She tucked a curl behind her ear with a shaky hand, then adjusted her purse strap on her shoulder. “How about you? Still living outside town?”
Heat scorched his face. “Same place.”
Her eyes glistened. “At...at our house?”
Our house. He gritted his teeth and looked away. It’d stopped being their house the day she’d asked for a divorce, crying for hours in his arms and saying she loved him but that a future without children of her own wasn’t the life she’d envisioned. That adopting and being a mother to someone else’s child wouldn’t be enough.
And the hell of it was, he’d known it was coming. Had seen it solidifying in her eyes for months after they learned of his infertility. Before, their disappointment at being unable to conceive could be brushed aside, but once they’d discovered the possibility of a pregnancy was nonexistent, it was an issue they could no longer ignore.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I thought you would’ve sold it after—” Her voice broke, and she moved closer. “It’s just that I still think of it as our place, you know? I still think of how beautiful it was and how many good times we had.” She stopped and refocused on Brody, her lower lip trembling and face paling. “I’ve wanted to call you for a long time. I wanted to tell you—”
“Found ’em.”
Tammy’s hip bumped against his. She tossed a pack of balloons in the cart, then glanced up, stilling as she noticed Susan.
“Oh.” Tammy looked from Susan to him, then back again, her smile fading. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re not,” Alex said. His chest tightened painfully, and he struggled to soften the hard edge in his tone. “We’re done. Aren’t we, Susan?”
An uncomfortable silence ensued, stretching on for what seemed like an eternity, until Susan spoke, her voice strained.
“I just wanted to tell you that I wish things had turned out differently. That I’m sorry. For everything.” She backed away. “You look good holding a baby, Alex.” Her smile shook and she wiped away a tear, whispering as she left, “I always imagined you would.”
Alex stood still and watched her walk away. A heavy weight settled over him, weakening his body and making his arms tremble beneath Brody. And he felt like a bigger failure than ever.
“Take him.” Avoiding Tammy’s eyes, he pressed Brody into her arms, then grabbed the cart and shoved it to the front of the store.
He managed to make it through the long wait at the checkout, pay for the groceries and load the bags in the truck without losing his composure. He even managed to crank the engine and drive in a straight line all the way back to the ranch.
But he couldn’t manage to face Tammy. Not once. Because he was too afraid to answer the questions that would inevitably come. And he couldn’t stand to see the same look in her eyes that he’d seen in Susan’s when she realized what a fraud he really was.
* * *
TAMMY SETTLED BRODY in the crib, then kissed his forehead. “Sleep well, sweet boy.”
He made a soft sound of contentment, his thumb sliding from his mouth as he drifted off. She slipped quietly from the nursery, pausing to pet Scout, who was asleep on the floor, then walked to the kitchen and peered out the window.
Night had fallen, and the bright moon spilled a soft white glow across the front porch, highlighting Alex’s profile. He sat on the top step, his elbows propped on his knees and a liquor bottle dangling between his fingers. He had the same expression on his face that he’d maintained during the silent drive back from the Deer Creek grocery store.
Blank and unapproachable.
Tammy pulled in a deep breath and made her way onto the porch, shutting the door behind her. “Is it okay if I join you?”
His broad shoulders stiffened. He shrugged but didn’t face her.
She smiled. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Tammy eased down beside him on the step, laughing as she squirmed for a comfortable position. “You know, this porch would be a lot more welcoming with a couple of rocking chairs.”
No response.
She motioned toward the dimly lit walls of the stable in the distance. “Sapphire and Razz were doing well when I checked on them earlier.”
Alex nodded and turned away, staring at the empty fields. The stubble on his jaw had darkened, and the thick waves of his hair curled slightly at his nape.
Her fingertips tingled, wanting to slip through the soft strands, slide beneath the collar of his black T-shirt and caress his warm skin. Smooth across the thick muscles of his back and feel the tension release from his brawny frame. Anything to return the charismatic smile that had brightened his handsome face that night in the creek.
“I just put Brody to bed. He went out like a light.” She bumped his shoulder with hers and grinned. “Scout did, too. You’re gonna have dog hair all over the nursery carpet tomorrow morning.”
He shifted away from her on the step, his guarded expression so similar to the one he’d had when she’d first arrived. He hadn’t spoken a word since Susan had walked away from him in the store.
Susan. Tammy’s stomach tensed. The former wife whom Alex and Maxine talked around instead of about. A woman who could cast a shadow over Alex’s entire day with just a brief conversation. Tammy clasped her hands together and pressed them between her knees, wincing as she recalled the woman’s words.
I wish things had turned out differently.
There’d been no mistaking that, judging from the pretty blonde’s tearful expression and regretful tone. It was clear Susan still had strong feelings for Alex. But did Alex feel the same?
Her chest stung, the question a more unwelcome one than she’d expected. And one she’d give just about anything to settle for certain.
Hesitating, she gestured toward the bottle Alex held. “That stuff helping you feel better?”
He grunted, studied the bottle in his hand, then faced her. “You could say that.”
Stomach churning, Tammy took a deep breath, then said, “My dad used to go through several of those things in a week, and it never seemed to solve any of his problems.” Her throat thickened, and she hugged her knees to her chest. “It just made him mean.”
Alex frowned, his eyes roving over her face, neck and arms.
Her skin tightened in patches where old wounds had been inflicted. She squirmed and glanced down, half expecting blotches of bruises to resurface on her flesh. Which was ridiculous.
“What does it do to you?” she asked, cringing at the weak thread in her voice.
“The whiskey?”
She nodded.
The gray depths of his eyes gentled. “It helps me forget.”
“Forget Susan?” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business, but...”
“But you want to know,” Alex murmured, glancing back down at the bottle in his hands.
“Yeah.” She held her hand out, palm up, and nudged his knee with her knuckles. “We could talk instead. And it goes both ways, you know? You could ask me anything.”
He hesitated, then handed her the bottle, a small smile appearing. “Are you curious about Susan because you’re jealous?”
The bottle slipped from her grasp, and she scrambled, catching it before it shattered against the brick step. “Really?” She laughed, hands shaking. “That’s the first question you want to ask?”
“Yep.” His smile widened. “You said anything.”
Face heating, she set the bottle on the porch landing before answering, “Yes.” Her heart skipped at the pleased gleam in his eyes. “I’m a little jealous.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Only a little?”
“That’s two questions,” she said, giving him a pointed look. “It’s my turn. What other jobs have you had besides ranching and breeding ho
rses?”
“I made decent money bull riding years ago.”
Her mouth dropped open. “You were a bull rider?”
He laughed. “Only briefly. And don’t look so surprised. I may not have a world championship buckle, but I was able to hold my own when the occasion called for it.”
“No. I mean, I wouldn’t doubt that.” Her eyes clung to the strong curve of his biceps, a delicious shiver running through her as she imagined his powerful frame striding across an arena. “It’s just...” Lord, she was being rude. She tore her eyes away and took a deep breath. “It’s just that I don’t see you as the roaming type.” She frowned. “Of course, I didn’t think of my cousin Colt as the settling-down type, but that’s what he went and did. He’s managing a guest ranch in Raintree and marrying my best friend in two weeks.”
Alex leaned back on his elbows, studying her. “You don’t seem as excited about that as I would’ve expected. Weddings are usually happy occasions for most people.”
“Oh, it is.” Tammy smiled, excitement coursing through her veins. “I can’t wait to see Colt in a tux, and I know Jen’s dress will be beautiful. They’re perfect for each other, and I’m happy for them.” She looked down, picking at a loose thread on the hem of her jeans. “It’s just that Colt was my partner. He rode bulls and I barrel raced. We toured the circuit together for years.”
“Years?” Alex peered down at her. “You must’ve left home at a young age.”
“Yeah. When I was seventeen.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-five. You?”
He gave a wry smile. “I’ve got ten years on you.” His smile slipped. “Why’d you leave home?”
She hesitated. “Things were rough. We didn’t exactly have a model family. I didn’t feel like I fit in there, and I wanted out. Colt wasn’t happy where he was, either, so we packed up and took off. We met Jen on the circuit. She barrel raced, too, and joined up with us. For the longest time, we were a family of sorts, until Colt’s father died. Then he and Jen retired to raise Colt’s little sister and start their own family. Now I’m the only one left traveling.” She shrugged. “It gets lonely on the road.”
“You don’t like being alone?”
She glanced up, stilling at the somber expression on his face. “No. Not at all. Do you?”
He looked away. “I didn’t use to. But I began to prefer it after Susan and I divorced.”
“How long were you married?”
“Two years.”
Tammy studied the toes of her boots. “What happened?”
He remained silent for a moment, then said, “There were things she wanted that I couldn’t give her.”
“What kind of things?”
He straightened, hands clenching around the edge of the step.
“Alex?” A bigger house? Money? Tammy shook her head and slid closer, the defeated slump of his shoulders making her heart ache. “You’ve built a beautiful home here,” she whispered. “Invested in a business that would keep you close to raise a family and spend more time together.” She covered his hand with her own and squeezed. “That’s the kind of life I dreamed about when I was a girl. I never had any brothers or sisters, and I always felt alone. Before racing, all I ever wanted was a peaceful home and a big family of my own to love.”
He closed his eyes, and a muscle in his jaw ticked.
“When you showed me the nursery the other night, I couldn’t help but wonder if you might have lost a child—”
“No.” He blew out a heavy breath then faced her. “I...” He made as if to continue, then dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, his eyes heavy and shadowed as they examined her face.
Throat aching, she asked, “Do you still love her?”
He blinked, his brow furrowing. “I fell out of love with Susan a long time ago. I’ve just been angry with the way things ended. With the fact that what we had wasn’t enough for her. That I wasn’t enough.” He shook his head. “But it wasn’t Susan’s fault. She’s a good person. She just wanted to be happy, and she did what she had to do to get there.” His voice turned hoarse, his words strained as he repeated, “She’s a good person.”
Tammy cupped his face, the stubble on his jaw rasping against her fingertips. “So are you.” Something heady and warm unfurled within her, dancing in her veins and urging her closer. “And you’re so much more than just enough, Alex.”
His eyes softened, and his throat moved beneath the heels of her hands on a hard swallow.
She leaned closer, wanting so much to prove it. To show him. To share at least a small part of the intense feelings he stirred within her. “I’m going to kiss you.”
Cheeks heating, she cringed at the high-pitched uncertainty in her voice. Great. So much for a smooth approach.
His brows lifted, then a soft rumble of laughter escaped his lips. “Are you asking me, babe? Or telling me?”
The flirtatious tone of his voice untied the knot in her belly, and the intoxicating buzz in her veins flooded her senses, spurring her on. She moved across the step, straddling his thighs, and smiled down at him. “I’m telling you.”
His mouth parted, and his gray eyes darkened as he whispered, “Well, hell. Have at it.”
Head spinning, she closed her eyes and eased closer, her lips hovering a fraction of an inch above his, their rapid breaths mingling. His distinctive scent, sandalwood and man, enveloped her. Her belly heated, but her muscles tensed, her limbs turning cold and stiff.
It’d been so long since she’d taken a chance and allowed her body to be vulnerable to a man. And even then, the few fumbling kisses she’d dug up enough courage to enjoy had been fleeting at best. They were nothing like the kinds of kisses a man like Alex was probably used to.
Oh, God. What if her inexperience showed? What if she humiliated herself? In front of Alex, of all men?
“Tammy?”
She hesitated, squeezing her eyes tighter, and concentrated on the soothing sound of his voice. Her body trembled, and she struggled to relax. To let go and...
“Tammy.” His voice firmed, his thighs shifting beneath her. “Are you afraid of me?”
Her eyes shot open. The teasing expression had left him, concern taking its place. “What?”
She looked down, finding her hands covering his on the step, flattening his palms hard into the brick at his sides. His fingertips were red beneath the heels of her hands.
“Are you afraid of me?” He peered up at her. “Because you’ve got to know, I’d never hurt you. Never.” He shook his head. “Maybe I do look intimidating to some people, but—”
“No.” She released his hands, placed hers on his chest and whispered just before covering his mouth with hers, “I’m not afraid.”
She wasn’t. Not one bit. Even when the tang of whiskey clinging to his lips touched her tongue, she forged past it. She slid her arms around his neck, pulled him closer and searched deeper for the man she’d grown to trust and admire.
And there he was. The intoxicating taste of him just as pure and potent as the liquor. But so much more exciting and addictive. She explored him fully, easing her tongue past his lips, threading her fingers through his hair and pressing her breasts against his hard chest.
He groaned, the deep rumble vibrating against her rib cage as his big, warm palms delved beneath her shirt, gliding up her back in caressing strokes. His teeth nibbled at her lower lip, the gentle pressure sending delicious shivers down her spine. His hands drifted lower, cupping her bottom and pulling her tight against his hips.
A cry of pleasure escaped her. Tammy leaned back and looked down, absorbing his tousled hair, passion-filled eyes and kiss-reddened mouth. There were no insecurities. No anxieties. And no fears. Just a strong desire to ease back into his arms and discover just how powerful this connection between them
could become.
Tammy leaned closer and rubbed the nape of his neck with her fingertips. “You’re so much more than enough, Alex.” She grinned, her lips brushing his ear as she whispered, “And I’m always available if you need to forget.”
His broad chest jerked with laughter. He smoothed her hair from her cheeks, eyes roving over her face, then his warm mouth claimed hers, each of his hungry kisses heightening her desire.
A weight lifted from her, lightening her chest and strengthening her limbs, and she felt stronger than ever. She no longer wanted to run. What she wanted, more than anything, was to stay right in his arms.
Chapter Seven
“I may not be a decent cook,” Tammy said, jerking on an oven mitt. “But I rock at icing.”
Alex leaned into his elbows on the kitchen island and smiled, watching as she spun around and opened the oven to remove a pan of freshly baked cupcakes.
After three failed attempts at baking a cake and two additional trips to the Deer Creek Market for more cake mix, Tammy had finally accepted his suggestion to try making cupcakes for Brody’s birthday party instead. And judging from the pleasant aroma filling the kitchen, he’d bet good money this batch was going to be...
She bent over, and the denim covering her curvy backside pulled tight, halting his thoughts and sending his blood south.
Damn. He stifled a groan and pressed his hands tight to the table, his palms tingling with the remembered feel of her soft curves filling them. It’d been a week since he’d held her in his arms on the porch and over one hundred and sixty-eight hours since he’d thoroughly kissed her. Not that he was keeping count.
The decorative stitching on her back pockets vanished, and she faced him, tipping the cupcakes in his direction.
“...together with lots of icing.”
He blinked, dragged his eyes up past her tempting breasts and focused on her face. “What did you say?”
“I said we could stack a few of these on top of each other and stick them together with lots of icing.” She smiled. “Then it’d at least look like a cake. Wouldn’t it, Brody?”
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