“Grayson…” She turns page after page, reading my attempt after miserable attempt, giving me nothing now except for an occasional sniffle. But other than that, she’s completely silent and lost in her thoughts.
There’s a knot in my throat that won’t go away. Maybe this wasn’t the right birthday present. Maybe—
“You tried to tell me. That night. And this…”
“I wasn’t…” Crushing pain in my chest chokes me. “Strong enough to risk losing you.”
She closes the notebook and holds it to her chest. Her eyes are bloodshot, her nose red at the tip.
“Maybe this wasn’t a great idea for a present.”
Another tear slips down her cheek. “It’s perfect.”
“It’s making you cry. Damn sure there’s a rule about making your girl tear up on her birthday.”
“It’s helping me understand. And I’m pretty sure the no-cry rule has exceptions.”
“Not likely.”
“This”—she hugs the notebook—“makes me feel love down to the very threads of my existence.” She burrows closer to me on the couch. “I choose you, Gray, like you’ve come home to me. Like I chose you then and want us now. What tore us apart had to have happened for whatever reason, and now I’m in your arms forever.”
Hugging her to me, I’m not sure we can ever get close enough. “I feel like I have it all.”
“Me too.”
“What do you think life will hand us next?”
“You should move in here.” There’s a casual certainty in her voice.
An unnerving calmness runs deep. “Move in here?”
“Fast… but maybe…” She smiles. “You’re good with that?”
“Hell yeah, I’m good with that.” We’re hopping over major relationship steps, but it feels right, almost easy. “First, I told you about that job interview?”
“Yeah.”
“I want to be up-front with you. The interview was good, but it gave way to a job… test, for lack of a better word. The folks I’d work with, it’s not a desk job, and I can’t talk about much.”
She rests her chin on my chest. “A job you can’t talk about?”
“Yeah.”
“Like you need a clearance?”
“It’s more hands-on than that.”
Concern scrunches her forehead. “Is it dangerous?”
I press my lips together, my eyes narrowing, as I try to word what I think might be a truthful answer in my head. “They haven’t exactly told me what the job entails. But, who they are—”
“What is it? Like, a security firm?”
“Yeah. They’ve helped me out since I was discharged from Walter Reed.”
“Is that where your truck came from? It doesn’t look like you drove it off a showroom lot.”
I have to laugh at that. The big, blacked-out, chromed-out fuel guzzler doesn’t look very standard. “Yes. It belongs to Titan.”
She gnaws on her lip. “So, you’d be in danger?”
“Maybe.”
“Like, risk your life every day type danger or… I don’t know, something less scary-sounding?”
“If it’s what I think it is, there’d be risks.”
“You’re going to come home from war and just to jump into a job like that?”
“Not if you don’t want me to.”
She turns her face away and burrows into my arm. “Is it what you want to do, Gray?”
I hold onto her, praying this isn’t a deal breaker. I want to provide for her, and working for Titan would do that—very, very well. I miss the camaraderie of a military team, the brotherhood I can’t explain and yet still crave. “This is the only thing I know how to do well.”
She lies against me quietly as time drifts by. “Anything else you can tell me?”
“There’s probably travel.”
“How much?” she asks.
“Honestly, I have no idea. And most likely, you wouldn’t know where I was going.”
Humming against my chest, she sounds as if she’s considering the idea. “But you want this?”
“Better than bartending at Seven’s or—”
“I hate that place.” She studies my face. “But seriously, after everything that you dealt with… over there, you want whatever this job is?”
“Good question.” My hands smooth over her back. “I have some baggage to deal with.”
“Over your team?”
My dead team. “Yeah.”
“Think you can manage it?”
All of the therapy, the brochures, the stupid pieces of paper where some therapist asked me to circle my emotions that day… there weren’t enough options on the page for me even to begin. But in this little house, with my two girls nearby, I know I can face my demons. “I think I can manage it.”
“Then I can, too.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Grayson
Boys’ night out. Job-interview night. I look as if I totally fit in with this group of guys, but it’s all for show, and I couldn’t feel more out of place than in this bachelor party group. The guys are fine—they’re all part of Titan’s Delta team and know each other really well. They seem like the kind of guys I’d chill with, throw back a couple beers, and talk about whatever game is on the tube. But since I’ve been back, readjusting hasn’t been easy, and running with this team makes me miss my team.
My chest has been tight all day. I left Emma’s this morning after breakfast with her and Cally. But the tingle of anticipation has had me pulling at my collar, taking deeper breaths than are needed. Seriously. This isn’t something I need to sweat. We’re a bunch of guys going to a titty bar, albeit apparently a high-class one, and I’m just gonna sit back and zone out.
I didn’t get into details with Emma. Maybe I should have. Hell, I’m not trying to fuck up already. But it’s a job. I’m not headed here to have some stripper grind on my shit.
I hate strippers. They remind me of Pops. His taste in women after my mom died was skank. Cheap vanilla perfume and clear, plastic-heeled shoes. I hate this, and we’re not even inside yet. Hell, I’m more likely to have a PTSD meltdown from walking around in Pops’s slutty world than hanging with a group of men similar to my dead teammates.
Fuck me. I need to take a breath.
“Doing okay, bro?”
I nod at the guy named Ryder. He’s Aussie. Says he’s a sniper. Acts like it too—cocky dude. I chuckle good-humoredly. The other guys are a fun time, too. Brock, Titan team leader for Delta, is here. There’s a guy named Trace who looks too young to have a gold band wrapped around his left finger. Then again, I’m too young to have a woman and a daughter waiting at home for me.
Home.
God, I haven’t had one of those in… ever.
I make conversation with a guy named Colin about whether the other dude Javier is getting any pussy tonight. With his face busted up the way it is and the angry scowl every time he looks toward the front door, my vote is no. But I’m the only one voting that way.
The guy to my right, Luke, laughs, shaking his head. “Between the accent, the tats, and the street fighting, Javier found the winning combination for panty dropping.”
Right. We cross the parking lot of Emerald’s Gentleman’s Club. I doubt too much effort is needed for the panty dropping to start.
I take a breath and focus. This is supposed to be fun and games, but it’s also a job interview of some kind. Plus, this place isn’t far from where I grew up, and Cally and Emma live too close to anywhere suspected of selling women. Sex-trade fuckers. I stifle a growl as a hand claps down on my back. It ricochets, and a dull stab of pain hits where my weeks-old wound is still healing.
“Ready?” Brock acts as if we’re boys, and I suppose he’s reading the vibes rolling off me that aren’t very bachelor-party friendly.
“I’m good.” We bump fists right before the blacked-out door opens, and a heavy bass thunders from inside.
Into the belly of the beast we go. I can almost taste t
he cheap perfume and the itch of glitter. Our goals are simple: size up the staff. Connect them later to any known traffickers. If there’s a lead, follow it for information. If there’s a chance to build a relationship, milk it. Easy enough.
En masse, we move through the high-roller crowd. It’s not as skanked up as I would’ve guessed, but I still don’t like it. There’s a general shift as we make our way through. We’re big, muscled up, the kind of group that takes no shit. I can feel the eyes on us: strippers sizing up our wallets and security assessing our risk factor. Everyone else just readies to watch a show.
Colin is the groom-to-be, mostly because there were rumblings Brock wouldn’t take off his wedding band, that Ryder and Luke would never be able to act off-the-market, and Javier’s a no-go because he wants to be here as much as I do. Process of elimination—Colin’s our man. We’re quickly ushered into a VIP section where a brunette nearly drools over our team as she takes drink orders.
This is all higher class than Pops, but still, it’s an in-my-face reminder of how I grew up. I run my hands over my face and into my hair. I want this job badly, and I’m only at a strip club on a random Wednesday night because it means I could bring in a stable income. That’s reason enough that I kissed Emma goodbye this morning and told her I’d be back in tomorrow.
All day long, we briefed on who Titan thought the runners were and how they were connected. The intel was good, but it had holes that only real life interactions could fill. Delta team is hungry for action, and I have a sense that this job is personal for one of them, but I can’t put my finger on it.
Still, I yank at my collar and say thanks when the waitress arrives with the VIP bottle service, placing top-shelf bourbon and vodka within reach. An announcer’s salesman voice bleeds through the music. There’s the promise of dream-come-true bullshit, like any of these girls would walk off stage and into a guy’s lap. The music shifts, blending with it a drumroll beat. The announcer starts in again. Blah, blah, blah. It’s the main feature. The busiest night of the week for the best Emerald’s has to offer. I take a sip of the bourbon, wondering how slowly this night will pass.
The announcer’s baritone echoes as my eyes fall on stage to the prettiest, sweetest girl I’ve ever known. “Welcome to the stage, Ginger Raine!”
** Coming Soon: Only Forever, the fourth and final installment in the Only series. To ensure you do not miss Grayson and Emma’s story, please text TITAN to 66866 to sign up for exclusive emails, or click here. **
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Cristin Harber is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling romance author. She writes sexy, steamy romantic suspense, military romance, new adult, and contemporary romance. Readers voted her onto Amazon's Top Picks for Debut Romance Authors in 2013, and her debut Titan series was both a #1 romantic suspense and #1 military romance bestseller.
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The Only Series:
Book 1: Only for Him
Book 2: Only for Her
Book 3: Only for Us
Book 4: Only Forever
The Titan Series:
Book 1: Winters Heat
Book 1.5: Sweet Girl
Book 2: Garrison's Creed
Book 3: Westin's Chase
Book 4: Gambled
Book 5: Chased
Book 6: Savage Secrets
Book 7: Hart Attack
Book 8: Black Dawn (releases in 2015)
The Delta Series:
Book 1: Delta: Retribution
Book 2: Delta: Revenge (releases in 2015)
Each Titan and Delta book can be read as a standalone (except for Sweet Girl), but readers will likely best enjoy the series in order.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thank you, readers! The Only series is a new adventure for me. The overwhelming support I’ve received has been amazing. I felt this story deep in my soul and couldn’t let go of the characters. They’ve pushed me to write differently, to explore new ways of storytelling, and for that I’m forever grateful.
Thank you and huge tackle hugs to Team Titan. Each day you make me laugh and smile. I love your support and willingness to try something new. You will never know how much your messages, posts, tweets, shares, and reviews means to me.
Each day I get to work with amazing authors whose opinions I cannot live without. Thank you for your advice, your time, and your considerable strength: JB Salsbury, Racquel Reck, Claudia Connor, and Sharon Kay. I am forever a friend and in awe of each of you.
Another huge thank you to the team that makes my dreams come true. Thank you to Julia Sutherland for your heart and your time, to Red Adept for editing and proofing, to Okay Creations and Sarah Hansen for creating a cover that is brilliantly beautiful, and to Inkslinger PR—KP Simmon, Tara Gonzalez, and Amber Noffke—for the creative energy that you ignite.
Finally, thank you to my family who supports me without hesitation.
COPYRIGHT
Copyright 2015 Cristin Harber
All rights reserved. This book or any portions thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author and publisher except for the use of brief quotations used in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictionally.
ISBN-10: 1-942236-13-1
ISBN-13: 978-1-942236-13-9
www.CristinHarber.com
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