“Then how does it work?” I asked and he just chuckled.
“You’re asking the wrong person. It was never my job to figure out love, just sex.”
“You fell in love with Laurie,” I reminded.
He nodded. “I did. She was a lot like you. She needed someone to save. And who better than me?” He caressed my face. “If only you’d have met me first,” he murmured.
“Please don’t add to my confusion, Caz. This is complicated enough.”
He dropped his hand with a sigh of his own. “Fine. Happy wife, happy life and all that.” He gave me a grin. “Might as well get started now.”
“Caz.”
“What do you want me to say, Coralie? It all sucks, but we’re doing the best we can. It’s not perfect but it’s not all bad, is it?”
I spared him a glance. “No. It’s not all bad.”
He pulled me into his arms. “I can’t promise you sunshine and roses. I can’t promise you nothing bad is going to happen. All I can promise is that I’m not going anywhere. And I love you, pussycat. It’s not this,” he said, referring to the broken door. “But it’s all yours.”
I sighed as I rested my head on his chest. “I’ll take it.”
He hugged me tighter.
Over the next few months, Caz became my closest confidante, next to Lucy at least. We didn’t really worry about all the romantic stuff, despite his having moved into the house, and into my room. He kept up appearances until we got to our room, where he gave me the space to heal, and a couple of loving arms to lean on when I needed them. This was more than sex now. This was a partnership.
Once Father got well enough to join us for family dinners, he grilled Caz endlessly on his background, his future plans, and his intentions for our children. Like Dev before him, Caz had been groomed to adapt himself to any situation, so he had all the right answers, and he edited all the negative history. He even shied my father away from his going public with his last name, since Bixby is the one that was most identifiable. “We’ve spent a lot of time and money on that branding, Charles,” he told my dad one night over brandy. “It only makes sense to keep it. In fact, I was thinking of taking Coralie’s name when we married, that way all of our children can remain Cabots.”
Father liked the sound of that, so he let the subject drop. I could tell that Caz was relieved. He had severed all ties with the Gabourys. I knew he never wanted to go back to who he was, or who they were.
Sometimes we talked about that in bed as we drifted to sleep. We shared the same bed, though we had yet to do anything. Months later I was still mourning my relationship with Dev, and Caz understood that better than anyone. He didn’t take it personally. “We have our whole lives, pussycat,” he told me one night as he cuddled me close. “I’m perfectly happy waiting until our wedding night.”
“I never knew there was a gentleman lurking under all those snarky, cocky layers,” I said.
His voice was quiet. Sure. “Yes, you did. You’re the only one who did.”
In fact, I watched Caz blossom over the spring, just like the flowers in our garden. He even made peace with Margot and Aubrey, the younger of whom ended up his unintentional sidekick. He was the only one in the house who didn’t care about her turning into yet another fembot for the family. He didn’t treat her like a kid, either. Unlike other men she’d known, he didn’t use that as an excuse to sleep with her, which endeared him to her. He encouraged her to follow her dreams and chase her passion, even if it took her far away from the family. “Sometimes it has to,” he told her, and we both knew he knew that from experience.
The only one Caz hadn’t fully won over by May was Lucy, who still thought I should tell Dev the truth. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Suzanne had sent us a wedding gift, which included one simply worded message.
I’m so pleased you haven’t given up on your happily ever after, CC. I predict a houseful of those children you wanted, especially knowing Caz like I do. I’ll be watching, so I might send an even bigger gift.
That thinly veiled warning was all I needed to keep my secrets to myself. My child needed me more than Devlin did, and that was just the truth. I even resigned as the Face of Youniquely Cabot, simply because I wanted to hide my condition just a little while longer. I stayed at home full time, mostly to take care of Father, whose bad days began to outnumber the good ones even with his determination to hang on for his first grandchild, the only one he’d ever meet.
But the rumors abounded, particularly after YC announced it would launch a brand new line of maternity wear. Before I could worry that my cover had been blown, Oliver and Darcy announced that they had eloped–in Vegas, ironically enough–and the new bride was ready to entertain the almost novel idea of extended-sized maternity wear to pair with the new bridal line we were developing.
At Cabot’s, one didn’t need to be a small size to be sexy, to find love or to become a mother. It was everything I had ever wanted to accomplish. I almost missed being a part of it.
I wasn’t showing yet, though I reached my second trimester that first week of May. That was why I agreed to go to the Fierce finale later that month, which I regretted almost instantly. Every single reporter along the red carpet wanted to know if we had any plans to have a family right away, which was a question I didn’t want to answer. Caz really didn’t help matters by telling anyone who would listen that whether we did or didn’t, it was a lot of fun trying.
He was as cozy as he had ever been, keeping me tucked in the protective circle of his arm, while telling everyone that he was going to take my last name when we married because I was the best of both of us. He kissed me then, rather intimately, so that there was no question among anyone watching that our union was legitimate. He showed off my ring, he talked about how we planned to vacation for the summer in France; in fact he did all of the talking so I didn’t have to.
The only question I was asked personally was if it bothered me to be there that night considering Devlin was scheduled to perform. “We’ve remained cordial,” was all I would say, to dismiss any juicy gossip that a scene might be brewing.
Though internally, I feared that one was.
It didn’t help that we were seated right down front for the live taping of the show. Along with the Fierce contestants were previous winners, like Jace, Jordi and a couple of southern rockers named Jonah and Lacy, who found love themselves on a previous season of Fierce. Also performing were the judges, including Vanni and his band, Dreaming in Blue.
But all of it went by in a haze as I waited for Devlin to perform his duet with one of the contestants, an out and proud lesbian who sang one of her more popular covers of the season, Journey’s “When You Love a Woman,” with Devlin accompanying her on the piano, and a full orchestra behind them.
I was in tears from the opening notes that Devlin played. He looked so handsome sitting at that piano, under a spotlight as he started to sing the first verse. His eyes met mine after the spotlight found her instead, and after that the song became mine with every note he played. I forgot about Caz next to me. I forgot about the audience. I even forgot about the beautiful woman singing earnestly to her girlfriend in the front row.
I was locked once again in those almost startling green eyes as he let the music say what he couldn’t say.
That was what music was for Devlin.
It was the truth.
And when the spotlight fell on him again to close the song, I thought my heart might literally break. It ached like a burning ball of fire in my chest.
Everyone stood for them, so we did as well. Our eyes met and held, and it was all the confirmation I needed that he was still running through my blood like the most potent drug on the planet.
Caz knew it too. He was quiet as we watched the rest of the show. His arm was wrapped around me, but I felt him close off to me, for the first time since we met.
He was reminded, like I was reminded, about our impossible situation.
We only made the brie
fest appearance at the after party, just to say hello to Graham and Maggie, and thank them for the invitation. We were swept along the line, greeting all of the familiar faces we’d come to know through Fierce, until I finally found myself standing in front of Devlin Masters. I hadn’t seen him in months, but it didn’t matter. The minute we were in the same room, the air crackled with electricity. It always had. Our connection was as strong as ever.
“Your performance was brilliant,” I complimented.
His gaze drifted briefly to Caz before it fell back on me. “It was for you,” he stated simply.
I couldn’t say anything, so Caz ended up pulling me away. We didn’t speak another word on the way back to the house, where we undressed and crawled into the same bed like we always did, only we faced away from each other, each in our own little world.
When I woke the next morning, Caz was gone. I sighed as I pulled myself out of bed, to prepare myself for another day. I headed down to Father’s office, where I turned on his computer to check how everything had gone the night before.
It did absolutely nothing to improve my mood to realize my weight gain had been a major topic of discussion the night before.
I had only gained about twelve pounds, which was only seven pounds heavier than the last time they saw me, but the way the press would tell it, I had blown up the size of a balloon. The headline from PING, “Too Much of a Good Thing”, suggested that there was already trouble in paradise with YC’s former It Girl and her husband-to-be, the handsome, physically perfect Caz Bixby. They were the first to float the rumors that maybe my extra padding meant a visit from the stork was in our future, which is where I finally gave up the Internet for the day.
I was fairly down in the mouth before I walked into the living room, where dozens of dark red roses waited. There wasn’t a card, but there didn’t need to be. I knew who sent them, and I knew what they meant.
Caz didn’t return until later that night, and it was like he was back to his old self. “Hey, pussycat,” he greeted with a kiss on my head. “Pretty roses. Secret admirer?”
“Not so secret. They’re from Dev.”
He chuckled. “Yes, I suppose they would be.” He sat next to me.
“I’m sorry about last night, Caz.”
He shrugged. “What’s there to be sorry about? I knew what I was getting into. He loves you. You love him.”
“I love you, too,” I assured. It wasn’t the same kind of love and he knew it, but it was real all the same.
He caressed my cheek. “I know.” He watched me for a moment before he said, “Let’s get out of here. Let’s go out or something.”
“You sure you want to be seen with me? According to the press, I’m not even waiting for the wedding to let myself go.”
He laughed. “Fuck ‘em. What did I tell you about never letting them see you bleed?”
“I don’t feel like going out, Caz,” I said. “Father’s not doing so well today and I have a lot to plan for us to fly to France next week.”
He nodded. “Okay. We’ll stay home.”
“You don’t have to stay, Caz.”
His eyes met mine. “It’s never been a matter of having to stay, pussycat. Haven’t you figured that out by now?” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on my mouth, which gently coaxed me to respond. He smiled as he pulled away. “I’ll make dinner.”
I watched him leave the room. If only I had met him first, I thought to myself, and not for the first time.
That night he prepared a candlelit dinner, another vegetarian meal, this time the French provincial dish, ratatouille. After serving Father a helping, which made him light up for the first time all day, Caz joined me at the table.
He had given up booze along with me, and all our other intoxicants of choice. Instead he poured sparkling cider into our glasses and toasted the journey we were about to make overseas. “A new start,” he said triumphantly. I merely nodded and drank from my glass.
He noted my lack of enthusiasm with a slight frown, but tried his best to keep the levity going for the rest of our evening, where he encouraged me to teach him whatever French I could. When it became clear that he was not going to get the hang of it easily, he quipped, “Odd, usually I pick up French things easily.”
Before I could scowl at him, he decided to reach forward and demonstrate, by dominating my mouth quite masterfully. He caressed my hair in his hand as he pulled away. “So what’s my grade, teach? Pass or fail?”
“Caz,” I started but he just kissed me again, this time more urgently. “What are you doing?” I asked as he finally pulled away to catch his breath.
“Wooing my wife to be,” he answered before he kissed me again. This time I submitted, because it was right to submit. He was going to be my husband in mere weeks. It wasn’t right to deny him, though my heart still burned for another.
It wasn’t right that my heart still belonged to Dev at all, but that was how it was. And until this particular night, Caz seemed to understand that. This particular night, however, he wanted more.
He picked me up and carried me upstairs to our bedroom, where he laid me gently on the bed. He covered me in an instant, his hands in my hair, his mouth on mine, his body pressing into me. I remembered what it felt like to be possessed by this man, how big he was, how intimidating. I held back, unsure if I was ready to do that again. “Caz, wait.”
“Wait for what, pussycat? For you to love me? That’ll give me blue balls for decades.”
“Caz,” I scowled and he simply kissed me again.
“I’m not asking for much,” he said. “Just for you to look at me once like you look at Devlin every single time. Is that impossible, Coralie?”
Another kiss as his hands roamed across my body. “Dev,” I found myself saying, which threw all sorts of cold water on our heated encounter. Caz pulled back to stare down at me. “I’m sorry,” I started, but it seemed much too little, much too late.
He pulled off of me and stalked from the room. I sighed as I cupped my tummy, which was just now starting to round and harden with the precious cargo inside.
That night he didn’t come back to the house at all. I went searching for him at Petit Paradis, but that, too, was empty.
Caz stayed gone for about a week, all the way until Aubrey’s graduation party at the club, where the Everharts had been invited to help us celebrate Aubrey’s embarking on her new adulthood. Now that she was eighteen, I was a little less nervous about her being around Harvey, though he still looked at her like she was a slice of prime rib on his plate. Worse, she seemed to encourage it. I finally pulled her aside to ask her what was going on.
“Luring the frog into the pot,” she shrugged. “There’s no fucking way I’m going to let that man be president.”
“Aubrey,” I started, but she shook her head.
“You don’t have to protect me or take care of me, CC. I’m a big girl. I know what I’m doing.”
“Yeah, pussycat,” Caz said as he joined us. “She knows what she’s doing.”
I turned to him. “Was this your idea?”
“Believe me, Aubrey has plenty of ideas all her own. She just wanted to know the easiest way to take down Harvey Everhart and I told her what that was. Everything else is on her.”
“I thought you said Suzanne was some major threat. You want to put my young cousin right in her line of fire?”
Aubrey pulled me aside. “I’m not afraid of Suzanne and you shouldn’t be either.” She pulled a flash drive from her purse.
“What is that?”
“Since I changed my major to political science, I’ve been able to get into Harvey’s campaign headquarters. That’s where I’ve been the last few months, Ceece. I haven’t taken a piano lesson since Dev stopped coming to the house.”
My eyes widened before I whirled around to Caz. “This was your idea?”
He shook his head. “No. My idea was a little more complicated.” He pulled out a flash drive of his own.
“What’s
that?”
“Ladies first,” he said, indicating that Aubrey go first.
“Harvey’s like any other man. Stroke his ego enough and he’ll give you the keys to his kingdom. Sleep with him two days before your eighteenth birthday, with time-stamped video at a known Los Angeles hotel, and voila. You can rule his kingdom.”
“Aubrey, you didn’t.”
She shrugged. “I’ve done a lot worse for a lot less.” She thrust the flash drive at me. “But now you have video proof to take him down. You can do it now or wait till he clenches the nomination, but either way, Harvey Everhart is not going to be president of the United States.”
I was stunned as I turned to Caz. “And you?”
He handed me his flash drive as well. “That, my love, is all the medical documentation of Suzanne’s abortion. I found her doctor in Las Vegas, and … persuaded him to let me into his office.”
“Caz,” I scowled.
“I can do one thing very well, pussycat, and that’s seduce people into doing what they don’t want to do. This information will demolish her brand the second it leaks online, especially given her pro-child bent these days. She’s done nothing but make sure a litany of runaways continually temp her pedophile husband, just so she can keep digging up dirt on him to keep him on her string. In Nevada, she needs someone younger than sixteen, remember? Not even their favorite spin doctor will be able to re-brand them after that.” I knew he meant Dev. “Of course, what you possess in your hands is fairly illegal. Child pornography and forbidden medical records. You may not want to hold onto them yourself.”
“What do you want me to do with them?”
“You go to Dev. You tell him you have this information. You set him free, you set yourself free. And then you can be together. It’s what you want, CC. And I love you enough to keep you from marrying me.”
“But the baby,” I said, and he motioned to Aubrey to give us a minute.
“Yeah. About that. I probably should have told you this a long time ago, but… that baby isn’t mine.”
My eyes opened wide. “What do you mean? How do you know?”
“After Laurie, I was too afraid to knock anyone else up. I knew I was tethered to Suzanne for the rest of my life, and I couldn’t risk losing like that again. So I had a vasectomy two years ago. I’m shooting blanks, pussycat.”
Masters Forever (Masters #3) Page 26