by T. L Smith
“Dinner, Milanka?” Offering me his hand, I take it as he pulls me to a stand. My body bumps into his and when I look up his eyes are on my lips. Looking away, so he doesn’t think he can kiss me, he playfully tugs at my arm as he begins to walk out. My bare feet are cold on his marble floor as I follow him, and I can’t help but stare at his toned back. Shadows are cast across his corded muscles, and they ripple and torment me as he walks. So much so, I want to run my fingers all over them. I understand now why he’s so toned, because he owns his own gym.
He stops at the kitchen, it’s so beautifully clean it’s unnatural, and I’m afraid to touch anything. Connick pulls out a chair for me to sit down on at the counter, then walks around to the stove. He starts stirring with his back to me. Looking down to my hands, I have to try to keep them still instead of moving, because now I’m in a position I’m not sure I want to be in.
He didn’t have sex with me!
Does that mean he doesn’t want to?
It can’t, the way he took control of my body only minutes ago, is not that of a man who doesn’t want me.
Plates start clattering and when I look back up, he’s standing in front of me with a dish full of pasta—spaghetti carbonara, my favorite dish.
How would he know that?
Taking it, I manage a small thank you, and he walks around with his own dish to sit next to me. We eat in silence for a good ten minutes before he speaks, after wiping his mouth and placing his fork down.
“What do you want, Milanka?”
Such a simple question, yet so difficult to answer. Placing my own fork down, I shrug my shoulders, unsure of how to answer.
“You know what you want. Why can’t you say it? Are you afraid to tell me what you desire?” He leans in looking at me then continues, “You should never be afraid to ask for what you want, ever.”
“The only thing I wanted was to leave my home, which I did. So, I don’t need or want anything else,” I tell him.
He picks up a glass of water and places it to his lips, I watch waiting for what he has to say next. “Do you want to own your own home? Do you want kids? Marriage? None of these things enter into your wants or needs?” he asks as he pulls his eyebrows in, displaying a confused look, but I can tell he’s very interested as he waits for my answer.
“No, I don’t want for any of that. My life is fine! Why would I be greedy?”
He smirks and looks away with those shiny eyes that hold me so tight. “I think you want me, you just don’t know how to have me.”
My mouth drops open. That was a statement I didn’t expect to leave his mouth. “Wanting your body compared to your company is two entirely different things, Connick,” I smart-mouth back to him.
He turns his chair so he’s facing me full on now. Leaning forward with his lips inches from mine as he speaks, he keeps me locked in tight, so I don’t lean forward to touch them. The last lips I touched where Derrick’s and nothing good came from that.
“You want my company, and you don’t understand why you do. I’m not one of your fuck-boys, and you try to work out what’s happening between us and you’re having no luck. Even though a part of you trusts me, the other part screams at you to stay clear. Because Milanka…” his eyes hold mine, then he leans up so his mouth is on my ear, “… I’m a bad, bad man. And I will do bad, bad things to you.” His neck is right there, the smooth lines of his traps are strong and powerful.
“Maybe I like bad,” I challenge him.
He lifts his head and comes directly into my line of vision. “Okay Milanka, just so you know, I warned you. That’s all I can do.” He turns, stands, and picks up his plate then leans over me to grab mine. His lips touch my neck, and he kisses me before he walks them over to the sink. Staying where I am while watching him, I think about what he’s said, and how I’ve answered him. I do want his body, there’s no denying that. He makes my mind go to goo and I can’t seem to think straight around him. But he also scares me and I don’t trust him either. Not fully. Enough to be in his house knowing he wouldn’t hurt me physically, but emotionally, well that’s off the charts.
“What does that mean? You warned me?”
He doesn’t answer straight away as he finishes up with the dishes. I watch him in fascination as he places the washcloth down and walks around to me. Connick offers me his open hand and I place mine in it. He takes me up the stairs and back to his room.
“Don’t fall for me, Milanka, you’ll regret it if you do.” He drops my hand and reaches for the waistband of his swim trunks and pulls them down. Finally, he’s naked in front of me. I’m still wearing only his shirt, that smells too good to let go of. Though he smells even better, everything he’s just said leaves my mind as he walks to the bathroom adjoining his bedroom.
The heat of the shower when he turns it on, fogs up his mirror as I make my way in there. He pulls me into the wide-open shower and slams my back against the glass wall. He lifts his shirt that I’m wearing and it bunches at my waist, his eyes watching me with my legs hanging around his waist and his hands on my arms pinned to my side. Then he slides into me, making me crazy delirious, and everything that was said only moments ago leaves my head in a daze as he fucks me, and fucks me hard. Without a single taste of those plump lips, which stare at me waiting for me to finally crack.
Chapter 13
Waking through a house that’s quiet as the dead is somewhat scary. No sounds come in at all. The blinds are pulled closed so tightly that I don’t even know if it’s daytime anymore. Reaching for my dress on the floor, I remember it’s torn and is virtually useless. Feeling around on the floor, my hands touch the shirt I was wearing. The darkness of his room is frightening me and I need to get out of here.
Pulling my head through his shirt, I make my way to the door, turning back to look at him before I pull.
I think, This was a mistake.
He looks peaceful, sexy, non-aggressive. Shaking my head, I quietly pull it open, and I’m instantly met with sunlight which tells me it’s daytime. Thank God. Shutting his door as gently as possible so as to make no noise, I walk down his stairs finding my keys in my bag on the floor where I dropped it and walk out.
Now that I’m actually looking, the front of his house is magnificent. A water feature is situated right in the middle of the driveway that wraps around it to do a full circle. Two old classic cars are also parked to the side, covered by the garage but open at the front, with his car that he picked me up in being right at the steps leading to the door.
My car looks sad and shitty sitting out front, definitely like it doesn’t belong here. Maybe I don’t either, I just haven’t had that sink in yet. Getting in my car and starting it up, I look back to see the door open and him standing there completely naked, watching me. He doesn’t speak or ask me to come back, he just watches. We stare-off for a bit before I look away from all that is him, and drive off with him in my rearview mirror watching me.
I don’t know how I got myself into this. Well, not exactly. I don’t even know what exactly it is about him that pulls me in and makes me lose my boundaries. I lost them before I even had sex with him, and that never happens. Even after sex, but here I am showing him where I live and even giving him my cell number.
Making a note to myself—I must not show him where I live again. This is high up on my list of must-nots because I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t want any vulnerabilities in my life.
Remembering the way he claimed me last night is easy, my legs still hurt and his face is still glued to my mind. The picture is bright, and it’s constantly recycling in my mind while the sun is shining down on me right now through the window. He held me in the shower and pinched and slapped my skin, his mouth claimed parts of my body no other man has before, and I didn’t do a thing to stop him. I can feel his bite marks still etched into my skin, my neck, my breasts and even my ass when he turned me around and bit me. I was so tired afterward that he picked me up and placed me on the bed, then he crawled between my
legs and made me come again. Then he fucked me while I laid on my back unable to move due to exhaustion. Even that didn’t stop me from coming yet again. No man has taken me for that long or even fucked me as well as he has.
Pulling up to the front of my house, I check my cell that I left in my car—fully expecting him to call, but he hasn’t. The only message I have is from Von asking me to do the morning shift, which I won’t say no to, even though I know I could sleep for another full day. My body sure as shit needs to do a lot of recovering.
My morning is uneventful, so I shower then make myself something to eat. After getting dressed, I go to leave my house and when I pull the door open, a bouquet of lilies is sitting at the front door. My heart begins to beat fast, and my hands clench to my sides as I look around making sure no one is there. Because they weren’t there an hour ago when I walked in, so that means someone followed me or waited until I was inside. Slamming my door shut and locking it fast, I swing around and lay my back against it. While taking in a few deep breaths, I open my eyes and scan the room to locate my knife which is resting on the counter. Leaving the door, I take a few steps and grab it. Holding the knife, I swirl it around in my fingers before placing it in my bag so I can pull it out if need be. My hands are shaky when I reach for the door, the flowers are still sitting there. It’s funny how an inanimate object can feel like it’s mocking and teasing me, almost testing my limits.
Derrick would buy lilies for me when he wanted something, or for me to do something he knew I wouldn’t like. Yet, I would do it because he would buy me things, give me food, let me sleep in his bed and it made me feel safe. Fuck me! What a lie that was. I would have been better off in my trailer with my mother and the men she brought home, at least then I knew what to expect. With Derrick, though, I never knew what to expect. Even when he said he loved me, something in me would tug, telling me that he was lying. I always smiled though, like I was happy to hear it, but inside I was running.
Kicking the flowers all the way to the street, my free hand shuts and locks my door while the other stays in my bag on my knife. Making a dash for my car, I get in and lock it, and I thank God for this beat-down car that will probably die soon.
How did he find me so soon?
Will anyone care about me when I’m gone?
I need to make friends, I need friends to care for me.
Maybe it was Nicole? I did punch her after all. Though that two-faced bitch deserved it and more.
Pulling into a parking space at work, I spot Von standing out the front having a smoke, his head is down as he puts it to his lips. He never smokes while at work, he always waits until after close to have one. Climbing out of my car my hand touches the knife in my bag. Pulling it out, I slide it under my driver seat, closing the door and walking over to Von. I stop behind him and know what I need to say. I’m just scared to say the words out loud because then they will be real.
“If I don’t come in again, or call… please look for me.”
His head whips around as he looks at me through squinted eyes. “Are you in trouble, Milanka?” He stands towering over me, my hand starts to play with the strap on my bag.
“No… yes… I don’t know. I just don’t have anyone that would look for me. I wanted to tell someone, so they know to look...” I trail off.
He nods his head. “It’s not hard to believe considering you ran out on us last time. That won’t happen again?” He tucks his hand into his front pockets, Von’s black slacks look good on him, matched with a black button-up shirt.
“It won’t. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“I’m glad, Milanka,” he dismisses me with a wave of his hand and sits back down reaching for his smoke packet again. Walking in, I spot Serena, I didn’t think she would be on considering I’m here. Usually, I start after she finishes lately or vice versa. Her head is down, and she seems lost in thought when I walk around to her. Tapping her on the shoulder, she looks up with a sad smile when she sees me, before it transforms into a fake smile.
“What’s wrong?”
She looks shocked when I ask, and tears fall from her eyes as she wipes at them. Serena walks away into the freezer out the back. I stand there unsure of what I should do. Do I follow her? I don’t know how to deal with emotion, they have been blocked off for years. Looking around, I notice it’s not busy, so I decide I have to start somewhere, and what better place to start than with someone I don’t think will harm me and who’s actually a good soul. Walking into the freezer, I see her with her hands covering her face as she wipes at her cheeks furiously.
“Serena,” I startle her, and she jumps looking around at me. “Are you okay?”
She shakes her head then walks to me wrapping her hands around my shoulders.
“He told me to go home for the day because he doesn’t want to deal with what’s going on.”
Slightly confused as to what she’s talking about she continues, pulling back and wiping at her face. “Who does he think he is?” Throwing up her hands, her tears stop and she stops moving as she looks at my confused face.
“Who?” I ask her.
“Von.”
“Von?” I ask back in disbelief. “I knew there was something going on…” I pause and scrunch my brows, “… I didn’t know what though,” I tell her truthfully.
“Oh yes, something’s been going on alright… for years. He is the children’s father, after all.” My mouth drops open. “You didn’t know?” she asks me with some skepticism to her voice. “You really need to come out of that shell, Milanka,” she says shaking her head.
She’s right, I do.
“Did you need me to do anything?”
“No,” she answers shaking her head and wiping her face while straightening out her shirt and standing tall. “I’ve dealt with him for years. Another day won’t hurt me.”
I nod my head, unsure of what else I’m meant to say, and walk back into the bar. Von is standing at the door looking at me. I smile and walk past him wanting to care and have feelings, but I don’t want to drag myself into business that's definitely not mine.
The rest of the day is uneventful, and the tension every time he walks through the door is palpable. Was I just blind to it all before? I never really cared, to be honest. To be involved in anyone else’s life—no, I was never going to do that. Mine is enough as it is, even if it has been semi-placid for the last few years. I liked it that way, though.
After my shift finally finishes, I walk out to my car. I’m more mindful of who’s around and where they are, and my heartbeat picks up when I see a familiar figure standing there leaning on my car. I notice he’s dressed in all black with his cap on his head. The wicked things he does to me scares me yet excites me with pleasure. He can make me sin with the best of them, I’m sure of it, and he would sin right back with me.
“Connick,” his name drops from my lips, especially thinking about last night.
“Milanka… I was slightly disappointed in your departure this morning.” He sounds so formal.
“I needed to get to work,” I tell him, stepping closer. He stands tall off my car and towers over me.
“Why must you lie to me?”
Shaking my head, I answer him, “How would you know if I’m lying?”
He looks me over, up and down. “You blink a lot when you lie. Plus, your hands can’t seem to stay still.”
“My hands are never still.” It’s true, and he’s also right as well. The more I’m nervous or lie, the more my hands move around.
“I want to see you again, Milanka.” He boxes me in and traps me with his body. Usually, this would scare me, but having him so close and feeling every part of him excites me.
Taking a deep breath, I push his chest, so he takes a single step back. Opening my car door, I turn to face him before I get in. “I’ll get back to you on that.”
He smirks and shakes his head. I stare in my mirror watching him as I drive off.
The things I want to do to him…
On arriving home, it’s a relief. Connick has been playing on my mind like you play a piano, with passion and drive. My hand is safely by my knife in my bag, and when I reach the door, my heart stops again and my hand clutches around the handle of the knife.
Another bunch of lilies sits there waiting for me.
Is he playing mind games with me?
Opening my front door, I pull the knife from my bag and walk in with it. Locking the door behind me, I check around my little house. Most of it is open so I can see immediately if someone’s in here. Moving to the bedroom, I look under my bed and in my closet. I don’t see anyone and wish I’d let Connick come back with me, even if it was just for a bit.
Pulling up my big-girl panties and shaking off the thoughts of both men, I undress quickly from my work clothes and dress into more comfortable ones. After going to the refrigerator, I realize I’m in need of milk. I suck at doing shopping and try to limit it to once a month, though in between, I always need milk and bread.
Contemplating taking the knife with me or not is my main decision right now. I’m sure if the police pulled me over and noticed the knife it wouldn’t go over too easy. I need to buy something small and easy to conceal as well as carry, or just move to another country to get away from all things Derrick. Though, he’d probably find me there as well. So maybe I should stick this knife in through his stomach and puncture every internal organ he has.
Placing the knife down and opening the front door, I check to make sure no one is there before I walk out. It’s getting darker, and I wish I didn’t need milk, or even got it before I went to work, but I’ve made a promise to myself years ago that I wouldn’t let him control my life anymore. Especially, with something as normal and so small as getting damn milk. He can’t have that control, I won’t allow it.