When we were finally released for break, Adam walked out with me. “So, is that true? You were almost hijacked?”
“Supposedly. Crazy, huh?” I don’t know what happened to the people on that plane but my mom has had a thing against flying ever since.
“Definitely. Did you move away and move back or something?”
So he did remember me. Cool.
“We did move away but I hated my new school so I was able to transfer back here. Hopefully, I’ll be here through graduation.” He walked with me all the way to the bank of D lockers but when we saw Allie at Kim’s locker, he stopped short.
“Well, welcome back. It’s good to see you.” He squeezed my shoulder and turned back in the direction we came from.
“Thanks. You too,” I said loudly over my shoulder as he disappeared into the crowd.
“Beth!” Allie cried out as soon as she saw me approach. “I’m so happy to see you.”
Test number three. Would the few people that truly remembered me be able to keep up the charade? “I go by Liz now.”
“Oh, I love that name. Okay, Liz, welcome back!” She was a sweet blonde that never had an unkind word to say about anyone, which was ironic because her bible-thumping parents passed judgment on people every chance they got. It was amazing that she and Adam had turned out so well.
“Thanks. Hey, I just saw Adam. He’s like…hot. When did that happen?” I laughed. He was always a good looking kid but he’d definitely come into his own over the past few years.
“Uh, yeah. I don’t know. I hardly ever see him. He lives with my mom and I mostly stay at my dad’s.”
I glanced at Kim for help. She gave me a shrug and pulled a Clif bar from her purse.
“You live with your dad? Did your parents get divorced or something?” I felt like a shitty friend for not knowing her parents separated.
“Yeah. Last year. It’s fine. They weren’t happy so it’s probably for the best. The weirder part is that Adam and I don’t live together. I’ve barely seen him all summer. I think he’s avoiding me.” She looked sad but it didn’t seem like the right time to go into a deep conversation. We only had a few minutes and I had to pee.
“I’m sorry to hear that. But, I just saw Adam and he seemed great. Maybe he’s got girl problems or something.” I was trying to lighten the mood but it was clear that he wouldn’t have any problem getting girls. If anything, he probably had too many to choose from.
“Uh, I don’t think girls are the problem,” Kim said snidely. There was definitely more to the story but she had been left out for too long. I loved that girl but she always needed to be the center of every conversation.
“So, did you meet any cute guys yet?” She waited about a second for me to answer then jumped back in. “Oh, have you seen Austin? He’s like a god. Let’s try to find him at lunch and see if we can get his attention.”
Having always been thin and blonde and rich, Kim never had to try to get a guy’s attention. But, for my sake, she liked to act as if she had to work for it. It was sweet but completely unnecessary. I knew that she was the hot girl and I was the hot girl’s friend. That was how it had always been, and I had no illusions that a new name and smaller dress size would change anything.
“Not yet but we’ll find him at lunch. I’m sure he’ll be looking for you too,” I teased, even though it was probably true.
“Well, I have P.E. with Jen right before lunch so we’ll find you guys.” Allie waved as she walked down the hall.
“I need to run to the restroom so I’ll see you later. Text me if you find them before I find you so I’m not wandering around like a loser.”
~**~
My next two classes were similarly uneventful as the first two. I saw a lot of people I knew and only a few called me Beth. That wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected. When I walked into the cafeteria to pick up a salad and diet Coke, I found Allie and Jen already in line. Jumping in with them, we quickly paid for our food and went in search of Kim…and Austin.
It didn’t take long for us to find her at the front of the school. She was sitting on a retaining wall near the flagpole with a group of older guys around her. Of course. I didn’t recognize Austin but when I walked up to her, he stepped in front of me to introduce himself.
“Liz, right? We have French together. I thought I recognized you.” He gave me a hug that I wasn’t expecting. My arms instinctively wrapped around him and brushed against his muscular back. He was tall and slim but had a country boy style that we didn’t see very often in the burbs. Kim wasn’t kidding when she said he’d grown up. He still seemed goofy, with a toothy grin on his face, but he was less awkward that I remembered. And his hair was now cut very short with just some wavy curls on the top of his head. It was good look.
“Hey, Austin. It’s great to see you. I didn’t even realize you were in my class. I was just trying not to sound like an idiot when I introduced myself en français.” I laughed awkwardly because he was still holding me even though we weren’t really hugging anymore.
Allie and Jen also said hi and that broke the spell that had Austin holding my biceps like I was about to keel over. Maybe I was. I was definitely in shock at his overly warm welcome.
While they talked about their summer and the classes they had that morning, I glanced around at the other people in the group. There were about six guys that I didn’t recognize that had obviously been with Austin before he started talking to us. They were all older, juniors or seniors, and seemed to be checking us out. Well, they were mostly checking out Kim but one guy was staring at me.
He had dark brown hair and deep hunter green eyes that seemed to be glued to me every time I glanced in his direction. His strong jaw line was perfectly kissable and made me wonder what it would feel like under my fingertips. Or my lips. His straight hair hung down over his eyes a little and matched the super model vibe he was giving off. And there was something about his intense stare that gave me chills. I couldn’t tell if they were the good kind or the bad kind but his cool and confident demeanor made me feel even more insecure under his gaze.
His tan skin looked like he’d just stepped off the beach and I wondered why he was watching me. I couldn’t help rubbing my nose and running my tongue over my teeth to make sure I didn’t have something green in either spot. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I turned my back to the group and pulled a small mirror out of my purse to check my face. Nothing seemed wrong.
When I turned back around, the guy that had been watching me and one of his friends were standing right beside Austin. Without breaking eye contact with me, he nudged Austin.
“Hey, Auz, who are your friends?” Austin looked up and realized he was staring at me so I was his first introduction.
“This is Liz. She didn’t go here last year but I knew her in middle school. You probably remember Kim from last year. She’s a sophomore now. And these two are Jen and Allie.” Jen and Allie were definitely the shy types. Both were pretty and very smart but preferred to get attention for their high grades rather than their fashion sense. I could appreciate that. When your best friend is god’s gift to men, you get used to being a wing woman and not relying on your looks. It was a life lesson I was glad I learned early in life. I only wish my mom would have learned it at some point. “Ladies, this is Logan Cooper and that’s Randy Thompson hiding behind him.”
“Fuck you, Austin,” Randy said, punching Austin in the arm. Logan didn’t even flinch at his friends play fighting around him. He was completely focused on me.
“Liz. It’s nice to meet you.” Logan took a step closer to me and held out his hand. “Are you a sophomore too?” His voice was smooth as honey. It made me want to crawl up his chest to get closer.
“Yeah. You?” Well, no one ever accused me of being witty.
“Senior. You know, I feel like I’ve met you before but I know I wouldn’t forget a face like yours.” He stared, looking over my whole face, finally letting his eyes stop at my mouth. Then he leaned into Rand
y and whispered something in his ear. Randy looked back at me and nodded his head.
I could feel my face blush as I braced myself for what was coming next. This could go very badly so I had to either confront whatever they had to say or avoid them. As much as I wanted to walk away, curiosity got the better of me.
“What?” I asked, feeling more than a bit defensive at the secret they shared about me.
“You remind me of someone.” Logan smiled wide and his dimples made me forget to feel nervous about who I reminded him of. “Randy’s ex-girlfriend. You kinda look like her…but you’re way hotter.”
“Yeah right.” I didn’t want to be the girl with low self-esteem but I couldn’t allow myself to believe that he meant it. That a senior actually thought Beefy Bethy was hot. So, I turned around and walked a few feet to where Allie and Jen were talking. They were pretending not to listen but everyone within fifteen feet was following our conversation. It was too much of a spectacle to ignore. One of the most gorgeous guys in school was talking to a new girl, a sophomore, when her beautiful and busty friend was nearby. Clearly, it had to be a ploy to get at Kim.
“It’s true.”
I was trying to ignore the voice behind me but I couldn’t. My body turned toward him, desperate to change the subject to something less focused on my appearance.
“Whatever. I’m sure she’s just adorable,” I said in a snarky tone that I usually reserved for my mom and Jesse. Why I would ever consider being bitchy to a guy like Logan was crazy but my defense mechanism was in high gear. I had worked too hard for a fresh start to be humiliated by some jerk within my first few hours of school.
“I mean it.” He wasn’t quite whispering but it was obvious he was trying to speak just to me. “I used to think she was really pretty but now, compared to you, I can see I was wrong. Your blue eyes are amazing. And your hair…I love long hair.” He reached forward and twirled a curl around his finger.
I’m sure my mouth was hanging open but no words came out. Kim was even more shocked than I was and quickly stepped in.
“Logan, right? It’s good to see you. I knew Becky from choir. She was always talking about you.” Kim sidled up to me and practically shoved me aside to get in front of Logan. Probably her way of giving me space to gain some composure but it just made me mad. And jealous.
Logan winced at the name and took a step back from Kim. If I wasn’t one of the main characters in that scene, I would have laughed out loud. I’m pretty sure some of the guys did laugh but I wasn’t paying attention to them. My eyes were glued to Logan’s, watching his reaction to Kim and her proximity.
“You’re one of Becky’s friends?” His look of disdain was apparent. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
I looked to Kim and wasn’t sure if I should laugh or feel sorry for her. I’d never seen her rejected by anyone—ever. She was in shock and obviously mortified by his comment.
“We aren’t close friends. I just knew her from a few classes.” Kim quickly recovered, never really allowing herself to be out of control of a situation. “Well, it was nice to meet you guys but we need to get to our lockers.” With a swing of her golden locks, she strode to me and grabbed my arm. “See ya.”
Not quite realizing what was happening, Kim pulled me away from the guys with Jen and Allie on our heels. As soon as we rounded a corner, I stopped to compose myself. “What just happened?”
My friends were just as confused as I was but they were also beaming. “That hot senior was totally picking up on you,” Jen gushed. She was practically jumping up and down with her hands grasping mine as we relived the previous few minutes.
I looked to Kim for confirmation. She was the expert at this kinda thing.
“I think he was.” Kim seemed reluctant to admit it, but as my best friend, I think she was generally pleased. “He seemed to be really into you. You need to talk to him again. I’ll see if Austin wants to do something after school and maybe he’ll bring Logan.”
~**~
After school, I had to go straight to the elementary school two blocks away to pick up Riya and Simon, the two kids I tutored in the afternoon. Walking down the street with my mind replaying the conversation at lunch, I barely noticed the car that pulled up beside me. When the window rolled down and loud music poured out of it, I stopped to look inside.
Randy was in the passenger seat of a shiny new white Mustang. Such a guy car. Logan leaned over the steering wheel and caught my eye. “Hey, Liz. Can I give you a ride home?”
Seriously? I had to take a few deep breaths before I could force words out. “Oh, um, thanks, but I’m just picking up a couple kids from Washington.” I pointed to the elementary school field that was only a few houses away from where we stopped.
“Were you like six when you had them?” The half smile on Logan’s face made his left dimple call out to me. I just wanted to touch it.
“Ha ha. I’m tutoring them until their parents get home.” I started walking but he kept rolling beside me.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay, see ya.” I waved but didn’t make eye contact again. I wanted to climb into his car and go wherever he would take me, but there was no way I’d ever let him near my house. Thank god for the tutoring excuse or that would have been awkward.
Just as I reached the field, my phone vibrated in my bag.
“Hi, Mom,” I answered with more than a hint of annoyance in my voice.
“Hi, baby. Do you have any money here that I can borrow?”
Of course that’s why she was calling. She only called when she needed money or for me to babysit. Usually both. “I think I have a twenty in the blue jar on my dresser. You can have that.”
“Oh, actually, I had to use that last week. I can wait til you get home but I need diapers and a few other things that I can’t buy with my SNAP card.” Other than diapers, if there was something she needed that she couldn’t use food stamps for, it generally meant wine or cigarettes.
“Doesn’t Jesse have money to cover up his daughter’s ass?” I hated being so bitchy but they brought out that side of me.
“Don’t be like that. You know how he gets when I ask him for money. It’s just easier to ask you. Can you help or not?” Her guilt trips were legendary. Somehow, her poor life choices meant I was responsible for feeding her addictions.
“Yeah. I’ll be home by eight. So, how are the kids? Is Billy home yet?” His bus stop was one of the last for drop off so he got home late most days but I was grateful for it. Every hour in that house was an opportunity for him to get into trouble. And by trouble, I mean saying or doing the wrong thing and earning a whipping from Jesse. I wish he could stay at school until I could pick him up so I’d be able to shelter him a bit more. But, I could only do so much. As Kim always reminded me, I’m not his mom.
“Not yet. I’m sure he’ll be home soon. Oh, Macy just woke up so I’ve got to run. Thanks for the loan, baby. Be careful on the bus.” She hung up before I could say anything else.
Chapter Four
Low Profile
Mrs. Jameson was home by five thirty so I texted Kim that I wasn’t going to her place and walked straight to the bus stop. I was able to get through most of my homework during the long ride home. The bus was full but that was fine with me. As long as I had a window seat, I could easily block out the world around me. I found myself staring out the window and looking into every white car that passed.
I got off at my usual stop but turned toward the convenience store instead of heading straight home. Steve, the manager, was Jesse’s long time customer so he’d never think of carding me and possibly cutting off the occasional line of credit that Jesse gave him before payday. He was a decent guy but like everyone else that knew Jesse, he looked the other way when it came to the shit that went down at my house.
Grabbing a pack of diapers and Marlboro Lights, I figured I’d save Mom the trouble of another trip out. Gas was also something she couldn’t buy with her SNAP card and Jesse
tracked her mileage like the IRS.
When I turned into the driveway and saw the car gone, I froze. If Jesse was home, I didn’t want to go in at all. But, there was a fifty fifty chance that he was out and she was home with the kids. Not wanting to stand out in the street any longer, I put on a blank expression and went straight in.
Macy was standing in the kitchen and crying as Jesse walked down the hall.
Seeing the diapers in my hand, he tossed the pack of wipes to me. “Good, you’re home. She’s been screaming since your mom left an hour ago. Can you shut her up?”
She lifted her arms to me when she saw me. “Mama.” She called me that when she was upset or happy. I didn’t bother to correct. I knew she’d grow out of it eventually.
“Yeah, I got her.” I picked her up and took her back to my room to get her changed. Her face was sticky and she needed a bath but I wasn’t going to hang out alone in the house with him. As soon as she was dressed in leggings and a long sleeved shirt, I put her down in the kitchen. Jesse was leaning against the fridge, watching my every move.
“I’m gonna throw this out back then take her for a walk.” He pinched my ass as I walked past him.
“She’s quiet now. You should just stay and watch a movie with me.”
“Okay, in a little bit. I just want to water the flowers out front and then we’ll be back.” I heard Macy start to cry again as soon as I walked into the garage. Jogging to the back door, I quickly dumped the dirty diaper in the trash can and ran back inside.
When I opened the kitchen door, time moved in slow motion. Macy was still wailing in the middle of the room and Jesse pushed off the wall and walked toward her. I wanted to run or scream but I couldn’t do anything. Like the recurring dream I had where I couldn’t move or speak, I just watched as he lifted his boot to her chest and pushed. She flew backward like a rag doll and slid across the linoleum floor, coming to a stop when her head hit the far wall. “I said shut the fuck up, kid!”
“No, no, no,” I screamed, finally regaining use of my limbs and rushing to her. She was quiet, but alert. Her eyes were as wide and shocked as mine must have been. When she was able to take a breath again, the wailing started.
Safer Outside (A Mature YA Romance) (The Outside Series) Page 2