She checked her phone, scrolling through her list of contacts, but none of her busy friends would be free at such short notice and she realised she’d never felt quite so desolate and alone.
What was she going to do with the rest of her life?
She was supposed to have worked out the answer to this while she was in Australia, but she’d been distracted by everything else that had happened there.
Now . . . she felt lost and . . . old.
Her parents and her brother were already dead and she was facing a lonely old age. When she considered her future and possible retirement, she felt extremely under-prepared.
Wandering aimlessly, she reached Selfridges, where she was tempted to console herself with the purchase of a wonderfully bohemian Isabel Marant skirt. But she knew self-indulgence wouldn’t work for her today, so she bought a sensational pair of pink skinny jeans for Bella instead. She knew her niece’s size. She’d already bought Bella a black pair by the same designer and they would be a perfect Christmas gift, even if they arrived a little late.
Then she went searching for a gift for Virginia.
*
By the end of the day Liz was quite laden with packages, so she took a taxi home. It was already dark, of course. Sod English winters.
As the cab turned into Godfrey Street, Liz saw snowflakes dancing in the glow of the streetlights. Unfortunately she was too out of sorts to feel any of the usual excitement about the possibility of a white Christmas.
Bah, humbug!
Admittedly, as soon as she let her friends know she was home there would be party invitations . . .
Perhaps she would soon slip back into a semblance of her old life . . . and it was always possible that today’s blow to her ego was another life lesson she’d needed . . .
But surely she’d had enough of those already.
The cab pulled up at her door. She paid the driver and gathered up her parcels.
‘Blimey it’s a cold ’un,’ the cabby said as she opened the door and an Arctic wind gusted up the street. ‘Good weather for penguins,’ he called after her as she hurried up her front steps.
She wished she’d had the forethought to extract her door key from her handbag while she was still in the taxi. Annoyed, she juggled parcels, feeling with gloved fingers for her keys. Somewhere in the middle of her efforts, a small box slipped from her grip and bounced down the steps to the footpath.
Damn.
Finally she got the door open, switched on a light, dumped her parcels in the hall and turned to hurry back down the steps to rescue the rather expensive gift box of spices and teas.
There was a man on the footpath and he’d beaten her to it. Already he was bending down and scooping it up.
‘Oh, thank you,’ Liz called to him in case he was planning to run off with it. ‘So kind of you.’
Was it her imagination or was there something familiar about him?
Snowflakes floated onto her black coat as she hurried down the path. His coat, as he straightened, was also sprinkled with white.
Her heart skidded against her ribs. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. Her mind was playing tricks.
‘Can I carry this inside for you?’ he asked.
‘Jack?’ she whispered. ‘Jack Roper?’
He chuckled. ‘Well, I’m certainly not Jack the Ripper.’
43.
‘I’m completely undomesticated,’ Liz warned Jack as they sat at the small table in her black and white tiled kitchen, dipping crusty bread into deep bowls of steaming potato and leek soup. ‘I didn’t make this soup. I’m afraid I’m not likely to slave over a hot stove now that I’m back in London. Not with Marks & Spencer just around the corner.’
She felt it was important to set Jack straight about her shortcomings. She was still trying to assess this astonishing development, still seesawing between joy and dismay that he’d come all this way when their parting had been so unhappy. And so very definite.
‘Why apologise? I can’t think of anything better,’ Jack said, tucking into her soup with gusto, giving a nod that took in her cosy kitchen and the snowflakes swirling past the glass doors that led to her handkerchief-sized backyard. ‘Especially on a cold winter’s night.’
He smiled at her, deepening the creases around his eyes and rekindling the fizz of excitement that had begun when she discovered him at her front gate.
They hadn’t jumped into bed like young lovers, but Jack had accepted her invitation to stay the night and somehow Liz couldn’t imagine him sleeping in the guest bedroom.
So far they’d had a sedate drink in the sitting room while Jack informed her that Alex was spending Christmas with his other grandparents. In turn, Liz had confessed about her upsetting day with Evan.
It was then that Jack had gallantly invited her out to dinner. Liz knew he’d wanted to cheer her up, but she’d also known that he had to be dead-tired after his long journey and she’d suggested a hot bath and supper at home.
‘Sounds perfect,’ Jack had said gratefully.
So here they were.
And because she couldn’t hold back a moment longer, she said, ‘I hadn’t expected to tell you this, Jack, but after my breakdown at Peter’s funeral, I saw my baby’s father.’
Jack’s eyes widened.
‘I caught up with him in Brisbane before I left.’
There was a long moment before Jack spoke. ‘How did the meeting go?’
‘Very well, thanks. I told Matthew everything and it was a shock, of course. We both had a bit of a wobbly moment, but after a meal and a bottle of wine and a long talk, I knew I’d done the right thing. I felt cleansed and . . . ’ Liz paused, searching for the right word. ‘I think I felt restored.’
‘Catharsis.’
‘Yes. It was so good to finally take the lid off that horrible guilt.’ She sighed. ‘I’ll never completely forgive myself.’
Reaching across the table Jack covered her hand with his. ‘You don’t have the monopoly on guilt, Liz. Look at the way I ignored Alex’s musical talent for almost twelve months.’
‘Alex will be fine.’
‘And we’ll be fine, too,’ Jack said, letting his hand stay there, holding hers.
We?
Liz’s heart gave the most incredible girlish flutter. ‘Perhaps you’d better tell me why you’re here.’
He smiled. ‘Can’t you guess?’
‘I’d rather know for sure.’
‘I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I can’t forget what you said on the day of your concert.’
‘Was that before or after I kissed you?’
‘What do you think?’ He smiled and his grip on her hand tightened. ‘After you comprehensively kissed the hell out of me.’
The gruffness in his voice caused the most delicious pang in Liz. ‘I’m afraid you’ll have to remind me,’ she prompted. ‘What did I say?’
‘You told me that you had to go back to London, but that didn’t mean we had to close the door straightaway. We could consider our options.’
How confident she’d been that day, riding on a post-performance high.
‘And so . . . ’ said Jack. ‘That’s why I’m here. I’m planning to revisit those options.’
Even before he finished the sentence, he was out of his chair and drawing Liz to him and his arms felt strong and warm and safe. Masterful and sexy.
And this time, when they kissed, it was Jack who took charge and Liz felt her heart floating to a completely new level of happiness.
44.
Bella woke early and slipped from her bed, then pushed open the French doors that led to the verandah. The morning was beautiful, not too hot outside yet. She could hear corellas and cockatoos calling to each other in the trees along the creek, and closer to the homestead, apostle birds chattered in the grevilleas.
It was the start of a typical summer’s day at Mullinjim and these were the sounds of home, the sounds she loved. She thought about the decision she’d made last night to stay
here and a new sense of determination settled comfortably inside her. Despite her uncertainty about where she stood with a certain neighbour and despite another night of tossing and turning, she knew she’d made the right choice.
Crossing to the verandah railing, she leaned forward, resting her forearms on the flat timber as she looked out over the sun-bleached paddocks that sloped to the creek. The storms had laid some of the dust, but another long hot day would soon dry everything out again. The country needed proper rain, days and weeks of drenching, wet-season rain.
Meanwhile, she would have to make another check of the dams and water troughs. She would probably take the ute, although if she left early enough, she could ride Striker and that would be fun.
Even better fun to ride Sassy.
The sudden thought of her old horse caused an odd little jolt inside Bella. With everything that had happened in the past week, she’d almost forgotten Nikki’s phone call and the news that Sassy was for sale. But now that she’d made the brave decision to stay on Mullinjim – no matter what – it made sense to reclaim the beautiful, sleek, intelligent horse she’d loved, the horse she’d so desperately missed.
It made perfect sense.
Fabulous sense.
Of course there was a chance Sassy had already been sold. Who wouldn’t leap at the opportunity to own such a beautiful animal?
But if, by some fluke, she was still free, Bella knew she wanted her.
If she closed her eyes she could hear the drum of Sassy’s hooves and she could feel the rhythm of her long, sure stride. Could even hear the familiar snort of greeting that the horse had always given her.
There’d been a time when Bella had felt so close to Sassy that the horse had almost felt like another member of the family, and now she was gripped by a sudden, overpowering urge to ring Nikki Browne. Unfortunately it was a bit too early – the sun had barely risen.
Waiting till a respectable hour was agony, and at the very first chance, before her mother or Luke appeared for breakfast, Bella dashed to the phone, praying that Nikki would answer.
‘Yeah?’ The voice at the other end was yawning and sleepy.
Another yawn sounded in Bella’s ear as she greeted Nikki.
‘Oh, hi, Bella.’ The girl’s voice softened with sympathy. ‘How are you feeling today?’
‘Not bad, thanks. I hope it’s not too early for you, but I’m ringing about Sassy.’
‘Oh.’
There was an ominous ring to the single syllable and even though Bella hadn’t eaten, her stomach felt heavy. Nervously, she asked, ‘Is there any chance Sassy’s still for sale?’
‘Um, actually, no . . . Sorry. Not . . . really.’
The heaviness shifted to Bella’s chest. ‘Do you mean she’s been sold?’
‘Yeah. ’Fraid she was.’
Bella knew her disappointment was unreasonable, but a queasy weight pressed under her diaphragm, making it hard for her to breathe. ‘Who bought her?’ She had to ask.
‘Well, it’s a bit of a long story.’ Nikki sounded defensive. ‘You see, Sassy was passed in at the auction down at Hughenden and then I made an offer––’
‘You, Nikki?’
‘Well, yeah. Why not? You said you weren’t interested.’ Nikki’s voice was tight now and even more defensive.
‘It wasn’t so much that I wasn’t interested,’ Bella said lamely.
‘Well, you told me you might be going back to Europe.’
‘Oh, yes.’ Bugger. She had told Nikki that, that hadn’t she? ‘You’re quite right.’ Bella grimaced, remembering. But that was before . . .
‘To be honest I was really proud of myself,’ Nikki went on. ‘I managed to get a loan from the bank.’
‘Oh? Well done.’ Bella suspected she was coming across as indifferent, even bitter, but she couldn’t manage enthusiasm when her mind was already racing ahead, trying to calculate a counter-offer.
‘But then I made the mistake of mentioning it to Gabe,’ Nikki said.
The mere mention of Gabe sent shock exploding like a firecracker in Bella’s face. ‘What’s Gabe got to do with Sassy?’
‘Well . . . I simply said something very briefly the other day at the funeral. I told Gabe that I’d bought her, et cetera, and blow me down if he didn’t ring the next day and make me an offer.’
‘Gabe?’
Bella couldn’t have been more stunned, or stung, if a bullet had arrived through the kitchen window and lodged in the centre of her chest.
‘He wants her for Sarah and Ellie,’ Nikki said.
‘Is that what he told you?’
‘Sure. It figures, doesn’t it?’
‘Not really.’ No way. Gabe wouldn’t do that.
‘Well, that’s what he said.’
‘He actually told you he was buying Sassy for his sisters?’
‘Yup.’
Bella was so shocked she was shaking. She liked to think she was above jealousy, but the thought of Gabe’s sisters enjoying Sassy was like a poison dart. How could he do that? He knew Sarah and Ellie couldn’t possibly love Sassy the way she did. They would spoil her, treat her as a pet, the way they’d spoiled George Clooney. They’d probably rename her Lady Gaga and plait her mane with pink satin ribbons.
‘Nikki.’ Bella’s grip on the phone was white-knuckled. ‘Please don’t let Gabe have Sassy. I think – no actually, I’m certain I can make a better offer.’
‘Bella, I’m sorry, it’s too late. Gabe picked her up yesterday afternoon.’
Bella reached for a stool as her knees gave way. ‘You’re joking.’
‘Of course I’m not joking. Anyway what’s your problem? How was I supposed to know you were keen? You said you were going away.’
‘I’m not now,’ Bella said weakly.
‘Gabe made an offer too good to refuse.’
‘How – how good?’
Nikki sighed. ‘Well, if you insist on asking, he gave me eighteen thousand for her.’
Bella gulped. This was twice what she’d paid for the horse four years ago.
‘I had no idea you were in the market,’ Nikki added impatiently. ‘Did you expect me to ring you again so you and Gabe could have a bidding war?’
Gabe should have rung me.
This realisation sent nasty chills through Bella. How could Gabe do something so underhanded and hurtful as to buy her favourite horse without any discussion?
For his sisters?
At the funeral he’d seemed concerned and kind, and she’d foolishly put all her faith in their short conversation.
We need to talk . . .
She’d been dreaming of a super-happy make-up reunion. Now Gabe’s purchase for his sisters proved how very wrong she’d been and she was struggling to hold herself together.
‘Sorry if I snapped,’ she told Nikki dispiritedly. ‘It’s not your fault.’
Bella felt drained and defeated as she said goodbye. In a few short days she’d lost her dad and now it looked as if she’d also lost Gabe. He wouldn’t have done this if he felt about her the way she felt for him.
She might have phoned him to give him a piece of her mind if her mother hadn’t chosen that moment to wander into the kitchen in a floral cotton dressing-gown and flip-flops.
‘Morning, dear,’ she said as she headed straight for the kettle.
‘Mum.’
Her mother turned, looked at her and frowned. ‘Bella, what is it? What’s happened?’
Bella swallowed. ‘I’ve just been on the phone. I was trying to buy Sassy back.’ Without waiting for a response she hurried on. Even though she felt gutted and totally lost, she needed to find the strength to fight for Sassy. ‘There’s still a chance, but I need to act quickly. Can I – ah – borrow the chequebook?’
It was no surprise that her mother’s frown deepened. ‘This is a bit sudden, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah, it’s out of the blue. But I only just found out about Sassy and there’s this small window of opportunity.’ For all Bella kn
ew, Gabe’s sisters might already be home on Redman Downs, saddling up Sassy.
‘I’ll make sure I pay it back, Mum. I’ll earn the money.’
‘How much do you need?’
Bella grimaced. ‘I’m not exactly sure.’
‘Come on, Bella, give me a ballpark figure. You must have some idea.’
‘Maybe twenty grand?’
Her mother’s blue eyes widened as she whistled.
‘Mum, please. It would mean so much to me to have Sassy back here.’
‘Where is she now?’
‘On Redman Downs.’
‘Really?’ For an uncomfortable stretch of time Bella suffered her mother’s raised-eyebrow scrutiny. ‘I haven’t liked to ask. Are you . . . on good terms with Gabe . . . now?’
‘Sure.’ Just in time, Bella stopped herself from snapping. If she wanted her mum’s support, she had to sound reasonable, even though her insides were breaking into bleeding chunks.
At last her mother shrugged. ‘Twenty thousand sounds very steep to me, but we haven’t bought a horse for quite some time and you’ve been looking after the books, Bella. You know more than I do about our finances at the moment. Sassy’s certainly a very good horse. If you think we can afford her, I trust you.’
‘Thanks.’ Bella rushed across the room to deliver a swift hug. ‘I need to get cracking.’ She had to reach Redman Downs before Gabe set off for work. ‘I’m not sure how long I’ll be, but I’ll check the water troughs as soon as I get back.’
The next few minutes were a whirlwind, but it helped to have a mission. In no time, Bella was belting along the track with a Mullinjim chequebook on the seat beside her and a horse trailer rattling behind the ute. Inside she was a mass of despair and anger, and on top of everything waves of panic rippled.
How could she live without Gabe?
Last time she’d seen Gabe, at the funeral, she’d been sure she’d read hope and promise in his eyes, and she’d been quietly confident that everything was going to be okay between them.
Gloriously okay. Better than okay.
She’d never dreamed . . .
Ahead of her, a kangaroo leaped out of bushes and onto the track. Bella braked and shoved her fist on the horn, nearly frightening the roo out of its skin.
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