm.
I nodded and turned to her. My eyes must have shown my utter despair at the situation, because she pulled me to her and hugged me tight.
Zac
I watched her walk through the club towards Tyler, looking pale and a little shaken. I had done that to her and I was a fucking idiot. I should have kept my distance, and I definitely shouldn’t have kissed those sweet lips.
I watched her take a breath and put on a smile for Tyler as she reached him. He put his arm around her and pulled her to him, the affection all one-sided. Had she really slept with him?
Pain lanced at me as he leaned down and kissed her lips, the same lips I had just touched. Janey said something to the two of them and Tyler gave her a smile and went to take Ava away.
Ava looked back at Janey with tears in her eyes, and her look destroyed me. I watched her walk out of the club. Tyler led her away from me. I had done this. She was holding his hand now because of me.
He got to take her home tonight because of me.
“She’s not fucking happy, Zac, and neither are you,” said Janey appearing at my side. “She’s clearly still yours. Do something about it.”
I couldn’t go back on my plan now. I needed her to hate me and move on.
Chapter Seventeen: Girls Night
Ava
I sat in a darkened cinema and pretended to watch a movie with Tyler sitting beside me. Sophie and Sam sat on the other side of him, quietly giggling together as they passionately kissed their way through it. I rolled my eyes at their noises, not knowing how I would survive the rest of the movie.
My phone vibrated and I looked down to see it was a text from Janey.
Janey: Hey girly – what are you up to?
Ava: At movies
Janey: Awww, are you on a date?
Ava: Shut up
Janey: So is he any good? (wink wink)
She was assuming that I had slept with him and I knew that if things were different, I probably would have by now. But ever since the night of the fire alarm, I hadn’t wanted to. We had kissed and done other stuff, but I couldn’t have sex with him, not yet anyway. I knew the void that Zac had left in my heart would never be repaired, no matter what I did to get over him.
Ava: He’s fine
Janey: Are we talking just fine or so fine that it makes your toes curl? We girls have to celebrate when we find someone who knows what he’s doing...
I thought of Zac and the things he could do to me. I remembered the heights of dizzying pleasure he had induced. Familiar pain made me wince.
Ava: I’ll let you know when it happens
Janey: Would never have picked him for a saint!! Anyways - tomorrow night, Academy, HiFi bar – you in?
Ava: Does Zac know you’re inviting me?
Janey: No. But I’m not going with them. I want to have a night out with you. Can your boyfriend survive without you for one night?
He wasn’t my boyfriend. I replied within an instant.
Ava: I’m in
Janey: Yay! I’ll be at your place around 9.00
I smiled happily, suddenly looking forward to tomorrow night.
Zac
I dragged on a joint as I leaned back on the deck chair and looked up at the night sky. It had been four days since I had seen her at Will’s party, and I had kept clear of any type of hacking of her life. I had to give her up, because I didn’t trust myself to be around her anymore.
She was my drug that seemed to sing to my soul and everything felt a hundred times better when she was around. I wanted to help her with the pain of her mother’s death, wanted to make everything better, but I couldn’t. I only made things worse. I brooded over the idea of Tyler being the one to comfort her when she found out about her mother. Then, knowing her, she might not have even told anyone. She was the only one who was capable of making me feel. The only one to calm my inner turmoil, and the only one I truly cherished with my life.
I took a swig of the vodka bottle in my hand, trying to further numb my mind.
“You want some ice with that?” asked Noah.
I took another swig of the bottle and ignored him. Noah sat down on the deck chair next to me. With a sigh, I watched Will and Janey walk over to us.
“You two going out?” asked Noah.
Janey shook her head.
“Nope, I’m just here picking up Academy tickets for tomorrow night.”
“She’s bringing a date apparently,” mumbled Will.
“Someone sounds pissy,” chuckled Noah.
“He’s pissy, because I won’t tell him who my date is,” smiled Janey.
“If he’s a douche, I’m going to beat him up,” said Will lighting a cigarette.
Janey leaned in to smooch his neck.
“I love it when you’re jealous.”
“So come with me to Academy,” he responded.
“Surely your little redheaded skank wouldn’t like that,” she answered, lighting up a cigarette as well.
Noah chuckled.
“She’s got you there.”
“We’re not fucking dating,” said Will.
“Just fucking,” laughed Noah.
“Speaking of…,” said Janey, her eyes settling directly onto me. “The beautiful girl who shall remain nameless but is on everyone’s lips...”
My eyes darted to her.
“…isn’t doing what Will here is doing with his redheaded skank,” she said licking her lip.
“Really?” asked Noah.
“Mr. Footballer is obviously a saint or very, very patient,” she said with a tormenting smirk.
“That’s a douche I’d like to beat up,” added Will.
“He’s only going after what he wants,” she said glaring at me. “Unlike some people I know.”
“As subtle as a freight train, as always,” expressed Noah with a smile.
Janey grinned.
“Someone needs to be. See you guys later.”
I watched her walk away, not able to ignore the small shard of happiness I felt at her news. What the fuck was pretty boy waiting for? Or was she stopping things from progressing? Whatever it was, I hoped it continued.
“I’m ready if your date is a douche,” said Will clenching his fists.
“You won’t need to be,” she called out. “I think this one is ‘the one.’”
“Fuck me,” said Will under his breath.
Ava
Tyler had asked me about my plans for tonight, and I had told him I was going out with Janey. He hadn’t seemed too happy about it, but was planning a boy’s night anyway. He wanted me to take Sophie, and I knew it was to keep an eye on me, so I refused. I told him the band was too hard core for her.
I was ready for Janey when she arrived in a taxi at 9:00 p.m.
“I don’t think I’m going to cope too well if he’s there tonight with one of his blondes,” I said looking out the taxi window.
“It’s a possibility,” she said checking her phone. “B
ut don’t worry, the minute he sees you, she may as well disappear.”
“I just don’t get it. Why would he dump me, but he still wants me?”
“He cares too much,” she said looking out of her own window.
I turned to her, my eyes narrowing.
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“He’s got commitment issues like me. My shrink tells me it’s from my broken past. We’ve both learned how to survive without trusting anyone,” she said lowering her eyes. “We’re terrified of getting hurt.”
I stopped for a moment to think about a younger Zac, taking care of his sister, as his own mother wrote them off. I wanted him to know that he could trust me and that I would never hurt him.
“I still don’t understand why he would want me to be with someone else,” I murmured quietly.
“I know it sounds crazy, but it’s just the way we are. We haven’t lived a normal life, Ava. We’ve been cheated on so many things and we’ve learned to survive the only way we know how. He thinks you deserve better.”
I leaned my head back on the seat.
“So it’s not that he lost interest or that I wasn’t enough. It was because he thinks I deserve better.”
“Right,” she confirmed with a small smile.
“That’s ridiculous,” I whispered.
“Ava, I warned you. I told you not to let him break your heart.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to make sense of everything.
“You won’t change him. I know you wished you had while you were together. But he’ll do everything in his power to make you move on now. He strongly wants to make you believe that he doesn’t care. You think deep down he really wants you with Tyler?”
I swallowed. It was all too crazy for me to comprehend. Why couldn’t he just want me and have me like a normal relationship?
“Anyway, let’s stop talking about my deranged family and lighten the mood. Want some coke?” she whispered pulling out a capsule from her pocket.