by T. L Smith
He stands to hold his face, and his forehead scrunches in anger. “You’ll pay for that, Mil.” He walks away leaving me naked and alone in the room, his clothes staying where they are on the floor, and I hear the door lock. How did he get a lock on the other side of the door? How long has he had this planned? Then I hear items being moved around.
Is he barricading me in here?
There’s a window in this room but it’s completely covered up by boards on the outside. There’s nothing to escape through. The only way to get out is through that door he just went out of. Collapsing on the dirty mattress, I curl myself up into a ball and close my eyes, listening. I hear a car leave and I know he’s just left me here to rot. This is my punishment for not wanting him when he wants me. My eyes focus on the stain on the wall, water drips slowly into the corner of the room. It’s apparently raining, and I didn’t even know. I loved the rain as a child, the way the sky darkened and the clouds took hold. Now I’m a prisoner listening and counting each drop.
The rain stopped sometime after I woke the first time, it stopped and never came back. Giving me nothing to do but to think. Everything has run through my head. Should I just seduce him when he comes back, pretend to want him so I can try to escape after he’s done with me? Then my fight would kick in, and I wanted to kill him and even smashed myself against the wall thinking I could break it to be set free. All I got for my trouble was bruises that now litter my back.
The only thing in the room other than the mattress is a cup, and I guess that’s the only place I can relieve my bladder.
Now, all I can smell is urine everywhere.
How long until someone searches for me?
How long until someone actually misses me?
Will Connick think I’ve just run again?
Does he know I wouldn’t run a second time? I didn’t want to run the first time.
Another day passes, my stomach is so sore now.
So sore.
My hands feel weak. It’s an effort to lift them, so they lay exactly where I am, next to my side to try to save my energy. So much of my body is sore, it’s not just my stomach, it’s like a pile of things, everything hitting me all at once. My stomach, though, that cries, more loudly than the cries that leave my own mouth.
To die of hunger would be an awful thing. My eyes search the ceiling of this old trailer—nothing is there but mold, a light, and chipped paint. I wonder if I could have been someone else, someone who didn’t fall for a demon by the name of Derrick.
Connick has his own demons, but for some unknown reason I still haven’t quite worked out, I want to be near him all the time. Even when I know I shouldn’t. He has evil, there is no doubt about that, but so do I.
Do we match?
Is it possible for us to balance each other out?
I can’t judge him on all his mistakes, just as I wouldn’t want him to judge me. He is different when he’s with me. I see something in him that draws me in, something I never had with another man, especially Derrick. Derrick was someone who took what I didn’t know I was giving, then he abused it.
Now, he wants my love. I laugh at that, my mouth is cracked from my dry lips, but the laugh still leaves them anyway. It’s not even as painful as it should be. I lick my dry lips and close my tired eyes, hoping I won’t wake in this hell hole tomorrow.
The day finally comes when I hear a car. I’m too dehydrated and exhausted from starvation to move. All I can do is sleep. Otherwise, the hunger pangs hurt me too much.
Could it be Von?
I told him if I went missing to try and find me, to let someone know.
Has someone finally found me?
Then the footsteps come, followed by the moaning and creaking of the door. Then objects are being moved. I should be up on my feet ready to fight for my life, but I physically cannot shift. Eyeing the door, I watch as he walks in with his hands full, a bag in each. He eyes me, then looks around the room. I’ve managed to get my underwear back on but failed with my shirt thanks to my hands being cuffed.
“It stinks, Mil. You stink. Stand up.”
I want to listen to his demands, I really do, but it’s too hard to stand, so I stay where I am, watching him through sleepy eyes. He shakes his head then pulls out a bottle of water, throws it near my head. I cup it with both hands, trying to undo the lid. The minute I do the water touches my lips, and my mouth loves me for it, but my stomach not so much. It tightens and wants to know what’s coming in after so long.
Then something else drops next to me. Sandwiches. I tear open the packet and bite into the first one. It’s dry and delicious all at the same time, from the moment it hits my lips, I can’t eat it fast enough before he speaks.
“Stand now, Mil. Shower. You stink.”
The food and water threaten to come back up, and I cup my mouth trying to hold it down when it threatens. He walks out and I hear the shower run. Managing, but on shaky legs, I walk to where he’s waiting, wanting more than anything to climb into that shower, yet not wanting him to watch me or be anywhere near me.
“Now, Mil, I don’t have long.”
Taking off my panties, I hold them close to me with my back to him when I step into the small cubicle. I scrub them as well as myself with a scented soap to remove the smell that has been me for the last few days. It’s difficult with my hands cuffed together and my body feeling so weak, but somehow I manage.
Is he only cleaning me to have his way with me again?
I should have stayed dirty, he wouldn’t want me then.
“Why am I here?” I ask.
He’s silent then the curtain is pulled back, and he leans against the wall watching me shower.
“He kept secrets from you. Do you know that?”
Looking at him in confusion he answers me.
“Connick. Do you know who he is, Mil? At least you know who I am. Yet, you’d run to him if he were here, wouldn’t you?”
“Yes.”
He scoffs at me. “Just to get rid of me? You would go to him? The man who hasn’t told you a single thing about who he is?”
“I don’t need to know who he is, I know enough.”
He laughs now. “You don’t know anything, Mil.” He steps closer and leans in to turn the shower off then drops a bombshell on me. “He’s my brother, Mil. My brother. He knows all about you. He was at some of the parties you came to. You remember them, don’t you?”
I was always given to someone. I always had to sleep with someone. Some didn’t have names, some I chose to forget.
“He can’t be.”
“Different mothers, Mil. Still, he knows who you are, and he wanted you because you were mine. He’s more fucked up than I am. He’s followed you forever. I had him do so with one of his companies. He’s stepped over the line, though. He wasn’t meant to make contact with you. You aren’t his no matter how much he says otherwise. You were mine first.”
Shaking my head, I don’t believe him, not at all. Then he pulls out his phone and flicks through until he finds what he wants and shows it to me.
“Look familiar?” It’s me. Derrick has his arm wrapped tightly around me with Connick next to him.
My legs give way, and I drop to the bottom of the shower. “Leave me alone,” I say to him as his hand comes in contact with me.
“I can’t, Mil. Can’t you see? What you love about him is me. But I’m here now to remind you of that. You don’t have to love him anymore because I’m here.”
Is that the truth?
Was it all a lie?
Do I love him because he reminded me of Derrick?
I can’t believe that.
I won’t believe that.
Chapter 25
He left that day, after picking me up in a puddle of shower water and placing a blanket next to me with a bucket and a bag of food and water.
He was planning on keeping me, was my first thought.
And he never wants to let me go, was my second thought.
Then I tho
ught of Connick, and how he could keep something from me, that was obvious. Something so big. If he would have told me I would have run for the hills, not his bed.
Today’s a new day, and the moment I wake with the blanket wrapped around me and a drink in my mouth, the door to my room is slammed open. I didn’t even hear someone approaching in the car, I must have been out of it. I turn my head, and I see a flash of blonde then I’m knocked down. Something heavy lands on me, trapping my cuffed hands to my mid-section. Crying out in pain, I open my eyes to see Nicole hovering over me with a bat in her hand, she swings and misses my head but barely. It makes her angry, so she brings it down again and it slams into in my midsection, then she sits on me. I lose breath in an instant, and my eyes start to water.
She takes advantage of it and slaps me hard across the face and then leans down screaming in my face, “You stupid bitch, he’s mine.”
Managing to breathe just the slightest again, I buck her with everything I have and knock her to the side. She falls, dropping the bat to the floor. Rolling to my side, I pick it up with both hands as she stands.
“I’m going to kill you, you bitch.” She runs at me, I swing the bat hard. It connects with her face and she drops to the floor. Blood starts pooling around her. So I kick her with my foot—she isn’t moving.
Hyperventilating, I think I’ve killed her until I see her finger twitch. Reaching down and dropping the bat, I pick the keys up from the floor and turn toward the door, getting ready to run, when my heart stops.
He’s back, looking not pleased at all.
“What did you do, Mil?” He looks down to his wife then back to me as he picks the bat up from the floor. I taste the blood from my split lip and my face burns, not to mention how sore my stomach is right now. I watch as he checks her pulse then looks to me. “Do you want to kill her, Mil? Is that what it will take?”
My eyes go wide. “Kill her?” I ask in disbelief.
He stands and walks toward me. “Will that make you happy? Make you see what I am for you? If I killed her?”
“No! No. Don’t kill her.” Backing up and away from him, he picks her up placing her over his shoulder. Her head is dripping blood, and I wonder if I have killed her. He doesn’t say anything as he walks out, locking the door. I wait and wait, waiting to hear the rev of an engine but nothing comes. Then the sounds of his shoes return as the door opens. Derrick now has no shirt on.
“I’d kill her for you, Mil.”
“I know.”
He steps forward, touching my hair, stroking it. “Do you see it yet?”
“See what?”
He leans down so he’s eye-level with me, his hand stopping on my head. “Our love.”
I choke on the bile that rises and refuse to tell him the truth.
This is all about escaping now, so that crazy bitch doesn’t come back.
“I do.”
He leans down to kiss me on my lips, and I turn my head to the side. I’ve failed on the first attempt. He knows it straight away because he pushes me back then storms to the door, clutching the door in his hand.
“You lied, Mil. Your act of love is a kiss. I know you, Mil, and you can’t kiss me. You will be punished.” Shutting the door, he leaves me stuck in the room again, with every part of my body screaming out in pain, even my lips.
I space my food out as much as I can. Derrick didn’t buy me much to begin with, so what little I have I am pacing. I don’t want the same stomach hunger pangs as I had last time. I also don’t want to be left weak and defenseless when he returns by eating it all at once.
How did she know I was here?
Touching my lip the next day I can feel it healing, but it stings every time I eat.
He wants my love as if I can just give it to him on a platter. Life and love don't work that way. I wish it did, then I wouldn’t be in this situation.
Making a plan in my head, I try to plot out what I can do with my life when I leave. When I can finally escape Derrick’s greasy palms.
Buy the house I want. One I’m happy to live in forever.
Find a job. Other than one at a bar. I need to leave that life.
Forgive her. Forgive my mother for never being a mother.
Move away. Far, far, away to start fresh, as the new me.
Tell Connick goodbye. In person, without sleeping with him.
I haven’t allowed myself to think too much of what Derrick said about Connick. I don’t want it to plague my thoughts because they will run rampant otherwise. I can cross that bridge when I see him next, and he tells me the truth in person. I start running through my plans again.
Remove myself from Derrick. As fast as possible and never look back.
Get that knife. So he can’t hang anything over my head ever again.
Laying my head down I think of the last time I was happy, truly happy, without a worry in the world. When was it? That’s sad, isn’t it? No childhood memories come to life, no teenage memories either. The only time I’ve smiled was with one man. The only one who made me feel safe, yet scared, was Connick. The man who could be the sole reason I’m sitting here in the first place.
Then I remember when he first trapped me, Derrick, in that room. The voice of the other person he was speaking to, it was Connick. My head hurts when I sit up too fast.
How did I not pick up on that straight away?
His voice is so distinctive, yet I didn’t know.
Was it he that let me out of that room and gave me the chance to escape in the first place?
His footsteps come back, pulling me out of my inner thoughts. Only this time I’m up sitting and waiting for that door to open. He looks at me surprised when he does. Holding the door with his hand he starts to talk.
“She’s told me to kill you, or she’s taking my child and leaving.”
A chill runs down my spine.
“Don’t worry, Mils. I’ll kill her before she can, then we’ll be happy.” He closes the door and leaves.
Did he come here for my approval?
Or to just tell me?
Why would he do either?
He thinks I’m as sick as he is, but I’m not. Nowhere near it. His mind needs serious help, at least I got the help I needed.
The days pass, and I wait for him to come back to tell me more.
He doesn’t.
My food runs out after four days, and on the fifth I’m starving yet again.
Then I hear it, footsteps that don’t sound like Derrick’s. I’ve gotten to know what his sound like after all this time.
How long has it been?
Two weeks?
By my count that’s how long, but I could be wrong.
The door is kicked open, and he is standing there.
My savior wrapped in black.
My devil who also sins.
Chapter 26
He doesn’t speak as he walks in. Connick steps over and picks me up and walks me straight out of there. I don’t say a word. I have no idea what to say because I’m too weak. He places me in his perfect car, and I feel even dirtier than I already am. It doesn’t seem to bother him as he starts the engine and drives off. As he grips the steering wheel, I notice his hands are bruised, but he drives us out of here as quickly as he can.
He starts to reach for his shirt, pulling it over his head then placing it on me. Covering me up, so my naked body isn’t there for everyone to see. My eyes are slowly closing then opening, I must be drifting in and out of consciousness. Then the car comes to a stop and I hear his door open and shut. Then I hear the sound of men talking.
I can’t turn my head to see, but the minute he pulls my door open cold air hits my skin and I wince. He brushes some hair away from my face, leans down and kisses my forehead, whispering something I don’t understand.
My head rolls to the side and that’s when I see a man that’s dressed like a doctor. He grabs at my arm, that no longer have cuffs, pulling it away from my body, then he stabs me with something. Before I can pull my hand a
way, Connick is gripping me making me unable to move. He hushes me, then strokes my hair with his large hands.
Trying to keep my eyes open, I see now that I’m on some kind of drip, that’s placed on a hook above the door, then the door closes.
He drives all through the night without one word.
I fall asleep exhausted next to him without asking one single question.
I wake to him making loud noises. Sitting up, I watch him pulling everything from his closet. He doesn’t notice I’m awake as he destroys the floor and his beautiful walk-in closet. Everything is being thrown to the floor. All his suits that were hanging are now in a pile, his shoes on the floor as well. He’s standing with just a towel around him and nothing more, as he takes whatever anger he has out on his closet.
I’m confused and dirty. How long have I been asleep for? Turning, I see a tray full of food, fruits and water sitting next to me. Still dressed in nothing, I pull the sheet up and take a slice of watermelon. It tastes good on my lips and feels better in my stomach.
Looking around, I have clothes in a neat pile at the end of the bed. Standing up, I grab them and walk to the shower on unsteady legs, not saying a word to him. Actually, I don’t even think he hears me as I go. The shower is warm on my very sore body. I can feel the bruises on my ribs and my sore lip from where Nicole hit me, and my wrists are bruised so badly from the cuffs. Washing my hair with his products doesn’t help any because it all smells of him, and his smell is not something I want lingering on me right now.
I haven’t made my mind up about what to say to him or even how to say it.
Will he even tell me the truth in full, or will he cut me off, only allowing me to have a few questions, like last time?
Turning around ready to step out, Connick is standing there watching me. He drops his head and hands me the towel letting me cover up, then he walks out of the room without a word.