by Mia Carson
“You’re a whore.”
“And you wonder why I quit.” I said the words Scott had suggested as I passed a business card to him. “I have nothing more to say to you. Anything else can be taken up with Mr. Creed’s lawyers.”
I saw him pale as he looked at the card, but he didn’t want me to notice. He covered it up with bluster. “You had a good thing going, Taylor. Nice fiancé, nice house, nice job, nice life. What the hell did you do to screw it all up?”
I thought about Lucas and shoved the thoughts away. I couldn’t think of him now. I wouldn’t. He was nothing to me. Dead to me, or as good as dead.
“Like I said, take it up with Mr. Creed’s lawyers. Did you need anything else from me?”
“Taylor, there’s protocol to be followed.”
“Do you really want me doing an HR interview?”
“Get the hell out of here. I’m paging security to take you to your desk and see you out.”
I laughed, but I don’t think I quite have the spit spatter down like that of Mr. Fallon.
Security was a chubby guy named Chris McCullough who I’d always been nice to and, as a result, had always been kind to me. Today was no exception. He started when he saw who he’d be escorting out, but held his tongue until we were out of Mr. Fallon’s office.
“Kenz, what’s going on? You look great… Where have you been?”
I held out my hand, showing off my wedding ring. “I got married!”
Chris looked dubious. “I thought you left Lucas.”
“Not him. I met someone else. Really fast, I know.”
“Fallon is an asshole, but you’re sure this is a good idea? You’re sure this guy is cool with you just, like, quitting your job?”
We whispered together like conspirators as I shoved everything from my desk into a cardboard box. I found my engagement photos with Lucas in a silver-gilded frame that I had shoved hastily into a drawer the day of our breakup. We’d had them taken in a corner of Central Park. The first photo was us from behind, his arm wrapped around me, gazing out at a duck pond and the skyline. The second photo showed him smiling at the camera and me adoring him. The posing of the photo spoke volumes. I tossed them in the trash and heard the glass crack in the frame. Good.
On the way out, with Chris at my elbow and trying to keep the smirk off my face, I tried to catch Susie’s eye. She had headphones on and seemed engrossed in her work. I’d text her later.
Chris swept me up in a big bear hug in the parking lot. “Take care of yourself, Kenz. I hope this new guy treats you the way you deserve to be treated.”
“He will.” I was so sure of myself.
While I was still in the neighborhood, I decided to swing by my favorite Starbucks one final time. Keenan, the best barista in town, stood behind the counter in front of a long line of patrons. There was another Starbucks a few blocks away, but everyone came here for Keenan. He saw me and beamed, raising his hand in greeting, though not breaking stride with the customer he was helping.
I pulled out my phone while I waited and shot Scott a text, telling him the deed was done. I’d quit.
How’d it go?
Honestly, better than I’d thought. Tell you all about it when I get home. The idea of home, our home, warmed me. Getting coffee now, want anything?
Scott said he was good, and I slipped the phone into my purse.
“Mackenzie?”
I didn’t have to look up to know who spoke. My blood ran cold, and I wanted to bolt, no longer caring if I got an iced caramel macchiato. Lucas stood off to the side, holding a hot cup and a bag. I knew without a doubt he held a skinny double latte and a blueberry muffin. I hadn’t seen him for about three weeks, which simultaneously felt like no time and forever. I wanted to run. I wanted to melt into the floor. I wanted to take one of the chairs and bash him over the head with it.
“Hey.” It was the only thing I could think to say.
“You look great. Do you have a tan?”
Jesus, Lucas, do you have to sound so surprised? I tried to subtly scrutinize him to see if he seemed remarkably more physically fit than the last time I’d seen him. No bulging muscles that I could see.
“Yeah. I’ve been on vacation.”
Lucas, intimately aware of the financial shit show he’d left me with, looked dubious. “Good for you.”
Anger bubbled up in me. The line moved, and I stepped to the counter. I gave my order, fumbling and tripping over my words.
“Are you okay?” Keenan looked concerned. Great.
I willed Lucas to walk away, to go back to Monica, to get as far away from me as possible. “I’m okay. It’s been kind of a crazy morning.”
“You let me know if you need anything,” he smiled. “I mean, other than an iced caramel macchiato.”
I gave him a grateful smile and moved to the pick-up area, waiting for them to call my name. Lucas, like a bad penny, stood nearby, watching me.
“How are you?” I knew he didn’t care and was only asking out of morbid curiosity.
“I’m great.” I held my left hand out. “I got married.” He blinked at me, his lips parting with surprise. “I quit my job today, too.”
Now he gaped. He looked at me like I’d gone mad. “Like… to do your drawing thing?”
Rage bubbled inside me. He’d always been so condescending about my love of comics. I bit the anger down. We were in a public place, so I answered with a question. “How are things with you?”
“Uh, fine. Nothing so exciting with me.”
“And how’s Monica?”
A red blush colored his cheeks, and he dropped his gaze. He shuffled his left foot. When caught, Lucas always managed to look like a scolded puppy. “She, uh, moved in.”
“That was fast.” It was out of my mouth before I could take it back.
Lucas was on me in a heartbeat. “You got married. Who is he? Were you seeing him behind my back?” All the sheepishness vanished, and he took a step towards me, all macho posturing.
I laughed at him. “I would never have cheated on you. I loved you. I wanted nothing more than to marry you and be with you. You’re the one who threw our relationship away. You ruined everything between us.” I was talking too loud. Other people were looking at us, including Keenan, obviously deciding if he should intervene.
“I can’t wait for your new husband,” he injected the word with venom, “to find out what a cold-fish bitch you are.”
Would Scott’s lawyers be able to get me off if I assaulted Lucas in a crowded Starbucks? I decided, like the mature adult I am, I wasn’t willing to take that chance. “Goodbye, Lucas.” Dignified, I raised my head and turned to leave the Starbucks.
“You know it’s not going to last long. You know he’s going to get bored with you just like I did.”
That was it. Scott better have a good legal team. I’m not much of a hitter, but I reeled back to slug him… and found myself caught up in Keenan’s arms.
“He’s not worth it, Kenz,” my favorite barista said in my ear. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Keenan loosened his grip on me but stood close, ready to intervene if needed.
Lucas opened his mouth. I used my eyes and dared him to say whatever BS he wanted to spew. Let’s see how fast Keenan’s reflexes really were. Lucas closed his mouth and walked out of the coffee shop. I saw his Ford Focus drive away, rolling past my Mercedes.
I thought a torrent of childish insults at his glowing red tail lights. I took a deep breath, thanked Keenan, and walked to the car.
Scott
The video file Ryan sent me sat innocently enough in the folder marked “ancient history.” I’d decided to delete it. Maybe I’d casually ask her if she wanted to make one with me, if she had ever done one before… Then she could show me herself.
The thumbnail showed Kenz on her bed, topless, with a sheet drawn up to her chest. My mouse hovered over the file, ready to drag it to the recycle bin. But I wanted to double click. I almost did. I heard the elevator doors o
pen, and Mackenzie wailed my name. Oh God, she sounded in a panic.
I ran down the hall into the living room. She looked so cute, standing there in a stylish navy blue dress and a pair of red shoes. The girl knew how to quit in style. She set down the cardboard box she’d held, remnants of her desk job.
“How’d it go?” As if I needed to ask. The distress on her face, the agitated way she held her body spoke volumes. “Do I need my lawyers?”
“I saw Lucas.” Lucas. Who the heck was Lucas? I ran through the rolodex in my mind, and just as I arrived at the conclusion on my own, she furrowed her brow and said, “My ex!”
“Oh, shit! Where was that? What happened?”
“So I quit, security escorted me out, and it was pretty awesome. Then I went to Starbucks, and he was there, and his new girlfriend has already moved in…” Said the woman who’d already gotten married to another dude, but I totally understood it wasn’t the same, since she never cheated. “…and he got really pissy with me because I said I was married. He said some really awful things. I almost punched him, but my favorite barista held me back.”
I took her in my arms. “Those are two chapters of your life that are over now, babe. You don’t have to see him ever again. Him or your shitty boss.” I felt her body relax. I pushed the hair out of her face and kissed her lips. She kissed back, curling into me.
In that moment, I knew I was the luckiest man in the world. Our tongues played together, and she wrapped her arms around me, sneaking her hand up inside my shirt and caressing my back. Every new moment with her led me to realize I’d never been in love before. I didn’t know how it had happened. I blamed the forced proximity, the no-holds barred candidness of the way our relationship began. And I loved the feel of her hands on me.
“Let me go put this stuff away,” she murmured.
“Meet me in the bedroom,” I whispered in her ear.
She practically purred with delight, all that nervous energy transmogrifying into eroticism. I loved that she and I affected each other this way, could tease out such intense physical emotions. “I want you in only those shoes when you get in there.”
“Anything you say.” Desire drenched her gaze, and I headed for the bedroom, tingling with anticipation. She went into the office to drop her box off.
The office. Where my computer was still on, the file still sitting there on my desk. It wasn’t playing or anything, but the file was a thumbnail depicting co-ed Mackenzie on her bed with a sheet drawn up to her chest. I should have deleted it when I’d had the chance.
What were the chances she’d look? Could I go in there and distract her? Maybe my computer had gone to sleep while we were in the living room.
I hesitated in the doorway to the bedroom, straining to listen. I headed to the office; I couldn’t leave her seeing it—or not—to chance. I stepped in the room to find her bent over, setting the box on the floor. The dress hugged her ass deliciously. I could see the thumbnail for the video plain as day. I needed to get her out of this room.
She stood up. “Hey, I thought you were going to wait for me in the bedroom.” Her tone was playful.
I couldn’t stop glancing at my screen. Go to sleep, computer. Go to sleep. “I needed you right now.” I rushed over to her and started kissing her, trying to keep her pointed away from my desk.
“You’re being weird,” she said, laughing.
“No I’m not. I just want you.”
“You’re totally being weird!” She laughed into my neck as I kissed her. I bet she could feel my pulse pounding as I led her to the bedroom. So close. So close.
Her body stiffened when she saw it. I felt like I’d been creeping across a glass floor, and when her lips tightened into a flat line, it shattered beneath me. She looked at me, hurt in her eyes. A tear rolled down her cheek. Her chest rose and fell, and her skin paled beneath her tan.
What should I say? She’d never believe I hadn’t watched it. “It was online.” God, stupid things come out of my mouth sometimes. Her eyes widened and more tears fell.
“Scott,” she said, her tone breathless, and not in a good way like I was used to. “He said he destroyed it. Chris said…”
“I never watched it.”
“I thought we agreed never to lie to each other again.”
“I’m not lying. I was going to delete it.” It sounded like bullshit even though I spoke the truth. Her chest hitched. “Baby, you’re going to hyperventilate. Sit down.”
She worked the ring off her finger and threw it at me. I remembered her telling me she’d done the same thing to Lucas and felt hot shame at being in the same category as him. She picked up her purse, dug out her keys, and threw them at my computer as hard as she could. They cracked the screen. I deserved that. She walked out the door, those red high heels clacking on the granite floor of the hall.
Okay. I would let her go. Let her blow off some steam. She’d be back. All her stuff was still here; she’d only taken her purse. Through the cracks on the screen, I moved the file to the recycling bin and hit delete.
I had no idea what to do with myself. I picked up my phone to call her, but I set it down. Better to let her calm down. I tried to rationalize all sorts of things… It was nothing I hadn’t seen before. She looked beautiful in that one shot I’d seen. It only made me love her more.
I went to the bathroom, stripped down, and got in the shower like I was trying to wash this terrible event off my person. I lathered myself, rinsed, and turned the water all the way cold, standing in the freezing spray. We’d just gotten so good together. We’d had such a breakthrough. We were in love, dammit.
She’d be back. I’d make it up to her. I’d do something. I could fix this, I knew it.
Mackenzie
I did not pass go. I did not collect $200. I had a taxi take me to a rental car place, got a car, and started driving. I didn’t stop, didn’t allow myself to think, until I needed to get gas in Pennsylvania.
How had Scott obtained the video? How was there a video? I filled up the car at a truck stop. I’d quit my job. I couldn’t stay with Scott if he’d seen that tape. Funny I kept calling it a tape in my head. Sounded better than sex file or whatever you’d call it these days.
I remembered the night, and those memories brought back a ton of conflicted feelings. Chris promised no one would ever see. I’d had fun making the tape, hamming for the camera. Thinking about what I’d done brought a red glow to my cheeks. Stupid, stupid, stupid me for trusting him. Making the tape had been fun, but the senior year break-up with Chris was not. There had been so much yelling that the RA came to see if I was okay. More hot shame.
Well, I was sick of feeling ashamed around men. No more. I was going home, my tail between my legs. I hadn’t even told my parents or my two sisters still living in Calico, Iowa, about my break up with Lucas, let alone my short-lived marriage.
Oh God, would he make me pay all that money back?
Everything was awful. My skin crawled. My heart ached and pounded, and a ball of nausea burned in my stomach. The coffee from Starbucks was all I’d had. I gazed ruefully over at the truck stop. I didn’t want to eat anything there. I wanted my controlling, overbearing mother. Wanted her and my dad to make everything okay.
I slid back in behind the wheel.
How had I been so stupid to think something could work out with Scott? It honestly seemed like everything was perfect. We had fun together. We’d laughed. We’d made an awesome, unified front against Giuliana. He told me how well we’d played off one another dealing with Percy and Anne. We certainly had chemistry.
But what kind of a person watched a sex tape of his wife and didn’t tell her about it? I really wanted to know how he got it. I couldn’t wrap my head around Scott… He’d seem so sweet and kind and into me, and then he did something like this. Or bribing me into staying married to him so he could get his merger. I’d blocked his phone number in the taxi, riding away from his house.
Did he mean it when he’d told me he loved me? Di
d I mean it when I’d said it to him? The question was a complicated one and opened many doors in my head.
It didn’t matter if I loved him. He had that tape.
Jesus. The sex wasn’t even that good. With Chris on the tape, I mean. We were both pretty drunk, and I was under the impression my boobs needed to be on camera as much as possible. Making the video was far sexier than watching it. We’d watched it a night or two later. Chris was into it, but I just felt skanky and lame. Porn should star only the pros. There are places they wax and bleach that I never did, and it showed on the tape. Ugh. Only a million more reasons to feel awful that one of the richest men in the world had seen it.
A little part of my brain, playing devil’s advocate, reminded me he’d also seen the real deal, just eight years and ten pounds later. My fashion sense was way dorkier in college, but it didn’t matter because in the movie I was naked. Likewise, my hair was pretty lame back then, but in the tape I wore it pulled back from my face in a boring ponytail. Inoffensive.
I thought about waking up next to him this morning, dragon breath, hair everywhere. He hadn’t cared. He’d kissed me, morning breath be damned, and we’d made love. He’d pinned me underneath him and thrust into me until we both came, his hand wrapped around my throat. I didn’t want to, but I shivered at the memory.
No. Bad Mackenzie. I pushed my thoughts away and closed the door on them. I turned the ignition of the rental car, pointed it west, and drove.
###
I called when I was about an hour away to let my mother know I was coming. She’d murder me if I showed up unannounced.
“You’re where?” Excitement and irritation mixed in her voice.
“I’ll explain when I’m home,” I said, even though I knew she’d spend the next sixty minutes frantically cleaning her already spotless house and stewing about what was going on. I’d driven all night. My eyes were gritty from lack of sleep, and I’d had a few rounds of serious crying. I looked like shit. I was going to burst into tears at the slightest provocation from my mother, which she would offer up with enthusiasm.