* * *
It was mid morning, but Ashley was probably still asleep, Sean thought when he woke up stiff and disoriented from a night spent on her hard couch. Stretching, he swung his feet to the ground and stood up. He only wanted to check on her, he told himself as he walked toward her bedroom. The door was open, and all was quiet. He paused in the doorway, catching sight of her in bed.
Lord, she was pretty. Her long blond hair spread across the covers like it had been prearranged for a photo session. She wasn't wearing anything sexy; a long-sleeve, gray knit T-shirt could be seen where the covers had slipped off. Still, she was gorgeous, her face like one of the porcelain dolls his mother collected, not a blemish or a wrinkle marring her skin. She looked like an angel.
A deep ache centered in his gut. He wanted her so much it was painful just to look at her. It had always been this way. He couldn't remember a time when he hadn't been fascinated by her, when he hadn't wanted to spend every minute of every day talking to her or looking at her.
It had all started out so innocently. They'd met in kindergarten. He could still remember sitting at her table, watching her color. She'd always liked to color. And she'd been so careful to stay between the lines.
As they grew up, their friendship deepened, despite the fact that they had different personalities. He'd always been active, energized, unable to sit anywhere for very long. Ashley could sit for hours if she had a good book or something to draw on. The rest of the world could be spinning around her in utter chaos, but there was always a peacefulness about her. Maybe it was that peacefulness that had called to him. With Ashley he could relax, he could be himself. He lost some of the nervous energy that made it impossible for him to stay on track.
When she'd gone to sea with her dad and sisters, he'd felt like someone had cut off his right arm. He hadn't realized until that moment that he was in love with her. Oh, sure, they were only fifteen and no one thought it was anything more than a crush or an infatuation, but he'd always known it was more. He'd dated other girls while she was away, but no one had ever made him feel the way she did. And he'd thought she'd felt the same.
He frowned, remembering her recent confession. She had kissed his brother. That was something he hadn't known, something he wished he didn't know now. When had that happened? And why?
It didn't make sense. Jeremy had loved Kate. He wouldn't have fooled around with Ashley. There must have been something else going on. Maybe someone had had too much to drink or something.
Oh, hell, it didn't matter now, anyway, he thought, running a hand through his hair. It had been eight years. And he wasn't really all that interested in the past; he was more concerned with the present. He'd held Ashley in his arms last night. She'd turned to him for comfort, and even though he still didn't know exactly what had gotten her so upset, he'd been grateful that whatever it was had driven her back into his arms.
He'd tried to stay away. He'd tried to make a new life for himself. He'd dated every kind of girl he could find. A few had made him laugh. A couple had made him horny. But none had really gotten under his skin the way Ashley had.
Shaking his head, Sean moved farther into the room, wondering if he should wake Ashley or just go. But he didn't want to go. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted her to trust him with whatever was bothering her. He hadn't realized how messed up she was until last night. He'd known there was something going on with her and the water, but there was obviously more that was wrong, and he wanted to know what it was. She'd always been cautious but never so afraid, so fragile. He wanted to help her. He wanted to take care of her. He wanted her to lean on him the way she'd once done.
He sat down on the bed beside her. Ashley moved slightly, murmuring something in her sleep. He put a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes flew open. Startled by his presence, she hit her head on the headboard as she hastened to sit up.
"Easy there," Sean said. "Everything's cool."
She tucked her hair behind her ear in a self- conscious gesture as she came fully awake. "What time is it?"
"Almost eleven. We both slept in."
"You stayed all night? I thought you'd left."
"I slept on the couch. I didn't want to leave you alone in case you decided to take a midnight sail to the mainland.
She flushed, embarrassment in her eyes. "I'm sorry I was such a basket case last night. You must think I'm nuts."
"I think something is bothering you. Would you tell me what it is?"
She looked at him with her heart in her eyes, and he saw the indecision there, the hesitancy. She wanted to talk but something was stopping her.
"Is it your family? One of your sisters? Your father?" he prodded.
Ashley shook her head. "I'm all right. You should go now."
"You know the reason I came here last night was to talk to you about Jeremy," he said, changing the subject.
She pulled the sheet up over her chest, twisting the material with her fingers. "Right."
"Just tell me one thing. Did you break up with me eight years ago because of this kiss between you and my brother?"
"Not exactly."
"So that wasn't the reason? Then, just out of curiosity, why do you think I would care about a kiss that happened eight years ago, even if it was my brother? Or was it just one more brick to throw at my head to remind me that you never wanted me as much as I wanted you?" He hated to think she would deliberately hurt him like that, but he couldn't discount the possibility."
"No, I didn't say it to hurt you, Sean."
"Then why say it at all? What possible difference could it make now?"
"Maybe I just wanted you to see me for who I really am."
He stared at her for a long moment, absorbing the pain in her eyes. "Do you even know who you are, Ash?"
"I know I'm not that girl you put on a pedestal all those years ago. I've made a lot of mistakes over the years. Kissing Jeremy was just one example. I betrayed you. I betrayed my sister. And I did it out of spite and annoyance and loneliness, and I don't know what else. I hated that race, Sean. It turned my family inside out. My father became this monster competitor, and Kate and Caroline and I got caught up in it, too. When the storms came that summer, it was only a reflection of how messed up I felt inside." She paused. "I'd get this feeling in my body, like claustrophobia. The walls would close in on me. I couldn't focus. The world was spinning, and the air was too thick to breathe. I'd do anything to stop the feeling."
"And Jeremy was part of that anything?" Sean saw the apology in her eyes even before he heard the words.
"Yes."
"Did it ever go further than a kiss?"
"No, absolutely not."
He nodded, insanely relieved. It would have been hard to accept Ashley and Jeremy together under any circumstances: even though it had happened years ago. "So, what's next, Ash? What else do you have to tell me?"
"N-nothing," she stuttered. "That's it."
He didn't believe her, but maybe there had been enough revelations for one morning. "Why don't you get dressed and come with me today?"
"With you where?"
"Wherever we want to go."
She smiled, and all the years, all the anger, all the silence faded away. "You always used to say that."
"Then we'd hop on our bikes and take off down the hill, remember?"
"Of course I remember. I beat you down the hill every single time," she boasted.
"That's because your foot never touched the brake. I can still see your hair flying out behind you."
Her smile turned sad. "God, Sean, where did that girl go?"
"I don't know, but maybe we can find her again. Do you want to try?"
"More than you know."
Chapter Thirteen
It was a couple of miles to Miramar Point, but Kate made quick time on her bike, finding a spot on a bluff overlooking the Sound that gave her an excellent view of the sailboats competing below.
There were a few other locals with binoculars in hand. One of those lo
cals looked distinctly familiar, wearing a bright red sweater that Kate recognized as the one Caroline had borrowed a month ago from her and never returned. Her sister sat cross-legged on the ground, her attention fixed on the water below. Kate flopped down next to her. "Hey," she said.
Caroline looked at her with surprise. "Kate. You're the last person I expected to see up here."
"The call of the wind," she said with a wry smile.
"You, too? I thought you were immune."
"Not when the breeze picks up. I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you about K.C. and Dad. You took off so fast yesterday I didn't have a chance."
"Did you find out why K.C. bought the boat?"
"No. But I did find out that Dad is going to skipper the Summer Seas. He wants to race against K.C. And here's the kicker -- Dad wants us to be his crew. He wants to make a bet on the race with K.C., and if we win, we get the Moon Dancer back."
"Whoa!" Caroline put up her hand. "Did you just say Dad is racing for the Moon Dancer, and he wants us to help?"
"I did. And the worst thing is that he was actually sober when he said it." Kate gazed at the water, but she wasn't seeing the boats, she was seeing the gleam in her father's eye when he'd made his announcement. He'd looked alive, happy, energized -- and terribly angry when she hadn't supported the idea. She didn't want to feel guilty at sticking a pin in his happy balloon, but, dammit, she'd changed her life once for him, and she didn't want to do it again.
"It's not completely crazy," Caroline said slowly. "I hate to see someone else sailing our boat. It doesn't feel right."
She frowned at her sister's answer. "Caroline. Snap out of it. Dad isn't fit enough to race. He's old, and he's drunk half the time."
"He still exercises, sometimes," Caroline said defensively.
"Don't be ridiculous. Walking down to the Oyster Bar doesn't count as exercise, nor does stumbling home."
"Just because I have a different opinion than you doesn't mean I'm wrong."
"What is your opinion exactly?"
"That maybe encouraging Dad to sail again isn't such a bad idea."
"We're not talking about sailing, we're talking about racing. They're two different things, and you know it."
"I know he's not happy, Kate. He hasn't been for a long time. You know what frustrates me the most? I can ask him out to dinner or stop by for a chat, and we always start talking about you. No matter where the conversation begins, it always ends with you, the one who doesn't respect him, the one who doesn't like him, who treats him like a child."
"I don't do that. Or, if I do, it's because he acts like a child."
"The point is, Kate, you're the one whose respect and friendship he wants the most. I could tell him it's fine for him to race. I could even join him. But he wouldn't be happy if you weren't there, too. You're the one. You're it."
"Caroline, I don't think any of that is the point."
"Well, you wouldn't." Caroline took off her sweater. "It's getting warm. So much for the breeze. It seems to have died down as fast as it came up. There will be a lot of disappointed sailors down there."
Kate glanced at her sister, about to say she was more concerned about her father's disappointment, when she was struck by the sight of several dark purple bruises along Caroline's left arm. "What happened to you?" she asked with concern.
Caroline followed her gaze. "Oh, I just banged my arm on something. It's nothing."
"It doesn't look like nothing." Kate didn't like the way Caroline averted her eyes. "Did someone hurt you?"
"I'm fine."
"Was it Mike Stanaway?"
"No." Caroline slipped the sweater over her shoulders, hiding the bruises, but the damage was done.
"Then who?"
"It wasn't a who. It was a door. I just banged my arm, that's all. Leave it alone."
"I think I've been leaving you alone for too long. Caroline, you have to tell me if you're in trouble."
"Would you stop being the big sister and let me be an adult?"
"Not when I see that someone has hurt you or that you've hurt yourself. I want to help. Let me help," Kate said in frustration.
"I don't need your help. I've got it under control."
"You call dating an ex-con under control? I heard that Mike hit his wife. That's why she left him."
"That's not why she left," Caroline said quickly. "But, I told you before, Mike didn't hurt me, and I'm not dating him. So drop it."
Kate didn't want to drop it, but pushing Caroline wasn't getting her anywhere. Maybe she'd have a talk with Mike Stanaway instead.
"Tell me more about Dad and this race," Caroline said. "He really gets to pick his own crew? I'm surprised Rick Beardsley doesn't want more say in it."
"That's what Dad said."
"Is Dad going to race to San Francisco and on to Hawaii, or just around the island on Saturday?"
"I didn't even ask him that." The thought had never occurred to her. Was her father leaving Castleton for good?
"So Dad could be gone in a week. That will be weird."
It would be strange without their dad in town. Even though he was often a nuisance, he was still their father, still their checkpoint, still the only parent they had left. "We have to stop him from doing this, Caroline. We both know what a maniac he can be. There are no rules out on the sea, no sense of what's right or wrong, especially where Dad is concerned. For his own protection, we need to take a stand, all of us together. Are you willing to say no to him? That's what I need to know."
"I'm not sure. Maybe if I race with him ..." Her voice drifted away.
"He'll like you better? Is that what you were going to say?" she challenged, seeing the truth in her sister's eyes. "Dad loves you, Caroline. I don't know where you got the idea that he doesn't. You're his baby, his princess."
"I'm the one who disappoints him the most. It's okay, Kate. I get it. I've gotten it for a long time. What you don't get is that we can't outrun the past. It's catching up. Every day it's getting closer. Don't you feel it?"
Kate did feel it. Even now she had goose bumps running down her arms. "We set our course a long time ago. We have to stick with it. No uncharted waters, remember?"
"Dad will race no matter what we say."
"We have to try to talk him out of it, Caroline."
"Fine. If you want me to go with you to talk to him, I will."
"Thank you."
For a moment they sat in quiet, looking out at the boats, then Kate felt Caroline stiffen next to her. "What?" she asked.
Caroline pointed to the water below. "There she is."
Kate squinted against the bright sunlight. Sure enough, there was the familiar bright blue sail with a white dove soaring toward the sky. "The Moon Dancer," she breathed. "K.C. can't be using the same sails, the same colors. He can't be."
"They wouldn't be in good enough condition," Caroline agreed. "Unless he had them copied."
Summer Secrets Page 20