The only thing worse than a sexy ex-boyfriend is a sexy ex-boyfriend who became hugely successful…
After breaking up with her slacker boyfriend, Jezebel starts her own matchmaking service, guaranteed to find anyone’s perfect sexual partner. But when her first big client turns out to be her ex (who somehow shed his lack of ambition and became a billionaire), Jezzy will have to put aside their history in order to find him a wife. But will old feelings get in the way?
Written by the author of the bestseller 50 SHADES OF ALICE IN WONDERLAND, PUSS IN BOOTS features the same hysterical humor, heated sexual encounters, and romantic escapades readers have come to demand from Melinda DuChamp.
It’s erotica for smart people who like to laugh, just like you.
FIFTY SHADES
of
PUSS IN BOOTS
An Erotic Fairy Tale for Adults
by
Melinda DuChamp
Contents
Begin reading FIFTY SHADES OF PUSS IN BOOTS
Other Books by Melinda DuChamp
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Copyright
Little Jack Horner Isn’t so Little Anymore…
“Jack?” Jezebel stared open mouthed at her ex-boyfriend. When she’d hustled to the appointment this morning, Jezzy never dreamed she’d run into him. If she’d had even an inkling, she would have…
Would have what?
Lost ten pounds?
Bleached her hair blond?
Worn something sexier?
Jez was dressed in a mini skirt, but it matched her jacket and qualified as more professional than provocative. Her heels weren’t as high as she remembered Jack liked, and her blouse fit loosely, not showing her ample breasts to their best advantage.
Had she known, Jezzy would have done something to gird her confidence. As it was, she was caught completely off guard. “What are you… I mean… you’re my client?”
“The Bean King. Yeah.” He gave her a smile. Same as ever with his strong chin, twinkling eyes, and perpetually amused expression, Jack looked good. Better than good. In fact, the outline of strong shoulders and tight abs under his white button-down was enough to make Jezzy’s knees feel a little rubbery.
“I go by the name John for business,” Jack continued, “which is probably why you didn’t realize it was me. Although John Horner is pretty similar to Jack Horner.”
“I thought the name was John Homer. I really need to talk to my assistant about his handwriting. I had no idea today’s client was you.”
“And I had no idea you’re the force behind Playing With Matches. So you did it, huh? Started your own business? That’s awesome, Jez.”
His words felt good, but she was far too shocked to appreciate the praise fully. Jack had been the most attractive, most exciting, and most fun guy Jezzy had ever dated. For a while, she’d imagined they’d get married. But with her ambitious, entrepreneurial dreams and his laid-back happy-go-lucky charm, she’d felt they’d grown apart. After two years of hot romance interspersed with bitter fights, she’d called it quits.
“So you aren’t waiting tables anymore, I see.”
Jack laughed. “I’ve been lucky.”
Jezzy glanced around his office. As big as her entire apartment, it was all leather and mahogany and soft, plush carpet. Luxury upon luxury. “Lucky? You’re a millionaire!”
“Billionaire, actually. Millionaires are so 1980s.”
“A billionaire. And that’s nothing compared to putting an end to world hunger with those amazing giant beans of yours.”
Jack beamed. “I have a new variety that will feed a family for a month. I’m also making a fortune with my side business; Whole House Air Fresheners. Six people under one roof eating nothing but beans can put a strain on the closest families.”
Here the lazy boyfriend she’d believed wouldn’t amount to anything was a huge success, and Jez was still struggling to get her matchmaking business off the ground. She felt inadequate, and she didn’t like that feeling one bit.
“I guess you have everything you could possibly want.”
“Not everything. That’s why I called Playing With Matches. I have money. I have my philanthropy. I’m changing the world for the better. But I don’t have anyone to share that world with. I want to find someone special, Jezzy. A wife. And the extra, uh, sexual guarantees your service makes really aroused my curiosity.”
“You want your wife to also be your sexual soulmate.”
“Just like your company’s motto.”
“Yes. We’ll find your sexual soulmate, so you won’t have to masturbate.”
“Cute. And it rhymes.”
“We had another verse, with loner and boner, but it wasn’t as catchy.”
Jack leaned forward. “You can really do that? Find my sexual soulmate, I mean?”
“I can. Playing With Matches is a unique combination of dating service and sex therapy. Sometimes it takes a few tries, but my specially designed compatibility algorithm combined with my extensive, hands-on approach to sexual therapy qualifies me to—”
“Hands-on?” He arched his brows.
“I facilitate things between a couple. Make sure sexual communication is present from the very beginning of their relationship.”
“You always were amazing in bed. Not that we were actually in bed very much.” He grinned. “I’m sure you’re really good at this job.”
Jezzy could feel a flush moving up her neck. “Thank you.”
“Which is why I’m sorry I can’t use your service.”
What?
For a moment, Jezzy just stared. He wasn’t hiring her? “But isn’t Big Cock Billionaire Magazine doing a cover story on your wife hunt?”
Big Cock Billionaire Magazine, as any reasonable person immersed in pop culture could expect, was the biggest publication in the world.
“Yes, a cover story. It will be part of the Prince Charming’s Balls issue. The one featuring the big parties his father throws for him, and the prince’s intimate grooming tips. There’s a big one coming up, you know. A party, that is.”
Jezzy knew all about the ball. She’d even received an invitation. Unfortunately she hadn’t landed the job of finding Prince Charming a wife, his father instead insisting on inviting all eligible females to the ball and marrying his son off that night. A little backward, to be sure, but that kind of courtship was common in the land of fairytales. Love at first sight and rushed weddings led to happily ever after in these parts. It was the perfect place to be a matchmaker.
“I was really hoping to have found my wife before the ball. I know time is tight, seeing that the ball is tonight, but I’ll just have to find another matchmaking service. Any recommendations?”
“Recommendations?”
He was kidding, wasn’t he? Prince Charming was big in fairytale world, but Jack was the Bean King. And whoever landed the Bean King as a client would have not only exposure in Big Cock Billionaire Magazine, but probably television spots, a book deal, opportunities money couldn’t buy. Playing With Matches would be a huge success overnight. Jezzy needed this job. And besides, Jack finding a mate without her input just felt wrong.
“You have to hire me, Jack.”
Jack shook his head. “I don’t think it will work. I’m afraid we have too much of a history.”
“Too much of a—” Jezzy couldn’t believe this. Everything hinged on her landing this client, and here her history with Jack was precisely the thing that would sink her? “Our history is an advantage. After all, who knows your sexual ta
stes better than I do?”
Jack stroked his chin, the sexy light stubble making a rasping sound against his fingertips. “I don’t know, Jez. I have reservations.”
“Tell me what they are. I’m sure I can waylay any worries you have. I’m great at this job, Jack. It’s my calling. I will find you the woman of your dreams. I will make sure she knows how to kiss you, how to swirl her tongue around you, how to take you deep inside, and even do things you’ve never even dreamed about.”
“Uh, I meant I have reservations for lunch. If you want to argue your case, you can dine with me.”
The restaurant was within walking distance, a very upscale place with linen table cloths, flowers, snooty waiters, and the crème-de-la-crème of society as guests. Jezzy allowed the waiter to swoop the white napkin across her lap, grateful she’d decided to wear a classy skirt and conservative blouse for the potential client interview instead of some of the more risqué outfits she saved for later sessions, just in case a little facilitation was needed.
After a waiter took their orders and brought them wine, Jezzy looked Jack straight in the eye, trying to think of him as just another client she was trying to help.
“How can I convince you our history won’t get in the way of finding your perfect match?”
Jack took a slow sip of wine, studying her over the rim of his glass. “Show that I don’t still turn you on.”
“What?”
“Convince me you can control yourself in a stimulating situation, and I’ll give you a chance to find me the perfect wife.”
Jezzy fought to keep from rolling her eyes. “I can control myself, Jack. I’m a trained professional.”
“Then prove it.” He motioned to the waiter, and the man brought him a white box tied with a pink bow. Jack handed it to Jezzy. “Open it.”
Curiosity growing, she slipped off the lid. Inside was a hunk of translucent pink rubber and shaped like a butterfly with four straps stretching from its wings. Only instead of six legs dotting its underside, this butterfly had a four inch rubber penis thrusting from its center.
Jezzy stared at the rubber butterfly. There was only one thing it could be. “A vibrator?”
“A remote controlled vibrator,” Jack said, holding up something that resembled a key fob for his car.
Jezzy glanced around the posh restaurant. The older couple to their right whispered politely as they ate their soup with not even the hint of a slurp. The table of four, grayed businessmen drank martinis and discussed the stock market. A dowager and her daughter ate in silence behind them, the proper amount of disdain in their expressions. “And you want me to wear this? Here?”
“Yes. If you can remain professional throughout our lunch, I’ll hire you to find me a wife.”
Jez blushed. That scoundrel! Did he hope he could embarrass her? Was this payback for her breaking up with him? Well, maybe Jack had forgotten, but she was not one to back away from a challenge. And with the success of her business on the line, Jezzy would do whatever it took to make him her client.
“Piece of cake.” She picked up the box, excused herself, and found the ladies’ room. The bathroom attendant smiled at her and held the door open, glancing down at the box in her hand.
“Thanks,” Jezzy squeaked, trying her best to hide the bright pink butterfly. Once safely inside the privacy of a stall, she lowered her silk thong, hiked up her skirt, and took the butterfly from the box.
The straps were easy enough to figure out, fitting around her hips and buttocks like a harness, and the vibrator itself…
She spread her thighs and fitted the dildo portion between her folds, swirling it around a little to moisten it with her juices. Then she slid it home.
The rubber shaft wasn’t long, but it was thick enough to make her feel deliciously full, and the butterfly’s head and antenna nuzzled her sensitive bud. She tightened the straps to keep it in place, then pulled up her thong, smoothed down her skirt, tipped the curious attendant, and returned to the dining room.
Jack watched her approach the table and sit, a sly grin spreading over his lips, the mischief in his eyes almost undoing her right there. “Ready to continue?”
“Ready,” she said, not sure in the least.
It had been a while since her last orgasm. While it was her business to make sure that clients found fulfillment, sexual and otherwise, she’d had little time for her own. In other words, Jez was brimming with horniness, and Jack hadn’t even turned on the vibrator.
Already off to a bad start.
He set the remote on the table, and Jezzy glanced at it nervously, then made eye contact with him. She let out a long, slow breath, then settled into work mode. She was a professional. She could do this.
“Okay, you say our history will help you do your job. So tell me, Jez, what kind of woman do you think would be my sexual soulmate?”
As she opened her mouth to reply, Jack pressed the button on the remote and turned the dial.
A low buzz quivered against her most sensitive place, sending little shivers of pleasure through her. The vibration tickled over her and delved into her, the sensations feeding off each other. Jez tried not to gasp. She crossed her legs. Realizing the position only increased the butterfly’s contact, she uncrossed them.
“So what do you have for me, Jez?” Jack prompted, those damn eyes twinkling with such mischief.
Jezzy tensed her thighs, forcing herself to remain still.
“Um, you need someone who is adventurous. Who isn’t afraid of trying new things.”
“Good. Yes, that’s important to me.” Jack turned the dial up and the vibrations intensified. “What else?”
Jezebel bit the inside of her cheek to offset the tendrils of delight dancing between her legs. She’d grown wet very quickly, and she could smell her musky arousal. She hoped Jack couldn’t.
She took a deep breath, focusing on Jack’s question. “What else? Uh, someone who is intuitive. Who can read what you want. From your body language, the sounds you make, your facial expressions… your eyes.”
Jezebel looked into those eyes now. Jack’s chocolate brown gaze seemed to be melting into hers. She suddenly had vivid memories of seeing those eyes watching her as she sat on top of him, her breasts bouncing, nipples stabbing the air. Even now, she could feel his thick, hard length thrusting upward inside of her, filling her with need, vibrating…
She tore her focus away from him. She needed to get a hold of herself, before she lost it and screamed out her building pleasure in front of the whole restaurant.
“Are you okay, Jezebel?” he asked.
Jezzy felt her panties grow even wetter. They were nearly soaked. “I’m fine, Mr. Horner.”
“Oh, Mr. Horner. Nice professional touch.”
“Like that?”
“As much as watching your beautiful face while you’re fighting an orgasm? Not quite.”
“I thought you wanted to hear about what kind of woman I think you need.”
“I’m listening.”
He put the dial up to the next setting. The vibration became unbearable, and loud enough that the people sitting at surrounding tables must be able to hear. Jezzy squealed a little. She’d begun to buck and squirm against the butterfly, involuntarily, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer.
“She doesn’t have to be beautiful, but that wouldn’t hurt. She needs to like to laugh, to have fun. She must love to suck cock.”
The last sentence came out a touch too loud, and the table of businessmen all turned to stare. Several smiled her way, as if they could see her arousal or were imagining her sucking their cocks.
“That is indeed important,” Jack said. “I remember you used to actually come when you were sucking my cock. Do you remember that too, Jez? What it was like to have my cock in your mouth?”
Jezzy’s lips parted. She imagined his manhood dangling in front of her, and wanted nothing more than to take him deep into her throat. But admitting so would be admitting def
eat.
“This isn’t about me, Mr. Horner. But I certainly can find a wife for you who will enjoy it. Or one I could teach to enjoy it.”
“Excellent answer. What else, Jez?” He twisted the dial to the next setting.
Jezebel held her breath for a moment, fighting off the unbearable pleasure. This was cruel and unusual torture. Why couldn’t he just trust her for heaven’s sake? Must she really endure this terrible little test?
Her frustration level mounted, and strangely, her anger was only serving to make her arousal more unbearable. Jezebel tried to remember the silly fights she and Jack had during their relationship. Only, she couldn’t really remember what the fights had been about, but what she did remember was the incredible make-up sex. The wild, animalistic…
She bit her bottom lip and squeezed her eyes closed, forcing her pelvis to stop rocking. Her skin was burning up. Her breasts felt heavy, heaving, her nipples tight. She sensed that not only the businessmen were watching now, but the older couple, too. Please don’t let me come now. Please, oh please.
“You were saying?”
“They have to enjoy coming, having you lick them, penetrate them in all different positions, experiment with toys and other kinky fun. And they can’t be ashamed to be naked and aroused, even in public.” Jezzy wanted to be naked now, to have all these respectable diners in the restaurant see her distended nipples, the wetness soaking her thong, watching her breasts bounce as she plunged up and down on Jack’s—
“Jezzy, that’s a terrific observation. You’re not ashamed to be aroused in public, are you?”
“No.”
“So you wouldn’t be embarrassed if I asked you to hike up your skirt and spread your legs so I can have a better look.”
Jez set her jaw, and then did what Jack asked. Not only did he look, but almost everyone in the restaurant was staring.
“It’s a job interview,” Jack told them. “She isn’t allowed to come, even though I’m controlling the vibrator in her panties. See?”
He turned it up higher. Jezzy refused to move, even though a scarlet blush covered her entire body.
Fifty Shades of Puss in Boots (The Fifty Shades Of Jezebel Trilogy Book 2) Page 1