I hadn’t quite figured out what was to be done once we did get Louisa. I was sure I couldn’t just pull another knife out of my pocket and demand they let her live here. But that was something I would deal with when it came time.
McNair, Eric, and Lockwood. They were our only hope. We certainly couldn’t face George alone. I wouldn’t blame them if they laughed in my face, but I had to ask. Louisa was worth it. And they were the closest things to friends I had. Besides, I wouldn’t mind having two gunslingers at my side. I wouldn’t dream of asking Sharon. I wouldn’t make another child in this community motherless.
I was making a mental list of all the things I needed to do before our departure when I almost collided with McNair.
“Where you heading off to in such a hurry?”
“I…” I took a deep breath. “I’m leaving to go rescue my sister.”
“You do realize that’s probably the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, right?” McNair asked, rubbing his hand across his beard.
“I figured you might think that way, but if you only let me explain. I think—”
McNair held up a hand to cut me off. “She’s your family, and you feel like it’s your obligation. That and you’re about the most stubborn brat I’ve ever met,” he said good-naturedly.
“That about sums it up,” I replied, finding it strange that I could still crack a smile despite the fear that was gnawing at me.
McNair let out a long, low whistle. “I’ll probably regret this, but count me in.”
A flow of relief rushed through me. “Al will hate it,” I said.
“Al hates a lot of things,” he replied dryly.
“Including me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. He hates this world. Naturals and chosen ones. Good and bad. If only it was so easy to separate the world into little sections. But it’s not. Hatred exists everywhere. It’s a tough world, this one we live in. Some people need love to survive it and others need hate. You give all those feelings inside of him a place to go.”
I wanted to ask him why he was joining our mission, but I knew McNair wasn’t one who liked to talk. He was a man of action, and if he was going on this mission it was because he felt like it was the right thing to do. There was no other reason for it than that.
“So, what happens when we get Louisa? Can we come back?” I asked quietly.
“I don’t think either of us will be welcomed back anytime soon, child.”
“I know the community has all of these rules, but I could make them understand. They probably just see me as trouble, but you, you’ve done so much for them. They would have to let you back in. If you just explained—”
“They would see it as me choosing you over them. They wouldn’t understand. Don’t go getting all upset. I’ve been thinking of leaving for quite a while now. I came to this place because it was safe. It was a chance to start from scratch. We wouldn’t have to make the same mistakes that they made before. A new country,” he said, lighting up what I recognized as a cigarette.
“Growing up like this, you don’t get a lot of free time. But when I was a boy, my papa used to tell me about a place his parents always talked about. It was called Virginia. He said it was their favorite place, had everything a man could want. Mountains and beaches. I think I’d like to see the ocean. Have you ever been there?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “But won’t you miss the community? And isn’t that in the eastern sector?”
“I’ll miss the idea of it, but that place scares me now more than anything out there. I figure there has to be a place where all this is but a bad memory. Eastern and western. Chosen ones and naturals. We got to put a name to everything. I want a place with no name. Maybe humans aren’t meant to live together. Maybe when we do we just take and corrupt till nothing pure can exist,” he replied, looking behind me into the woods.
“I can’t believe that,” I said.
A familiar voice said, “Are we going to share all of our life philosophies or get going?” I looked up to see Eric.
They were all there.
Standing before me was an army of supporters. James. Henry. Robert. Lockwood. Eric.
We were going to get my sister back.
Chapter 30
The rain fell through the roof of greens and grays above us. It wasn’t pouring, but it was steady. The drops felt good slowly rolling down my skin. We had been walking for days, and the weather resembled summer more than spring. I sat on the ground, curled up against a tree finishing the last of Tess of the D’Urbervilles. The rain fell onto the white pages of the book, the words bleeding into one another. Before everything that happened, I would have hidden the book away deep in some bag, wanting to protect it, but I needed to finish her story. No matter how tattered and worn the book became, I would carry her story with me always.
McNair had told everyone to break for camp for the day. It was earlier than I wanted to stop, but he insisted we would need to keep our wits about us when we reached the abandoned compound, and we couldn’t do that if we were all exhausted. I had learned from my last trek through the woods with him that no matter how much I protested, McNair wasn’t going to change his mind.
Everyone busied themselves with activity as night fell. Henry and Lockwood played some sort of card game, joking and laughing. It was strange to see them so chummy, but I was glad Henry had someone. We still hadn’t talked, but it was a relief that he was with us.
Robert and James were working on starting a fire and cooking dinner. McNair and Eric huddled together, whispering furiously. Occasionally, Eric would throw a glance my way. I didn’t worry about the topic of their conversation. I trusted McNair. I even trusted Eric.
As I closed the book, done with the story of the girl whose life was made of tragedy, I stared at James. My life wouldn’t be tragic, and it was time I stopped acting like it was. What happened during my time at Templeton and since was bad, but it could have been worse. I was lucky. I survived. I was constantly surviving, and that meant more than any bad thing that had happened to me.
I could survive anything.
I waited until everyone was asleep before I went to James. I gently nudged him and whispered his name in his ear. He stirred, looking up at me, alarmed. I placed a finger over his lips and held out my hand. He took it without question.
I pulled him deep into the woods. I was thankful that the moon was bright that night, allowing us to see our way through the brush. We walked for a good half hour in silence before I was ready to say what I needed to.
James waited patiently as he always did.
I turned to him and took a deep breath. “There’s something I need to say to you,” I said, looking up at his scar. I don’t know what it was about the mark, but it drew me to him like a moth to light. I reached my hand forward and gently rubbed my thumb over it. James sighed and leaned into my touch.
“I finished the book,” I said softly.
“And what did you think?”
God, how I had missed this. Talking about books and life like we were the only two people in the world.
“I’m not her.”
James reached a hand forward to touch me but stopped. He shook his head slightly and dropped his hand. I grabbed it and placed it against my cheek. “You can touch me, James. I won’t break.”
“Won’t you?” he asked, his eyes traveling over my natural body.
“I’m not her,” I repeated more forcefully.
James furrowed his brow.
“Tess. I’m not the Tess from the novel. I won’t be that girl. She grew up in a world where people didn’t talk about the things that needed to be discussed—love, sex, a sense of self. And so she went through life trying to define herself by her interactions with everyone else. When she was in those woods with Alec, she let him…it was more than the rape…she let him define her. He twisted her thoughts and words, so she couldn’t even understand that she had a right to say no.”
I thought of the countless girls who shared in Tess’
s story. I thought of the girl back at Templeton and the girl whose book I had taken. It wouldn’t be my story. I swore it wouldn’t.
I paused, trying to sort out the millions of thoughts that were running through my mind. James tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “And then Angel—he wanted her to be something she wasn’t,” I continued. “And when he found out she wasn’t pure, Tess let his definition of her dictate her whole life. I won’t let a man ever do that. Not some bastard like Al. Not Henry. Not even you.”
“I wouldn’t want you to,” James affirmed.
I smiled. “I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I love you. That’s why I brought you out here. I won’t let what the council did to us, or what George plans to do, force me back into that scared little girl who was afraid to feel and live life. I won’t let anyone bring her back again.”
James hesitantly brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.
I pulled my hand free from his and took a step away from him. James raised an eyebrow. I counted to ten in my head, willing the nervousness to disappear. I lifted my shaking hands to my shirt and slowly undid the buttons. James stared at me.
“What are you doing?”
I let my shirt slip to the floor. I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them off, unable to stop myself from laughing at how unnatural it must have looked. I was standing in nothing but my chemise and underwear. I moved closer to James and wrapped his arm around my waist. I looked up at him. “I’m doing what I want to do. Do you want to?”
“Yes,” he responded, his voice shaky. I was glad I wasn’t the only one who was nervous. James bent forward and slowly traced kisses up and down my neck, moving around my bruises.
“You don’t have to be so careful with me,” I whispered.
“Won’t it hurt?” he asked, moving closer and closer to my lips, his hand running up and down my back.
“Yes.” I nodded. “But don’t worry, I won’t break.”
After, as we lay together looking up at the stars that peeked down from the sky through the trees, I thought of the other Tess.
And I wished this were the moment she got to have, too.
Chapter 31
The journey back to the abandoned compound was much less eventful than our original trek through the wild, unbridled woods. Maybe it was the two chosen ones that flanked my side or the new courage I found within myself as a result of my recent experiences, but I no longer jumped at every unfamiliar sound. There was an urgency that coursed through my veins.
It was time to save my sister.
By McNair’s calculations, we had only a few hours before we reached our destination. Once there, we would come face to face with George. Someone who had marked me an enemy because I wouldn’t accept the small, suffocating role he’d assigned me—the role he was created to keep me in. I couldn’t help but wonder why he picked the compound that now lay in rubble where we had found the bodies of the murdered naturals. The people who had been abandoned by the council that swore they were there to protect them.
Did he know we were responsible for the fire? Had he tracked us there? If he could, how long before the council would show up at the community? Maybe Al had been right about one thing—I would bring ruin to the people who protected me.
I looked up at James walking beside me, and I couldn’t help but blush. Thoughts of what occurred between us the night before kept creeping back into my mind. For once, I was thankful for my very vivid memory. I reached out and took his hand. He looked down at me and grinned, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I smiled back and pulled him closer, wrapping my arm around his as we trudged along.
I wouldn’t lose him. Not now that I had him back.
We could have a life together. I could have a family.
McNair’s hand shot up into the air and my heart dropped. The hair on my arms stood up, and my stomach tightened. Silent. We all waited for it. Whatever danger McNair had sensed. We didn’t have to wait long.
This was a scene I was sadly getting used to.
While spring was beginning to show herself, the dead leaves of fall still covered the ground, reminders of the way the cycle of life could not be ignored. They scraped and crunched against the dirt floor as whatever was waiting for us moved closer. No amount of wishing or praying could stop death.
I disentangled myself from James. My fingers clutched into a fist. I was ready to fight.
A young girl stumbled to the ground in front of us. Her arms and face were covered with scratches both new and old. Her hair was matted, a maze of dirt and tangles. Her dress, the same uniform we found on the girl in the training center, was tattered and torn—her skin unprotected against the harsh elements in many places.
And when she looked up at us from on all fours, her eyes went wide, and she hissed. Feral. An animal. Saliva ran down her chin, and she made no attempt to wipe it away. Her brow furrowed as she dug her fingers into the ground.
“Easy there,” Eric said softly to the girl while McNair aimed his gun directly at her. The girl growled. In response to her threat, McNair clicked the safety off of his gun.
“Whoa. Wait. You’re not going to shoot her, are you?” Lockwood asked.
“Not unless I have to.”
The girl’s eyes darted from Lockwood to McNair, and then fell onto me. She hissed again. James moved to take a step toward her, but I stopped him. “Don’t. She’s just scared.”
“You mean crazy,” Henry countered.
“Wouldn’t you be?” I said. “The only bit of civilization around here is that compound we found, and you saw what they did to the naturals there. She must have survived somehow. Which means she’s been in the woods by herself for so long. It’s a miracle she’s survived.”
“So what are we supposed to do with the girl?” Eric asked. He, too, now had his gun aimed at the poor, defenseless girl.
“She’s not a thing, and we can’t leave her,” I said.
“She’s a problem we don’t need right now. We’re walking into a situation we don’t exactly know the parameters of, and we don’t need any other uncontrollable variables here,” Eric said.
Robert placed himself between Eric’s and McNair’s guns and the girl. “I think we all need to take a moment—”
The girl hissed again as Robert moved near her.
“Move out of my way,” McNair commanded.
I could feel the color draining from my face. McNair was scared. He had helped save me, and despite my earlier misgivings about the man, I knew he was reasonable. “What is it, McNair?”
“She’s playing us. This girl hasn’t been lost in the woods,” he replied through his teeth.
I watched, horrified, as the girl began to claw at the dirt ground, rocking back and forth, her eyes locked on mine.
“What are you talking about?” Lockwood asked nervously, reaching for his gun.
“Look at her. This girl’s been fed. Does her body look like she’s starving? I find it hard to believe a girl, lost by herself, with no weapon, could find and eat enough food to not only live, but to continue to look so fit.”
McNair was right. I had seen what the effects of malnourishment looked like on the people of the community. This girl looked nothing like them. She resembled a compound natural. While there was never an abundance of food offered to us in the compounds, there was always enough. That had always been part of what made the council and its rules so easy to succumb to. They offered to feed and protect us—we only have to give up our souls as tribute.
“That black eye looks mighty fresh as well,” Henry noted.
The girl’s face was so dirty that I had failed to notice the shiner, but Henry was right. It looked new. She could have hit her face with a branch or something deep within these woods, but it still seemed odd.
“She’s here to gather intel,” McNair said.
I raised an eyebrow.
“For George?” James asked.
“No doubt someone went through a lot of work to try and convince us this girl was some los
t victimized natural. The same person must know something about the group we’re traveling with, figured one of us would convince the others to let her stay. And stay she would. Until night, that is. Then she’d run out on us, go back to whomever sent her here, and report on us. Our numbers. Weapons. Everything.”
“If someone sent her here to get intel, why send a girl so clearly messed up in the head? Why not just send some seemingly distressed normal girl? We would want to help her. Take the girl in, and then she could get the info she needed,” Lockwood said.
“Maybe she was the only one to volunteer. Whoever sent her had to know we were just as likely to kill her or abandon her in these woods. Maybe he didn’t want to risk anyone else,” McNair replied.
The girl kneeling before us started to cackle. I was beginning to suspect not everything about her routine was a lie. Her eyes still danced crazily between us as tears of amusement slid down her face.
She didn’t mind that she was caught. She was enjoying it.
Henry rushed toward her, grabbing her by the arms and lifting her from the ground. “Who the hell sent you?” he yelled, shaking the girl so much I was afraid her head might just fall off.
“He didn’t give you enough credit. I told him…details, details, details. That’s where the devil is,” she called out in a sickeningly sweet singsong voice.
“Who didn’t give us enough credit? I promise that things will go a lot better for you if you tell us the information we need,” James said. He glanced back at me. I could read it in his eyes—he knew I didn’t want this girl hurt, and he would do whatever he could to pacify the situation.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, abnorm,” Eric warned. He took a step toward the spy. “Now answer the damn question, or so help me God, I’ll take the barrel of this gun and shove it right in your mouth.”
The girl’s smile fell and her eyes darkened. She shook herself free from Henry. “Fine. I’ll tell, but I’ll only tell her,” she said, pointing directly at me.
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