LOVE AND HATE (A Billionaire Romance)

by Mia Carson

  If I left my family to fend for themselves, we could do this forever, just float around and around the world, with not a care. We’d focus on eating the best foods and seeing as many countries as we could possibly visit. I smoothed her hair back from her face and thought about suggesting it. I held back, though. I didn’t want to risk ruining this tenuous peace we’d found.

  I loved waking up next to her. She’d moved away from me on the bed, and lay curled in a tight little ball, the covers drawn to her chin and one bare foot sticking out at an odd angle. I was surprised by the moments when I felt real affection for her, as opposed to just lust.

  I stretched on my side of the bed, watching the lionfish. I could see a strip of blue sea around the corner of the drapes. Another day in paradise.

  Giuliana caught me in the gym lifting weights after a long run on the treadmill. When it comes down to it, no matter how outgoing my personality seems, I’m actually an introvert, so I need to carve out time for myself. I’d had a great day with Mackenzie, and Giuliana and Isaac were absent for breakfast, so I was feeling pretty good.

  I don’t know if she came to the gym specifically looking for me or not. I’m inclined to think not because her gym clothes weren’t the style she liked to wear when hunting for prey. She wore a full face of makeup, but then she never left the bedroom without one. I remembered mornings where she’d slip out of bed, put her face on, and return to bed before I even woke up, which added to the feeling no one could ever truly know Giuliana.

  She watched me finish my squats and descended on me. “Scott, what the hell are you doing with her?”

  My first instinct was to ask what do you mean or some other dumb question, but Giuliana deserved more than that. So I decided to be an asshole route. “We’re having a great time.” It wasn’t a lie.

  “I know you didn’t spend the night in your room in Playa del Carmen. Fighting already?”

  “As you can guess, it’s complicated.”

  She laughed – a dry, desiccated sound. She sipped from her water bottle, and I wondered what was in it. “I’ve tried bringing people into this life who don’t understand how it works. We’re not like them. Our worries are different. Our needs are different. She’s not going to be happy with you.”

  Giuliana didn’t know the breadth and depth of why Mackenzie wouldn’t be happy with me. “Thanks for the advice,” I drawled. I headed for the leg press, but she stopped me.

  “I’m going to tell her about us.”

  I froze and my jaw clenched. “She already knows.”

  Giuliana’s laugh was predatory. “It’ll be different hearing it from me, I promise. And Percy hates drama on his boat.”

  “Why are you so upset about this?”

  She looked like I’d slapped her. “We were supposed to get married, Scott. Are you an idiot?”

  “We talked about it being convenient. Mutually beneficial. Nothing more.”

  She opened her mouth. Closed it again. “Right. Nothing more. You’re like a vampire, Scott Creed. You suck people in and use them up. It may be fun now, but it leads to a very lonely life. I’ll make you pay. I promise.”

  She stormed out.

  My pulse thudded in my ears, and instead of taking a moment to process her words, I added ten more pounds than I thought was smart on either side to the leg press and tried very hard not to think about Giuliana or her statement.

  Mackenzie

  I was embarrassed by how much I liked life on the yacht. Anne wasn’t terrible if you didn’t take her too seriously, and if I answered her questions as innocently as possible, she thought I was just a cute little country mouse, more in need of saving than mocking. We’d spend a few hours on the top deck, first in the sun, then moving under a canopy when the heat became too much.

  “Your mother really had four children?” Anne sipped her daiquiri. “What did that do to her body?”

  “Five children,” I corrected. I drank water because I couldn’t drink in the sun. I’d be wasted and dehydrated, and I would get super sick. “And it ruined her body. I saw pictures of her in high school, and she was really skinny and pretty. By the time Cheryl was born—she’s the fifth one—she couldn’t lose the weight, and she was tired all the time. She hasn’t had her picture taken since 2000. She refuses.”

  Anne clucked and shook her head. I could tell she was thinking she was glad it wasn’t her. The lower edge of her bikini almost covered her own C-section scar.

  Eventually she left, and I pulled out my sketchbook. I drew for a while, but the motion of the boat, subtle though it was, and the heat of the afternoon conspired to make me sleepy. I tucked the book in my bag, rolled over on my back in the shade, and let myself doze off. The sleep I fell into was deeper and longer than I expected, and when I awoke the sun was in a dramatically different position. Giuliana lay on one of the lounge chairs nearby in the sun, on her stomach, the straps of her top undone.

  Ugh. Maybe she hadn’t noticed I’d woken up. Maybe I could slip away without talking to her.

  “I always get the best sleep on a boat in the sun.” She didn’t even open her eyes. She’d just sensed I was awake. Creepy.

  “Yeah.”

  She sat up, holding the bikini top—poorly—in place. I couldn’t get a read on her. Was she oblivious, was she so delighted about her body she loved showing it off, or was she so insecure that she wielded her tits like a weapon? I was fascinated by the plastic globes stuck to her chest. They didn’t move like normal breasts. Mine arrived, full size, when I was eleven, and I was about seventeen before I adjusted to them. I hated them at first, but I have to admit they’re one of my better features. And all-natural.

  “Are you having fun, dear?” That dear was like fingernails on a chalkboard.

  “I am.” No false enthusiasm there. “This is amazing. I’ve never done anything like it.”

  “That much is pretty obvious.” She chuckled like she’d made a joke, but I felt the barbs. “You know it’s not always going to be like this, right? When we get back, he’ll work all the time, and you’ll have a pretty lonely life.”

  “Giuliana, I really appreciate you trying to fill me in, but I’m okay. No more advice, please.”

  She tied her straps, anchoring the petite triangles of sheer fabric over her breasts. I wondered why she bothered. I felt positively puritan in my bikini—which I must say wasn’t something I’d want my mother to see me wearing.

  “It’s just that I know him better than you do.” No argument from me there. “In every way.”

  Color rose to my cheeks, and I sat up, drawing my knees in and hugging them to my chest. “You’re being rude.”

  “No, I’m being realistic. I’ve seen little girls like you before. You try to marry up, and it’s misery. I want to let you in on a little secret. The merger isn’t going to go through. No matter how much schmoozing Scott does on this boat, Percy isn’t going to approve it.”

  “I don’t care about the merger,” I lied. In recent days, I hadn’t really seemed to care about anything but that stupid merger. At this point, it pretty much defined my whole life. “I’m not here for the money. I love Scott. I would if he were poor. I wish he were poor. Then we could be together without any of this pomp and circumstance.”

  I said the words my character was supposed to say, but Giuliana’s proclamation rang in my ears. Not going to get the merger? That meant Scott wouldn’t pay me, but Mr. Fallon would let me keep my job and wouldn’t turn me in to the police. His offer was a cold comfort. I couldn’t keep the job. I couldn’t keep working for the slimy shark. At least if I got the money from Scott, I could start over with my head above water.

  “Look, honey.” Honey was worse than dear by far. “You’re pretty and you’re young, which are two of Scott’s favorite things. He’s going to get bored, and he’s going to move on. He’s going to regret marrying you because it means he can’t just discard you, which is what he usually does when he’s ready for a younger model.” Bitter experience colored her v
oice, and she took another drink. She lounged like a cat, like we weren’t having an awful, serious discussion.

  I stood up. “I’m sorry, I don’t need to listen to this.”

  “You’d better listen, because in a few months, you’ll realize how right I am. I’m the closest thing he’s ever had to a girlfriend, and I was always superfluous to him. We screwed when it was fun for him, we spent time together when it worked with his schedule, but it was never about me. With Scott, it’s never, ever going to be about you.”

  My red face burned. My rational brain struggled to remind myself—business transaction. He’s not expected to make it about me.

  “All the dominant stuff he does in the bedroom? It’s an emotional wall so he doesn’t have to get close. I hope you like it now, because when you stop it’s a real downer.”

  I gaped at her, my mouth a surprised ‘O.’ Of course she’d know about that. They’d almost married each other. I wanted to argue with her. I liked it, too, and sometimes we just had normal sex. It wasn’t always all about him in the bedroom. I had to go.

  “Just be careful. He likes to get caught in places. Turns him on to have someone watching. He’s untouchable, but you have a reputation to protect.”

  I fled from the deck, clutching my bag to my chest. I wanted to hide. The men had gone fishing off one of the smaller boats, so our room should be empty. I took the glass elevator, aware anyone who looked up could see my crying.

  I got lost on the fourth floor. Everything looked the same, with garish carpet and mahogany doors. I found myself aft instead of at the stern, all turned around. At last I had my bearings and fled to the room. We’d left the air conditioning turned up, so the room was excruciatingly cold after the hot deck. I put on sweats and a long sleeved shirt, clothes I’d brought myself. For the first time in days, I put on a pair of underwear. Not the stupid exotic, uncomfortable ones the shopper bought for me, but a pair of my own. Boring, white, cotton. Just like me.

  Everyone was so mean. Was this the life I’d thought I could be a part of? I couldn’t live my life in a world where I couldn’t trust anyone. I missed Susie. I missed the friends I’d had before I got sucked into Lucas. Before I’d moved to New York.

  For the first time, I thought about going home—not to New York but to Iowa. I would have to tell my parents I’d failed. They’d warned me about the city, said it was too much, too expensive. Everyone doubted me. Sometimes I felt like Scott had more faith in me than most, but the wrong kind of faith – faith that I could play this role to help him get what he wanted.

  Scott

  Kenz was out of sorts when she found me later. Percy and I were watching baseball in his theater, drinking scotch from his private collection. Being indoors in the dark on such a pretty evening was a travesty, but I’d had my fill of sun. We’d put money on the game, and it looked like I was going to come out ahead. My head was delightfully spinning—though not so much I couldn’t keep wraps on my trash-talking as the Yankees kicked the Cardinals’ asses.

  She came in like a quiet cat, short shorts, no shoes, and a long sleeved shirt. She didn’t look fancy, but the casual nature of the attire made me want her more than a cocktail dress would have. She curled onto my lap, resting her head on my shoulder.

  “I think I’m sunned out,” she murmured.

  “Me too.”

  “We’ll stop in Panama tomorrow. Isla Solarte. We can take a tour of the rainforest,” Percy offered.

  “That would be perfect,” I answered.

  “I’ll go up and let the captain know. Leave you two be. Let me know how the game ends.”

  “Don’t worry. You’re gonna owe me.”

  He sighed. “I’m afraid you’re right.” He left us alone in the dark room.

  “Popcorn?” I offered Mackenzie.

  “No, I’m wiped. Must be the sun. You mind if I go to bed?”

  “Feeling okay?”

  “Tired.” She paused. “A little stressed, too. Giuliana found me and was nasty again.”

  I stiffened. This trip would be so perfect if not for her. My buzz deflated. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s alright. I sort of ran away.”

  “Sometimes it’s all you can do. You want me to go to bed with you?”

  She pondered a moment. “Nah. I’m gonna read for a while.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yup.”

  “Sure you’re sure?”

  “You kinda drunk?” she asked.

  “Only a little. Not too bad. I don’t mind calling it an early night.”

  “Nah, finish the game. Do your thing.”

  “My thing is going to involve kissing Percy’s ass as hard as I can. He usually gets tired of people on his boat once we go through the canal and starts kicking them off.”

  “He really does that? Just gives them the boot?”

  “I mean, we’ll grab a hotel room and the plane will be here the next day. It’s not like we’re being marooned on a deserted island. It’s off-putting the first time he does it, but you get used to it.”

  She chuckled, but I could tell she wasn’t super amused. Giuliana could do that to you. “I’m gonna take off. You need anything from me?”

  “Nope. Sleep well. I don’t think I’ll be too late. You never know, though, Percy might want to bet on another game.”

  “My brother gambles. He can’t stop. My poor parents have bailed him out a hundred times.”

  “It’s a serious problem. I worry about my friend Ryan a little.”

  “I didn’t mean to be a downer. I’m headed to bed.”

  She kissed me on the lips. A nice kiss, blissfully warm and domestic. Who was this person I was turning into? What the hell would we do when the merger went through? I watched her go, admiring her round, tight ass and her long legs.

  Alone, I flopped back in my chair to watch the game. Yankees won, which meant two grand for me. Woo! The cash almost wasn’t worth collecting. More satisfying would be the look on Percy’s face hearing his beloved Cardinals lost.

  I headed up to the main deck and the bar there. Percy poured me a huge slug of whiskey, a bigger one for himself, and handed me the cash.

  “I’m going to turn in,” he said after downing most of the liquor.

  “There’s a late game on,” I suggested.

  “Too rich for my blood.”

  He left, and I found myself alone on the deck. One more whiskey couldn’t hurt. This was the good stuff. The best stuff. I poured another drink and a big glass of water and flopped down by the hot tub under the stars.

  “I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Giuliana startled me, I almost spilled my drink.

  “Okay…”

  She lowered herself in the lounge chair next to me. She still wore her diminutive bikini, but she’d put a sheer black cover up over it. Sexy, yes, of course. But I didn’t like her this close. “I can’t lie to you, Scott. I’m devastated you made the decision you did. I guess I got a little carried away, thinking about what could be—between you and me, I mean.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “I had these fantasies. I knew we agreed to marry because it was convenient, but my feelings grew into something else. Something deeper.” She handed me another drink. I hadn’t noticed her get up to get it. “Remember Cabo?”

  I chuckled. “How could I forget?” Four days of booze and cocaine. I’m not particularly proud, but that long weekend was a hell of a good time. We can’t undo the past, so we might as well enjoy it.

  “Who was the model you were seeing then?”

  I racked my brain. “Calypso Keeley? Maybe?”

  “No I don’t remember meeting her.”

  “Jennifer Cleary?”

  “Yes! That was the one.”

  Jennifer, Giuliana, and I had some adventures that weekend, if you catch my drift. I wasn’t sad to see that lifestyle go, though. I was perfectly okay with never having another of those weekends. My eyelids grew heavy. I tried to stand, but flopped back on the chaise, f
ar drunker than I’d thought. Could I maneuver myself into the room and into bed without waking Mackenzie? I hoped so.

  Giuliana started to reminisce about the treehouse resort room we’d stayed in, and I fell asleep listening to her.

  Mackenzie

  I woke up the next morning, the sun glowing low on the eastern horizon. I’d stayed up later than I meant to drawing, ready to hide my sketchpads when Scott walked in. Finally, I’d fallen asleep. Scott’s side of the bed was still crisp and unmade. He hadn’t come back to the room last night. Had he found out he wasn’t getting the merger? Was he upset? Or…

  Jealous worry curled in me. I remembered Giuliana telling me that she knew him better than I did in every way. I put my bikini on, picked up a paperback, and headed up to sit in the sun before breakfast. I liked the early morning—usually Giuliana and Isaac weren’t up before noon. I went all the way to the top deck and found Scott curled on a deck chair, a spilled drink beside him. I smiled. He’d been kinda drunk when I saw him last and must have kept going. I put my hand on his shoulder, and he rolled onto his back, eyes fluttering open. In the chair with him was a woman’s sheer, black wrap. On the chair next to him lay a light pink scrap of cloth—the top of Giuliana’s bikini.

  Just business. If I had a tantrum, a screaming fit, she would win. He’d lose the merger, I’d lose my money, but I’d keep my job. But the satisfaction she would get…

  “Hey, babe. I think I had a little bit to drink last night.” There was something unexpectedly endearing about his dopey look as he worked through his dry mouth, the way he shielded his eyes against the sun.

  “How could you?” My voice was loud.

  “I’m sorry. Percy’s Scotch goes down way smoother than I’m used to.”

  “Are you kidding me right now?”

  Anne appeared in the doorway. I ignored her.

  “What?” He started to get pissed. How could he be pissed at me right now?