by JA Huss
"What happened?" I ask in a whisper as Tier comes up behind me.
"War happened, Junco."
Ashur walks up next to me, his posture still angry and stiff. "Is that righteousness I detect in your voice, Junco?"
I want to smack him so bad. Or at the very least tell him to fuck off. But Tier grabs my hand and addresses Irin. "Ready?"
She backs away quickly and Ashur has his hands wrapped around her chest, restraining her, before I even notice he's moved. "Not so fast, Psycho Number Two."
"Ashur!" Tier barks. "Shut the fuck up. I don't need this today."
Ash does shut the fuck up and I feel a little satisfaction that he still has to take orders like everyone else.
"Irin, we've talked about this," Tier says, trying to be reasonable. "You know what's gonna happen, you know you're not leaving here any other way, so do not make this difficult. Comply or I will knock you out like I did with Soli and drag your ass to that Pillar. You are out of options."
I look over at Irin and she begins to whimper. She's scared and I don't blame her. I've asked to go along and watch because I have this overpowering need to know what happens before I go to my own Pillar. Tier agreed because I insisted, but that means that Irin will have to fly herself over there and the guys will have to fly me with them because I have no fucking wings and if I can fly or float or anything like that, no one's told me about it and this new body did not come with a manual.
Tier prods me with his shoulder, a signal I figure. Go shut her up and let's get a move on is the message it sends.
But I just look out past the blackened remains of countless humans, and probably an equal number of avian warriors as well, to the column of light bursting forth from the forest about a dozen miles away. This is the first Pillar that will erupt on land, all the others have been in the ocean. A small relief to coastal populations everywhere I bet, but unfortunately for South America, this Pillar lies close to a major fault line that will be severely disrupted once the mechanism deep inside the earth is triggered.
It will cause yet another horrific natural disaster.
I swallow. How many will die because of Irin today?
And when they take me back to the Runout valley where my Pillar is located, how many people will die because of me?
I look up at Tier as a horrible thought strikes. "What about HOUSE?"
His brows flatten down over his eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"HOUSE? She's in Peak City." I start shaking my head and I hear Irin getting more hysterical behind me. Ashur is talking low to her, maybe to issue threats without me and Tier knowing. "There's gonna be terrible earthquakes, New Peaks is not that far from Runout, only a couple hundred miles, that's not nearly far enough away to be safe. Who will save my HOUSE?"
"Junco, this is not the—"
"The fuck it's not the time!" I scream—a bit hysterically, I admit. "I need her, I told you that. I need her!"
"She's an AI, she has a backup, right?"
"No." My head is shaking out the word and I'm trying to move away now. "No. She's not an AI, she's a little girl! And… and… even if she was still just an AI, there is no backup! I took the—"
He wraps his arms around me like Ash has his around Irin. "Darlin', listen. I'll get your HOUSE. OK? I promise, when you come back, your HOUSE will be there. OK?"
"But she might not be able to leave… what if she can't leave? I have to go see her, we can go there, it's on the way. I—"
"Junco." He interrupts me with a hand over my mouth. "We're not stopping there. The teams at your Pillar have a very tenuous hold on the area right now. We have no more time. We need to get Irin in that Pillar and then port directly to number seven. You understand? I will take care of her, I promise ya."
I stare up at him, my eyes glowing like fuck I'm sure.
"OK?" he asks again.
I nod and wriggle out of his hold so I can turn back to see Irin. Ashur has removed her to a place farther away from Tier and me and she is sobbing uncontrollably.
I'm not helping her at all, I'm making it worse.
"Go talk to her, Junco. Quickly, or you'll have to wait here and Ashur and I will have to drag her over there."
I take a deep breath and walk over to Ashur as I put on my soldier face. "I've got it, thanks," I say with the voice of a former cadet captain. It's pretty weak, but Ash just nods and lets her go. Irin turns to me, wiping her eyes.
"Please, help me be brave."
Oh my God.
I hug her. So tight.
"Irin," I whisper in her ear. "I'm scared too, OK? I'm scared too. But remember what I said, embrace the worst. This is it, OK? The end. We've got no choice."
This does not console her. Her whole body shakes against mine as we embrace our terrible futures together.
I try another tactic.
"When Gid and I were little and had a hard time dealing with something scary, we played a game. Do you want to hear about it?"
"Junco?" Tier barks.
"Wait!" I command him. "Just wait!"
Irin pulls back and nods at me. "Tell me, quick!"
"We'd take turns telling each other about a time when we were scared, and then we'd say how we overcame our fear with rational thinking."
She watches my face as I talk, her sobs slowing down a bit, and since we're pretty much out of time, I start with the most heinous thing I've ever had to do. "When I was back on Amelia fighting my way through Fledge I had to kill a friend because it was my duty."
Irin looks at me with horror.
"I struggled with it, but to be honest, there was never a doubt in my mind. I am a rule follower, and most of all, I always obey an order when it comes from the top. Lucan said I had to do it, and he was my top. So I did it. I am always afraid, Irin. But I get past it by following orders. For me, there's a lot of satisfaction in doing my duty." I shrug. "It's not very brave, I admit, but that's just how I work, I guess."
Her mouth hangs open as she processes my words.
"I've had a hard time living with myself ever since I killed Isec to be honest, but now I know that my friend went to a better place. I really believe that, Irin."
I pause and look back at Tier. He nods for me to keep going because Irin has stopped crying and is paying close attention, just like I did when Lucan came to me in the Fallen Archer church and told me about the state of their gene pool after I killed Isec.
"So we just have to put aside the fear and go forward. I'll go with you, the whole way, but only if you agree to fly alone. They'll leave me here if you fight them."
She stands up a little straighter and wipes her eyes. "I was never brave, Junco. I never overcame anything, I've never risen to any occasion. I have nothing to tell you back."
I smile at her. "Irin, brave only counts in the present. Past deeds of courage are just memories, it's the present that counts. Just be brave today and I swear, we'll leave that place together."
"We can leave together?"
"I swear I will not leave without you, OK? But will you make me a promise too?"
She nods. "Yes."
"Don't leave there without me, either."
Her whole face crumples and the tears stream down her cheeks again as her words come out as a whisper. "I promise, Junco. I won't leave you there either."
I mumble out a thank you as Tier and Ashur come up and grab my arms, then Tier nods to Irin. "Ya ready?"
Irin swallows down her fear and nods out a yes back to him.
And then we are airborne, flying out towards a massive column of light. The very same photons that I insisted were proof that God exists just yesterday.
Holy shit, I am so fucking dumb.
Irin flies as close to us as she can get and not be caught up in Ash and Tier's wings. I can't hear her heavy breathing over the wind we create, but I can feel it. I can feel it like my own heartbeat because it is my own heartbeat.
When the distance from the Pillar is reduced by about half I start to feel the heat and
my heart turns into a jackhammer—pounding in my chest so hard I feel like it will explode, like I am about to die and the last moments of my life will be staring into hell, because that's how fucking hot it is.
We stop suddenly and Irin bumps into us from behind and starts flapping wildly to compensate. Ashur leans down into my ear and yells for me to climb on his back. It's only then that I notice the noise, coming out of the waves of light, bouncing around inside my ear canals, almost able to smother out all other sounds. I look at Tier to confirm this is what I should do and he nods and lets go of me as I frantically grasp onto to Ashur's uniform, clawing my way onto his back and wrapping my arms around his chest as my knees squeeze his waist.
His wings flap against me, and we bobble in the air a little which forces a rush of adrenaline into my system. I shut that down as best I can. What a waste. I'll need that adrenaline later, I can't afford to use it up. Ash reaches his hand back and pats me on the head then grabs me under my knees and holds on tight. "I've got you, Junco."
I lean into his ear. "I'm sorry, you know?"
"I know."
Tier has his hands on Irin's shoulders, giving her encouragement or maybe instructions. Ashur takes us a little off to the side so I can't hear what he's saying, and Tier has his back to me, so I can't read his lips.
But I can see Irin watch him with an intense concentration. Then her eyes dart to me and she nods as she turns away and begins to pump her great wings. I've never seen her fly before today and it hits me just how spectacular she is. Her wings thrust hard for a few beats, then she soars, banking left a little, drooping downward then pumping again and rising back up, moving more slowly now. I feel Ashur take a deep breath and hold it, then look over to Tier and he does the same. I turn my attention back to Irin and she's got her hand in front of her face, and then she's shaking her head wildly as she pumps her wings hard one more time and bursts into flames.
I'm thrashing against Ashur, screaming out her name, but I'm no longer on his back, he's got my hands and Tier has my legs.
And then everything goes black.
Chapter Forty-Eight
I come to lying on the ground as boots shake the earth around me with their shuffle. Slowly voices begin to make sense and I log the chatter of a stressful military mission. Tier, Ashur, Ryse, Arel, Lucan, and Annun. Their voices flood my head as they yell and argue, some boots come very close to stepping on me and then someone is thrown down to the ground. I open my eyes and I'm staring at Annun's stunned face for just a fraction before he is pulled up by Tier and thrust out of my sight.
Annun announces my return to the world and then heavy hands are pulling me up. "Junco?" Tier's voice is low in my ear. "You're OK, Junco."
"No," I croak. "She burst into fucking flames! I am very much not—"
His hand clamps down over my mouth and then he's talking to someone else. "How fast?" he asks.
"Twenty-five meters per second," replies Arel. "And increasing steadily."
An audible sigh of relief escapes everyone in the circle and my eyes dart around wildly as I consider biting Tier's hand to make him let me go. He leans down and tells me sternly, "Do not even think about it, Junco. That will really piss me off."
Then everyone is moving, Tier is barking orders, Arel is collecting some sort of tech from the ground, and Lucan and Ashur disappear without a word.
Annun approaches Tier just as he finishes ordering Ryse to go back up to the ship and then the blue lights are there, picking up Ryse and Arel. "You want me to help with her?" Annun says, as he motions to me with his head.
"No, I got it, back on ship, and secure that area. Twenty minutes is what we've got, understand?"
He nods and then steps into his blue light and is swept up into the sky.
It's only then, when we are alone, that Tier removes his hand from my mouth and turns me around. His hands are firmly clasped onto my shoulders and he's leaning down in my face. "Look!" he says, pointing to the Pillar. The nanotech is not a column of light anymore, but a solid Pillar that is self-assembling as I watch. "She's alive, Junco. If she wasn't, that thing would not be growing. Do you understand me?"
I don't. Not really. "She burst into flames, Tier! How the hell can she still be alive? She exploded!"
"She's in there, I promise."
I pull away and take a few steps, waiting to see if he'll stop me.
He doesn't.
"Junco, you just have to trust me, OK? I know what it looks like, but I swear, she's OK."
I spin around, furious. "How could you possibly know that? Are you inside with her or something? Because I'm pretty sure none of you assholes know what's going on in there. And I'm so fucking tired of this shit! You guys have no idea what you're doing! You're guessing, like everyone else!"
He stares at me, his eyes glowing a bright green.
"And you just blew up my sister!"
He looks away and I take my chance, flinging myself into the timeshift. But I feel his grip on me as I enter. He overpowers it and brings me back out and we land hard in the spongy rainforest floor. "Stop it!" he screams down at me. "Just stop it, Junco. You're going to that Pillar, you will complete the Halo and you will survive, do you understand me?"
I take a moment to gather my anger and then I spit the words at him. "I do not take orders from you. I do not take orders from you!"
He laughs. "Ya do, Junco. You absolutely do take orders from me."
I shake my head and spill the secret I've been holding close since Gideon and I left the Subjack marketplace. "No, Tier. I take my orders from the top, and my top is Gideon. So you can take me to that Pillar and I will go inside, but it's happening on our terms. So take that, you arrogant piece of shit! I'm done being lied to, do you understand me? I'm done!"
He stands and pulls me to my feet with him. "Lies? You wanna hear about lies, Junco? That fuck Gideon has been lying to all of us since the day we met him at Subjack's! He sold you out to Inanna, he told her to take you for the Archer morph, he let her cut open his neck in just the right way so not too much blood was spurting out, and when Layla went to clamp it off, it was already sealed. Already sealed! They fucking played you!"
"No," I say, shaking my head. "I will never doubt him. I will never doubt him." The words just keep repeating, over and over like my own personal mantra, until Tier is shaking me so hard I bite my tongue and just stop.
"You better fucking start doubting him, Junco! Because whatever he's got planned for ya at that Pillar, it's a trap!"
I'm just shaking my head.
"What's the plan, Junco? What's the fucking plan?"
My head continues to shake out a no. "It's not true, this is our day. This is our day!"
"He's a clone, Junco! He's a motherfucking clone! You said yourself, he came back broken, he wasn't the same, he's not Gideon! He's a clone!"
"No, he's my Gideon."
"No, Junco." His words are soft now. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but he's not your Gideon. Your Gideon is gone, darlin'. He's probably been gone for a long time. I think they killed him, back when you were dragged from the safety of John Hando's influence that last time, that day you thought you saved his life, Junco? He died." He shakes his head at me. "It's a trap."
I squeeze my brows together. "No."
"Yes," he says with a soft conviction that makes me hesitate. "Please, listen. I'm not asking you ta do anything other than enter that Pillar alone, ya hear me? I'm not asking ya to give it to Lucan, even though he wants it. Or Sera, even though she wants it. I'm just asking that ya go in alone. Please do not take Gideon in there with ya."
My gaze drifts out and tracks Irin's Pillar as it makes its climb into the sky. She might be dead. They might all be dead. The thought of losing Esta and Moju just makes all the fight go right out of me. But I know one thing for sure. When I enter my Pillar I will absolutely not be dead. I will live and there's something so wrong and so right about that at the same time.
"Junco?"
I just shake my
head and take a deep breath as I count a few heartbeats to bring me back down to a manageable level of insanity. "Do you know the story of the Magpie Bridge, Tier?"
He stares at me with a very strange look on his face.
"It's a story Gideon used to tell me about the swan and the eagle." I stop and point up to the canopy of rainforest trees. There are no stars on the forest floor so there is no way to see them now.
I have Tier's undivided attention all of a sudden. "How's it go, darlin'? Tell me, quick!"
I take a long breath and try to make my point as efficiently as possible. "Well, you know. It's the same old story. Forbidden love and all that. Cygnus and Aquila want to be together, but they've got to overcome impossible obstacles. Cygnus can't cross the Milky Way to be with Aquila because the little fox Vulpecula will eat her. And Aquila can't cross the Milky Way to be with Cygnus because Jupiter will shoot him in the heart with his arrow and break his love."
I sigh.
"Is that it?" he asks.
"No, it's got the proper unhappily ever after. They find a way, the magpies make a bridge that allows them to cross the Milky Way. But the doomed lovers only get one night a year." I stop again and picture it up in the sky one more time. Cygnus diving down, Aquila soaring up. And the freaking Milky Way that separates them for eternity. "Every time Gid told me that ending I always thought about that one night and it isn't enough, ya know? It's just not enough. I need more than one night of happiness a year. I'm just greedy I guess, because that won't satisfy me. It's not worth it." I look up at him and stare in his eyes.
"What's not worth it, Junco?"
"All the hurt that comes with that little bit of love." I shrug out an apology. "That's just how I feel. It's not worth it. And really, that ending is the total happy version, because in the one Gid told me for years, they never got to be together at all. Ever." I look over at Tier and feel so freaking tired, I want to lie down and sleep for eternity. "But when I saw Gideon that last time, back in the Stag before I really went insane, I was so upset at our goodbye he told me a new version of the story's ending."