Kate’s head jerked back as if she’d been slapped. Her throat filled, and her stomach churned. She fought for air and thanked God for the sharp, cold wind that batted the tears from her eyes before they could fall. Staring up into the face of the man she thought she knew and seeing none of the warm humor and charm she was so used to, Kate could only think...he’s right.
She had done that. And now she was caught with the truth and what it had done to Sean. She had played mental games with herself. Pretended that the baby she carried was the child she and Sam had wanted so badly, because she hadn’t wanted to involve Sean at all. What they’d shared had been so momentary—how could she call him later and say she was pregnant and expect anything from him?
But it hadn’t been momentary at all, her mind whispered, and that’s what had really scared her.
Those snowbound days with Sean had opened up her heart, her mind, her soul. He’d touched places inside her that no one else ever had, and it had scared her. Scared her enough that she’d found a way to avoid seeing him again. And now, being called on it, she could understand Sean’s anger and the hurt she’d caught such a brief glimpse of.
She wanted to argue with him, tell him he was wrong, but she couldn’t. The truth was hard, but lying wouldn’t solve anything at this point.
“God.” Shaking her head, she said, “You’re right, Sean. I did try to pretend that this was Sam’s baby. We wanted a family, and I felt cheated when Sam died.” She threw up her hands. “We had a few days together, you and I, and what we felt and did was so far out of my normal universe that I had to find a way to protect myself, I guess.
“Plus, you made this huge point about not wanting a family and I thought, why tell him? Why bring him into this at all? And I was wrong. I should have told you.”
“Yeah,” he said tightly. “You should have. But some things are hard to talk about. To remember.”
Was he talking about her now, or did he have secrets of his own? Was he going to tell her? Would he hold that part of himself back in some kind of retaliation for what Kate had done?
“Do you still love him?”
Her gaze snapped to his. “What?”
“Sam,” Sean said, his gaze burning into hers. “Do you still love him?”
“I’ll always love him, Sean,” she said, knowing Sam deserved that much at least. “He was my husband, and he died. That’s not something I can just tuck away and forget.”
Kate had loved Sam with all the sweet promise of first love, and she would always treasure those memories. But what she felt for Sean was so much bigger, deeper, richer, there was simply no comparison. Sam had been as soft and gentle as a candle’s glow. Sean was the sun—searingly bright, all-encompassing and so hot you risked being incinerated by getting too close.
Yet she couldn’t stay away.
He moved in on her, and Kate shivered. It wasn’t the wind, not the sea-scented cold; it was the heat in Sean’s eyes that affected her. God, she loved him, and she knew she shouldn’t. Knew she should find a way to stop.
He set his hands at her waist and whispered into the wind, “Who are you thinking of when I kiss you, Kate? Sam? Or me?”
Is that what had been tearing at him for days? How could he imagine that there would be room for anyone else in her mind when he was touching her? Hadn’t he felt her surrender?
Lifting one hand, she cupped his cheek and told him the truth. “Don’t you know? Don’t you feel it when you touch me? It’s you, Sean. There’s only you.”
“Good answer,” he murmured, then bent his head and kissed her.
Here was what she wanted, needed. Here, Kate thought, was everything she couldn’t have. She sank into his kiss, letting the cold wind wrap itself around her as counterpoint to the heat pumping from Sean’s body into hers.
His arms were like iron, his heart pounding hard against hers. The taste of him filled her, and she gave herself up to the wonder of what she had with him. Her mind raced ahead, shouting warnings that were coming too late to prevent the hurt she would feel when this time with him was over. Deliberately, she closed down her mind, shut her worries away for another time. Now was all that mattered.
All she really had.
* * *
Waking up with Kate sprawled across his chest didn’t bring even the tiniest bubble of panic. Sean told himself he should probably worry about that. He never had women stay over. Hell, he didn’t normally bring women to his place—he went to theirs. This condo had been a sanctuary for him. His place in the world that was inviolate. But for the last week, he’d had Kate there with him and it felt...way too good.
She stirred, woke up slowly, slid her foot along his leg and his body went from sated to hungry in a blink. Tipping her head back, she looked up at him and gave him a slow smile.
“Good morning.”
He grinned at her. “Getting better every second.”
Rolling her over onto her back, he looked down into her eyes and stroked his hands up and down her body, relearning every line, enjoying the new curves caused by the gentle swell of her belly. He kissed her there, above his child’s heart, and then moved up, to take her mouth in a kiss that showed her just how badly he needed her. She dragged her hands through his hair and the slide of her fingers was the kind of torture, he thought, a man would be willing to die for.
Kate arched into him as he stroked her core, and she sighed his name as her hips rocked into his hand. When that first gentle release claimed her, Sean moved to cover her body with his. He felt the tremors still claiming her when he entered her on a whisper.
Dawn streaked the sky with shades of pink and violet and red as he rose over her and moved into her heat with a tenderness he’d never experienced before. She met him with the same gentle touches, the quiet sighs and the murmured words that made sense only when two people became one.
Sean stared into her eyes and watched as the climax took her. She cried out his name, and he buried his face in the curve of her neck when his body surrendered and emptied into hers. And locked together, they fell.
* * *
A couple of hours later, they were back at the office. While Sean made dozens of phone calls, checking in with distributors, shipping, retailers and wholesalers, he knew Kate was working with Jenny in the art department.
They’d settled into a routine over the last few days. Breakfast on the terrace—and how great was it that Kate not only knew how to cook, but also enjoyed it? His condo now always had some delicious scent wafting through it.
He liked their early-morning time together, laughing, talking, just the two of them. Sean had never enjoyed a woman as much. He loved the way her mind worked—she was smart, creative and the strongest woman he’d ever known. He admired that about her, too. She didn’t want to be taken care of, or told what to do and had no problem standing up and telling him so.
Every other woman he’d ever been with had wanted him to be in charge. But Kate had built a life for herself on her own terms. She’d lost her husband and hadn’t curled up into a ball to whine about it. She hadn’t felt sorry for herself. On her own, she’d turned her construction company into a thriving business, and now she was determined to raise a child on her own. Not that he was going to stand still for that.
He frowned, kicked back at his desk and shifted his gaze to the backyard garden. Color flowed in a serpentine spill across the length of the yard. Silky vines with bright yellow flowers climbed a trellis, and the birdbath Jenny had brought home from her and Mike’s honeymoon trip to Paris held center stage on the lawn.
Celtic Knot had seen a lot of changes over the last couple of years. Brady was married, living in Ireland and the father of a baby boy. Mike was married now, too, about to be the father of a baby boy and letting his wife drag him around on house-hunting missions.
“And me?” Sean mused aloud. “Ha
ving a daughter with my lover, who’s already started talking about getting back to Wyoming.”
He’d noticed she was getting antsy, and he knew she was ready to get home and back to work. What he didn’t know was what the hell he was going to do when she left. How was he supposed to live in his condo when every corner of the place would now remind him of her? Hell, he wouldn’t even be able to sit out on the terrace without thinking about homemade pancakes and syrup-flavored kisses.
No. Unacceptable. Sean made his living talking people into seeing things his way. He made deals, solved problems and always managed to come out on top. There’s no way he’d lose now. Not when Kate was more important than any other challenge he’d ever faced.
He wanted Kate Wells. He wanted their child, and he wouldn’t lose either of them.
* * *
In the art department, most of the artists were on computers, a few at long conference tables scattered with paper and pencils and markers in a vast rainbow of colors. Energy seemed to sizzle in the air. Kate enjoyed the atmosphere in here, with everyone working together on one project and yet separately, each doing their best to make the whole work.
It reminded her of job sites back home. Whatever project they had going at the time, each of her crew would do their best work on their own, making sure that the finished product was cohesive. She admired creativity, too, and spending the last week watching these people bring myths to life had been fascinating.
“I never realized how much work went into creating a video game,” she said.
“Believe me,” Jenny told her with a grin, “I know just what you mean. When I first started working here, I was overwhelmed by all of the minutiae that goes into the design and the artwork and the graphics. But now I love it.” She eased back in her chair and laid one hand over her growing baby.
Kate did the same and thought how nice it was to be able to share with a friend exactly what she was feeling. Their due dates only a couple of weeks apart, the two women had done some serious bonding over the last week. “Yours is a boy, right?”
“Yep. Mike’s so excited, it’s adorable.” Jenny smiled to herself. “Keeps bringing home footballs and baseball gloves. But you know what I’m talking about. Sean’s thrilled about having a daughter. I heard him telling Mike that his girl would be the first female pitcher in the big leagues one day.”
Kate rubbed her belly and smiled gently. Sean was excited. He wanted their baby as much as she did and though she was happy about that, it was also a worry. She couldn’t see how they would work this out.
For the past week, it had felt as if the two of them were playing house. Sleeping wrapped in each other’s arms, waking up together, sharing breakfast on the terrace, talking about their days over dinner. She’d gone to the beach to watch him surf and had felt like a teenaged girl when her boyfriend came running out of the surf to flop down onto the sand beside her.
They spent every night making love in the big bed with a view of the ocean, and every morning she woke to his kisses.
How was she supposed to go home and pretend she didn’t miss it? Didn’t miss him?
But she had to go home. Soon. Her crew needed her, she had a house, a life to get back to and pretending this time with Sean was real wouldn’t change any of that. She knew, though, that the minute she talked about leaving, that would spawn another argument.
“How do you do it?” Kate suddenly asked Jenny. “How do you handle being with a man who’s so sure of himself all the time?”
Jenny laughed, searched through the stack of artist’s renderings and said, “Oh, it’s not easy sometimes, but it’s never boring being with a Ryan.” She found the picture she was looking for and reached out to grab a deep red marker. Quickly, expertly, she added a robe, lifted in an unseen wind, to the character on the page.
“That’s really good,” Kate said, turning her head so she could see the whole image.
“Thanks.” Jenny shot her a quick grin. “Here’s one of our famous arguments. Mike insisted that the empress here should be short and twisted, your typical cartoon image of a bad witch. He wanted evil easily seen on her face.” She snorted and shook her head, clearly amused. “I told him that evil is much scarier if it looks beautiful. We went around and around on it. It was a fun fight, but I eventually won.”
“If it helps any,” Kate told her, looking at the beautiful drawing, “I think you’re right. She’s gorgeous, but there’s something dark in her eyes.”
“Exactly!”
“Do you argue a lot? With Mike I mean,” Kate asked, then added quickly, “I’m not being nosy, it’s only that Sean and I seem to butt heads regularly. He’s so damn stubborn.”
Jenny laughed out loud this time and set the sketch aside once she was finished. “Our arguments are legendary. When we get going, everyone around here heads for cover. Mike’s got a head like a rock and frankly, I’m just as hardheaded, so when we’re on opposite sides, it can get loud.
“But oh, making up is so worth the battle,” Jenny said on a dreamy sigh.
Funny, Kate thought now, she and Sam had never argued. They’d come from the same place, wanted the same things, it was just easy being with him. But if she was honest, at least with herself, Kate could admit that the fire between her and Sean was part of what made being with him so exciting.
“Kate,” Jenny said, sympathy coloring her tone, “I know it’s none of my business, but are you planning on staying with Sean?”
The simple question, quietly asked, suddenly clarified everything in Kate’s mind. She couldn’t stay. Her life was in Wyoming and Sean’s was here. Staying with him, living with him, was only making the inevitable harder on both of them. She had to get back to her real life and the sooner the better, for both their sakes. Meeting Jenny’s eyes, she said, “No. I’m going home. Tomorrow.”
Now, she had to tell Sean.
* * *
That night, they had dinner at a local diner, went to a summer concert in the park and then took a long walk back to the condo. Sean had been making plans all day, and he knew he had everything worked out. There was really only one way to solve their situation, he assured himself. All he had to do was convince her he was right. And since he was right so often, how hard would that be?
Once inside, they took the elevator to the penthouse level and walked into his home. In the last week, he realized Kate had made some changes not only to him, but also to this place. There were fresh flowers in vases, fruit in a bowl on the counter and the scent of the chocolate chip cookies she’d made the night before still in the air. Kate’s stamp was all over this once-empty space—and on him, as well.
“You want a cookie?” she asked, heading for the kitchen.
“No,” he said and stopped her by snatching her hand and pulling her up tight to him. “I want to talk to you.”
“Okay.” She reached up and laid one hand on his heart. “I have to talk to you, too.”
“Well, ordinarily I’d say ladies first, since my mother would kick me if I didn’t.” He grinned at her. “But I’ve been thinking about this all day, and I want to get it said.”
She smiled at him, and her eyes sparkled. “Okay, what is it?”
“I’ve been giving this situation we’re in a lot of thought,” he said, his hands on her shoulders, his thumbs caressing her even as he held on to her. “And I think I’ve got the solution.”
“Sean...”
“No,” he said, shaking his head, “let me finish. Kate, we get along great. The sex is incredible, and we’re having a baby together. I think you know there’s only one real answer here. Marry me.”
He’d surprised her. He could see that. But what he didn’t see was excitement, pleasure. Instead, he read regret in her eyes, and a cold fist took hold of his heart and squeezed.
“No.”
Sean didn’t
have a quick comeback. He’d expected an argument. Hell, he’d been looking forward to it. He liked fighting with her almost as much as taking her to bed. But the look on her face told him she wasn’t interested in arguing. She’d already made her decision. It was just one he couldn’t live with.
“No? That’s it?”
“You don’t really want to marry me, Sean.”
“See,” he said, “I think I do, since I’m the one who proposed.”
“That wasn’t even a question,” she pointed out, shaking her head. “You said ‘marry me.’ Like, I don’t know, ‘fetch me my slippers’ or something.”
“I don’t own slippers.”
“Not the point.” She held up both hands and breathed deeply before saying, “I’ve been married before, and I don’t want to risk that kind of pain again.”
“There doesn’t have to be pain,” he countered. “I’m not talking about love here. A marriage based on mutual need is safe. Neither of us risks more than we’re prepared to lose. It’s the perfect solution, Kate. You know it is.”
He thought he had her for a second when she chewed her bottom lip and seemed to be considering it, but then she started talking again. “I don’t need you to take care of me, Sean. And I can take care of myself, so why should I marry you?”
He went tight and still inside. She didn’t need him. Just like Adrianna.
“Besides, my life is in Wyoming and yours is here. I can’t give up the mountains in exchange for crowds and traffic—not even for you. And I know you don’t want to leave the ocean, so it won’t work. I appreciate the offer but—”
“Spare me the appreciation,” he snapped. Damn it, he was talking about marrying her, and she couldn’t have been less interested. First time ever that he proposes and he gets turned down? Was it some kind of karmic kick in the butt? Was the universe at large having a good laugh at his expense?
He’d been so sure this was the solution. All the time he’d spent thinking how much he admired her strength and self-confidence, and it turned out that’s exactly what was keeping her from agreeing to marry him.
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